...that aliens are people from the other worlds that HF created. They were "more righteous" and had better technology... thus space travel. They all wanted to come here and "check out" earth b/c Christ is their saviour too.
I also enjoyed the whole "questions you should ask a spirit" and ghost hand shaking bit JS came up with. BRIL-LLLLIANT!!!!
When the flood happened, all of the continents were connected.
That people crossed the ocean with magic glowing rocks in enclosed pods- and weren't separated, and didn't die.
the list just might be too long, and too tedious to continue.
Mayhem:
That if you're not exalted in the CK that you lose your genitalia and become a "smoothy" for all eternity.
Before entering the promised land, the people renewed their covenants, and tens of thousands of men needed to be circumcised. Joshua 5:3 in the King James reads, "And Joshua made him sharp knives, and circumcised the children of Israel at the hill of the foreskins..."
The Hill of the Foreskins.
So I am seeing billions of reincarnated people in heaven, dressed in flowing white robes standing to the left of the throne of god who have been judged and will not be exalted, and then "It came to pass there was a thumping sound as billions of Penii fell from billions of gowns and landed there, on the Field of the Penis, to the left of the throne of God. And it came pass that the smoothies all departed, to the lower kingdoms. And it came to pass that those Penii, all immortal, continued to lay on the Field of the Penis forever and after, and it came to pass that Boyd K. Packer did try and change the name to the Field of the Little Factory."
Yikes.
And to the right of god, lay the valley of the whoo-whoos, where several whoos have fallen. Blessed be the man who is granted access to the valley of the whoo-whoos, for the mound thereof will offer him warmth and comfort. And it came to pass, that when the field of the Penis did overflow, the valley of the whoo-whoos were filled, and the Field of the Little Factory was no more.
I finally come up with one that wasn't already mentioned!
I had a seminary teacher that was adamant that the UPC symbol on the things we buy was the mark of the beast...
Now I read in another thread that they are using bar codes at the temple. I bet that guy about shit himself.
Becky
When I was younger my dad got the prestigious privelege of driving one of the visiting GAs around one day for a regional conference. In the small talk, my dad mentioned how they could one day have technology to embed codes or chips in people using the excuse like to speed up shopping by just scanning the person.
My dad's take, of course, was this was a huge government conspiracy and the 'mark' of such a chip or whatever would be the mark of the beast.
The GA just said, "Well, if that speeds up the grocery line, sign me up."
Anytime my dad told that story, he made the point that he was sure the GA didn't really understand what he meant, because obviously this was some evil sinister mind-control goverment plot.
The whole story of Biblical wine being non-alcoholic grape juice in not an exclusively mormon myth.
Some of my Southern Baptist relatives honestly believe this. Never mind that the Bible itself has several citations/warnings of drunkenness, and archaealogical evidence suggests that wine-making is an ancient art in the Middle East. After all, Jesus wouldn't have made alcoholic wine for the Wedding at Canna, would he?
Of course SB communions, which they call the "Lord's Supper", feature grape juice, not wine.
On the other hand, some of my other, equally Christian relatives, believe that moderate social drinking sets a bad example for others who may have a hard time controlling their drinking, and they voluntarily abstain from alcohol for that reason.
That's actually a position that I can support. Abstainance as a form of sacrifice, rather than a belief that Jesus will smite them if they drink.
