Hi. My story may be a bit different than most. I was born in rural Idaho and my parents were LDS, but not active. Both sides were pioneer mormons and polygamy was practiced by some, about three gens back from me.. They had me dunked at the appropriate age and I was sent to primary once in a while, but since we lived quite far from town and they were very casual members, I didn't really get properly brainwashed as a child. My parents were good people who were honest and although rustic, not averse to free thought. It was more of a cowboy philosophy at home, be honest and frank, work hard, etc. and have coffee each morning with the bacon and eggs, and a few beers on the weekend. And how my dad did swear when breaking a horse, trying to start a tractor, etc.!!
My mother in particular is intelligent and never was a Mo zombie type. My parents divorced when I was about 10 and my mother and siblings moved to Provo where my mother's cousin lived. We were poor but my mother did a bang-up job of raising my two siblings and I by her hard work and personal sacrifice. My maternal grandmother lived with us and also pitched in. I was promptly immersed in Happy Valley social mormonism. My mother suggested that I attend church, but I never liked it and actually never had a "testimony." There is no love lost between myself and the church and no "wrestling with angels" required. If it weren't for the issues brought out below, my letter would be in the mail tomorrow!
When I began dating I developed the idea (falsely) that a good mormon girl would be the best choice. I married very young at the age of 19. My wife was 18. My wife was from an active family, very good people who were also from a modest rural background. They were intellectually simple people who accept mormonism automatically and completely, because it's the family tradition and how could they make any other choice, since it's all they ever knew.
My wife was the oldest child and had some emotional instability. She was apt to be controlling but also dependent, and though basically a good person when not in one of her spells, could display a nasty hostility. ("We'd be better off if you were dead," repeated one too many times.) We had seven children but finally called it quits and divorced after 19 years. We both remarried, and the children have grown up to be successful and for the most part active LDS. Three of the boys served missions, which I supported financially.
I'm now remarried and it's lasted 16 years. And guess what, she's another TBM!! She had been dumped by her supposedly TBM hubby who promptly married a younger woman from his workplace. We agreed she would quit her job so she could stay at home and raise her four kids, as this was very important to her.
When I married her I had resolved to become active and we were sealed. I went to church, held positions (up to EQP) and tried to make this my life. Since then I, not having a testimony and never having been able to accept the thing as true, have been kind of faking it. For the last 8 years I have not held a TR because I just can't stomach it, it's so ridiculously mythical. I've also tired of lying in those interviews! I helped her raise her four kids (they're TBMS too, of course) and we are very much a couple, although there's always that wrinkle in the sheets between us.. unspoken, she knows I have issues with it, but we are doing ok so far. We are empty nesters now. She goes to the temple weekly with her friends, I attend church twice a month (work schedule) and interact socially but have made it clear that I don't want a calling. We pay tithing and I help her with her callings. I am kind to her and really love her for what she is.. a person of great integrity.
I really don't know how things will turn out with us, but I don't intend to "come out" as agnostic rationalist because at this point I have got myself in too deep. I know this is kind of chicken sh*t on my part, but I don't want to hurt her. I doubt she'd actually leave me if I did come out, but I don't want to cause her the pain.
My internal philosophy has always been free thinker, rationalist, and a believer in the scientific method. This has pretty much led me to be an agnostic. Of course the church is a bunch of hooey and JS was a charlatan, a smart charismatic guy who found his angle and ran with it, just like L. Ron Hubbard and scores of others. I no longer spend much time analyzing the inconsistencies, as I settled it in my mind years ago. The evidence is stark, clear and damning.
I really wonder how many there are like me who can't "jump the boat" openly because of these entanglements. More than we realize, I bet!
... Of course the church is a bunch of hooey and JS was a charlatan, a smart charismatic guy who found his angle and ran with it, just like L. Ron Hubbard and scores of others. I no longer spend much time analyzing the inconsistencies, as I settled it in my mind years ago. The evidence is stark, clear and damning.
I really wonder how many there are like me who can't "jump the boat" openly because of these entanglements. More than we realize, I bet!
I hope and wish that there are more types of Mormons similar to exactly how you feel, that way, the transition ends up being much, much easier. And it's not as likely your group might be anywhere close to becoming entangled with the Jehovah Witness or Scientology clans. Who I swear, might have it worse than the LDS cult members sometimes.
Try once to imagine a church group or belief system empty of all that excess baggage and then you have become more normal and more human again. I know, I know, much too simple and boring, right?
I know how hard it is to BE rational when everything seems to be going the "feeling spiritual" direction. I kind of wonder if I EVER would have had the "balls" to admit to anyone but myself about my doubts if I gradually didn't feel more satisfaction in saying what I REALLy thought instead of just going with the flow. I finally left at about age 60 after a very satisfying life in hiding. I'm also in Idaho. The 1993 excommunications really started it, I think.
Get in touch with me privately if you get the hankering to compare notes.
My own psychotherapy is self-administered through my blog about my life, thoughts, receipts and experiences. I plan on several historical insights into the Word of Wisdom.
I still love the piano solo music my wife writes of her sister's LDS melodies (and can share them with a few more people if they will help.
Man, I feel your pain. There are many similarities in your story to my own story. Married, divorced, remarried... but my parents are TBM.
I finally "outed" myself to my wife this past October. It wasn't fun, but she said she'd stay with me. That said, she has told me many times that it makes her very, very sad. It about breaks my heart, but the burden that was lifted was tremendous. I know I'm lucky, very lucky, because there are many others here whose spouses left them.
Hello everyone. I am BIC still LDS. All my family is LDS and so is my DH's family. There are a lot of really great LDS people around me and I'm grateful for certain good things in my life that I attribute to my upbringing.
I have been inactive for about sixteen years. The last two years have been largely free of LDS meetings of any kind. I had to move on for my own mental well being. I don't believe that I can be a proud female and actively LDS at the same time. I realize that others feel differently and I respect that.
Hello everyone. I am BIC still LDS. All my family is LDS and so is my DH's family. There are a lot of really great LDS people around me and I'm grateful for certain good things in my life that I attribute to my upbringing.
I have been inactive for about sixteen years. The last two years have been largely free of LDS meetings of any kind. I had to move on for my own mental well being. I don't believe that I can be a proud female and actively LDS at the same time. I realize that others feel differently and I respect that.
< is a huge reason that I'm inactive, as well.
I look forward to getting to know posters here.
I grew up with a lot of great LDS people helping to guide me. I think I'm appreciative of their efforts to help me. And I've tried to return the favor. But there's a wall between us, and I didn't build it...
Hi! My name is Emily and I'm living in Cache Valley, Utah. It will have been 20 years this next week since I became a member of the LDS church. My whole family of 5 (Mom, Step-dad, 2 siblings, and I) converted when I was 9 and the missionaries taught us in Peoria, Arizona. Now only my brother remains, but he is living in Alaska. My parents moved me up to Northern Utah as a teen and then left me here a few years ago when they decided to leave the church and move away to Washington and then to Southern Arizona near my sister. So I'm kind of all alone with just my husband's mostly Mormon family and any Mormon acquaintances I've made along the way in church. I've been struggling on and off for much of my teens and 20s with the church, but it has gotten worse over the last few years. I've never been good at the scriptures and prayer and other stuff, but I was usually able to easily convince myself to stop questioning things and go along with it (until recently). I happened to accidently read the blog post of Brandon Pearce on Wednesday and it gave me the courage to leave. I had no idea ex-Mormons had the same feelings I did about things. I thought their reasons to leave were based on lies and sin. I told my husband about my choice on Thursday morning (1/26/12). Things have been crazy ever since. We've been married 9 1/2 years (in the Logan temple) and have 5 little girls 8 years old and under. The only people close to me that I've told so far aren't members, besides my husband and daughters. I decided to tell a group of ladies in an online LDS Moms group I was participating in and it didn't go very well, not sure what I was expecting. I have no intention of keeping this a secret, but don't want to be bombarded and/or shunned by the ward members and DH's family. My DH is taking it really hard, but he says as far as he's concerned we are still married for eternity and he'll keep working on me until I come back. I was hoping he would see things my way so we could live happily ever after together. I have no idea what will happen now.
Anyways, I decided to leave because I was tired of not having my questions and doubts answered and just being told to pray about it and the spirit would tell me things were true, and that that should be good enough. I was also tired of feeling like I was a sinner and always feeling so depressed, and that I couldn't form normal relationships because I had become so judgmental. One day I realized the Spirit wasn't what I thought it was, and starting thinking about that some more. And what things wouldn't be true to me without the spirit's confirmation. That's when I read Brandon's blog post and things just took off from there. I'd read some of the questionable things about the church before, they bothered me but I let "the spirit" make me believe they weren't true or didn't matter. Now that my eyes have been opened, I can't believe how blind and stupid I've been about everything not just LDS related but Christianity too. Now that I can see the lies and fairy tales for what they are, life just seems so different and I'm still working through those details. I can see my relationships already becoming so much stronger with all of my non-LDS friends and family that I had distanced myself from before. I'm so excited and also apprehensive for this new journey that is ahead for me. I knew 2012 was going to be a big year for me, because I'm turning 30, done having kids and losing pregnancy weight, and celebrating my 10th wedding anniversary. But I had no idea something like this could happen and completely blow my mind.
Hi! My name is Emily and I'm living in Cache Valley, Utah. It will have been 20 years this next week since I became a member of the LDS church. My whole family of 5 (Mom, Step-dad, 2 siblings, and I) converted when I was 9 and the missionaries taught us in Peoria, Arizona. Now only my brother remains, but he is living in Alaska. My parents moved me up to Northern Utah as a teen and then left me here a few years ago when they decided to leave the church and move away to Washington and then to Southern Arizona near my sister. So I'm kind of all alone with just my husband's mostly Mormon family and any Mormon acquaintances I've made along the way in church. I've been struggling on and off for much of my teens and 20s with the church, but it has gotten worse over the last few years. I've never been good at the scriptures and prayer and other stuff, but I was usually able to easily convince myself to stop questioning things and go along with it (until recently). I happened to accidently read the blog post of Brandon Pearce on Wednesday and it gave me the courage to leave. I had no idea ex-Mormons had the same feelings I did about things. I thought their reasons to leave were based on lies and sin. I told my husband about my choice on Thursday morning (1/26/12). Things have been crazy ever since. We've been married 9 1/2 years (in the Logan temple) and have 5 little girls 8 years old and under. The only people close to me that I've told so far aren't members, besides my husband and daughters. I decided to tell a group of ladies in an online LDS Moms group I was participating in and it didn't go very well, not sure what I was expecting. I have no intention of keeping this a secret, but don't want to be bombarded and/or shunned by the ward members and DH's family. My DH is taking it really hard, but he says as far as he's concerned we are still married for eternity and he'll keep working on me until I come back. I was hoping he would see things my way so we could live happily ever after together. I have no idea what will happen now.
Anyways, I decided to leave because I was tired of not having my questions and doubts answered and just being told to pray about it and the spirit would tell me things were true, and that that should be good enough. I was also tired of feeling like I was a sinner and always feeling so depressed, and that I couldn't form normal relationships because I had become so judgmental. One day I realized the Spirit wasn't what I thought it was, and starting thinking about that some more. And what things wouldn't be true to me without the spirit's confirmation. That's when I read Brandon's blog post and things just took off from there. I'd read some of the questionable things about the church before, they bothered me but I let "the spirit" make me believe they weren't true or didn't matter. Now that my eyes have been opened, I can't believe how blind and stupid I've been about everything not just LDS related but Christianity too. Now that I can see the lies and fairy tales for what they are, life just seems so different and I'm still working through those details. I can see my relationships already becoming so much stronger will all of my non-LDS friends and family that I had distanced myself from before. I'm so excited and also apprehensive for this new journey that is ahead for me. I knew 2012 was going to be a big year for me, because I'm turning 30, done having kids and losing pregnancy weight, and celebrating my 10th wedding anniversary. But I had no idea something like this could happen and completely blow my mind.
Welcome home Emily! We've been where you are and understand completely. I'm glad you found our website. Just so you know, there's a Cache Valley post Mormon group. We meet every Sunday evening at 6:30 at Beehive Grill on main street. I started it way back in 2002. Newcomers are welcome with open arms. So, when you're ready, we're there for you.
Welcome to PostMo. You sure "ripped the band-aid off quickly". I can't imagine the strength it took to announce your disaffection so completely and forthrightly to your husband and children.
I wish I could tell you it will be all downhill from here, but most likely you are going to get a lot of push back from your husband, his family, and your ward members. Hang in there. You've come to the right place. The PostMo members will listen and offer an empathetic shoulder to lean upon as you transition into life without mormonism.
Good luck. I wish you my best wishes and support. Please feel free to share your struggles and triumphs with us. Welcome to freedom.
The following sentence (for whatever reason) from your post just about knocked me over:
"Anyways, I decided to leave because I was tired of not having my questions and doubts answered and just being told to pray about it and the spirit would tell me things were true, and that that should be good enough."
Sure, there are things that I understand deists, and maybe even atheists, have to take on faith. But when someone says, "This is truth, this is a fact!", and then evidence pops up that puts that assertion in doubt, why should you ignore the data and wait for the spirit to tell you it's true?
Just about every statement of fact made by Joe Smith has ended up having to be accepted on faith, because evidence that ought to exist to support his statements of fact not only doesn't exist, but is contradicted by the now existing evidence.
I hope you're perusing the "go slow with your TBM spouse" threads; I think you'll find a lot of support, not to mention encouragement.
I hope you're perusing the "go slow with your TBM spouse" threads; I think you'll find a lot of support, not to mention encouragement.
I've been trying to search for some things like that since I would find them very useful. But I'm still trying to get the hang of using this site. How would I find those? Just use the search function with those key words?
I hope you're perusing the "go slow with your TBM spouse" threads; I think you'll find a lot of support, not to mention encouragement.
I've been trying to search for some things like that since I would find them very useful. But I'm still trying to get the hang of using this site. How would I find those? Just use the search function with those key words?
Probably. Not being in that situation, I don't have any posts in those threads. Maybe some members will PM you with links? (hint hint)
I hope you're perusing the "go slow with your TBM spouse" threads; I think you'll find a lot of support, not to mention encouragement.
I've been trying to search for some things like that since I would find them very useful. But I'm still trying to get the hang of using this site. How would I find those? Just use the search function with those key words?
Probably. Not being in that situation, I don't have any posts in those threads. Maybe some members will PM you with links? (hint hint)
Hi Emily. Welcome to postmo.
As to the links. I started searching for them and quit because I was called back to work. In the intervening time I thought it might be good for you to start a new thread on the subject of how you might deal with your husband and his family.
You start a new thread by clicking on "New Topic" when you are reading a thread. People here would love to discuss your situation.
Also, I don't mean you shouldn't read the older threads either. I find the searh options by clicking into a discussion thread and looking at the top of the page to find the search options.
We're the same age and I live in Logan :) I'm a facebook member on the USU post mormons group, but haven't been active in the group since I joined it.. but I am thinking about it. I have 3 kids (4, 2, 2months) so it makes it a little hard around everyone's schedules.. but if you're up to it, maybe we could have our own little mom's post mo group. I know a couple other mom-friends our age who are post-mo's too :)
We're the same age and I live in Logan :) I'm a facebook member on the USU post mormons group, but haven't been active in the group since I joined it.. but I am thinking about it. I have 3 kids (4, 2, 2months) so it makes it a little hard around everyone's schedules.. but if you're up to it, maybe we could have our own little mom's post mo group. I know a couple other mom-friends our age who are post-mo's too :)
Sounds awesome! Send me a PM with your Facebook info and we can become friends and go from there. I'll probably look into the USU group too. I don't go to USU but my DH does.
I've lurked on this thread for a couple years now, but just joined. I have a pretty easy story. I haven't been "active" (if you can even call it that) since I was a teenager. It just wasn't for me. I still have a little bit of hostility towards the church, but it's faded a lot over the years.
I recently moved to Logan to go to USU.. I'm majoring in anthropology.. I came up here from SLC, where I had a large group of friends- most of whom are ex-mo and non-mo. I have/had a great community there. Here, though, it's been a lot harder finding people I connect with. I am in a weird category- USU student, 30, mother of three, and NOT a mormon. I'm older than most students, have children, and don't go to a church. Most women my age and with children are LDS. I've tried to maintain friendships with some pretty nice women who are mom-friends and happen to be LDS, but our relationship can only go so far, if you know what I mean. I miss having girl's nights with a couple glasses of wine and inappropriate girl-talk :)
Before my fiance and I started dating, we became really good friends (really my only friend up here), and he was at the end-stages of his transitioning out of the church. He had a harder time with it than I did- mostly the loss of the community, and exclusion from family events, like his sister's marriage in the temple that he could not attend. This website helped him through that time, and we read stuff on here together when he was going through it.
Anyway.. that's me. I have always been very comfortable with my desicion to not be mormon anymore. I'm kind of a "take me as I am" kind of gal, and never really cared what people think.
And.. I just wanna give a shout-out to my dad, who I just found out is active on this site, and am really happy he is finding himself again!
Welcome home Emily! We've been where you are and understand completely. I'm glad you found our website. Just so you know, there's a Cache Valley post Mormon group. We meet every Sunday evening at 6:30 at Beehive Grill on main street. I started it way back in 2002. Newcomers are welcome with open arms. So, when you're ready, we're there for you.
Hi Jeff, I sent you an email about your group meetings :) Hopefully we can make it soon!
We're the same age and I live in Logan :) I'm a facebook member on the USU post mormons group, but haven't been active in the group since I joined it.. but I am thinking about it. I have 3 kids (4, 2, 2months) so it makes it a little hard around everyone's schedules.. but if you're up to it, maybe we could have our own little mom's post mo group. I know a couple other mom-friends our age who are post-mo's too :)
Sounds awesome! Send me a PM with your Facebook info and we can become friends and go from there. I'll probably look into the USU group too. I don't go to USU but my DH does.
PM sent! I'm planning on going to the CV meeting on Sunday if you're able to make it too :)
I feel the need to speak out. I'm 43, from south central Idaho, and was born and raised in the church. Both sides of my family are active LDS. I have been inactive since I was 18, and it would've happened sooner if it had been up to me. I remember after being baptised and confirmed, my dad asked me if I felt any different. I said I did, that was a lie. I felt no different, and the only reason I said I did was because I knew that was what he wanted to hear. I also remember every Sunday the fight was on regarding me going to church. I hated going to church with a passion. I lied through 4 years of seminary during high school (that I was also required to attend), during bishop interviews for tithing, and everything else. It was all a big lie. I was the first grandson on my dad's side not to become an eagle scout or go on a mission. The best thing about turning 18, graduating high school, and leaving home for the summer to work was knowing that I wouldn't be attending church. I haven't been back since then. My immediate family all know I'm inactive but none of them know I have never believed in the church. I'm debating whether or not to tell them that I'm never coming back. I live in a small town with a fairly small amount of members. The local bishop or branch president (I think that's what he is) used to come around, but I let him know that I was not interested. I'm sure when he gets replaced, the new guy will start it up again and try and get me to return to the flock. I have not formally "resigned" but I'm considering it.
Hi,
Been active on RfM for a couple of years.
me: converted to the morg at 17, was active until my 30's (all of this well before the internet). Interested in religion and - obviousy - mormonism, but have been agnostic atheist for the last 15 years.
EssexExMo:
Hi,
Been active on RfM for a couple of years.
me: converted to the morg at 17, was active until my 30's (all of this well before the internet). Interested in religion and - obviousy - mormonism, but have been agnostic atheist for the last 15 years.
EssexExMo,
Welcome to PostMo. I hope you might share more of your story in the future. This has been a good place for me to sort through my feelings since leaving the church. I have gained a lot from the wisdom shared by other PostMo members. I hope your stay with us will be as beneficial to you as it has been for me.
I feel the need to speak out. I'm 43, from south central Idaho, and was born and raised in the church. Both sides of my family are active LDS. I have been inactive since I was 18, and it would've happened sooner if it had been up to me. I remember after being baptised and confirmed, my dad asked me if I felt any different. I said I did, that was a lie. I felt no different, and the only reason I said I did was because I knew that was what he wanted to hear. I also remember every Sunday the fight was on regarding me going to church. I hated going to church with a passion. I lied through 4 years of seminary during high school (that I was also required to attend), during bishop interviews for tithing, and everything else. It was all a big lie. I was the first grandson on my dad's side not to become an eagle scout or go on a mission. The best thing about turning 18, graduating high school, and leaving home for the summer to work was knowing that I wouldn't be attending church. I haven't been back since then. My immediate family all know I'm inactive but none of them know I have never believed in the church. I'm debating whether or not to tell them that I'm never coming back. I live in a small town with a fairly small amount of members. The local bishop or branch president (I think that's what he is) used to come around, but I let him know that I was not interested. I'm sure when he gets replaced, the new guy will start it up again and try and get me to return to the flock. I have not formally "resigned" but I'm considering it.
Welcome to PostMo, nvrblvdit. These highlighted parts match my experience also. I hated going to church, unless I was going to be able to visit with my girlfriend or just hang with the guys. Most of the time to keep my parents satisfied, I tried to get a testimony or at least act like I had one. I learned from a young age to act like a "good" mormon.
I tried to be a good missionary, but couldn't and came home early. I also tried to be a believing, participating mormon during the early part of my marriage. Every time I tried to be a good mormon, my true self would surface and I would go inactive. I didn't like church.
Finally, when I learned the truth about church history and realized it was was led by men that were at best deluded and at worst knowing con-men, I couldn't affiliate myself any longer with TCOJCOLDS. I resigned.
I applaud your willingness to follow your feelings from such a young age. Getting away from mormonism has made my life much happier. Letting your family know your true disbelief may cause turmoil and strife that may not be worth the trouble. Yet if you are getting a lot of pressure to "return to the flock", telling them your true feelings may be the only way to end unwanted family and church intrusions into your life. Whatever you do, know that the people here at PostMo will always listen and can, as I've found out, offer support when you need it.
Please share more of your story when and if you feel so inclined. Again welcome to PostMo.
I think I am becoming more and more anti-mormon all the time. It really irritates me when my family drops subtle hints regarding the church when I am around. They wonder why I don't come and visit more often or stay longer when I do. I absolutely HATE everything about the church and want nothing to do with it. I wish they could see this. I remember a few years ago some missionaries came to my door, I happened to be at home sick and these 2 dipsh*ts show up at my door. I informed them I wasn't feeling well and didn't want to talk to them, but they kept pushing and asking to come inside and was there anything that they could do for me. At this point, I lost my temper and told them that the only thing they could do for me would be to get the f*** off my property and to never come back. I never saw them again. The next time missionaries came by, it was 2 ladies.
If I offend anyone, I don't mean to. I'm very fluent in sarcasm and swearing. I have been needing to vent about this for about 20 years.
... If I offend anyone, I don't mean to. I'm very fluent in sarcasm and swearing.
I have been needing to vent about this for about 20 years.
If you are from India, you waited too long to vent about the local and corrupt religions. Google folded up their tent and was forced out of town by these nutcases, not Mormon nutcases, clones of whatever it is that they'd be marketing. Something tells me it's just more repackaged Old Testament (FGS) Fear, guilt and shame.
I think I am becoming more and more anti-mormon all the time. It really irritates me when my family drops subtle hints regarding the church when I am around. They wonder why I don't come and visit more often or stay longer when I do. I absolutely HATE everything about the church and want nothing to do with it. I wish they could see this. I remember a few years ago some missionaries came to my door, I happened to be at home sick and these 2 dipsh*ts show up at my door. I informed them I wasn't feeling well and didn't want to talk to them, but they kept pushing and asking to come inside and was there anything that they could do for me. At this point, I lost my temper and told them that the only thing they could do for me would be to get the f*** off my property and to never come back. I never saw them again. The next time missionaries came by, it was 2 ladies.
If I offend anyone, I don't mean to. I'm very fluent in sarcasm and swearing. I have been needing to vent about this for about 20 years.
[ ] Been there, done that. I hate how mormons expect immediate entrance into our homes and won't quickly leave when politely told that we are not interested, can't/won't visit with them, or want no contact with them. On several occasions I've lost my temper and rudely demanded they leave my property. Too often mormon behavior is insufferable.
Hi, my name is Eric. I'm a Libra. I enjoy long walks on the beach, star lit nights, and crossword puzzles. J/K.
I'm originally from Long Island, NY, but now live in what I call "The Bubble" (Weber County, Utah). My wife and I (along with our two girls) moved here about a year ago. It's been interesting to say the least.
I joined the Church in 1998 in Seattle, Wa. I was raised a Catholic, but I was looking for something more. I have some friends who are LDS who are the most incredible people in the world. It was by their kindness and actions (not dogma) that made me want to look into the church. I was "Golden". How could you not buy into these awesome promises. Eternal Families, a Heavenly Father who loves you and knows you personally. Wow, this is going to be great.
It lasted about 6 months. At that time, the reason I left was because I posess this awesome family gene that for some reason leads to becoming a professional lush. I was ashamed that I couldn't keep this standard that I was being taught. So, I left.
Fast forward 6 years later. I live in Virginia, I'm married, I'm on the wagon, but somethings still missing. I tell my wife that I belonged to The LDS church and I need to start going again. She asked "do I have to go?" I said no. She said good.
I went to church when I could, went to the DC temple for my endowments ( talk about "don't believe the hype". Were people going to the same session as I was) and went along my way.
Then, the oppurtunity of a lifetime came up. I got a transfer from IAD to SLC (I work for an airline). this is going to be great. Great place to raise the kids. I can actually go to GC. I'll be in the majority instead of the minority. SWEET!!!!
NOT!!! What I call "The Awakening" started with what I call the 75/25 split. It started with going to our new ward. We were basically invisible for three hours. But I'm not going to let that get me. Out of all the LDS people we've interacted with while here it's been bout 25% are really incredible people and 75% douche bags (sorry about the salty language). Now it's starting to suck, but I'll keep going.
Well, I started to get into apologetics and started learning about answers to critics questions about the church, Joe Smith, etc.... Like most things though, I wanted both sides of the issues. I was getting these answers and facts about the church that I was never ever taught as a new member. I was starting to see that maybe the critics were on to something and that FAIR really wasn't fair. What was I gonna do. this is a list of things that really bother me.
1. The Priesthood not being offered to African Americans till the 1970's
2. The polyg thing. Especially J.Smiths and B. Youngs dealings in it.
3. The Temple. If i wanted to be a Mason, I'd join the Masons.
4. The insane comments made by members of the twelve at conference. I'm not going to name names Boyd K. Packer, but you know who you are.
5. The lies, the cover-ups, the outright deception to retain converts.
Well, I no longer go to church. Our Family now attends a non-denominational church that I love. I'm slowly getting rid of my LDS books, magazines, and conference cd's. As of yesterday, I threw out my garments. I still need to get my records removed and I'll be set. This hasn't been as easy as I thought, but I'll get through it.
FoolMeOnce:
... this is a list of things that really bother me.
1. The Priesthood not being offered to African Americans till the 1970's
2. The polyg thing. Especially J. Smiths and B. Youngs dealings in it.
3. The Temple. If i wanted to be a Mason, I'd join the Masons.
4. The insane comments made by members of the twelve at conference. I'm
not going to name names Boyd K. Packer, but you know who you are.
5. The lies, the cover-ups, the outright deception to retain converts.
Well, I no longer go to church. Our Family now attends a
non-denominational church that I love. I'm slowly getting rid of my LDS
books, magazines, and conference cd's. As of yesterday, I threw out my
garments. I still need to get my records removed and I'll be set.
This hasn't been as easy as I thought, but I'll get through it.
Hi Eric,
Gosh, you sound like you have entered just before this whole Mormon thing gets overwhelmed and swamped by all of the current (pun, sorry) media attention.
From a fellow "Weber County 'Bubble' " dweller, welcome to PostMo.
My first thought when you mentioned, "I was raised a Catholic, but I was looking for something more" was how disappointing it is that Mormonism in reality is so much less than advertised. The church makes its members believe they are buying into a sure-win eternal prosperity plan. But instead they just get trapped by an elaborate con that sucks everything from its followers; time, money, family relationships, a fulfilling-guilt-free life, and on and on and on.......
I'm glad you and your family have escaped. Good luck.
I think I am becoming more and more anti-mormon all the time. It really irritates me when my family drops subtle hints regarding the church when I am around. They wonder why I don't come and visit more often or stay longer when I do. I absolutely HATE everything about the church and want nothing to do with it. I wish they could see this. I remember a few years ago some missionaries came to my door, I happened to be at home sick and these 2 dipsh*ts show up at my door. I informed them I wasn't feeling well and didn't want to talk to them, but they kept pushing and asking to come inside and was there anything that they could do for me. At this point, I lost my temper and told them that the only thing they could do for me would be to get the f*** off my property and to never come back. I never saw them again. The next time missionaries came by, it was 2 ladies.
If I offend anyone, I don't mean to. I'm very fluent in sarcasm and swearing. I have been needing to vent about this for about 20 years.
This happened to me once to, and 15 mins after getting home from the hospital with my newborn baby and no sleep for 2 days straight. They would not leave no matter how much I told them I didn't want to talk and just barely got home with my newborn. I had to slam the door in their face. They sent women because I wouldn't talk to the men boys.
I think I am becoming more and more anti-mormon all the time. It really irritates me when my family drops subtle hints regarding the church when I am around. They wonder why I don't come and visit more often or stay longer when I do. I absolutely HATE everything about the church and want nothing to do with it. I wish they could see this. I remember a few years ago some missionaries came to my door, I happened to be at home sick and these 2 dipsh*ts show up at my door. I informed them I wasn't feeling well and didn't want to talk to them, but they kept pushing and asking to come inside and was there anything that they could do for me. At this point, I lost my temper and told them that the only thing they could do for me would be to get the f*** off my property and to never come back. I never saw them again. The next time missionaries came by, it was 2 ladies.
If I offend anyone, I don't mean to. I'm very fluent in sarcasm and swearing. I have been needing to vent about this for about 20 years.
This happened to me once to, and 15 mins after getting home from the hospital with my newborn baby and no sleep for 2 days straight. They would not leave no matter how much I told them I didn't want to talk and just barely got home with my newborn. I had to slam the door in their face. They sent women because I wouldn't talk to the men boys.
They probably had you scoped out at the hospital and were stalking you. I was civil with the ladies, but that was the last time any missionaries came to my door.
I am new to this board and really, I am new to a world outside of being a TBM. I have to say that I feel an incredible peace with my decision that the church is a fraud. At the same time, I ache for my spouse and children. I currently live in the middle of the Zion Curtain and cannot believe how difficult it can be for people who live here and aren't members.
Anyway, I have confided, (or perhaps confronted is more apropos), that I thought it was all a hunk of baloney. This was about 8 months ago and now she tries to pretend I didn't have that conversation. She made it clear that she doesn't agree and doesn't want to talk about it. After a half dozen attempts, I have given up on that front.
I remember feeling "sorry" for those who left the church when I was a believer. One of my wife's coworkers even left, and ‘gasp' joined another Christian church. I scoffed at her stupidity and seemingly ignorance. That embarrasses me now to remember that.
I am encouraged by many of those of you on here. I look forward to reading what you all think and have felt as you have left or are leaving. While I do feel this incredible peace with my life's path, I also feel an immense sadness and loneliness.
Everytime I read an entry like yours from within Zion, I wonder it's either my TBM daughter or her husband... She and I agreed long ago never to discuss religion...
Your journey to opening your eyes and saying your piece probably won't be easy. Mine wasn't -- and I'm still healing from the trauma.
Advice: Don't expect too much of yourself. Let people know that you are still the same "person" you have always been in searching for truth. Let your wife and friends continue to believe if they want to. Love them for what they ARE, not for what they were -- or for what they believe in.
If you need support, ask for it. We all need help at one time or another. You are not alone.
Welcome to PostMo, Rufus. I just want to echo what skepticalthayne said. You are not alone.
I, also have a wife that doesn't want to really discuss the church. She is happy in her beliefs and has no interest in listening to what I've learned.
As far as living in Utah, may I suggest finding a Post Mormon chapter near you and going to one of their get-togethers. Connecting with other disaffected mormons IRL can be a great source of support. The drop-down menu under "Our Community" at the top of the PostMo website offers a list of chapters.
I would enjoy reading the story of your journey out of mormonism if and when you'd like to share it.
Good luck and visit this site often. The members are always willing to offer their support when you need it.
So I am BIC, Seminary grad, went to CCNZ (Church College), RM, married in the Temple, ex WML,EQP. Currently living in Perth, Australia. Wife is BIC, married to RM (me).
Hollands 2009 rant was the beginning of the end for me and my wife followed soon after that.
We would like to find some ex mos near us and we are now no longer attending church. We haven't resigned (yet) as we don't see the point (yet) and it will sort of keep some peace with our TBM families.
It's also nice to hold something over the cult incase they try to discipline us...
< is a huge reason that I'm inactive, as well.
We've been where you are and understand completely. I'm glad you found our website. Just so you know, there's a Cache Valley post Mormon group. We meet every Sunday evening at 6:30 at Beehive Grill on main street. I started it way back in 2002. Newcomers are welcome with open arms. So, when you're ready, we're there for you.
You sure "ripped the band-aid off quickly". I can't imagine the strength it took to announce your disaffection so completely and forthrightly to your husband and children.
