It has only been a few weeks since I decided to leave the Mormon church. I have not yet found the courage to speak of this to anyone around me (either Mormon on not). In fact writing this post is the first time I have mentioned it to anyone in any form.
Well, welcome, and glad you feel comfortable enough to start to give a voice to thinking you've been doing. There is something incredibly grounding, and healing, that comes when you begin to really verbalize the way you feel, the hurts you've had, the victories you've encountered since, and the new things you're discovering. I hope you, and ALL our new members who just introduced themselves, continue to find the support they are looking for, here and wherever you need it.
Tthom: I was frequently called a "spiritual giant" by my leaders and I was given the Melchizedek Priesthood at the age of 17 because of my "spiritual maturity."
Dude, I have never heard of this! Could you elaborate? Where in the country did you live when this happened, and was there mention of special circumstances that would warrant such a departure from normal protocol?
Dude, I have never heard of this! Could you elaborate? Where in the country did you live when this happened, and was there mention of special circumstances that would warrant such a departure from normal protocol?
I have heard of this on rare occasions.
The situation I am familiar with involved a guy who was going to BYU, and would be turning 18 soon after school started. The family wanted to be involved, and have the ordination done in thier home ward, so it was decided to ordain him an elder before he left for school, even though he was 17. I think his birthday was a month or two off.
I need no introduction. In fact I didn't even know I had a membership here, but I guess I got joined up when I joined exmormonnw I think. If you post or read over at exmormon.org, I am known as
Primus
The Alpoliejest
Bishop/President Rood
Jehovarood
Seneca the Prophet
Cicero
Zedius
Anon for this one
and lately for fun
Ultra TBM Megalord
If you don't know of me, I live up in the NW between Seattle and Portland, Olympia area. I still attend because of TBM wife and for family peace.
I live in Alberta, Canada and have been married to my TBM wife since last April. I grew up in an Anglican family, but church really wasn't a priority in my family and after an off and on attendance record I stopped going altogether when I was in high school.
My wife's immediate family began attending the LDS church when she was 9 years old and so she has grown up in the church, although none of her extended family are Mormon.
Before we got married the missionaries came around and I went through several meetings with them and did some independent investigation of the church, but ultimately my critical thinking and skepticism won out and I decided I did not want to join the church. For awhile, my wife and I experimented with a rotation of attending church togething every other week, so that we could support each other in our beliefs. But that simply wasn't working for me, so now she attends church by herself every Sunday.
Anyway, that is pretty much my story. If anyone out there is also a non-member with a TBM spouse and would like to share their experiences with me, then I would like to get in touch with them.
MarriedtoaTBM: Welcome to the community. I am not married to a TBM, but know some who are and it sounds to me like your wife may be more committed to you and your marriage than she is to the church. That is a very good thing. If she was willing to even consider attending other church services it indicates an open mind, something mormon don't typically have. I'm sure she is getting/got plenty of "counsel" from her local church leaders about attending other church services. You will learn that many non-member/member relationships are very strained because a high percentage of TBM spouses are more committed to the church than their spousal relationships. Church leaders also encourage these kinds of attitudes and commitments. Oaths that are taken in the Temple swear allegiance to the church over everything else, including allegiance to country and marrital relationships. This kind of cult programming can be very difficult to overcome. Many others here, as you probably have already noticed, will provide good counsel. There are lots of references to research data, but it sounds like you have already done a good bit of research on the subject of the mormon church. Once again, welcome.
Welcome MarriedtoaTBM! You probably will find others on this site who are in the same situation.
If and when your wife is ready, you might refer her to a fellow Canadian's website: http://www.mccue.cc/bob/spirituality.htm Bob McCue does a wonderful job of describing his departure from the Mormon Church.
I'm also married to a TBM. I was active LDS until just over a year ago when I formally left the church. My husband remains faithful. You have an advantage in some ways in that you don't have to go through the difficult process of deprogramming yourself from Mormonism. However, I do understand the difficulties involved when your philosophy is so radically different from your spouse (polar opposite in my case). My husband sounds similar to your wife in that he supports me in my beliefs (or lack therof). He enjoys going to a local Universalist Unitarian church with me from time to time and I've tried going to the Mormon church with him, but like you, I couldn't do it for very long. It felt oppressive and claustrophobic. I also felt the unspoken judgement and disapproval from the members.
The thing that's the hardest for me is the lack of unity and intimacy with my husband in such an important area. I really long to see eye to eye with him, but I don't see that happening any time soon. We do love each other and our children a whole lot and we are committed to holding things together, but it's hard on me to see him trapped by a controlling organization that's influencing him and my children so deeply. But on the other hand it's hard for him that I strongly disapprove of something he believes in.
I really think it can work in a "mixed" marriage, but not without great effort, patience, love and committment to each other. Anyway, just know you're not alone and you can vent here anytime. This site has been a lifeline for me. Perhaps it will be for you, too. Good Luck!
It is good to know that there is enough information available now for an honest seeker to make a good decision about whether or not to become mormon. I of course applaud your decision. You have saved yourself from what could possibly have been an ardous journey. Once mormonism gets on you it is hard to get it off.
Jamech -> I have respect for the courage you have showed in leaving the church with your husband still a believing member. I am glad to hear that he is at least open minded enough to support you in your beliefs. Like you, my wife and I have polar opposite views when it comes to religion. I am an engineer and thus have a strong scientific background and so I am a critical thinker and a skeptic.
I agree with you that attending the Mormon church felt oppressive. I just had a sense of brainwashing and thought control in there. My spidy senses were tingling the whole time. One of the last straws for me attending came when a mother and her two very young daughters went to the front to bear their testimony. The youngest daughter got to mic and her mother whispered in her ear the entire time she bore her testimony telling her everything to say into the mic. I was rather disgusted by that and my wife and I had a conversation about it later where my wife promised me she would never do that with any of our kids (if we ever have any).
Tthom: I was frequently called a "spiritual giant" by my leaders and I was given the Melchizedek Priesthood at the age of 17 because of my "spiritual maturity."
peter_mary: Dude, I have never heard of this! Could you elaborate? Where in the country did you live when this happened, and was there mention of special circumstances that would warrant such a departure from normal protocol?
worlebird: I have heard of this on rare occasions. The situation I am familiar with involved a guy who was going to BYU, and would be turning 18 soon after school started. The family wanted to be involved, and have the ordination done in thier home ward, so it was decided to ordain him an elder before he left for school, even though he was 17. I think his birthday was a month or two off.
They're were some special circumstances. Like in the case Worlebird mentioned I was begining early college enrollment and was skipping my senior year of high school to attend Weber State. My bishop decided to set me apart since my 18 birthday was only a couple months away and I would be associating with more mature people.
Tthom: I was frequently called a "spiritual giant" by my leaders and I was given the Melchizedek Priesthood at the age of 17 because of my "spiritual maturity."
peter_mary: Dude, I have never heard of this! Could you elaborate? Where in the country did you live when this happened, and was there mention of special circumstances that would warrant such a departure from normal protocol?
worlebird: I have heard of this on rare occasions. The situation I am familiar with involved a guy who was going to BYU, and would be turning 18 soon after school started. The family wanted to be involved, and have the ordination done in thier home ward, so it was decided to ordain him an elder before he left for school, even though he was 17. I think his birthday was a month or two off.
They're were some special circumstances. Like in the case Worlebird mentioned I was begining early college enrollment and was skipping my senior year of high school to attend Weber State. My bishop decided to set me apart since my 18 birthday was only a couple months away and I would be associating with more mature people.
Ahhh...okay, I guess that kinda makes sense. The weird part is that I am just so unaccustomed to Bishops or other church leaders who put people before policy. Every one I've ever had would never dream of such an early ordination because it "just isn't the way we do things around here...the Lord's house is a house of order, blah, blah, blah."
I actually had the luck of having some open minded leaders. While they were in the bishopric I actually had a very positive experience being a leader myself. Had they have stayed I would probably still be a TBM myself. But they were replaced by pig headed letter of the law Mormons and I found myself on the outside looking in.
I am a fan of Ultra TBM Megalord! Glad to have you here.
Welcome to you and all your personalities. (are you seeing someone about that??)
Welcome MarriedtoaTBM -
I have no personal experience myself, but from all I've heard and read, your TBM spouse sounds a lot more open than many. Still, I'm sure there are plenty of challenges. Best wishes there.
I have been a post Mormon member for a long time. I usually stick to
ex-Mormon.org for my posts. But I appreciate this board and its gentle
persuasion towards leaving Mormonism. Love the Mormon, but not the lies
shrouding Mormonism. I believe a few at the top know Mormonism is untrue,
but most members are victims of Joes deception just as I once was. I
figured it out a long time ago and my main fascination now is why it took me so
long, and how is it that so many still have not. Of course once one begins
seeing the cult-like aspects and understanding the mechanisms that drive high
demand, mind controlling organizations, it becomes easier to see why.
My advice to everyone, Mormon and ex, is to never be
afraid to seek out new ideas. The option is to remain in ignorance and
believe that what you know now, is all there is to know. A wise person
knows there is always new viewpoints, and some things that seem ridiculous
today, may eventually be understood through a change of perspective. I
loved the audio reenactment from Platos Allegory on this site, it is persuasive
in helping us open our eyes, without fear, to seek out the worlds wisdom and
embrace new philosophical truths. The picture provided allows us to
visualize what Plato describes. When we desire truth, more than we fear change,
truth becomes readily available. In Platos allegory, we are chained to a
world view by others who have controlled our views. You are free to
decide to remove your chains and see the world anew, or keep them on and remain
blind to the real world around us. Keeping them on may seem more
comfortable at first, because truth always causes us to grow, and growth can be
uncomfortable at times as we shed concepts we once held to be true. But
later, a wise person appreciates the growth in accepting truth and embraces
it. Only then will we see that what once seemed comfortable, the chains
that held us, was truly the pain of our existence. What do we choose to do with
that freedom? Look or not, the truth is what it is, and there is no need
to fear it. We do not invent the truth, we accept it while truth
withstands the challenge of questioning it, while even looking for more.
I have been a post Mormon member for a long time. I usually stick to
ex-Mormon.org for my posts. But I appreciate this board and its gentle
persuasion towards leaving Mormonism. Love the Mormon, but not the lies
shrouding Mormonism. I believe a few at the top know Mormonism is untrue,
but most members are victims of Joes deception just as I once was. I
figured it out a long time ago and my main fascination now is why it took me so
long, and how is it that so many still have not. Of course once one begins
seeing the cult-like aspects and understanding the mechanisms that drive high
demand, mind controlling organizations, it becomes easier to see why.
My advice to everyone, Mormon and ex, is to never be
afraid to seek out new ideas. The option is to remain in ignorance and
believe that what you know now, is all there is to know. A wise person
knows there is always new viewpoints, and some things that seem ridiculous
today, may eventually be understood through a change of perspective. I
loved the audio reenactment from Platos Allegory on this site, it is persuasive
in helping us open our eyes, without fear, to seek out the worlds wisdom and
embrace new philosophical truths. The picture provided allows us to
visualize what Plato describes. When we desire truth, more than we fear change,
truth becomes readily available. In Platos allegory, we are chained to a
world view by others who have controlled our views. You are free to
decide to remove your chains and see the world anew, or keep them on and remain
blind to the real world around us. Keeping them on may seem more
comfortable at first, because truth always causes us to grow, and growth can be
uncomfortable at times as we shed concepts we once held to be true. But
later, a wise person appreciates the growth in accepting truth and embraces
it. Only then will we see that what once seemed comfortable, the chains
that held us, was truly the pain of our existence. What do we choose to do with
that freedom? Look or not, the truth is what it is, and there is no need
to fear it. We do not invent the truth, we accept it while truth
withstands the challenge of questioning it, while even looking for more.
Welcome to the hood bnaur, what you have said resonates. Most of us hear still ponder why we allowed an orgnaization like moism to control our thoughts and research for so long; 30 years for me. And yes, truth can be a bit painful at first, no one likes the discomfort that change brings, and in most cases, truth brings changes doesn't it? It's like learning to ride a bike, once you get the hang of it, it is uplifting and fun. It's those first few rides that can be painful.
Anyway welcome, and lest us know a little more about you. Hope you hang around.
Look or not, the truth is what it is, and there is no need to fear it. We do not invent the truth, we accept it while truth withstands the challenge of questioning it, while even looking for more.
I see it this way also. Empirical truth exists independently of what we think and is not affected by our point of view.
The best part about being postmormon is knowing that mormonism is behind you and that there is a whole new world in front of you.
In, my heart, I have not been a member of the church for about 6 months now. I am married, with 3 young kids and a devout husband who is the only one who knows my feelings about the church.
I was born and raised in Idaho by two converts in a large, very active family. I went to Ricks and married a RM and lived a full, rich LDS life: Family Home Evening on Monday nights, scripture in the mornings, tithe payers, Sabath observer, etc... I had no doubts whatsoever until about a year ago when it just occurred to me that religion seemed more like a gang or a club or a sports team than anything else. Everybody wants to think their club is right, and everyone else is wrong. From there, it just all went downhill as I started thinking more and more and challenging my beliefs.
I stopped taking the sacrament when I realized that I didn't believe it anymore. I get a lot of stares but out of respect for something that I once held so sacred I just can't do it anymore. I am in tears right now, I am still quite depressed about losing something that used to be so special and wonderful to me and I *wish* that it could be true. I am still mourning the loss of some doctrines, especially the eternal family concept(See next paragraph).
My husband is distraught, he thinks he is losing his eternal family. We lost a child a few years ago, and at the time my faith and trust in this religion helped us get through that difficult time, and he begs me to go to the bishop and ask for help and tells me that he knows that I really do have a testimony, that I am just going through a rough patch right now. I decided not to talk to him about my feeling regarding the church but now I feel like I have no one to talk to.
It is so hard with young kids too, I haven't told my children anything. I still attend church, and wear my garments most of the time because it upsets my DH when I don't wear them (and to be honest, it feels strange to not have them, I guess old habits die hard, huh?). My daughter loves reading the Friend, bears her testimony and loves going to Primary. My younger two boys aren't really aware yet, but I am worried that they will think less of me, or that I will rob them of something important by telling them that, no," mommy doesn't believe Joseph Smith was a prophet anymore..."
Since I live in a different state from our families, I don't have to deal with them figuring it out and freakin, but I will probably lose some very dear friends when/if I "come out".
I guess part of me hopes that I will get some special message from heaven that will put me back on the path, figuring out the truth seems to just be causing more problems than it solves, but I just can't pretend and I feel SO LONELY in my state of semi-agnosticism and am glad that I found this place that isn't so steeped in bitterness and vitrol like some anti-boards I have visited.
Sorry for rambling, I guess I am just venting and hoping that someone has been where I am and can give me some guidance and some hope. Hope...what a strange word that seems now.
Sorry for rambling, I guess I am just venting and hoping that someone has been where I am and can give me some guidance and some hope. Hope...what a strange word that seems now.
Lots of people have been where you are idahogrrl. You'll get many responses from others that will confirm that. The good news is it gets better, and even downright awsome. It just takes time and people to talk about it with. That's what we're here for. Others will have better stuff to share than me, but I wanted to at least say, I hear ya!
I'm from Idaho too -- at least that's where I was raised. I grew up in Rexburg, and took some classes at Ricks College too. It's nice to see some people still call it "Ricks."
I'm from Idaho too -- at least that's where I was raised. I grew up in Rexburg, and took some classes at Ricks College too. It's nice to see some people still call it "Ricks."
Hey, it was Ricks when I was there, who cares what they call it now, right?
I have lots of good memories and no regrets from my times in Rexburg. Compared to where I grew up in Idaho, Rexburg was the big city! :)
I'm from Idaho too -- at least that's where I was raised. I grew up in Rexburg, and took some classes at Ricks College too. It's nice to see some people still call it "Ricks."
Hey, it was Ricks when I was there, who cares what they call it now, right?
I have lots of good memories and no regrets from my times in Rexburg. Compared to where I grew up in Idaho, Rexburg was the big city! :)
Howdy Idahogirl,
Welcome, I can't say that I have the same dynamics going on as you, but I can feel some of what you are going through. I am a parent (my wife too) who has resigned from the church after having learned just how bogus it all really is. My daughter and son-in-law are out too; our son-in-law left a year before my wife and I.
The difficult thing is that my son and his family remain very committed to the church and it has caused some challenging moments for us, especially in the early months. Things are levelling out now, but remain somewhat tedious. There is territory that we just don't enter now, but we are learning what that territory is and avoid it. He teaches at BYU-I "Ricks".
I can assure you that you have some rough time ahead as well and wish it weren't so, but as you read more here at postmo.org, you will learn that such is the fate of those that grow their "ears to hear" while other members of their family are not ready for further light and knowledge.
I can assure you that this sight will help you keep your sanity as you navigate through all the "fixing" that your family and church leaders will attempt to put you through in the coming months/years as you find yourself less and less able to participate in that church. Best wishes.
First, let me say that I am so sorry about the loss of your child. While I've lost some people close to me, I can't imagine losing a child. My heart goes out to you.
For whatever reason, those types of events sometimes set us on a path of growth, which can often be painful. I'm sure that you feel pretty alone with the rest of your family being so involved in the church. There are members of this forum who have very active spouses and children.
If you feel like you can take the time to read back through PostMo archives, you'll find that many of us left the church in stages. Some manage to do it quickly, but for others like me, it was a process of years. Some continue to lay low around their active family members. I was lucky in that my husband left as well. Like Hamar, I have an active son who is an RM. The rest of us have left.
We are here to offer you support, no matter what path you eventually choose.
I just read your post to my husband and he sat back in his chair and said "Whew...that's the closest to your story I've heard yet." We are very similar, my friend, and yes, there is a long hard road ahead of you. BUT, there is joy in the journey as well. It sounds like the close circle of Mormonism is all you've ever known. It was that way for me as well. The thought of venturing out into the "lone and dreary wilderness" was terrifying. But the whole world is your circle now and I believe that you can find beautiful insights, meaning and love there.
I too, was raised in a very active family, married in the temple, served in many callings (including RS president) etc. I left the church formally a little over a year ago, but was seriously questioning it long before that. Once I actually admitted that I didn't believe, it fell apart pretty fast. I couldn't live a lie. Like you, my husband is very devout (he actually works for the church) and I have six beautiful children (ages 4-18). My husband and I are still together and still very much in love, but it's been a rough road. I understand the feeling of desperate loneliness. To this day I've never met anyone in the flesh who's story is similar to mine. I've longed for people who could understand and empathize. I've found that here.
You are in a very precarious situation right now and just know that we're here to support you. Early on in my journey, I also found the "anti-mormon websites" distasteful. Even this website was hard for me when people starting criticizing and poking-fun at the church. It was still much too close and too painful. As I moved through the stages however, there was a point where I felt really angry and having a safe place to vent (and find a little humor in it all) was really helpful.
My children have been amazingly resiliant. They know that I don't believe, and they're O.K with that. They love having deep discussions with me and their dad about religion, philosophy etc. They still attend church but vary in their beliefs. It would be a lie to say the whole thing hasn't been hard for them, but you know, they are really COOL kids. I believe they've deepened through this process and have become much more loving, tolerant and strong.
I guess part of me hopes that I will get some special message from heaven that will put me back on the path, figuring out the truth seems to just be causing more problems than it solves, but I just can't pretend and I feel SO LONELY in my state of semi-agnosticism and am glad that I found this place that isn't so steeped in bitterness and vitrol like some anti-boards I have visited.
Hello Idahogirl
Welcome to postmo. This is a safe place and I think you will find the folks here understand what you are going through. My first few months after leaving the church were very difficult. I am sure you will have some struggles but let me assure you that you are getting ready to feel joy you did not know existed. When you free yourself from mormonism scales will come off your mind and heart and the world will open up in ways that are unimaginable to you now.
Come here and read and post. Be patient. And remember that when all else looks bleak one of the best things you can do to ease the pain is post a Pinochio Joe. Now tell me that did not make you smile?
I've been trying to work up the courage to post an introduction for awhile - I think I'm finally there. I guess I'll give a little background, and a little about my exit. I was a convert to the church. I joined shortly after the birth of my first child, and was a devout member for almost 16 years. My husband was inactive when we married, but re-activated about the same time I joined. We did all the things you're "supposed" to do - temple marriage, tithing, fhe, all that stuff. But honestly, I spent most of my time feeling like I was never going to be good enough. I was never going to be Molly Mormon, no matter how much I tried. But, I kept trying, and the guilt got bigger and bigger, and so did my depression.
Along the way, there were things that made me wonder about whether or not I'd made a mistake becoming a mormon. The first time I got a calling in a new ward, and then the next week, the same bishop who gave me my calling introduced himself to me and asked me if we were new, for example. The first time I went through the temple - it completely freaked me out. There are other examples, but those were two of the biggest ones. But, because my husband and children were devout, I shoved those things up on that shelf in my mind and went on trying to be "perfect".
About a year ago, I finally worked up the courage to express my concerns to my husband. He's a good man, and I'm glad every day that I was smart enough to marry him. He was honest, and told me he worried about the doubts I was expressing, but that nothing mattered more than us, and he would be there for me no matter what I decided to do. We didn't really talk any more about it until a few months after that.
I had gone out of town, and, unbeknownst to me, he was quickly watching his belief system (he was raised LDS) fall apart before his eyes. He had been reading "Rough Stone Rolling", and as he came across things he'd never heard before, he started wondering what else he didn't know about. His research led him to realize very quickly that the church was not true, and that it wasn't what it professed to be at all.
When I got home, I knew instantly something was different. We talked after the kids went to bed, and he poured out all the pain and hurt and anger he was dealing with while I was gone. He said he didn't believe anymore...and after we talked, and I did some studying of my own, I came to the same conclusion. I will never forget the night we looked at each other and uttered the words,"It's not true, is it?" out loud. It was probably the single most frightening and yet, at the same time, freeing moment of my life.
Fast forward...we sat down not too long after that and explained to our kids what was going on. They are old enough that leaving the church could have been a big problem, but it wasn't. They are also smart kids - and presenting them with the truth led them to see what we saw...and they left with us. That was around August of last year.
Since then, we have submitted the paperwork to officially resign our membership, mostly to avoid the potential of having our family drug through an excommunication process, and because we do not want our kids subject to the church or it's influences any longer. Although, considering that husband's family is all devout TBM, I'm not sure we'll ever really be "free". When we sat down to sign the letter, our kids were the ones who said,"How come we haven't done this sooner?" Kids are a lot smarter than we give them credit for sometimes, I think.
As far as my faith now...I'd have to say I lean a lot towards where the poster pnut is. I do consider myself a Christian, definitely in the liberal category. My family (husband, kids, and I) do attend a non-denominational church - and so far we have really enjoyed that. I want nothing to do with a legalistic denomination ever again. As far as I'm concerned, my spirituality is between me and god, and nobody else. I feel the same way for anyone else. What someone believes in or does not believe in is their decision, not mine. I'm not one to push my beliefs on anyone else, and all I ask is the same in return. Life is too short. I feel like I'm a survivor...and I have only empathy for the others who have been through the same hell that leaving mormonism is.
Anyway, that's me. I figured it was about time I came out of the shadows and posted. Thanks for reading.
Thanks for your thoughtful post, I just finished reading it out loud to my wife. It really resonates with both of us, since we both exited together. Our children are both married and have children. My daughter is out (son-in-law) led the way for us all, but that is a story for another time. My son is still locked in tight, but we have been able to work through the pain that our departure has caused.
So much of your story resonates with us, we really appreciate hearing other's exit stories and can relate to the pain that it causes.
I'm glad you are hear and look forward to getting to know you better as well. Welcome.
I want nothing to do with a legalistic denomination ever again. As far as I'm concerned, my spirituality is between me and god, and nobody else.
Amen.
I will never forget a talk that was recently given by a young, newly married gal who had just moved from Utah. The talk was on agency and was based on a general conference talk. The thesis, which she communicated in a very authoritarian tone, was that we had already exercised our free agency when we chose to be baptized and therefore we had no choice but to obey. Of course the talk included consequences for disobedience.
This is the plan of salvation? The talk nausiated me for a week. Honestly, the thesis sounded more like satan's plan than Christ's plan.
The thesis, which she communicated in a very authoritarian tone, was that we had already exercised our free agency when we chose to be baptized and therefore we had no choice but to obey.
That makes me so sad. So once you excercise your free agency to be baptized, you no longer have it? Doesn't seem right to me. I can't imagine that god would give us something as powerful as free agency and then take it away. If that were the case, why give it to us in the first place?
My son is still locked in tight, but we have been able to work through the pain that our departure has caused.
So much of your story resonates with us, we really appreciate hearing other's exit stories and can relate to the pain that it causes.
I'm glad you are hear and look forward to getting to know you better as well. Welcome.
Harry
Thank you, Harry. I can relate to working through the pain with other family members. We're still trying to sort all that out with my husband's family. My family are not members, so they obviously don't have any of these issues. But, the other side of the family is a completely different story. I just keep hoping that we can find a way to deal with the pain of it all, because we really do love them and enjoy spending time with them, even if we don't see eye to eye religiously.
Bnaur, Idahogrrl and Rebecca - welcome to you all.
Bnaur, you said,
"My advice to everyone, Mormon and ex, is to never be afraid to seek out new ideas. "
I couldn't agree more.
Idahogrrl, I'm glad you found this little corner of the world and I hope you will feel free to express yourself, vent, laugh, or just hang out. Thanks for sharing your story.
Rebecca, thanks for sharing your story too. I'll bet you've given some hope and courage to someone else who's "shelf" is getting overloaded.
The day I left the mormon church was the begining of EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE GETTING BETTER. Church membership is like carrying an extra heavy backpack all the time. It feels so good and right to set it down and walk away from it.
Thanks to everyone for the responses. I have been able to go back and read some of the archives, and it has been interesting reading and it really helps to know that I am not the only one.
For me it is like a divorce, hopefully not long and painful but it is the death of something that I once cherished and also a rebirth too.
Lots of questions now about dealing with letting go, preserving a marriage while getting out, do I go to church with them even if I think it is BS just to be together as a family or should I stay home, that sort of thing. I will be articulating those in more appropriate threads.
I am finally able to let go of some of the guilt of not being able to fit in amongst the LDS women I know. I was always considered a weirdo being active in theater and have always felt out of place with my wry and sarcastic sense of humor and now I feel free to just be me...
P.S. : Feeling especially adventurous last weekend, I experimented by trying iced tea for the first time. Didn't particularly like it, it tasted much like the green-grass-crap-in-a-glass my mom always made us drink (what Mormon fad diet was that????).
Thanks to everyone for the responses. I have been able to go back and read some of the archives, and it has been interesting reading and it really helps to know that I am not the only one.
For me it is like a divorce, hopefully not long and painful but it is the death of something that I once cherished and also a rebirth too.
Lots of questions now about dealing with letting go, preserving a marriage while getting out, do I go to church with them even if I think it is BS just to be together as a family or should I stay home, that sort of thing. I will be articulating those in more appropriate threads.
I am finally able to let go of some of the guilt of not being able to fit in amongst the LDS women I know. I was always considered a weirdo being active in theater and have always felt out of place with my wry and sarcastic sense of humor and now I feel free to just be me...
P.S. : Feeling especially adventurous last weekend, I experimented by trying iced tea for the first time. Didn't particularly like it, it tasted much like the green-grass-crap-in-a-glass my mom always made us drink (what Mormon fad diet was that????).
I just read your original post and I wanted to say, first of all, don't feel so alone! It must be rough in Idaho but even there, there is a whole world of people who don't care a thing about the bizzare and cliqueish world of LDS drama. There are tons of wonderful people to talk to on the internet alone, and I bet that as you spread your wings you'll find a lot of great new friends in unexpected places (not from church!) :) It's scary at first and I know exactly how you feel as myself and pretty much everyone here has been through it--but I can tell you that most of us are happier, better adjusted, and find out that despite some awkwardness with relatives the world keeps spinning and life gets better!
And as a side note, your husband DOESN'T like it when you saunter around garmentless? Something must be terribly wrong with him :( Then again one of the first reasons I just didn't want to believe anymore is that I could not stand the thought of marrying a woman who would never wear a cute sun dress on a summer's day, my own hatred for wearing the damn things nonwithstanding! Get some sexy underwear, and find some cute-but-revealing (tank tops! mid-thigh-length shorts! THE HORROR!) outfits for around the house and see if your husband changes his mind or if he just has a broken brain :)
I've been trying to work up the courage to post an introduction for awhile - I think I'm finally there.
[snip]
Anyway, that's me. I figured it was about time I came out of the shadows and posted. Thanks for reading.
Rebecca,
A big welcome from the Australian contingent.
There are as many paths out as there are individuals. I was heartened to hear you both arrived at the conclusion at approximately the same time and your children were behind you. THat was our experience too, so I can relate to you.
You have a significant journey ahead as you unpack all the devious ways MoInc has permeated your thinking, but be heartened that it gets better every day.
Congratulations on the courage to stop lurking and claim some space here.
And as a side note, your husband DOESN'T like it when you saunter around garmentless? Something must be terribly wrong with him :( Then again one of the first reasons I just didn't want to believe anymore is that I could not stand the thought of marrying a woman who would never wear a cute sun dress on a summer's day, my own hatred for wearing the damn things nonwithstanding! Get some sexy underwear, and find some cute-but-revealing (tank tops! mid-thigh-length shorts! THE HORROR!) outfits for around the house and see if your husband changes his mind or if he just has a broken brain :)
Oh, he has always appreciated the sexy stuff in the bedroom ( and trust me, he would LOVE it kinkier but that is a story for another day), but me not wearing garments 24/7 is just another message that I am a non-believer, and it breaks my heart to see him crying about the loss of his eternal family, and I SO wish that he would open his eyes but he will have to come to that on his own.
It is a touchy subject since his sister is getting married soon and I didn't pay tithing for our family the last half of last year so he can't get a temple recommend to see her married. I felt really bad for him because I know how important that is, so I reluctantly agreed to begin paying tithing again for his sake ( I run the bills, don't they make some sort of exception for people whose spouses think paying tithing is a total crock?) It is gonna be rough, because I was using that money to pay off debt and now my plans are shot to heck (there I go, you can take the Mormon out, but the Idaho never leaves ya!).
So y'all be thinking of me in two weeks when I have to go to my SIL's wedding and explain why I won't be attending the ceremony...
regarding your comment on tithing; if your husband is the sole income earner, you still have a stake in what he earns and can determine how much of your stake in his earnings go to TSCC (The So Called Church). All he has to answer, when the tithing question is posed, is "yes". The bishop has no right to take that discussion any further and what you do with your portion of the money he earns for you and your family is none of their business.
Some church leaders can put a little pressure on when the interviewee works for the church or a leader's company and they know exactly what the interviewee earns, even then they have no right to question the interviewee's answer.
Hi, I am new to this site, but not new to the postmormon internet community. I have used the username enochville and Dave Sigmann in the past. I most frequently post on the New Order Mormon board and Further Light and Knowledge and I have a blog in the Outer Lightness aggregator.
I left the church a year ago. Before that I had been an amatuer apologist, so I was quite familiar with most of the arguments against Mormonism and the mental gymnastics used to protect one's beliefs. But, the turning point for me was when I spent about 6 months intensely studying everything on the Book of Abraham. By the end I realized that there is no honest way to look at the BoA issue and not see it as a fraud if one is familiar with all of the evidence. The rest of my shelf fell down quickly thereafter. I told my wife, she read everything I had read, and came to the same conclusion. We resigned together. I then delved into Biblical criticism and apologetic works and came out an atheist (my wife is agnostic). However, we still enjoy spirituality and community, so we joined a Unitarian Universalist fellowship (they welcome atheists). My wife, who goes by the username "Lily of the Field", and I have also found a home in the DAMU among NOM's and Postmormons.
I look forward to getting to meet all of you. If you already know me, say hi!
Please respond and tell us a little about yourselves....how long you were/have been a member, what you'd like to gain from this board, etc, etc. Don't be shy! It's all of you that make up this community!
Greetings fellow travelers! I am Happy_Heretic. I have been exmormon for 10 years. I live in Logan (Howdy Jeff) with my wife and 2 kids. I have been active on RFM, exmo-social, View from the Foyer, and Peeping Salamanders.
I am looking forward to the new billboard (very exciting stuff). It is nice to know we are not alone in all this post-mormonism. Let us hope our community continues to grow, prosper, and spread to every corner of the earth.
Now tell me that did not make you smile? 
