Years ago, as Jeff and I were discussing the vision for Postmormon.org, I shared with him MY vision. I think it's to be found somewhere around here, but I can't remember where. Anyway, after reading some of the threads the last little while, I thought it might be useful to bring this up again. (You old-timers who have been here longer than a year or two have heard this before--you are free to click off this thread, assuming you clicked on it in the first place!)
I see Postmormon.org as a Roadside Inn along the pathway that leads away from the church. As with any journey, leaving the Mormon Church and discovering new spiritual horizons is an arduous journey, and you don't have to read here for long to become intimately familiar with the perils and obstacles that confront the sojourner. Often, by the time the traveler finds us here, they are cold, wet, battered and bruised, hungry, and often very frightened.
We are a wayside--a stopping place--but not the destination. What you can expect when you stumble in here is a warm fire, welcoming faces, and a lively conversation about the journey you face. You can pull up a chair around the fire, sip something warm, and listen to the experiences of others as they've explored what's out there beyond Mormonism. Paying attention, you learn the landmarks to watch for, the pitfalls to avoid, and a whole host of strategies for finding what you're ultimately looking for. With that, you'll also find good humor, fun friends, a philosophical debate or two, but always you'll find the embrace of people who have gone where you go now.
There are many characters who come to the Inn. There are many who come in briefly, grab something quick, and head back out the door. We don't even learn their names. Many come in, pull up a chair at the back of the room, and listen without ever talking. They have their reasons. Some come just to get directions, and others come, make friends, and stay for as long as they like.
There are a few who make it a point to ensure that the fire always has a fresh log on it, and the conversation is always going. They are the Inn Keepers, and they become Inn Keepers not by assignment, but because they have a special interest in keeping the purpose of this Inn alive, vibrant, and ready to assist the next weary soul that stumbles through that door.
At some point, though, most people pull their jacket back on, flip up the collar against the rain and the wind, offer hugs to their friends...and head back out the door. Because Postmormon.org is not where they were headed. It was simply a place to stop, rest, make friends, and prepare you for the next leg of your journey.
Each of us makes the decision when we leave, and for whatever reason. I know things are healthy when I look around and see new faces--both on the perimeter of the discussion and smack-dab in the middle. There are a handful of people here who have been here nearly as long as I have (only Jeff has been longer than me, I think...), and those people have become skilled at keeping this place the warm and inviting Inn that it is.
It cannot meet everyone's needs, but the more people we find here, the broader the spectrum of needs that can be met.
At the end of the day, there is nothing wrong with being here in whatever way you need to be here, and everything right with leaving when you feel rested and ready to venture back out on the journey. The Inn is always open, it never moves, and someone is always ready to put another log on the fire and sit down with you to talk whenever you come in, come back, or come home.
Dang it all to heck Peter Mary. Now you made me cry. Thanks for letting irreverent naughty loud mouth folks like me in the door. I feel at home here most of the time. Most of the neighborhoods in my neck of the woods are gated and they don't allow no riff raff. It's nice to come in out of the rain and find a good pint of cheer now and again.
That was beautiful, thanks P_M. This place has been and continues to be a comfort to me. I occasionally have melt down's and having this "Inn" so accessible helps me get my bearings again. It is the only place I have to come to for understanding.
Dahli-mama:
Dang it all to heck Peter Mary. Now you made me cry. Thanks for letting irreverent naughty loud mouth folks like me in the door. I feel at home here most of the time. Most of the neighborhoods in my neck of the woods are gated and they don't allow no riff raff. It's nice to come in out of the rain and find a good pint of cheer now and again.
We love our riff-raff here at Postmo...
...do you mind drying some of beer glasses while your getting misty-eyed over there? We've got work to do, you know!
howdimissthat:
That was beautiful, thanks P_M. This place has been and continues to be a comfort to me. I occasionally have melt down's and having this "Inn" so accessible helps me get my bearings again. It is the only place I have to come to for understanding.
Another one of the kinds of characters we have here at Postmo are those who need a personal retreat. They come to the Inn to recharge their batteries so they can not only continue their journey, but do so in the "Land of Zion." It's nice that Postmo meets that need, too...you have lots of compatriots, howdimissthat...
What an awesomely apt analogy peter_mary! (Dontcha just love alliteration?)
This haven has been invaluable to me and my wife as we've started our journey. I've read so many things here that have helped us as we deal with our feelings, and as we deal with family and friends and their feelings too.
I think one of the greatest things about this place is that as you get "dried off and warmed up", and start to get your bearings, that you can actually help the people that come in behind you. No matter where you are in your journey.
My hat's off to those of you long-timers that keep this place going. I don't know if and when I'll be putting my coat back on and heading out the door. Right now, I'm coming mostly for comraderie and affirmation. (And some venting now and then. That darned anger phase keeps rearing its ugly head periodically.)
You have a way of moving me with your words P_M. When I came here to Postmo, I was so, so sad. You all have no idea how much this place has helped me. I love it here and plan to stick around. Maybe someday, I can help someone when they feel alone.
If you just said, "OH MY HECK!" This may not be for you.
Saw a St. Pauli's girl on a billboard in SLC off I-80 with that caption during the winter olympics.
This one is for you Paul.
peter_mary:
Dahli-mama:
Dang it all to heck Peter Mary. Now you made me cry. Thanks for letting irreverent naughty loud mouth folks like me in the door. I feel at home here most of the time. Most of the neighborhoods in my neck of the woods are gated and they don't allow no riff raff. It's nice to come in out of the rain and find a good pint of cheer now and again.
We love our riff-raff here at Postmo...
...do you mind drying some of beer glasses while your getting misty-eyed over there? We've got work to do, you know!
my shrinking skills aren't working. Please fix it if you can.
Great analogy P_M! If you're farther down the trail away from Mormonism, you may also enjoy the inn of Life Beyond x-Mormonism at http://www.exmormononline.net Of course you can go there if your just fresh out too and you'll find links back to here and other great sites if you are still in the research stage, or you are looking to visit the many other Inns on the paths leading from Mormonism. Again, great analogy. This place is kind of like my online home. Postmo also kind of reminds me of the show "Cheers", where the same people stop off on the way home each day.
I, for one, have been very blessed to have found this "inn" and appreciate it! When I need a little help, or just a laugh, it is here! Hugs to all of y'all!
As someone who has been visiting this watering hole for about half a decade, your sober, wise, compassionate and witty input is always a feature of the place.
As I sat and talked with Jeff at Exmo conference lunch he was quick to affirm my belief in the critical contribution you have made, and continue to make, to PostMo.
Now, I'm even more annoyed I didn't get to meet in the flesh when I was in Utah at Conference.
You have made an invaluable contribution to the social capital of this inn, and I firmly believe your behaviour makes a major contribution to the maintenance of a pro-social tone as new folks turn up, some of them very distraught and prone to vent.
All I have to say is I LOVED what you wrote! I'm really new (only a few months) & I am impressed with the insight, compassion, & helpfulness I have seen here. Members here are great thinkers & I love reading the ideas all of you guys/gals share. We understand each other.......We've been there, experienced that......We have a bond......And we are developing relationships that matter. I feel that many of us could be friends in the real world outside of here sometime.....
This place had been a wonderful source of support for me as I have made the transition out of the Morg. I really appreciate those who have invested so much to create and sustain the community. Your imagery of it being like an inn is spot on. The only people who can really understand the tumult, danger, pain and frustration of leaving the Mormon Church are other people who have done it or are doing it. The church beats the hell out of people like us, but being able to recharge with some compatriots is extremely valuable.
I am really not a spiritually-oriented guy. It has been uncomfortable for me to spend so much time and energy on religious issues. PostMo has helped me accelerate the process and I find I spend less and less time thinking about the church. This may sound a little odd, but it has helped me reconnect to capitalism. Dealing with the church stuff and processing it so it can get out of my head has allowed me to spend more time on my first love (aside from my family): running and growing a business.
I've also met some great people and made real friendships here. You know who you are, and I appreciate the richness you have added to my life.
I post less frequently now than I used to, but that is a real sign of progress for me.
I'll be back to the inn on a very regular basis for a while. Thank you to everyone for making this place what it is.
I've been surprised to find that there are some people here in the same
situation I'm in. I just thought I must be
one of a very, very small number of people stuck in the organization
when my heart and mind have left it behind. Can you imagine the
comfort it is to know there are others out there in the same situation?
Thank God, (or whatever gods may be), for this place.
*Pulls up a chair, sips his first mocha. Still a few hours until sacrament meeting.*
All I can say is how disappointed that I did not find this place years ago when I was the only one I knew leaving the church. The road was hard, but worth it and I am glad I have a friendly neighborhood bar to come to now.
I just wanted to add my thanks to the inn keepers, until I stumbled into this place I had no idea how many people were like me. Thank you, you have helped me, my wife, my sister in law, and father. We are a quiet bunch who sit in the back but this has been a great place for us!
I appreciate the Inn, the atmosphere and the friendly community. I have been a lurker, and the back of the room has helped me to know that we all have issues in this life and from this religion. It is great to know that I am not all alone in the world.
I have really enjoyed reading the remarks from people who "identify" with the idea of the "inn on the side of the road." Several of you made remarks about believing for a long time that you were in a unique situation that no one else could identify with...until you wandered into the Inn. You are the reason this Inn is here. You are the reason the fire is always burning, and the conversation is always lively. It's because you thought you were alone and deserved to know otherwise that Postmormon.org is here.
We really have two fundamental things we want to tell people, and they are not what most people expect.
1) You are not alone
2) Welcome home
That's pretty much it, when you boil all this down to it's most fundamental "stuff."
Every one of you, whether you sit at the back of the room, or elbow your way up close to the fire, contribute in very real, very meaningful ways. Thank you ALL for the richness you bring to the Inn!
P.S. Daryl, you were no more disappointed than I was that you were SO close, and yet we still didn't cross paths. But you hung out with my brothers and sisters, and it's kinda the same!
P.S.S. Hartlyn, don't think for a minute we didn't notice you leaving constantly...do you have the bladder of gerbil? SHeesh!
P.S.S. Hartlyn, don't think for a minute we didn't notice you leaving constantly...do you have the bladder of gerbil? SHeesh!
After five kids have used it as a waterbed, yeah. There are times when I don't feel like my contributions amount to much, or when any answer I give would be redundant or when I simply don't have time or energy to jump into a fray.
I'm glad the inn is here when I need a fire and a drink. You are all lovely people to come "home" to.
For the first time last night, I had a nice discussion with my church-active mother-in-law about Post-Mormon, and what it is has meant for me and for others. I thought of this thread.
Two and a half years ago, my son and his bride were married in the Boston Temple. A prenuptial party was held in our yard, and as some of you have probably seen on this site, a New York Times reporter came and wrote a story about it because they were interested in Post-Mormon, "religiously mixed families," and the culture of Mormonism. The article did not shed a favorable light on my MIL, and that has eaten at her for 2.5 years. She's never said a word to us about it, and for a long time, we figured she never saw it.
Last night, she brought it up for the first time, and said that she wanted us to know two things. First, she did not turn off her hearing aid during the interview as was reported. She wanted us to know that her hearing aids had been bothering her, and she was just adjusting one of them.
The second thing is that she said the reporter told her that we had been hurt repeatedly by her comments about our inactive status. My husband had ONLY told him that when we chose not to baptize our youngest when he turned eight, that she told our son that he couldn't be with his family after he died. I do believe that she said that (believe me, he wouldn't have come up with that on his own). Anyway, it's now water under the bridge. And he's a thriving and happy 19 year old atheist.
The point is, she reached out to apologize for anything she's said over the years that has made us feel like she was disappointed in us. That's huge. There have been many "digs" over the years about our inactive status, but that pretty much has ceased in the last few years. I've been inactive for close to 15 years now (her son for even longer), and this is the first time she's voiced that perhaps she could have handled things better.
We talked for nearly 2 hours about various topics, including my role at Post-Mormon.org. I explained that it is a support group, not meant to be an anti-Mormon group, but that it continues to provide a valuable service to those who feel lost and rejected by family and friends. We talked about the many reasons that people leave the church. She actively listened, and accepted what we had to say, agreeing that it is a shame that leaving a faith can fracture individuals and families. Not once did she respond with a cookie-cutter church response.
It was an amazing thing, and I came away feeling much closer to her than I have in years.
I see Postmormon.org as a Roadside Inn along the pathway that leads away from the church. As with any journey, leaving the Mormon Church and discovering new spiritual horizons is an arduous journey, and you don't have to read here for long to become intimately familiar with the perils and obstacles that confront the sojourner. Often, by the time the traveler finds us here, they are cold, wet, battered and bruised, hungry, and often very frightened.
We are a wayside--a stopping place--but not the destination. What you can expect when you stumble in here is a warm fire, welcoming faces, and a lively conversation about the journey you face. You can pull up a chair around the fire, sip something warm, and listen to the experiences of others as they've explored what's out there beyond Mormonism. Paying attention, you learn the landmarks to watch for, the pitfalls to avoid, and a whole host of strategies for finding what you're ultimately looking for. With that, you'll also find good humor, fun friends, a philosophical debate or two, but always you'll find the embrace of people who have gone where you go now.
At some point, though, most people pull their jacket back on, flip up the collar against the rain and the wind, offer hugs to their friends...and head back out the door. Because Postmormon.org is not where they were headed. It was simply a place to stop, rest, make friends, and prepare you for the next leg of your journey.
It cannot meet everyone's needs, but the more people we find here, the broader the spectrum of needs that can be met.
At the end of the day, there is nothing wrong with being here in whatever way you need to be here, and everything right with leaving when you feel rested and ready to venture back out on the journey. The Inn is always open, it never moves, and someone is always ready to put another log on the fire and sit down with you to talk whenever you come in, come back, or come home.
That's Postmormon.org to me.
I am cold, wet, battered and bruised, hungry, and very frightened. Even though I feel like I've been on this journey a very long time I know in my heart it is just the beginning. I have been betrayed by both my ex husband and The Church too many times. I'm still trying to figure out if it is The Church itself or just the people. It is very comforting to be here. I have no idea how long I will be around but for now this place feels like a refuge and a place for healing. Thank you.
I am cold, wet, battered and bruised, hungry, and very frightened. Even though I feel like I've been on this journey a very long time I know in my heart it is just the beginning. I have been betrayed by both my ex husband and The Church too many times. I'm still trying to figure out if it is The Church itself or just the people. It is very comforting to be here. I have no idea how long I will be around but for now this place feels like a refuge and a place for healing. Thank you.
Here...let me help you take that wet coat off...
::hands tiphareth a warm beverage::
::pulls chair up close to the fire::
We look forward to getting to know you better, tiphareth. Jump in and join the conversation.
If you just said, "OH MY HECK!" This may not be for you.
Saw a St. Pauli's girl on a billboard in SLC off I-80 with that caption during the winter olympics.
This one is for you Paul.
peter_mary:
Dahli-mama:
Dang it all to heck Peter Mary. Now you made me cry. Thanks for letting irreverent naughty loud mouth folks like me in the door. I feel at home here most of the time. Most of the neighborhoods in my neck of the woods are gated and they don't allow no riff raff. It's nice to come in out of the rain and find a good pint of cheer now and again.
We love our riff-raff here at Postmo...
...do you mind drying some of beer glasses while your getting misty-eyed over there? We've got work to do, you know!
my shrinking skills aren't working. Please fix it if you can.
So when does this St. Pauli's girl show up here? I'll rearrange my schedule accordingly!
I'm sorry Jeff, I think women that gorgeous only exist on the internet or in men's imagination. The REAL barmaids look more like something out of a Peter Bruegel painting.
Ok, you all need to stop mocking the bar gals. Some of us are between the cartoon, photoshopped St. Paulie's Girl and the other girls...and we have to work HARD to be that inbetween. :p (Why is there no tongue sticking out smiley?)
I believe the photoshopped girl and the Mormon woman way are the same. Expectations that a REAL person could never deliver. You have to be a photoshopped cartoon or a robot!
Dahli-mama:
I'm sorry Jeff, I think women that gorgeous only exist on the internet or in men's imagination. The REAL barmaids look more like something out of a Peter Bruegel painting.
I think THIS is more like what you are likely to find at a roadside inn:
Still damn inviting and she seems to be sporting "MASSIVE TRACTS OF LAND". That's got to make up for any other exceptional issues. After a few beers and some warm cheer we all look pretty good.
She wanted us to know that her hearing aids had been bothering her, and she was just adjusting one of them. 
