Chowder and Duryen! Thanks for dropping by. We're glad that you saw the billboard, and hope that you'll spread the word. We AREN'T "anti-mormon" as some would claim, although we have been known to crack a few jokes and get a bit sarcastic from time to time. Many of us have friends, co-workers, and family members who continue to be active Mormons, and we love them and maintain close relationships with them. It is our hope that you will find this forum to be open and friendly. I've learned a lot here (I've been hanging out for over two years now), and I've met some great folks.
I was looking for an article in the Herald Journal and stumbled across the article regarding your billboard. I have struggled for years to define "what religion" I am, as I do respect some aspects of the LDS church, although I am not a practicing member. I don't think you have to be angry about it. It's part of who I am because it is part of my background and upbringing. I have been striving to make peace with it rather than fight against it. Looking forward to reading about how others have done this.
Kady:I was looking for an article in the Herald Journal and stumbled across the article regarding your billboard. I have struggled for years to define "what religion" I am, as I do respect some aspects of the LDS church, although I am not a practicing member. I don't think you have to be angry about it. It's part of who I am because it is part of my background and upbringing. I have been striving to make peace with it rather than fight against it. Looking forward to reading about how others have done this.
Yup...this is why we're here! It is an IMPORTANT part of who we are, because whether we like it or not, it exists permanently in our history, and shapes our future. Some people are angry about it, but many have made peace with it long ago, and enjoy their life "post" Mormonism, but in part "because" of Mormonism.
Thank you for the welcome. I lived in Cache Valley from 1985 until last summer. I am now in Salt Lake and am finding there is a much different view outside of the valley. It is not automatically assumed that you are Mormon; however, people tend to want you to be one thing or another. For instance, my daughter goes to Young Women's and my son goes to Scouts. Some people think that it is hypocritical for me to send them to these activities when I don't participate myself. I tell them that I am encouraging my kids to make their own decisions and find their own way. As an aside, has anyone talked about the Scouts issue in this forum? Cheers!
Kady:Thank you for the welcome. I lived in Cache Valley from 1985 until last summer. I am now in Salt Lake and am finding there is a much different view outside of the valley. It is not automatically assumed that you are Mormon; however, people tend to want you to be one thing or another. For instance, my daughter goes to Young Women's and my son goes to Scouts. Some people think that it is hypocritical for me to send them to these activities when I don't participate myself. I tell them that I am encouraging my kids to make their own decisions and find their own way. As an aside, has anyone talked about the Scouts issue in this forum? Cheers!
Kady! Welcome! I wish we had a door prize because I think you're the first one to come here and post because you saw the article. Judging from where you're at in your life, I'd say youre in the right place. You have lots of friends here who understand!
Hey, if I get more people to join, do I get a toaster? :)
Some of you might remember me from my newspaper column that ran for about 6 years until recently. "For No Apparent Reason," by Kelly Davis. Thanks for the welcomes. I look forward to the exchanges. I won't keep posting and wear out my welcome on my first day, but at some point I will ask for advice on how to deal with the church topic with my dad. Later, gators!
Kady: As an aside, has anyone talked about the Scouts issue in this forum? Cheers!
I can't think of much that has been discussed about Scouts...so if you have some thoughts, feel free to toss 'em out there!
Also, for ANY new folks reading this, I would hope that you aren't concerned about whether or not something has been discussed before...it's irrelevent! If someone comes here for the first time, and they want to know what the heck's up with polygamy, or blacks and the priesthood, or peepstones, or.... regardless of how many times it's been discussed, we hope it would come up again if someone new wants to talk about it. If you look in our forum rules, you won't find the commandment, "Thou shalt not repeat a topic!"
For the first time I found something worth reading in the Herald Journal online! I lived in Logan for over 20 years until I moved to Colorado in 2001, but rarely found an article that was of interest in the paper other than keeping up with who died...(pathetic, I know). I consider myself a "Recovering Mormon" and was pleasantly surprised to see this organization in little ole' Logan, Utah. :) The articles written by those who chose to share their personal story of leaving the church were touching to me and certainly something I could identify with...and who knows....I just might share my story one of these days. :)
Thank you for the warm welcome! You may be sorry you've welcomed me into your fold...(I know..the "mormonisms" are still there)...since my name is MsGabbie! :)
Hello! I found out about this site on kutv.com. They have an article about your new billboard in Logan. Thought I'd check it out and so far, I like it.
Hello! I found out about this site on kutv.com. They have an article about your new billboard in Logan. Thought I'd check it out and so far, I like it.
Welcome welcome Kady, Ms Gabbie, Bethie and everyone just looking and not posting (I know you're out there :P) I gotta admit that this group has been great for me. I am consistently amazed at the wealth of knowledge available through the other members and the love and support they offer. Don't worry about postiing too much or anything like that - I get in moods and end up being the last poster on ever subject in my discussions list sometimes and no one has ever asked me to stop. (btw if I should let me know :P) New points of view are always good, and this is a group that isn't anti. Somethings do push hot buttons, but mostly it's an educational experienceof bouncing ideas back and forth with some great people. I am looking forward to the new voices in the discussions!!!
The newspaper article in the Herald Journal. I was pleased by this quote.
“We want to build bridges if we can. As what we’re doing gets more and more visible, the Mormon community will get acclimated to it and not think we’re terrible, evil people,” Ricks said. “We would love it if we could reach out to people who have left without upsetting the LDS. That’s the ideal.”
However, I am having some second thoughts. I've seen a few people here making comparissons between the Nazi party and Mormons. I find these comparrisons unsettling and disappointing. I had thought I would find some discourse here. Was I wrong? Please tell me I was not wrong.
I too want to welcome all the new posters and lurkers who have logged on today. Kelly, I loved your articles in the paper. You always made me laugh and I was sorry when I read you were leaving. I hope things are working out well for you. Glad to have you here.
Regarding the scouts issue - how is it that the church is able to host that orgaization? It does not seem legal? I am sure if you asked someone, they would say they welcome anyone, but the scouting lessons are completely intertwined with church lessons.
Thanks for the comment on the newspaper column. I miss it a lot! It was my chance to be a smartass and get paid for it!
avirtualstranger:The newspaper article in the Herald Journal. I was pleased by this quote. “We want to build bridges if we can. As what we’re doing gets more and more visible, the Mormon community will get acclimated to it and not think we’re terrible, evil people,” Ricks said. “We would love it if we could reach out to people who have left without upsetting the LDS. That’s the ideal.” However, I am having some second thoughts. I've seen a few people here making comparissons between the Nazi party and Mormons. I find these comparrisons unsettling and disappointing. I had thought I would find some discourse here. Was I wrong? Please tell me I was not wrong.
Nope, you're not wrong (well, depending on what manner of discourse you're seeking!) You'll find all manner of folks here, just as you will at church. There are people who have made peace with their former association with Mormonism, people who are struggling with it currently, people who are angry, people who are not....but everyone here who wants to express themselves concerning their journey is welcome to do so. We don't tell 'em how to think or feel, we just accept that there are LOTS of ways to think and feel.
My husband and I noticed the billboard on main street. We were curious. He knew exactly what it was, while I thought it was a singles LDS website. Ha. ha.
I found my way here via Google search. A few years ago, I was struggling with a pretty major depression, which was a residual from having been abused as a teenager by my stepbrother. I was googling recovery sites to find a therapist and supplement that face-to-face help I was seeking. Soon, I started to realize that a lot of the anger and boundary issues that I hadn't yet resolved were more attributable to my membership in the church and how the church elders (and my own family) tried to make me think and feel about myself as a result of not choosing death over violation of my virtue. I think Elizabeth Smart's case being in the news triggered a lot of old scripts that I'd thought had been dealt with and put away already.
Point being, I hadn't yet been able to find a forum to discuss what I thought were the church's culpabilities in terms of damage from the abuse... where other people would understand how damaging the church leaders had been to me. You can find therapy anywhere, but here in "the mission field" (East Coast), it's difficult to find a therapist who has any idea what is taught in Seminary and how that leads to a double-bind sort of mindf**k. Most nevermo therapists don't realize that, when a mormon has been abused, the church then piles on more emotional abuse, blames the victim and encourages self-loathing, self-blame, guilt, and shame, which is hardly conducive to "getting over it."
This is the only place where my story has been received with compassion and empathy. (In fact, I don't even tell it anymore outside of this forum and RfM. Nevermos don't get it and don't respect my journey.) People understand why the actions taken were taken. My friends here have helped me reshape my feelings of self-worth and continue on my journey of recovery.
Besides, they let me write funny satirical stuff and hardly edit my work at all! So I get 'net published as well. I remain here for that reason and also to help other women who have been in the same boat. I'd like to think of myself as a beacon for other rape survivors and try to support and encourage them in their recovery journeys as well.
I found my way here via Google search. A few years ago, I was struggling with a pretty major depression, which was a residual from having been abused as a teenager by my stepbrother. I was googling recovery sites to find a therapist and supplement that face-to-face help I was seeking. Soon, I started to realize that a lot of the anger and boundary issues that I hadn't yet resolved were more attributable to my membership in the church and how the church elders (and my own family) tried to make me think and feel about myself as a result of not choosing death over violation of my virtue. I think Elizabeth Smart's case being in the news triggered a lot of old scripts that I'd thought had been dealt with and put away already.
Point being, I hadn't yet been able to find a forum to discuss what I thought were the church's culpabilities in terms of damage from the abuse... where other people would understand how damaging the church leaders had been to me. You can find therapy anywhere, but here in "the mission field" (East Coast), it's difficult to find a therapist who has any idea what is taught in Seminary and how that leads to a double-bind sort of mindf**k. Most nevermo therapists don't realize that, when a mormon has been abused, the church then piles on more emotional abuse, blames the victim and encourages self-loathing, self-blame, guilt, and shame, which is hardly conducive to "getting over it."
This is the only place where my story has been received with compassion and empathy. (In fact, I don't even tell it anymore outside of this forum and RfM. Nevermos don't get it and don't respect my journey.) People understand why the actions taken were taken. My friends here have helped me reshape my feelings of self-worth and continue on my journey of recovery.
Besides, they let me write funny satirical stuff and hardly edit my work at all! So I get 'net published as well. I remain here for that reason and also to help other women who have been in the same boat. I'd like to think of myself as a beacon for other rape survivors and try to support and encourage them in their recovery journeys as well.
WOW! I know this may seem really strange (because I'm not really glad those things happen) I am really glad you are here. And REALLY glad you posted that. From my previous posts I am sure you realize that many of my core issues with the church relate to the way I was treated in very bad circumstances. It is both disturbing and comforting that it is a shared experience within the church. Disturbing because when you look at the many levels of the church required to do this effectively and cover the tracks of the perpetrators you almost have to gag. Comforting because I know there is someone that really does know exactly how I feel, and why I still cry sometimes when I hear the painful words, remember the shame, and think of reading The Miracle of Forgiveness because I was raped. I don't know how I can ever purge that pain, but it gives me hope that you have found healing, self-esteem and support here.
judge naut:I found the site while reading "the news" on ksl.com about a billboard in Logan. Looks like money well spent... I am new to post-mormonism and this forum seems to be just what I have been itching for because it sure does seem like a lonely road most of the time. I'm sure I could've eventually found you through Google, etc. but I thought all the folks who helped make the billboard happen would appreciate that it is helping. kb
I'm sure I could've eventually found you through Google, etc. but I thought all the folks who helped make the billboard happen would appreciate that it is helping. kb
I think it is amazing how the press coverage of one billboard has caused such a stir. I'm in Virginia, and will likely never see that billboard in person, but my Google News caught the story.
I love how people create an uproar over something they are against and then the press causes whatever the uproar is about to expand.
I'm sure I could've eventually found you through Google, etc. but I thought all the folks who helped make the billboard happen would appreciate that it is helping. kb
I think it is amazing how the press coverage of one billboard has caused such a stir. I'm in Virginia, and will likely never see that billboard in person, but my Google News caught the story.
I love how people create an uproar over something they are against and then the press causes whatever the uproar is about to expand.
Thanks for the info. I did the google news search on postmormon and here's where it took me:
WOW! I know this may seem really strange (because I'm not really glad those things happen) I am really glad you are here. And REALLY glad you posted that. From my previous posts I am sure you realize that many of my core issues with the church relate to the way I was treated in very bad circumstances. It is both disturbing and comforting that it is a shared experience within the church. Disturbing because when you look at the many levels of the church required to do this effectively and cover the tracks of the perpetrators you almost have to gag. Comforting because I know there is someone that really does know exactly how I feel, and why I still cry sometimes when I hear the painful words, remember the shame, and think of reading The Miracle of Forgiveness because I was raped. I don't know how I can ever purge that pain, but it gives me hope that you have found healing, self-esteem and support here.
ruthy
Go read my story, ruthy. Feel free to PM me any time you wanna talk.
I found, on RAINN and other abuse-survivor web sites, there was this void where the spiritual abuse aspect just wasn't being discussed. I soon realized it was because the mormon cult had perpetrated another layer of abuse on top of what I'd already been through and those nevermos wouldn't and couldn't ever possibly understand the mental mindf**k that went on. I've dealt with the sex stuff. That part was easy to "get over." The hard part -- the worst damage -- was how the cult punished me and tried to make me feel horrible about myself. I still struggle with it, 20 years later.
You may be able to purge the pain, but sometimes you have to get through a lot of rage to get it all out. That's healthy -- don't be afraid of it. BE angry. Feel it. Give it a name so it becomes real. Then you can just put it down and walk away. That way you don't internalize it and turn self-destructive. The rage is always with you, like a scar. But like a scar, it fades with time and stops hurting so damn much all the time. It's only been in the last couple of years that I'm willing to talk about it and even then, I have to feel really, really safe (emotionally) to open up about it. This is one of the few places where I feel that safe. I almost never discuss it IRL.
I'm here for you. Just holla. (Oh, and we're not the only two on this board. There are others.)
Many of us have friends, co-workers, and family members who continue to be active Mormons, and we love them and maintain close relationships with them. It is our hope that you will find this forum to be open and friendly. I've learned a lot here (I've been hanging out for over two years now), and I've met some great folks.
