Native American DNA
[Post-Mormon Mag.]
Knoxville Dinner Social
[East Tennessee Po...]
FACEBOOK INFO
[Sanpete County Po...]
October '14 Meetup
[Denver Post-Mormo...]
September '14 Meetup
[Denver Post-Mormo...]
Annual ExMormon Sacramento Party
[San Francisco Bay...]
FACEBOOK INFO
Crissy
FACEBOOK INFO
Barn
October 5th PostMormon Lecture Series 2014
Starfleet
October 5th PostMormon Lecture Series 2014
alvie
Why I am a Better Mother
by aworkinprogress
SF Bay Area Monthly Gathering SUNDAY (5/4)
exmoinaz
SF Bay Area Monthly Gathering SUNDAY (5/4)
owned
The Mormon Mask
by Born Free
Las Vegas Meetup--Jazz in the Park Saturday May 10 6:30PM
onendagus
Resignation Letter to My Family
ShadowSage
Resignation Letter to My Family
ShadowSage
Guru Busters
by Flora4
Guru Busters
by Flora4
Resignation Letter to My Family
Hbush1987
General Non-Conference: Palmetto State Session
Swearing Elder
Sunday Morning Hangout at Container Park March 30th
onendagus
Second Wednesdays
Houston
General Non-Conference: Palmetto State Session
Swearing Elder
General Non-Conference: Palmetto State Session
dovahkiyn
February Meetup Sunday the 16th 2:00pm Grand Cafe at Sunset Station
onendagus
Visitors welcome !
priorvej12
Las Vegas meetup Sun Jan 12th 1pm at Milos in Boulder City
onendagus
January 5th- Southern Utah PostMormon Lecture Series
gypsyrose
Book of Mormon Tories
by Tom Donofrio
Book of Mormon Tories
by Nogginus Skepticalus
  It gets better! Resources to help with coping
  House Rules for posting on this website
  Why is there sometimes anger here?
  Glossary of Post-Mormon Terms
  Frequently Asked Questions
 
   
2 of 5
2
The Threesome / Swinging Thread
 
Avatar
Long Timer
RankRankRankRankRank
Joined  2010-04-24

The idea of swinging does not appeal to me.  That said, I consider the institution far more respectable than, say, adultery, with its secrecy and betrayal.

 

As for threesomes--again, not for me. I've always leaned way hetero on the homo/hetero spectrum--girl on girl would not be possible here!  I would end up crying in a little corner....  As for my husband watching me with another guy, or me watching him with another guy--um, no.  Would not do it for me at all.

 

  [eta--that's just how I roll, pun intended. If other couples roll in different directions--that's fine by me.]
 Signature 

“Be born anywhere, little embyro novelist, but do not be born under the shadow of a great creed, not under the burden of original sin, not under the doom of salvation. Go out and be born among the gypsies or thieves or among happy workaday people who live in the sun and do not think about their souls.”  ~Pearl S. Buck

 
Avatar
Long Timer
RankRankRankRankRank
Joined  2010-01-12

The I:

 

So, just for the entertainment value, Dogger: No, you are the crypto-theocrat.  Someone makes a point, it doesn't jive with your personal, interested world view, so you have to call me names, indulge in a dogmatic appeal-to-authority (Dawkins=Smith if you're just using them to shout me down; and Dawkins would never condone how you invoke him as some sort of authority to shut down discourse), and try to burn me at the stake.  Sounds an awful lot like Brigham's way of handling people who made him feel uncomfortable. . . and we all know he was an asshole.

 

And Gal: really? then you too. 

 

You bit first by creating a false dichotomy and shoving everybody into it. There is no black-and-white on subjects like this. I was simply responding using a type of argumentation you're used to seeing. Life is a gray area, dude. I'm wary of people who box everything up into a black-and-white mentality, so for that I apologize. I lived under that guise for nearly 30 years, so in a way, I'm extremely gun-shy of that type of thinking. But it seems to work for you, so by all means, enjoy your way of life, because I really love mine.

 Signature 

“I will seriously consider believing the Book of Mormon is an ancient text if someone actually discovers, in the Americas, an authentically ancient and decipherable Paleo-Hebrew/Egyptian hybrid text, written upon metal, which includes the translational errors contained exclusively in the King James Version of the Sermon on the Mount. Until then, no can do. Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence.”
~Dogger Dog

 
Avatar
Long Timer
RankRankRankRankRank
Joined  2007-06-03

Cuzco:
Kori:
SapperDaddy:
Talked many times with the wife about it, but never had the guts to do it.  I think more than anything she thinks she's too fat and everyone at a swinger party would look like a porn star.  I don't know what to tell her and with small children and no really good options for a babysitter, it hasn't worked out for us.

It's really good motivation to get in shape and stay in shape.

Between us we've sweat off 70lbs in the past year. After 4 kids she convinced me that she deserved some plastic surgery and now looks better than when I married her 24 1/2 years ago, which is awesome! It's great being married to somebody for 24 years who could easily pass for 24.

Nobody can believe it when I tell them she's had 4 kids, two of whom are adults.

I will agree with Kori that, at the very least, it can enhance self-esteem. Discovering that someone else, beside your spouse, thinks that you are attractive and appealing is a fantastic feeling.

The other major benefit of exploring your sexuality with other partners is that you get to find out what you really like, that you and your spouse have never experimented with before and what you don't like. Thanks to our other partners she's now quite comfortable with her sexuality and knows exactly what she likes and doesn't like. She NEVER would have been into half the sexy stuff she's into now had we never ventured outside of monogamy.

For every up-side there are risks too.

 I agree. There are risks, but they are managable and we were at the stage of our relationship where monogamy was just pretty GD boring and we had to do something to stir things up and make it more interesting or we never would have made it to our next anniversary.

I applaud all those who make the rational choice not to engage due to misgivings about possible outcomes. That is how responsible adults behave.

I applaud all those who're able to maintain a monogamous relationship in the long term, I just don't know of anybody who's been able to do that. Everybody I know personally who's been married longer than me has either cheated or been cheated on. I've got a real problem with cheating, divorce and serial monogamy, which is the standard M.O.. We like to pretend that monogamy is how responsible adults behave in this society, when the truth is, very few of us actually do, over the long term.

Though I have found that for me "swinging" sex is not unlike playing a game of chess, basketball, or some other social activity; I am not able to justify motorcycle riding, skydiving, or skateboarding. Those other activities exceed my personal cost-risk analysis.

Like I said, we're not into "swinging" either. We have never been to a 'Swingers Club' and probably never will. We're not the 'orgy kind of people' either. Both just seem too wierd for us from a sociological perspective. But getting together with a friend we both enjoy for a party where we all end up naked and having amazing sex is all good, as long as everybody plays it safe and nobody gets hurt. We all part ways, completely satisfied, with big smiles on our faces that lasts for days.

 Signature 

Delusion: a belief held with strong conviction despite superior evidence to the contrary.

 
Long Timer
RankRankRankRankRank
Joined  2009-11-23

Very bland response considering some of the discussion above.....

 

As an atheist, I have no problem at all with the 'morality' of swinging.  I personally would never participate for two reasons:

 

1. I barely have time and/or energy for intimate moments with my hubby, let alone anything left over for somebody else. 

 

2. I fear rejection. 

 
Jr. Member
RankRank
Joined  2010-12-20

Ting:
jellybean.studio:
iamsoangry:

I am a long timer here but am posting under a new name for this subject only. I am so ready to burst at the seams.....I am so angry and I hate my husband for what he has done to me......I hate him...I wish I did not.

 

Long story short.....I went to a swingers club a few times with him....under pressure because I was told that if I did not that he would take my kids and find someone a lot better than me that would be fun and exciting....not like the mormon girl he married, even though he was so tbm when we got married, it was ridiculous. At the time I was intimidated and weak. I was scared of him because of his verbal abuse. I was dumb......I know that now.

 

Anyway Each time we went, I would sit there and feel so out of place. I hated it. I was sick to my stomach. It was awful. He loved it. Loved watching people. He would ask me to take my shirt off so guys could look at me....I did not so the name calling would start. One night....he forced me to do a sex act on some strange guy. I cried all the way home. He called me a mormon bitch and so I shut up.

 

That was 8 years ago......and he has apologized. But he likes to fantasize in bed and still brings up how much it turns him on thinking of me being with other men. I have a problem because everytime he touches me now, I want to hit him. I tense up and I just don't want him near me. I don't know what to do to get over it.. He is a lot better to me now in other ways but I am struggling letting go of what happened.

 

I know many of you will tell me I should not have let it happen....that I should have left.....I was in a situation where that was not possible then.

 

This is the first time I have ever talked about this. Thanks for listening

 

 That is mental, emotional and sexual abuse.

And given that, for him to bring it up in bed is... mental, emotional and sexual abuse.

 

If it is possible for you to leave now, do it.

 

You say your kids don't know - and it is an adult matter.  But if they did know, do you suppose they would want you to stay?  I hope your children have healthy boundaries and would not accept someone being treated in that manner.

 

I completely agree with Jellybean.

 

This may prove to be a useful resource for initial information about DV.

 

http://www.onlinedatingsafetytips.com/DomesticViolence.cfm

 

Leaving is never easy, and not as straightforward as it might appear to outsiders but do research further into what is happening to you and how you feel.

 

 

 

Thank you to everyone for all of the advice. I am really trying to come to grip with my husbands ways. I have kept it all inside for so long. It is a big relief to me to finally get it out in the open, even though I am annonymous for now.

 

I plan on leaving him. Not for a while but I do not want to grow old with him. I just have to figure a way to get a better career etc. It is not easy. His mood swings are not fun. Some days he is fine, but then others he is a jerk to be around.

 

He has a good career. I was a SAHM for many years but only went back to work a few years ago. I have an ok job. It pays well and is secure but I have no benefits. It is an issue with DH because he sudddenly is mad at me because the health insurance etc comes out of his salary. I asked him is I could go back to school because I can become an RN in 2 years but he said no way! So I am damned if I do and damned if I don't....Anyway thanks again everyone. You guys are awesome!

 
Avatar
Long Timer
RankRankRankRankRank
Joined  2009-01-20

iamsoangry:
Ting:
jellybean.studio:
iamsoangry:

I am a long timer here but am posting under a new name for this subject only. I am so ready to burst at the seams.....I am so angry and I hate my husband for what he has done to me......I hate him...I wish I did not.

 

Long story short.....I went to a swingers club a few times with him....under pressure because I was told that if I did not that he would take my kids and find someone a lot better than me that would be fun and exciting....not like the mormon girl he married, even though he was so tbm when we got married, it was ridiculous. At the time I was intimidated and weak. I was scared of him because of his verbal abuse. I was dumb......I know that now.

 

Anyway Each time we went, I would sit there and feel so out of place. I hated it. I was sick to my stomach. It was awful. He loved it. Loved watching people. He would ask me to take my shirt off so guys could look at me....I did not so the name calling would start. One night....he forced me to do a sex act on some strange guy. I cried all the way home. He called me a mormon bitch and so I shut up.

 

That was 8 years ago......and he has apologized. But he likes to fantasize in bed and still brings up how much it turns him on thinking of me being with other men. I have a problem because everytime he touches me now, I want to hit him. I tense up and I just don't want him near me. I don't know what to do to get over it.. He is a lot better to me now in other ways but I am struggling letting go of what happened.

 

I know many of you will tell me I should not have let it happen....that I should have left.....I was in a situation where that was not possible then.

 

This is the first time I have ever talked about this. Thanks for listening

 

 That is mental, emotional and sexual abuse.

And given that, for him to bring it up in bed is... mental, emotional and sexual abuse.

 

If it is possible for you to leave now, do it.

 

You say your kids don't know - and it is an adult matter.  But if they did know, do you suppose they would want you to stay?  I hope your children have healthy boundaries and would not accept someone being treated in that manner.

 

I completely agree with Jellybean.

 

This may prove to be a useful resource for initial information about DV.

 

http://www.onlinedatingsafetytips.com/DomesticViolence.cfm

 

Leaving is never easy, and not as straightforward as it might appear to outsiders but do research further into what is happening to you and how you feel.

 

 

 

Thank you to everyone for all of the advice. I am really trying to come to grip with my husbands ways. I have kept it all inside for so long. It is a big relief to me to finally get it out in the open, even though I am annonymous for now.

 

I plan on leaving him. Not for a while but I do not want to grow old with him. I just have to figure a way to get a better career etc. It is not easy. His mood swings are not fun. Some days he is fine, but then others he is a jerk to be around.

 

He has a good career. I was a SAHM for many years but only went back to work a few years ago. I have an ok job. It pays well and is secure but I have no benefits. It is an issue with DH because he sudddenly is mad at me because the health insurance etc comes out of his salary. I asked him is I could go back to school because I can become an RN in 2 years but he said no way! So I am damned if I do and damned if I don't....Anyway thanks again everyone. You guys are awesome!

 

 No you are not damned.  Get a good lawyer, these sort of issues can be resolved as part of the divorce.  There are many forms of alimony, and making him pay for your education is only one (especially since you supported him during his).  But you need a good lawyer, and you need to not be intimidated by him.  

 Signature 

I finally started blogging again.
http://rsldonk.wordpress.com/

 
Avatar
Long Timer
RankRankRankRankRank
Joined  2010-04-28

Hmmmm... swinging and threesomes.   They just aren't for me.  Or, at least, not at this point in my life (never say never).

 

I'm a jealous person.  I have major insecurities that come from (no, not mormonism) being physically and emotionally abused as a child, and being abandoned by my father as an infant.  Some people here, myself included, have "issues" with sex and relationships that are independent of the cult we were raised in.  Just an FYI...

 

But that doesn't mean I haven't explored the options - or that I'm not willing to consider re-exploing them another time.  I have a degree in Gender Studies, so I am no stranger to these types of conversations.  Simply put, I have explored the limits of my sexuality at length, and have come to a place that I am currently comfortable in my sexual paradigm.  That place is sexually satisfactory monogamy.

 

Also, let the record show that I harbor no feelings of ickiness or judgment for others' sexual choices - be they swinging, threesomes, whatever.  Just so long as everyone involved are consenting adults.

 

----

 

To the poster who was essentially sexually assaulted by her husband - my heart goes out to you.  Nobody deserves the kind of sexual humiliation he subjected you to.  Your husband is a sadist.  Get out as soon as you can.  ((HUGS))

 Signature 

“For every lie I unlearn, I learn something new.” - Ani Difranco


“I will not obey.”  - Utah Phillips


“The Master’s tools will never dismantle the Master’s house.”  - Audre Lorde

 
Avatar
Long Timer
RankRankRankRankRank
Joined  2009-02-24

short threadjack

 

Just wanted to tell Green Jello thanks for the food for the food bank - that will be delivered tomorrow.

 

Postmo's ROCK!!!!

 Signature 

Big Red
All Marriages are happy - it’s the living together afterwords that causes all the problems.
Church should be like a hospital for sinners, not a hotel for saints.  - Oscar Robinson

 
Avatar
Long Timer
RankRankRankRankRank
Joined  2009-05-28

My wife and I have threesomes all the time......Me, Her and my big belly.

 

No really it is so big it is like having another person in there getting between us trying to get a peek 

 Signature 

The Book of Mormon is Christian “Fan Fiction”.... I am not a fan :)

 
Avatar
Long Timer
RankRankRankRankRank
Joined  2010-09-07

What Is Wanted:

My wife and I have threesomes all the time......Me, Her and my big belly.

 

No really it is so big it is like having another person in there getting between us trying to get a peek 

 

 That's how I felt during all four of my pregnancies... it was especially creepy if the baby started kicking and my husband could feel the kicks against his stomach. 

 Signature 

“I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they’re right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.”-Marilyn Monroe

 
Avatar
Long Timer
RankRankRankRankRank
Joined  2007-06-03

SapperDaddy: No you are not damned.  Get a good lawyer, these sort of issues can be resolved as part of the divorce.  There are many forms of alimony, and making him pay for your education is only one (especially since you supported him during his).  But you need a good lawyer, and you need to not be intimidated by him.  

I agree with SapperDaddy, you're not damned if you do and damned if you don't.

None of us has the intimate knowledge of your particular situation that you have, so only YOU can determine the best course of action for you to take, but I'd just like to encourage you to act according to the dictates of your conscience and have the courage of your convictions, despite the implications. No matter what they are, you'll survive.

 

I know plenty of women who have left their abusive husbands and they're all glad they did. They'd all make awesome partners and deserve better. Being alone is better than being with an abusive prick, like your husband.

 

You'll survive whatever course you take and you'll be better off in the end, even if it means spending the rest of your life single.

 

Here's an excellent Podcast that might be helpful to you as you take your journey out of this disfunctional relationship and into well being.

 

I highly recommend Elizabeth Lesser, of Broken Open: How Difficult Times Can Help Us Grow, for anybody going through difficult times.

On my way into work I listened to this amazing Podcast of an Author/spiritual teacher named Elizabeth Lesser who wrote The Seeker's Guide and Broken Open: How Difficult Times Can Help Us Grow.

 

The gist of the podcast was that life is not just to be survived, lived in fear. Spirituality is being in a place of fearlessness. If we focus on that part of our lives that ends, that dies, then we only focus on this small, striving, scared person who wakes up everyday and just tries to survive through the day and is stressed out and fights with our mate, if that's all we think we are, then there's good reason to be afraid. But if we can figure out a way to tap into our wide, spacious self, that is this eternal soul on a journey, then life does become a fearless adventure. What do you have to lose? If you've already gone through really hard things in your life, then you remember, "Hey I got through that, in fact I even grew through it. And what if all of life can be like that?"

 

Spiritual practice and a spiritual POV helps you see your life as something not to just survive, but as one of spiritual adventure and learning, where each day, no matter what it brings, is fearless.

 

All human beings are afraid. It's part of our DNA to be afraid. Fear is hard wired into our brains. When we waste our time believing that other people are not afraid, that they are perfect, then we believe we can be perfect, like them, when that's not real. We're all wired the same. We all have the same fight or flight instincts and self consciousness of our mortality.

 

But if you just look at nature, things are born, they flourish, the bloom, they reproduce, then they die and the cycle continues, eternally.

 

It's the way of nature. There is nothing to fear about that.

 

We're all bozo's on the bus, so sit back and enjoy the ride. Wasting time pretending that we've got it all together feeds into this cycle of, I'm afraid, my life isn't going well, I'm going to pretend it's OK, and that creates more stress and alienation from other people. A great way to deal with fearfullness is to create support from friends and beloved people in your life. If you pretend that everything is alright, you miss out on connecting with people who can help you. we might otherwise make authentic connections with. 

 

The poet Rummi said, "If you do something from your soul, you feel a river moving in you."

 

"The soul is the river of energy that animates who we are." 

 

If you feel that sense of energy moving in you, fluidly and dynamically, as opposed to being stagnant and dead to the world, that's your soul telling you, "Hello! Follow me."

 

When you follow that river of energy, it's almost impossible to go wrong. It's the flow of your life and you've got to follow that flow.

 

But some people are afraid that if I follow that river of energy, I might have to make some changes, I might have to let some things go. There's often sticks and mud and dams in the river, that are trying to hold you back. Poor choices you've made in a job, or your relationships or your health. When you put your soul in charge of your life you say, "I'm going to do it, come what may. God help me do it in a responsible and kind way. But sometimes you have to make very difficult choices and big changes when you follow that river of energy.

 

If you are afraid of courting change, you will stay safe but closed to life. If you say, I trust my soul. I may be brought through difficult times now, you usually make big changes, losing a job. Sometimes life hands it to you. You have a "broken open" moment. You get an illness. You get divorced. You fall on hard times. Which wakes you up. I got through it. I started out kicking and screaming and then I felt that tension of when you resist change you make it worse. I sat through the pain of what it felt like. If you do that every day for 20 minutes and feel the anxiety and anger and you don't judge it, you just let it flow over you, like a river. You can either resist it and swim upstream, you can let it flow over you and stay in one place or you trust where it is going to take you to your ultimate destination.

 

"It takes a fearless soul to live in the Mystery."

 Signature 

Delusion: a belief held with strong conviction despite superior evidence to the contrary.

 
Avatar
Long Timer
RankRankRankRankRank
Joined  2009-05-28

fancypants:
What Is Wanted:

My wife and I have threesomes all the time......Me, Her and my big belly.

 

No really it is so big it is like having another person in there getting between us trying to get a peek 

 

 That's how I felt during all four of my pregnancies... it was especially creepy if the baby started kicking and my husband could feel the kicks against his stomach. 

 

 Hahahaha....

 

The little dude felt something poking him in the head and he was fighting back!

  

 Signature 

The Book of Mormon is Christian “Fan Fiction”.... I am not a fan :)

 
Jr. Member
RankRank
Joined  2010-12-20

Kori:
SapperDaddy: No you are not damned.  Get a good lawyer, these sort of issues can be resolved as part of the divorce.  There are many forms of alimony, and making him pay for your education is only one (especially since you supported him during his).  But you need a good lawyer, and you need to not be intimidated by him.  

I agree with SapperDaddy, you're not damned if you do and damned if you don't.

None of us has the intimate knowledge of your particular situation that you have, so only YOU can determine the best course of action for you to take, but I'd just like to encourage you to act according to the dictates of your conscience and have the courage of your convictions, despite the implications. No matter what they are, you'll survive.

 

I know plenty of women who have left their abusive husbands and they're all glad they did. They'd all make awesome partners and deserve better. Being alone is better than being with an abusive prick, like your husband.

 

You'll survive whatever course you take and you'll be better off in the end, even if it means spending the rest of your life single.

 

Here's an excellent Podcast that might be helpful to you as you take your journey out of this disfunctional relationship and into well being.

 

I highly recommend Elizabeth Lesser, of Broken Open: How Difficult Times Can Help Us Grow, for anybody going through difficult times.

On my way into work I listened to this amazing Podcast of an Author/spiritual teacher named Elizabeth Lesser who wrote The Seeker's Guide and Broken Open: How Difficult Times Can Help Us Grow.

 

The gist of the podcast was that life is not just to be survived, lived in fear. Spirituality is being in a place of fearlessness. If we focus on that part of our lives that ends, that dies, then we only focus on this small, striving, scared person who wakes up everyday and just tries to survive through the day and is stressed out and fights with our mate, if that's all we think we are, then there's good reason to be afraid. But if we can figure out a way to tap into our wide, spacious self, that is this eternal soul on a journey, then life does become a fearless adventure. What do you have to lose? If you've already gone through really hard things in your life, then you remember, "Hey I got through that, in fact I even grew through it. And what if all of life can be like that?"

 

Spiritual practice and a spiritual POV helps you see your life as something not to just survive, but as one of spiritual adventure and learning, where each day, no matter what it brings, is fearless.

 

All human beings are afraid. It's part of our DNA to be afraid. Fear is hard wired into our brains. When we waste our time believing that other people are not afraid, that they are perfect, then we believe we can be perfect, like them, when that's not real. We're all wired the same. We all have the same fight or flight instincts and self consciousness of our mortality.

 

But if you just look at nature, things are born, they flourish, the bloom, they reproduce, then they die and the cycle continues, eternally.

 

It's the way of nature. There is nothing to fear about that.

 

We're all bozo's on the bus, so sit back and enjoy the ride. Wasting time pretending that we've got it all together feeds into this cycle of, I'm afraid, my life isn't going well, I'm going to pretend it's OK, and that creates more stress and alienation from other people. A great way to deal with fearfullness is to create support from friends and beloved people in your life. If you pretend that everything is alright, you miss out on connecting with people who can help you. we might otherwise make authentic connections with. 

 

The poet Rummi said, "If you do something from your soul, you feel a river moving in you."

 

"The soul is the river of energy that animates who we are." 

 

If you feel that sense of energy moving in you, fluidly and dynamically, as opposed to being stagnant and dead to the world, that's your soul telling you, "Hello! Follow me."

 

When you follow that river of energy, it's almost impossible to go wrong. It's the flow of your life and you've got to follow that flow.

 

But some people are afraid that if I follow that river of energy, I might have to make some changes, I might have to let some things go. There's often sticks and mud and dams in the river, that are trying to hold you back. Poor choices you've made in a job, or your relationships or your health. When you put your soul in charge of your life you say, "I'm going to do it, come what may. God help me do it in a responsible and kind way. But sometimes you have to make very difficult choices and big changes when you follow that river of energy.

 

If you are afraid of courting change, you will stay safe but closed to life. If you say, I trust my soul. I may be brought through difficult times now, you usually make big changes, losing a job. Sometimes life hands it to you. You have a "broken open" moment. You get an illness. You get divorced. You fall on hard times. Which wakes you up. I got through it. I started out kicking and screaming and then I felt that tension of when you resist change you make it worse. I sat through the pain of what it felt like. If you do that every day for 20 minutes and feel the anxiety and anger and you don't judge it, you just let it flow over you, like a river. You can either resist it and swim upstream, you can let it flow over you and stay in one place or you trust where it is going to take you to your ultimate destination.

 

"It takes a fearless soul to live in the Mystery."

 

Thank you so much Kori and Sapper Daddy. I so appreciate this. I finally feel like I have some direction.

 
Sr. Member
RankRankRankRank
Joined  2010-11-05

In Cincinnati, a "three-way" is a pile of spaghetti noodles topped with Cincinnati Chili* and cheese.

 

 

I'd rather get lucky in Kentucky than have a Cincinnati three-way.

 

 

* A meat-paste flavored with cinnamon and/or chocolate; no beans.

 
Avatar
Long Timer
RankRankRankRankRank
Joined  2009-02-24

mechwerks:

In Cincinnati, a "three-way" is a pile of spaghetti noodles topped with Cincinnati Chili* and cheese.

 

 

I'd rather get lucky in Kentucky than have a Cincinnati three-way.

 

 

* A meat-paste flavored with cinnamon and/or chocolate; no beans.

 

 Cincinnati Chili - WARNING - they must put crack in it because once tried, you will want it again and again - lol - yummy stuff!

 

 

 Signature 

Big Red
All Marriages are happy - it’s the living together afterwords that causes all the problems.
Church should be like a hospital for sinners, not a hotel for saints.  - Oscar Robinson

 
Sr. Member
RankRankRankRank
Joined  2010-11-05

Big Red:
mechwerks:

In Cincinnati, a "three-way" is a pile of spaghetti noodles topped with Cincinnati Chili* and cheese.

 

 

I'd rather get lucky in Kentucky than have a Cincinnati three-way.

 

 

* A meat-paste flavored with cinnamon and/or chocolate; no beans.

 

 Cincinnati Chili - WARNING - they must put crack in it because once tried, you will want it again and again - lol - yummy stuff!

 

 

 

That stuff disgusts me.

 

I'd rather go to a sacrament meeting and listen to testimonies about Joe than have a spoonful of that foul substance.

 

Oh shit! I just revealed my superexmo weakness!!!

 
Avatar
Long Timer
RankRankRankRankRank
Joined  2009-02-24

mechwerks:
Big Red:
mechwerks:

In Cincinnati, a "three-way" is a pile of spaghetti noodles topped with Cincinnati Chili* and cheese.

 

 

I'd rather get lucky in Kentucky than have a Cincinnati three-way.

 

 

* A meat-paste flavored with cinnamon and/or chocolate; no beans.

 

 Cincinnati Chili - WARNING - they must put crack in it because once tried, you will want it again and again - lol - yummy stuff!

 

 

 

That stuff disgusts me.

 

I'd rather go to a sacrament meeting and listen to testimonies about Joe than have a spoonful of that foul substance.

 

Oh shit! I just revealed my superexmo weakness!!!

 

 I felt the same way the first time - then I tried it again and the crack had kicked in - It is quite desirable and delicious to the taste!!!!

 

Your mileage may vary.

 Signature 

Big Red
All Marriages are happy - it’s the living together afterwords that causes all the problems.
Church should be like a hospital for sinners, not a hotel for saints.  - Oscar Robinson

 
Avatar
Sr. Member
RankRankRankRank
Joined  2010-11-06

iamsoangry:

I am a long timer here but am posting under a new name for this subject only. I am so ready to burst at the seams.....I am so angry and I hate my husband for what he has done to me......I hate him...I wish I did not.

 

Long story short.....I went to a swingers club a few times with him....under pressure because I was told that if I did not that he would take my kids and find someone a lot better than me that would be fun and exciting....not like the mormon girl he married, even though he was so tbm when we got married, it was ridiculous. At the time I was intimidated and weak. I was scared of him because of his verbal abuse. I was dumb......I know that now.

 

Anyway Each time we went, I would sit there and feel so out of place. I hated it. I was sick to my stomach. It was awful. He loved it. Loved watching people. He would ask me to take my shirt off so guys could look at me....I did not so the name calling would start. One night....he forced me to do a sex act on some strange guy. I cried all the way home. He called me a mormon bitch and so I shut up.

 

That was 8 years ago......and he has apologized. But he likes to fantasize in bed and still brings up how much it turns him on thinking of me being with other men. I have a problem because everytime he touches me now, I want to hit him. I tense up and I just don't want him near me. I don't know what to do to get over it.. He is a lot better to me now in other ways but I am struggling letting go of what happened.

 

I know many of you will tell me I should not have let it happen....that I should have left.....I was in a situation where that was not possible then.

 

This is the first time I have ever talked about this. Thanks for listening

 You were raped emotionally.  This "man" has violated you as a person and a line was crossed.  I cannot judge you or why you still are with him, that isnt for me to decide. I do understand why you can't let go of it.  Saying you are sorry doesn't replace the trust you had in him to protect you.  Instead he violated you and yes forcing you to perform sex on another man is rape.  He just used emotional abuse to get it done.  

 

 Signature 


Now voyager sail thou forth to seek and find
  Walt Whitman

 
Jr. Member
RankRank
Joined  2010-12-20

dieloreli:
iamsoangry:

I am a long timer here but am posting under a new name for this subject only. I am so ready to burst at the seams.....I am so angry and I hate my husband for what he has done to me......I hate him...I wish I did not.

 

Long story short.....I went to a swingers club a few times with him....under pressure because I was told that if I did not that he would take my kids and find someone a lot better than me that would be fun and exciting....not like the mormon girl he married, even though he was so tbm when we got married, it was ridiculous. At the time I was intimidated and weak. I was scared of him because of his verbal abuse. I was dumb......I know that now.

 

Anyway Each time we went, I would sit there and feel so out of place. I hated it. I was sick to my stomach. It was awful. He loved it. Loved watching people. He would ask me to take my shirt off so guys could look at me....I did not so the name calling would start. One night....he forced me to do a sex act on some strange guy. I cried all the way home. He called me a mormon bitch and so I shut up.

 

That was 8 years ago......and he has apologized. But he likes to fantasize in bed and still brings up how much it turns him on thinking of me being with other men. I have a problem because everytime he touches me now, I want to hit him. I tense up and I just don't want him near me. I don't know what to do to get over it.. He is a lot better to me now in other ways but I am struggling letting go of what happened.

 

I know many of you will tell me I should not have let it happen....that I should have left.....I was in a situation where that was not possible then.

 

This is the first time I have ever talked about this. Thanks for listening

 You were raped emotionally.  This "man" has violated you as a person and a line was crossed.  I cannot judge you or why you still are with him, that isnt for me to decide. I do understand why you can't let go of it.  Saying you are sorry doesn't replace the trust you had in him to protect you.  Instead he violated you and yes forcing you to perform sex on another man is rape.  He just used emotional abuse to get it done.  

 

 

Yes he did. Yesterday I told him that I felt like I had been raped and he told me to stop living in the past. I don't want to have sex with him but I do only once in a while to keep the peace. I have turned against sex with him. I just feel nothing except frustration and anger.

 

Over the years, he has done a lot. I am ashamed that I have stayed for so long. But thanks to all of you here I am putting a plan into action to start saving money and just tuning him out. If I would dress the way he wants me to etc, things would be ok. I dress really nice I think. I feel I am pretty. I do not look in my 40's at all. I went on an exercise program a while back and have lost a lot of weight.....it pissed him off. He feels I should accept my body. I see more and more what he has done to me. I have blamed myself for so long. It's weird because I could never understand why women stay with an abusive husband, but now that I am in that position, I kind of understand how hard it is.

 

If I would walk around with my boobs hanging out and my thong showing above my jeans, he would be happy. I have done that to appease him before, but its not who I am.. I am not a prude at all. I like to look good, but he wants me to look like a tramp, I think..

 

This is a whole new path for me............thank you all......if you knew who I really am you would be shocked, especially the other old timers here. I feel a burst of courage. yay for me!!!

 
Avatar
Long Timer
RankRankRankRankRank
Joined  2008-09-26

iamsoangry:

 

 

Yes he did. Yesterday I told him that I felt like I had been raped and he told me to stop living in the past. I don't want to have sex with him but I do only once in a while to keep the peace. I have turned against sex with him. I just feel nothing except frustration and anger.

 

Over the years, he has done a lot. I am ashamed that I have stayed for so long. But thanks to all of you here I am putting a plan into action to start saving money and just tuning him out. If I would dress the way he wants me to etc, things would be ok. I dress really nice I think. I feel I am pretty. I do not look in my 40's at all. I went on an exercise program a while back and have lost a lot of weight.....it pissed him off. He feels I should accept my body. I see more and more what he has done to me. I have blamed myself for so long. It's weird because I could never understand why women stay with an abusive husband, but now that I am in that position, I kind of understand how hard it is.

 

If I would walk around with my boobs hanging out and my thong showing above my jeans, he would be happy. I have done that to appease him before, but its not who I am.. I am not a prude at all. I like to look good, but he wants me to look like a tramp, I think..

 

This is a whole new path for me............thank you all......if you knew who I really am you would be shocked, especially the other old timers here. I feel a burst of courage. yay for me!!!

 

 I'm so sorry for what you have been through.  Your story story made me cry a little.

 

You have friends here, even if we are virtual.

 

 Signature 

I have my license, it came with birth, for self reliance on this earth.

—Judas Priest

 
Avatar
Long Timer
RankRankRankRankRank
Joined  2009-09-19

Piamsoangry:

 

Yes he did. Yesterday I told him that I felt like I had been raped and he told me to stop living in the past. I don't want to have sex with him but I do only once in a while to keep the peace. I have turned against sex with him. I just feel nothing except frustration and anger.

 

Over the years, he has done a lot. I am ashamed that I have stayed for so long. But thanks to all of you here I am putting a plan into action to start saving money and just tuning him out. If I would dress the way he wants me to etc, things would be ok. I dress really nice I think. I feel I am pretty. I do not look in my 40's at all. I went on an exercise program a while back and have lost a lot of weight.....it pissed him off. He feels I should accept my body. I see more and more what he has done to me. I have blamed myself for so long. It's weird because I could never understand why women stay with an abusive husband, but now that I am in that position, I kind of understand how hard it is.

 

If I would walk around with my boobs hanging out and my thong showing above my jeans, he would be happy. I have done that to appease him before, but its not who I am.. I am not a prude at all. I like to look good, but he wants me to look like a tramp, I think..

 

This is a whole new path for me............thank you all......if you knew who I really am you would be shocked, especially the other old timers here. I feel a burst of courage. yay for me!!!

 

No honey, they wouldn't.  It would be fine for a little while and then it would be something else.  I have sooooo been there.

People often think that someone in an abusive situation is a total doormat.  They don't realize the tremendous strength it takes to keep peace in a household with children, to get through every day, to just keep going without going under emotionally.  It takes enormous strength.  Just imagine what it will be like when you can use that strength to support yourself instead of to keep the peace.  Imagine what a good friend and ally you will be for yourself. 

I wish you every good thing, I truly do. 

 

I also urge you to talk to a domestic violence counselor via a domestic violence hotline.  When the balance of power shifts, things can get out of control.  Educate yourself on how to exit safely and to your best advantage.  Please talk to someone who is experienced in this field so you can learn from those who have walked in your shoes before you, and walked on out into a new life.

 Signature 

“The main thing in life is to not be afraid to be human”
- some unicorn


The views and opinions expressed in this post are not necessarily those of jellybean.studio  ...oh, wait…


“I am all the ages I have ever been”
              ~Madeleine L’Engle


mormon family - living with strangers that profess their love for you with sharp sticks, isolation and exclusion
-MelloMarsh on LAM

 
Avatar
Long Timer
RankRankRankRankRank
Joined  2009-02-24

iamsoangry:
dieloreli:
iamsoangry:

I am a long timer here but am posting under a new name for this subject only. I am so ready to burst at the seams.....I am so angry and I hate my husband for what he has done to me......I hate him...I wish I did not.

 

Long story short.....I went to a swingers club a few times with him....under pressure because I was told that if I did not that he would take my kids and find someone a lot better than me that would be fun and exciting....not like the mormon girl he married, even though he was so tbm when we got married, it was ridiculous. At the time I was intimidated and weak. I was scared of him because of his verbal abuse. I was dumb......I know that now.

 

Anyway Each time we went, I would sit there and feel so out of place. I hated it. I was sick to my stomach. It was awful. He loved it. Loved watching people. He would ask me to take my shirt off so guys could look at me....I did not so the name calling would start. One night....he forced me to do a sex act on some strange guy. I cried all the way home. He called me a mormon bitch and so I shut up.

 

That was 8 years ago......and he has apologized. But he likes to fantasize in bed and still brings up how much it turns him on thinking of me being with other men. I have a problem because everytime he touches me now, I want to hit him. I tense up and I just don't want him near me. I don't know what to do to get over it.. He is a lot better to me now in other ways but I am struggling letting go of what happened.

 

I know many of you will tell me I should not have let it happen....that I should have left.....I was in a situation where that was not possible then.

 

This is the first time I have ever talked about this. Thanks for listening

 You were raped emotionally.  This "man" has violated you as a person and a line was crossed.  I cannot judge you or why you still are with him, that isnt for me to decide. I do understand why you can't let go of it.  Saying you are sorry doesn't replace the trust you had in him to protect you.  Instead he violated you and yes forcing you to perform sex on another man is rape.  He just used emotional abuse to get it done.  

 

 

Yes he did. Yesterday I told him that I felt like I had been raped and he told me to stop living in the past. I don't want to have sex with him but I do only once in a while to keep the peace. I have turned against sex with him. I just feel nothing except frustration and anger.

 

Over the years, he has done a lot. I am ashamed that I have stayed for so long. But thanks to all of you here I am putting a plan into action to start saving money and just tuning him out. If I would dress the way he wants me to etc, things would be ok. I dress really nice I think. I feel I am pretty. I do not look in my 40's at all. I went on an exercise program a while back and have lost a lot of weight.....it pissed him off. He feels I should accept my body. I see more and more what he has done to me. I have blamed myself for so long. It's weird because I could never understand why women stay with an abusive husband, but now that I am in that position, I kind of understand how hard it is.

 

If I would walk around with my boobs hanging out and my thong showing above my jeans, he would be happy. I have done that to appease him before, but its not who I am.. I am not a prude at all. I like to look good, but he wants me to look like a tramp, I think..

 

This is a whole new path for me............thank you all......if you knew who I really am you would be shocked, especially the other old timers here. I feel a burst of courage. yay for me!!!

 

 I am so sorry you have been put through this.  I am angry for you.  I don't know how many children you have, or where you are located, but I have a great big mostly empty house and you are welcome to come here and bring your children too.  There is a bedroom and bathroom that you can have all to yourself and an additional bedroom that is available.  I am in  Sandy so If you would like to send me a PM - your identity will be well protected by me.  And, hey, I collect strays on a regular basis - I love them all.  It is a term of endearment to me.

 

In any case - best wishes and know we are cheering you on!

 Signature 

Big Red
All Marriages are happy - it’s the living together afterwords that causes all the problems.
Church should be like a hospital for sinners, not a hotel for saints.  - Oscar Robinson

 
Avatar
Long Timer
RankRankRankRankRank
Joined  2009-01-20

One other thing, Iamsoangry, if you're in Utah, there are programs at all the state universities for people, especially women in your situation.  You can get your education funded and get on your feet.  There is a lot of help for someone in your situation.  It is just a matter of doing it. 
 Signature 

I finally started blogging again.
http://rsldonk.wordpress.com/

 
Jr. Member
RankRank
Joined  2010-12-20

 I am so sorry you have been put through this.  I am angry for you.  I don't know how many children you have, or where you are located, but I have a great big mostly empty house and you are welcome to come here and bring your children too.  There is a bedroom and bathroom that you can have all to yourself and an additional bedroom that is available.  I am in  Sandy so If you would like to send me a PM - your identity will be well protected by me.  And, hey, I collect strays on a regular basis - I love them all.  It is a term of endearment to me.

 

In any case - best wishes and know we are cheering you on!

 

Oh Big Red, what a kind gesture. Wow...I am touched. I am in Arizona however. But thank you. If you all only knew how much better I feel right now.......I feel a lot of peace. I know that the road will be tough but I have made a commitment to myself and I am going to keep working to get out!

 

I truly love you all.....I am humbled at the outpouring of love and support.

 
Avatar
Long Timer
RankRankRankRankRank
Joined  2009-02-24

iamsoangry:

 I am so sorry you have been put through this.  I am angry for you.  I don't know how many children you have, or where you are located, but I have a great big mostly empty house and you are welcome to come here and bring your children too.  There is a bedroom and bathroom that you can have all to yourself and an additional bedroom that is available.  I am in  Sandy so If you would like to send me a PM - your identity will be well protected by me.  And, hey, I collect strays on a regular basis - I love them all.  It is a term of endearment to me.

 

In any case - best wishes and know we are cheering you on!

 

Oh Big Red, what a kind gesture. Wow...I am touched. I am in Arizona however. But thank you. If you all only knew how much better I feel right now.......I feel a lot of peace. I know that the road will be tough but I have made a commitment to myself and I am going to keep working to get out!

 

I truly love you all.....I am humbled at the outpouring of love and support.

 

 If you ever decide you want to leave and come to Utah to finish your education, I also have a cargo trailer and could help you get here.  Just sayin.  Please keep us informed of your progress and know we are here for you as best we can be.

 Signature 

Big Red
All Marriages are happy - it’s the living together afterwords that causes all the problems.
Church should be like a hospital for sinners, not a hotel for saints.  - Oscar Robinson

 
Long Timer
RankRankRankRankRank
Joined  2008-05-18

Big Red:
iamsoangry:

 I am so sorry you have been put through this.  I am angry for you.  I don't know how many children you have, or where you are located, but I have a great big mostly empty house and you are welcome to come here and bring your children too.  There is a bedroom and bathroom that you can have all to yourself and an additional bedroom that is available.  I am in  Sandy so If you would like to send me a PM - your identity will be well protected by me.  And, hey, I collect strays on a regular basis - I love them all.  It is a term of endearment to me.

 

In any case - best wishes and know we are cheering you on!

 

Oh Big Red, what a kind gesture. Wow...I am touched. I am in Arizona however. But thank you. If you all only knew how much better I feel right now.......I feel a lot of peace. I know that the road will be tough but I have made a commitment to myself and I am going to keep working to get out!

 

I truly love you all.....I am humbled at the outpouring of love and support.

 

 If you ever decide you want to leave and come to Utah to finish your education, I also have a cargo trailer and could help you get here.  Just sayin.  Please keep us informed of your progress and know we are here for you as best we can be.

Oh man,  I wish I had known all this last Saturday night at your party.  I could have crashed at your place instead of driving home at 3:00 am.  Good times!

 

 Signature 

After coming into contact with a religious man I always feel I must wash my hands.

Friedrich Nietzsche

 
Avatar
Long Timer
RankRankRankRankRank
Joined  2008-09-26

Big Red:
iamsoangry:
dieloreli:
iamsoangry:

I am a long timer here but am posting under a new name for this subject only. I am so ready to burst at the seams.....I am so angry and I hate my husband for what he has done to me......I hate him...I wish I did not.

 

Long story short.....I went to a swingers club a few times with him....under pressure because I was told that if I did not that he would take my kids and find someone a lot better than me that would be fun and exciting....not like the mormon girl he married, even though he was so tbm when we got married, it was ridiculous. At the time I was intimidated and weak. I was scared of him because of his verbal abuse. I was dumb......I know that now.

 

Anyway Each time we went, I would sit there and feel so out of place. I hated it. I was sick to my stomach. It was awful. He loved it. Loved watching people. He would ask me to take my shirt off so guys could look at me....I did not so the name calling would start. One night....he forced me to do a sex act on some strange guy. I cried all the way home. He called me a mormon bitch and so I shut up.

 

That was 8 years ago......and he has apologized. But he likes to fantasize in bed and still brings up how much it turns him on thinking of me being with other men. I have a problem because everytime he touches me now, I want to hit him. I tense up and I just don't want him near me. I don't know what to do to get over it.. He is a lot better to me now in other ways but I am struggling letting go of what happened.

 

I know many of you will tell me I should not have let it happen....that I should have left.....I was in a situation where that was not possible then.

 

This is the first time I have ever talked about this. Thanks for listening

 You were raped emotionally.  This "man" has violated you as a person and a line was crossed.  I cannot judge you or why you still are with him, that isnt for me to decide. I do understand why you can't let go of it.  Saying you are sorry doesn't replace the trust you had in him to protect you.  Instead he violated you and yes forcing you to perform sex on another man is rape.  He just used emotional abuse to get it done.  

 

 

Yes he did. Yesterday I told him that I felt like I had been raped and he told me to stop living in the past. I don't want to have sex with him but I do only once in a while to keep the peace. I have turned against sex with him. I just feel nothing except frustration and anger.

 

Over the years, he has done a lot. I am ashamed that I have stayed for so long. But thanks to all of you here I am putting a plan into action to start saving money and just tuning him out. If I would dress the way he wants me to etc, things would be ok. I dress really nice I think. I feel I am pretty. I do not look in my 40's at all. I went on an exercise program a while back and have lost a lot of weight.....it pissed him off. He feels I should accept my body. I see more and more what he has done to me. I have blamed myself for so long. It's weird because I could never understand why women stay with an abusive husband, but now that I am in that position, I kind of understand how hard it is.

 

If I would walk around with my boobs hanging out and my thong showing above my jeans, he would be happy. I have done that to appease him before, but its not who I am.. I am not a prude at all. I like to look good, but he wants me to look like a tramp, I think..

 

This is a whole new path for me............thank you all......if you knew who I really am you would be shocked, especially the other old timers here. I feel a burst of courage. yay for me!!!

 

 I am so sorry you have been put through this.  I am angry for you.  I don't know how many children you have, or where you are located, but I have a great big mostly empty house and you are welcome to come here and bring your children too.  There is a bedroom and bathroom that you can have all to yourself and an additional bedroom that is available.  I am in  Sandy so If you would like to send me a PM - your identity will be well protected by me.  And, hey, I collect strays on a regular basis - I love them all.  It is a term of endearment to me.

 

In any case - best wishes and know we are cheering you on!

 

 Big Red is a Saint in the trueist (sp?) sense of the word.

 

 Signature 

I have my license, it came with birth, for self reliance on this earth.

—Judas Priest

 
Avatar
Long Timer
RankRankRankRankRank
Joined  2008-09-26

jidduman:
Big Red:
iamsoangry:

 I am so sorry you have been put through this.  I am angry for you.  I don't know how many children you have, or where you are located, but I have a great big mostly empty house and you are welcome to come here and bring your children too.  There is a bedroom and bathroom that you can have all to yourself and an additional bedroom that is available.  I am in  Sandy so If you would like to send me a PM - your identity will be well protected by me.  And, hey, I collect strays on a regular basis - I love them all.  It is a term of endearment to me.

 

In any case - best wishes and know we are cheering you on!

 

Oh Big Red, what a kind gesture. Wow...I am touched. I am in Arizona however. But thank you. If you all only knew how much better I feel right now.......I feel a lot of peace. I know that the road will be tough but I have made a commitment to myself and I am going to keep working to get out!

 

I truly love you all.....I am humbled at the outpouring of love and support.

 

 If you ever decide you want to leave and come to Utah to finish your education, I also have a cargo trailer and could help you get here.  Just sayin.  Please keep us informed of your progress and know we are here for you as best we can be.

Oh man,  I wish I had known all this last Saturday night at your party.  I could have crashed at your place instead of driving home at 3:00 am.  Good times!

 

 I crashed on the couch and later realized I wasn't alone

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The cat jumped up there too and slept on my feet

 

 Signature 

I have my license, it came with birth, for self reliance on this earth.

—Judas Priest

 
Avatar
Long Timer
RankRankRankRankRank
Joined  2007-06-03

Big Red:
iamsoangry:

 I am so sorry you have been put through this.  I am angry for you.  I don't know how many children you have, or where you are located, but I have a great big mostly empty house and you are welcome to come here and bring your children too.  There is a bedroom and bathroom that you can have all to yourself and an additional bedroom that is available.  I am in  Sandy so If you would like to send me a PM - your identity will be well protected by me.  And, hey, I collect strays on a regular basis - I love them all.  It is a term of endearment to me.

 

In any case - best wishes and know we are cheering you on!

 

Oh Big Red, what a kind gesture. Wow...I am touched. I am in Arizona however. But thank you. If you all only knew how much better I feel right now.......I feel a lot of peace. I know that the road will be tough but I have made a commitment to myself and I am going to keep working to get out!

 

I truly love you all.....I am humbled at the outpouring of love and support.

 

 If you ever decide you want to leave and come to Utah to finish your education, I also have a cargo trailer and could help you get here.  Just sayin.  Please keep us informed of your progress and know we are here for you as best we can be.

Big Red, 

You are an angel in my book. :) That is just the most sincere, generous gesture I've ever seen on  a public forum like this.  

 

Iamsoangry,

If you're in the Phoenix area I have a single friend who just bought a nice 3 bedroom house in Phoenix in a nice neighborhood for $70,000. Her house payment is now $700/mo instead of $4,500/mo. 

 

There are plenty of resources available for women in your situation.

 

Phuck Fear. You'll get through this and so will your kids, for the better. It gets better over time. It has to. 

 

Have courage to do what's right for you and especially for your kids, just remember how vulnerable you are and take extra precautions to make a clean break.

 

My heart goes out to  you and your children. 

 Signature 

Delusion: a belief held with strong conviction despite superior evidence to the contrary.

 
Jr. Member
RankRank
Joined  2010-08-04

Kori:
Big Red:
iamsoangry:

 I am so sorry you have been put through this.  I am angry for you.  I don't know how many children you have, or where you are located, but I have a great big mostly empty house and you are welcome to come here and bring your children too.  There is a bedroom and bathroom that you can have all to yourself and an additional bedroom that is available.  I am in  Sandy so If you would like to send me a PM - your identity will be well protected by me.  And, hey, I collect strays on a regular basis - I love them all.  It is a term of endearment to me.

 

In any case - best wishes and know we are cheering you on!

 

Oh Big Red, what a kind gesture. Wow...I am touched. I am in Arizona however. But thank you. If you all only knew how much better I feel right now.......I feel a lot of peace. I know that the road will be tough but I have made a commitment to myself and I am going to keep working to get out!

 

I truly love you all.....I am humbled at the outpouring of love and support.

 

 If you ever decide you want to leave and come to Utah to finish your education, I also have a cargo trailer and could help you get here.  Just sayin.  Please keep us informed of your progress and know we are here for you as best we can be.

Big Red, 

You are an angel in my book. :) That is just the most sincere, generous gesture I've ever seen on  a public forum like this.  

 

Iamsoangry,

If you're in the Phoenix area I have a single friend who just bought a nice 3 bedroom house in Phoenix in a nice neighborhood for $70,000. Her house payment is now $700/mo instead of $4,500/mo. 

 

There are plenty of resources available for women in your situation.

 

Phuck Fear. You'll get through this and so will your kids, for the better. It gets better over time. It has to. 

 

Have courage to do what's right for you and especially for your kids, just remember how vulnerable you are and take extra precautions to make a clean break.

 

My heart goes out to  you and your children. 

 

It took me a long time to realise that what I was experiencing was DV/abuse: it was an awakening of epic proportions and one that still causes me huge challenges.

 

Imasoangry: seek out as much help as you can, inform yourself and tap in to the resources that are available to you and your children.  I've done most of my reinventing without help  because I always assumed that my case was about me having to deal with my ex, his behaviour and the fall out from it and  not about a pattern of DV that most people do not understand.  I recognise so much of what you experience: trying to control what you wear, inhibiting your choices in terms of education, coercion.... I spent a huge amount of time and energy trying to keep the peace and it was wasted energy in every way. I  now know that I need to seek help to deal with the psychological aftermath otherwise I will never be able to move on fully.   The offers of help here and those available to you through official channels will smooth your path through the practial and emotional transitions.  Do take care and best wishes to you and your children.

 

 

 

 

 
Avatar
Long Timer
RankRankRankRankRank
Joined  2007-12-09

I have to agree with an earlier post that it is far better to be open about a relationship regarding other partners rather than hide in secrecy.

 

As a single guy I can tell you it seems appealing but deep inside I feel I could not bear to watch or think about the woman I love embracing another. Additionally, I could not be engaged in a sexual relationship with another knowing the woman who loves me is either watching or is somewhere wondering. God, what a horrible torture.  

 Signature 

Believe those who are seeking the truth.  Doubt those who find it.  ~Andre Gide

 
Avatar
Long Timer
RankRankRankRankRank
Joined  2008-11-18

Threesome/swinging  

 

Not for me, even when I was single.

 

For me it has nothing to do with religion, morality, jealousy or disease.  Just something I have never been interested in and I wouldn't want to be with a man who would even consider it.

 

But hey each to their own as long as it is consenting adults.

 

Iamsoangry - Sorry to hear about your situation, I hope for you and your children you find a way out of what sounds like a very abusive environment.

 

{{{ HUGS FROM CANADA }}}

 

 Signature 

Honor The Past, Live The Present, Create The Future


J9 When you need me I am here for you.


If there’s someone who makes your blood boil, thank him.
He’s showing you what you need to know to become a kinder person.
He’s doing the best he can and so are you.
Byron Katie 2008

 
Avatar
Long Timer
RankRankRankRankRank
Joined  2009-03-19

The swinging lifestyle just doesn't sound appealing to me.  I am completely secure in my insecurities and know that I could not stand the thought of DW with anyone else.
 
Jr. Member
RankRank
Joined  2010-03-19

 

 

I agree with what other posters have said: only venture into swinging/polyamory/etc if you are VERY confident about yourself and you have excellent communication with your partner.  If you don't, it will almost certainly end badly.  

 
Avatar
Long Timer
RankRankRankRankRank
Joined  2009-06-23

Kori:

I met a Mormon woman from my old ward with kids my kids ages, who told me that her and her husband are now swingers and that they've got partners all up and down the West Coast, who're all Mormons.

 

Yeah, it's pretty huge these days, especially with the internet. It's really big in Utah. But California seems like the epicenter of swinging. There's a website called Lifestylelounge.com that started out with Californians, but now it's all over the country.

 

The 'Facebook of sex" is adultfriendfinder.com. You can specify precisely what you're looking for there and go as slow as you want. There are a ton of swingers on that site from Utah.

 

We're not swingers, but we always enjoy a good party.

 

We've found that threesomes work best for us. Less jealousy issues. Women get insanely jealous of Zeena, who's a freak in the sack. I'm in my late 40's and she could pass for 25. She sees sex as a really fun form of cardio vascular excercise. She works out hard dancing, screwing or both on a daily basis. She can go for hours longer than me. I just don't have the stamina I had when I was in my mid 20's, but she'll wear out most guys in their 20's. She's actually injured a few guys having such intense sex it cracks me up. I just laugh the whole time because it's so GD vigorous. I just can't believe people can #### that hard, that long. It's the best live porn show on the planet. I figure if she can get it and it's safe, I'm fine with it. I just enjoy waking up next to a gorgeous, vivacious woman who has a perpetual smile on her face, even when she's asleep. :)

 

I wonder how they justify it?  Swinging is just so 180 degrees from what the church teaches.  Do they consider themselves upstanding members? 

 

So after reading your post yesterday,  I went and checked out adultfriendfinder.com - for purely academic purposes of course *cough*.  Anyway, sure enough there is a Northern Utah group called "Mormons who want more" or something like that.  I didn't have time to read most of the posts, but one of the threads was called "Do you think your neighbors know?"  100% of the replies said no, that the people in their ward and neighborhood would be completely shocked if they knew about their alternate lifestyle.

 

I'm totally fascinated

 

 

 

 Signature 

When God closes one door he also closes the window… God’s not paying to heat the outside.

 
Avatar
Long Timer
RankRankRankRankRank
Joined  2007-06-03

blabbityblabla:
Kori:

I met a Mormon woman from my old ward with kids my kids ages, who told me that her and her husband are now swingers and that they've got partners all up and down the West Coast, who're all Mormons.

 

Yeah, it's pretty huge these days, especially with the internet. It's really big in Utah. But California seems like the epicenter of swinging. There's a website called Lifestylelounge.com that started out with Californians, but now it's all over the country.

 

The 'Facebook of sex" is adultfriendfinder.com. You can specify precisely what you're looking for there and go as slow as you want. There are a ton of swingers on that site from Utah.

 

We're not swingers, but we always enjoy a good party.

 

We've found that threesomes work best for us. Less jealousy issues. Women get insanely jealous of Zeena, who's a freak in the sack. I'm in my late 40's and she could pass for 25. She sees sex as a really fun form of cardio vascular excercise. She works out hard dancing, screwing or both on a daily basis. She can go for hours longer than me. I just don't have the stamina I had when I was in my mid 20's, but she'll wear out most guys in their 20's. She's actually injured a few guys having such intense sex it cracks me up. I just laugh the whole time because it's so GD vigorous. I just can't believe people can #### that hard, that long. It's the best live porn show on the planet. I figure if she can get it and it's safe, I'm fine with it. I just enjoy waking up next to a gorgeous, vivacious woman who has a perpetual smile on her face, even when she's asleep. :)

 

I wonder how they justify it?  Swinging is just so 180 degrees from what the church teaches.  Do they consider themselves upstanding members? 

Oh yeah! They're believers, believe it or not! Are you kidding me? Joseph's Myth was the ultimate swinger! He was the MF'ing Hugh Heffner of religion. If he were alive today he'd be the guy starting up websites like AdultFriendFinder.com & LifestyleLounge.com

So after reading your post yesterday,  I went and checked out adultfriendfinder.com - for purely academic purposes of course *cough*.  Anyway, sure enough there is a Northern Utah group called "Mormons who want more" or something like that.  I didn't have time to read most of the posts, but one of the threads was called "Do you think your neighbors know?"  100% of the replies said no, that the people in their ward and neighborhood would be completely shocked if they knew about their alternate lifestyle.

 

I'm totally fascinated

Yeah, what's nice about adultfriendfinder.com is that you can specify EXACTLY what you're looking for, distance, religion, race, height, weight, relationship status/goals, astrological sign, right down to the length & girth and/or breast size, lol.

 

Yeah Mormons are freaks and a whole lot of them have no problem justifying swinging, even active Mormons. Go look on Craigslist for Utah, under casual encounters, mw4mw, there are actually couples advertising on there that they're active Mormons, looking to hook up with other active Mormon couples. lol.

 

We wouldn't touch anybody who advertises on Craigslist with a 10' pole however, especially the psycho Mormons who're looking for other psycho Mormons to hook up with.

 Signature 

Delusion: a belief held with strong conviction despite superior evidence to the contrary.

 
Avatar
Long Timer
RankRankRankRankRank
Joined  2009-06-23

Kori:

I wonder how they justify it?  Swinging is just so 180 degrees from what the church teaches.  Do they consider themselves upstanding members? 

Oh yeah! They're believers, believe it or not! Are you kidding me? Joseph's Myth was the ultimate swinger! He was the MF'ing Hugh Heffner of religion. If he were alive today he'd be the guy starting up websites like AdultFriendFinder.com & LifestyleLounge.com


 

I know that is what Joseph and his cronies really were... but that truth is still 180 degrees from what most members know and learn in sunday school.

 

I was inactive in church from 18 to about 28.  I definitely played the field and had a lot of sexual experiences.  I still identified myself as mormon... I just thought I was a really naughty mormon .  I'm wondering if it's the same for those swinging couples, or if they don't believe in the church at all. 

 Signature 

When God closes one door he also closes the window… God’s not paying to heat the outside.

 
Avatar
Long Timer
RankRankRankRankRank
Joined  2007-06-03

blabbityblabla:

I know that is what Joseph and his cronies really were... but that truth is still 180 degrees from what most members know and learn in sunday school.

 

I was inactive in church from 18 to about 28.  I definitely played the field and had a lot of sexual experiences.  I still identified myself as mormon... I just thought I was a really naughty mormon .  I'm wondering if it's the same for those swinging couples, or if they don't believe in the church at all. 

I don't know what kind of Mormons you hang out with, but I've done some really naughty things with a Mormon Mother of 6 who's in her ward Relief Society Presidency, which PostMormon.org's tax exempt status does not allow me to discuss.

I've seen Mormon who will bear their testimony to you of the truthfullness of Joseph's Myth, right before they snort a line of coke.

I see at least 5 Mormons every time I go out to the local pub, who will all testify to you that the church is true, even while drunk, which is really ironic.

I even had one drunk Mormon tell me that Jesus actually paid him a visit.

 

Haven't you heard the old Mormon joke.....

 

Why should you always invite more than one Mormon to go fishing with you? Because if you just invite one, they'll drink all of your beer.

 

lol

 

A whole lot of the Mormons I know have no problem justifying sex outside of marriage, gambling, drinking, smoking or doing drugs.

 

I never could, but that's just me. Zeena had no problem justifying any of that. Little did I know at the time, but she went to Vegas with her girlfriends for a weekend and ended up drinking and gambling and who knows what else? before I convinced her that Joseph's Myth was bogus. You wouldn't believe some of the arguments I got into with her over alcohol before she left the church. I kept insisting that we should be able to drink wine since Jesus obviously did and she kept shooting down my arguments. Meanwhile, little did I know, she was getting shit faced in Vegas with her girlfriends.

 Signature 

Delusion: a belief held with strong conviction despite superior evidence to the contrary.

 
Avatar
Long Timer
RankRankRankRankRank
Joined  2008-08-07

That's a no on threesomes or swinging.  I know from experience that I am just not wired that way.  I require an emotional connection to have satisfying sex.  That does not mean that every time I have sex it has to be deeply emotional or that I wait to for an emotional feeling to have it, but that the person I'm having it with has to foster a deeper connection with me and vice versa.  No thanks on the casual stuff.

 

I've never been insecure about sex, or my body.  I've been more than open and free with my thinking about sexuality since puberty.  I can easily talk about most anything sexual without embarrassment or judgement.   It's without judgement or condemnation that I say that I think swinging works for very very few couples.  I think that finding novelty outside the bedroom to enhance a relationship between two people is backwards reasoning, poor reasoning to begin to engage in that lifestyle.  There has got to be other reasons to support such things.  I think many are more concerned with the fantasy of it than the realities of it and when the fantasy is of course still more attractive than the reality of it, people start to push for more outside of what is tenable.

 

As for embracing monogamy being something I should shed because I'm not mormon anymore?  Bull.  I've been asked this before by a former Jehovah's Witness.  I told him that because I've left a religion doesn't mean I have to behave the opposite of all the tenets of that religion.  It's just now up to me to discover what I believe, the logical reasons why I believe it, and have the ability to discuss those reasons without relying on murky platitudes or fear.  The same JW once told me that it's possible that one day I'd have an affair...you never know what the future holds or how new situations might sway your thinking.  I responded that the likelyhood that I'd engage in one is about the same as the likelyhood that I'd rob a bank by gunpoint.  It's just not going to happen because in this scenario I know myself too well in that regard.  Again, I am just not wired that way.

 

This process of leaving, it's a get to know yourself process.  Sexuality and how we approach it as individuals is a HUGE part of that.

 
Avatar
Long Timer
RankRankRankRankRank
Joined  2009-06-23

Kori:
 

A whole lot of the Mormons I know have no problem justifying sex outside of marriage, gambling, drinking, smoking or doing drugs.

 

I never could, but that's just me. Zeena had no problem justifying any of that. Little did I know at the time, but she went to Vegas with her girlfriends for a weekend and ended up drinking and gambling and who knows what else? before I convinced her that Joseph's Myth was bogus. You wouldn't believe some of the arguments I got into with her over alcohol before she left the church. I kept insisting that we should be able to drink wine since Jesus obviously did and she kept shooting down my arguments. Meanwhile, little did I know, she was getting shit faced in Vegas with her girlfriends.

 

That's true, I don't know why I thought threesomes, swinging, etc would be any different than the other myriad of "sins"members justify doing all the time.

 

I never could either.  I guess that's why the whole thing baffled me.  Not that I'm judging at all... if some LDS couples can achieve even a modicum of happiness and pleasure by swinging and then still go to church, then more power to them

 Signature 

When God closes one door he also closes the window… God’s not paying to heat the outside.

 
2 of 5
2
     
 


Our next project
will be announced soon.

Tax exempt status.
Bold Wish
finex
huehuetenango
Inexile
Mr. Bubbles
Swearing Elder

Logged in: 6
Not logged in: 66
Logged in anonymous: 0
(Joined in last 24 hours)
 
Gideon

Total members: 9736
OT: Do GMOs Affect Our Immune System?
by Strong Free & Thankful
What is God?
by Heretic
Gender Equality
by shanti shanti shanti
Movies
by Rmyth