PS: Ever considered changing your username here on PostMo? A name like LosingMyReligion potentially defines you as stuck in a painful liminal space, which may not help your cause.
To help illustrate what I'm on about, an alternative might be FindingMyAuthenticity, or something that embodies the new space past the loss and confusion stage.
This embodies the concept that has proven valuable in quitting smoking of replacing 'I'm a non-smoker' with I'm a fresh-air-breather'.
I have chosen to start a new thread on this specific topic, because I had just left the thread created by LosingMyReligion, and I saw one started by Wrecking Ball. (A huge welcome to Wrecking Ball, BTW). I hope you see clearly this is not a personal afront, but rather an attempt to minimise pain and to speed transition and recovery.
Words and language are not just descriptors, after the event. They have the power to shape how we relate to where we sit in life. To illustrate, there is a huge difference between someone who has experienced sexual abuse, labelling themselve as:
A - a sexual abuse victim, and
B - a sexual abuse survivor
I'd encourage people to revisit their username, and see if in its selection, people have unwittingly built a barbed wire fence aound themselves and their status, which may make it harder to evolve into the next phase of life beyond 'recovery'.
Daryl
PS: Look up liminal on Wikipedia. Liminal space in between or on teh boundary of other spaces, so LosingMyReligion might be a negative space on the boundary of and after HavingMormonReligion, and before DiscoveredExcitingSpiritualityBeyond.
I came across liminality in men's work in the context of male initiatory rites. The teenage boy is in a liminal space between childhood and adulthood. Well constructed initiatory rites help young men stop drifting in that confused in-between space. It is a challenging, but powerful concept, IMX.
PPS: Minor mods made to original quote for clarity purposes.
PPPS: Jeff, do we have a spare room in the house that can be dedicated to the performance of a ritual where people take on a 'new name'?
They won't be secret; sacred is optional. No silly hats or aprons will be worn.
I agree with this very much, hence my username when I joined postmormon. I had been a sheeple all of my life and when I walked away from the church I was done! being one. To this day, almost four years later, I wear that moniker with pride. It is how I see myself now and going forward.
Well 'least not 'til Ladyinthehat2 presents herself!
LITH, you've been around here long enough to remember some of the few people that have been shown the door. I first became aware of this with them. In every case I can recall they had names that shouted of the problem attitude that they came to express.
We don't just pluck names out of a hat, if you'll pardon the pun! We find certain names attractive because where our heads are at.
I think LosingMyReligion is a cool moniker! I wish I had thought of the name first. Losing my religion was not a negative experience, in fact it was one of the most positive, freeing experiences I have ever had. Plus I really, really like REM! I guess it all depends on perspective. So LosingMyReligion, if you are reading this - my vote is to keep the name.
Ahhhhh, on another site, I was frtl mrtl. I really felt like I was frtl mrtl, being that we had LOTS of kids (yep, I've heard all the jokes, and I have quite a few rebuttals too)! Part of that was that I had always wanted a larger family. Part of it was that neither my husband nor myself wanted to be "cut". Part of it was that b/c is only so effective!
But, my dh can be abusive and not realize it. During that first while, he wasn't in his right mind at all, and was trying to use everything against me (trying to get ME to file for divorce -about worked - or get me back into the church), and figured out who I was on that board. I took some heat for some of my posts. So, to throw him off track, I thought of my current moniker... and I still hold to it, because it still fits.
I hope one day that it won't, but that I will be able to work out those "troubles" in ALL areas of my life. But, for now, TW still applies.
And yeah, Wrecking Ball... You are definitely welcomed here! I do LOVE your name and what it implies, at least currently.
I randomly made up my name and didn't realize their might be some kind of sexual conotation until another poster mentioned it. Perhaps, I should think of something else.
I go through periods where I absolutely love my name. I mean, I REALLY love it, like it's the best name ever. Then, next thing I know, I realize it's the worst name ever, but I don't change it because, well, what's the point.
bjohn:
I randomly made up my name and didn't realize their might be some kind of sexual conotation until another poster mentioned it. Perhaps, I should think of something else.
bjohn,
I think you're safe, personally, not that I'm applying for the job of Username Propriety Police.
But for people with something on their mind, it might be like a Rorshardt Test!
Now if you'd chosen Biggus Dickus; that might have been a problem!
Honestly I am just glad that people work up the nerve to sign up and participate in the forums. If someone wants to call themself PoopyHead, I will be just as happy to look at what they have to say as someone named IWorshipBrunettes. (Why yes, I am... thank you for asking.) I have no idea what the personal story is behind each name, so I judge on the content of the posts not on the name. I personally happen to think LosingMyReligion is a kick ass name, I like the song, I like the idea, and as a student of Soto Zen Buddhism I happen to think that losing your religion every day of your life is a pretty good way to live. To me, suggesting that someone change a name they chose for themself is like trying to tell someone how to dress.
jellybean.studio:
Honestly I am just glad that people work up the nerve to sign up and participate in the forums. If someone wants to call themself PoopyHead, I will be just as happy to look at what they have to say as someone named IWorshipBrunettes. (Why yes, I am... thank you for asking.) I have no idea what the personal story is behind each name, so I judge on the content of the posts not on the name. I personally happen to think LosingMyReligion is a kick ass name, I like the song, I like the idea, and as a student of Soto Zen Buddhism I happen to think that losing your religion every day of your life is a pretty good way to live. To me, suggesting that someone change a name they chose for themself is like trying to tell someone how to dress.
I thought of the song with Losingmyreligion.
that's me in the spotlight.
that's me in the corner.
Losing my religion.
Wrecking ball is great name for a band. It has swagger.
Tearing things down is sometimes a positive process taking a wrecking ball to your point of view, even daily, isn't such a bad idea.
ETA: I am a hiker and a daddy. It's not rocket science. It is what it is.
jellybean.studio:
Honestly I am just glad that people work up the nerve to sign up and participate in the forums. If someone wants to call themself PoopyHead, I will be just as happy to look at what they have to say as someone named IWorshipBrunettes. (Why yes, I am... thank you for asking.) I have no idea what the personal story is behind each name, so I judge on the content of the posts not on the name. I personally happen to think LosingMyReligion is a kick ass name, I like the song, I like the idea, and as a student of Soto Zen Buddhism I happen to think that losing your religion every day of your life is a pretty good way to live. To me, suggesting that someone change a name they chose for themself is like trying to tell someone how to dress.
JBS,
I'm not referring to what you'd think or how you'd relate to me with a Username like StuckinMormonShite4Ever.
I'm trying to explore the possibility that that name mightn't serve me and my forward-movement particularly well.
There are clearly Usernames that are benevolent and plenty fit that category, but when I saw a few people with names that fitted my theory, get shown the exit door, it tended to firm up the concept in my mind.
Many names just make fun of 'characters' in Smith and Rigdon's Mormon fictions, and I can see now problem with them.
I find Losing My Religion great on many levels, but I also feel some anxiety for someone right in the breech of the pain of stepping away, at that stage when they can see all that is being lost, but as yet have only a glimpse of what 'might be', I felt to caution about the mindset, in case it is heavily aligned with the very apparent Loss, and lacking much of a connection with what 'might be'.
Speak of faith: that's what real faith is to my mind. My respect (and support) for someone who makes that leap remains very high.
The reason I chose 'wrecking ball' as my username is because it is such a great visual metaphor for what I'm going through. Throughout my membership my doubts were like a wrecking ball and through the years it got pulled up and up and up as I found more problems or ignored more things that confused/angered me until one day the string holding it snapped and it fell. And as it falls the weight of the problem causes it to swing faster and faster until *SMASH* it pounds the architecture of my life making way for a new way of thinking. It makes a big ol' mess at first but after the dust clears there is a wide open space of possibilities.
Words and names do have power and meaning. It was a pet peeve that my spouse got to know my 'new name' and I didn't know his, it was like he had power over my identity.
I think "Losing My Religion" is a great name because it has multiple meanings. It's literal in the Postmo sense, but it also harkens back to the REM song, where the lyric came from a southern expression--REM is from Georgia.
The phrase "losing my religion" is an expression from the southern region of the United States that means losing one's temper or civility, or "being at the end of one's rope."
I like names that have more than one meaning, that play with the language, that have both literal and figurative components (e.g., Bipolar Express ).
According to that, my name is Black. I'm so black, it's like, could I be any more black? Anyone get the reference?
It also says,
"Your name tells people that you are serious and sophisticated. Your name makes you seem like a total mystery. You are elegant and a bit apart from everyone else. You are much more formal than those around you.
"People see you as smart and together. You also come off as a bit eccentric, and others respect that you are different from them. You can adapt well to most situations, but you never feel like you truly fit in anywhere."
That's a lot closer to me than my patriarchal blessing, that's for sure.
I chose the name Happy Guy. I think I passed Born Free's test.
I chose my online name for two reasons. First I like Peanuts Cartoons. Linus is always the one with the contrary opinion which is just as valid as the common thought. Also, I like that Charles Schultz named him after the double noble prize scientist Linus Pauling. Who, by the way was atheist.
I like the metaphor to religion in the "its the great pumpkin charlie brown" show.
Linus: This is the time of year to write to the Great Pumpkin. On Halloween night, the Great Pumpkin rises out of his pumpkin patch and flies through the air with his bag of toys for all the children!
Charlie Brown: You must be crazy. When are you going to stop believing in something that isn't true? Linus: When *you* stop believing in that fellow with a red suit and the white beard who goes, "Ho, ho, ho!" Charlie Brown: We're obviously separated by denominational differences.
I use my temple name. I absolutely love it as a message of empowerment over their brainwashing. Especially because I absolutely hated the name at first (no offense if anyone here has that name, it just wasn't at all what I expected it to be), but since taking my power back by using it here, it has actually grown on me a lot.
When I first came here, I used the name Antiputz. This was in reference to the BoM character Antipus, who my youngest son said was a putz.
I later changed to Matter Unorganized. This is not so much a comment on myself, as it was a dig at what goes on in the temple. It's both a temple phrase, and an apt description for what goes on in the temple specifically, and for the church in general.
I do see how it could be taken as a personal descriptor, but with me that is not the case.
According to that, my name is Black. I'm so black, it's like, could I be any more black? Anyone get the reference?
It also says,
"Your name tells people that you are serious and sophisticated. Your name makes you seem like a total mystery. You are elegant and a bit apart from everyone else. You are much more formal than those around you.
"People see you as smart and together. You also come off as a bit eccentric, and others respect that you are different from them. You can adapt well to most situations, but you never feel like you truly fit in anywhere."
That's a lot closer to me than my patriarchal blessing, that's for sure.
I chose the name Happy Guy. I think I passed Born Free's test.
I tried this. First I entered my full first name with my last name (both VERY common--like 400m record holder common) and the result was black. So then I entered my full first name only, resulting in orange. Finally, I tried the common derivative of my first name, which is what most people call me, and it was black again.
I AM DAD to 1....He is MY son and I am HIS DAD. I am a EX LDS man and the LDS church is a empty building to me. I AM DAD to 1 and I am a Friend to all of you if you need me...
When I first arrived here at PoMo I chose Koriwhore as my screen name because I always really admired historical figures who have challenged the tyrannical status quo, like Korihor, William Law and Stan from Southpark, who's the one who called out Joseph's Myth on South Park's Mormon episode. I've used all of those names as a screen name at some point or another in my time in challenging the tyranny of faith in the DAMU.
I registered under my real name, forgot the password and started over...so I added a "2" after my real name. Obviously my creativity flat-lined long ago...
I wonder what posting under a real name says about someone?
The upside to posting under my real name is that I have come across some long lost good friends who are also "out"...the down side is, well, I haven't seen or felt any downside.....yet.
This thread has me reflecting on why I have chosen the usernames i now enjoy, not on just this site, but others as well.
Having never had an anonymous username until 6 years ago, picking one was a huge step.
Who or what in heaven or earth did I want to be?
My first incarnation was on this site as a postmo. 'hypatia,' a woman who was killed by a mob because she refused to be subjugated by the dominant Christian society around her was a perfect choice. She was the heroine I wanted to be. She was also dead, which properly reflected the huge, dark, vortex I found myself.
My second username chosen some months later was 'orion,' for use in my local paper. I think I was taking the first steps at getting over myself and looking down at issues, seeing them as a 'big picture' or cosmic view, if you will.
Finding personal power and confidence, my current incarnation is everywhere else I sign up as 'Madame Stiletto' accompanied with a proper avatar (...and actually, I have to admit, I like this one best ):
I registered under my real name, forgot the password and started over...so I added a "2" after my real name. Obviously my creativity flat-lined long ago...
I wonder what posting under a real name says about someone?
The upside to posting under my real name is that I have come across some long lost good friends who are also "out"...the down side is, well, I haven't seen or felt any downside.....yet.
[] I'd say it means you're out in the open! I have often considered changing to my real name once my disaffection is public knowledge. Not sure if I will, though.
I got a question. If you guys know so much about women, how come you're here at like the Gas 'n' Sip on a Saturday night completely alone drinking beers with no women anywhere?
I don't want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don't want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don't want to do that. How many of them really know what they want, though? I mean, a lot of them think they have to know, right? But inside they don't really know, so... I don't know ,but I know that I don't know.
[leaving the last of a series of messages on Diane's answering machine] "Maybe I didn't really know you. Maybe you were just a mirage. Maybe the world is full of food and sex and spectacle and we're all just hurling towards an apocalypse, in which case it's not your fault. I'm been thinking about all these things and... you're probably standing there monitoring. And one more thing - about the letter. Nuke it. Flame it. Destroy it. - It hurts me to know it's out there. Later."
Lloyd Dobler: You used to be fun. You used to be warped and twisted and hilarious... and I mean that in the best way - I mean it as a compliment!
Constance: I was hilarious once, wasn't I?
Quotes by Lloyd Dobler from the Cameron Crowe movie Say Anything 1989
Perhaps, I should think of something else.
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