Hi my name is Joe, I was here about oh, what 30 years ago? I don't know if that was you who was here or not, but see, back then, I was Mormon. Yeah, you know, the Mormons? Mitt Romney, Glenn Beck, Jon Huntsman? Yeah, that kinda Mormon. You might have Mormon neighbors, right? Yeah, basically good people, right? Let's face it, you could do a lot worse than Mormons for neighbors, right? Thing is, they all believe some really crazy things. I mean way weirder than anything you've ever heard. You wouldn't even believe me if I told you. Really? Go on. Joseph's Myth, the guy who started their church, was convicted of treasure hunting, which was a crime at the time because it was a common scam, run by con-men, like Joseph's Myth. These days that' would be the equivalent of running a Ponzi Scheme. Not very noble for the only man in the history of mankind to see God and Jesus standing there together in front of him in Upstate New York, right? Hah! Interesting, Well it gets worse....He goes on to claim he found some golden plates with some long forgotten language on them. Claims they're revelation from God, which becomes the Book of Mormon, which becomes the biggest play on Broadway at the moment. It's a joke. Totally condemns polygamy as "an abomination before God". So what does Joseph do immediately after that, gets caught screwing the teenage house help. Yep. Fanny Alger, at 16. Look it up on the internet. His scribe, Oliver Cowdery witnessed him in what he described as "that dirty, filthy, nasty affair." Hah! Do you want to come in? Sure. So anyhooo. Yeah this Joseph's Myth excommunicates the guy who witnessed him screwing his teenage house help because he refused to quit characterizing it as, "that dirty, filthy, nasty affair." with the 16 year old house help. This is right after they both claimed to have witnessed John the Baptist and the apostles, Peter, James and John back from the Dead. Yep. Zombies. Mormons believe in Zombies. Well, technically so do Christians, they worship one, but I digress. Yeah ok, I remember you. haha. I think I was 16 back then. haha. haha. Yep I remember this house and I remember you and two other girls :) Yeah I remember you too. Oh God we all thought you were so bloody cute! You and your little business outfit in the middle of Summer in the tropics. What were you thinking? Oh wow, you know, just doin what Mormon boys did back then. Well, they're still doing it and have been for a long time. They just put us on an assembly line and out pop these 50,000 missionaries every year, because that's what Mormons do and they've been doing it for a long time. They're like sheep who just keep on doing exactly what sheep before them did, heading towards the slaughter house and getting fleeced the whole way. It's the way the corporation turns these men into professional con-men, selling big con job after big con job. They've all sworn a suicidal oath to keep the secrets they tell you in the temple. Hah! Yeah I should be slitting my throat and bowels right now and spilling my blood and guts on the earth because I'm telling you this, if I believed in Joseph's Myth, which I don't obviously. It's really insane. But, if you can sell Joseph's Myth, you can sell anything. If you can sell people on giving up 10% of their Money to the biggest corporation in the State of Utah, so they can go and buy up Main Street and turn it into a Mormon version of Disney Land, complete with a fairy castle for Mormons to pose in front of when they get married. They just bought two shopping malls and their building condos so guys like Mitt Romney and Jon Huntsman can have a front row seat at Mormon Disney Land in downtown SLC. It's really pretty sickening. They've got their own candy coated Mormon government. 91 percent of Utah state legislators are Mormon, even though only 57 percent of Utah residents are Mormon and only 1/3 of them are active. Somehow they're still a Theocracy, run by LDS Inc. Has been for a long time. With their billions they buy up shopping malls and condos in downtown SLC. So why were you selling it to me? Well, I didn't know any better at the time, but now I do. So I just wanted to come back to tell you that I'm sorry for having tried to sell you something that was such an obvious scam. I'm glad you didn't fall for it. Uh, well I kinda did, later on. You're kidding me. No. I'm Mormon. Thanks to you. And now you're telling me it was a lie? Oh, wow. Uh, I should have known better. But the faith I was born into manages to keep us completely in the dark. They don't let the missionaries know anything. I can't imagine what the missionaries are doing to deal with the internet now. I know it wouldn't have mattered what I was doing when I found out it was all a 'dirty nasty, filthy affair' gone horribly wrong. Yeah, you're kinda blowing my mind right now. Are you serious? Joseph Smith started the whole polygamy thing after he got caught by Oliver Cowdery and Emma screwing the teenage house help? Uh, yeah. Can you document that? Yeah, it's all well documented. Look up Todd Compton's "In Sacred Loneliness" It documents all of that and a whole lot more. He had sex with other men's wives and called it 'plural marriage' 11 of them. Even though it says right in Mormon scriptures that's adultery. Look it up. Got a D&C? Turn to D&C 132, says right there that they have to be virgins, the first wife has to give permission and they can't belong to any other man. Apparently God thought women were sheep back then. Joseph Violated EVERY condition of the word of God when he screwed other men's wives. One of them even had a child by him, even though she was married to another man at the time. That's adultery. That violates the 10 commandments in 2 different ways, not to mention the fact that he violated the law when he violated the sacred vow the couple took which made them legally married. Just fair warning. Once the Mormons get a little power, they don't let go and they become even more tyrannical than they are now. Now they're just obnoxious, sending their 50,000 forces of a missionary army around the world to sell something even whackier than Scientology. I feel like I have a social responsibility to go back and tell people I lied to, that it was all just a bunch of nonsense and to beware of con-men. They're usually the ones who're selling something that sounds too good to be true. I'm telling you just the opposite, it is too lame to be true. Don't buy it or anything like it. Just be a human being and practice kindness. Like the Dalai Lama said on 9-11, "My religion is simple, my religion is kindness."
