I haven’t posted lately because I’ve been so unbelievably angry. I’ve done all I can to avoid these emotions. I have never lived in a perpetually angry state until this last month. It’s not something I am showing outwardly but it has to come out. I hope I’m safe to do it here because I’ve got to move forward. I hope some of you will understand where I'm at and can tell me I'll move past this state!

 

I finally had the courage to resign and if you knew me in my real life you’d be shocked that I’d actually put myself out there like this. I stay under the radar, always have. I am not sorry I did it. I’m proud of myself but there have been some unexpected consequences. Obviously my request for complete confidentiality was not taken seriously. I’m not surprised, but I am angry.

 

I’ve had family come out of the woodwork after two decades of being shunned for getting pregnant out of wedlock. It was okay for me to live in my car 18 and pregnant, but now that I’ve apostatized their morbid curiosity takes over. I’m being love-bombed by neighbors. They talk to me like I’m a two year old, as if I were fragile and about to come off my rocker.

 

Here’s my two cents to all of those self-righteous folks who look down their nose at me. It’s not ME it’s YOU. And I’m not the only one who figured this out; there are plenty of people more eloquent than I who have discovered the truth.

 

This: http://deseretbook.com/No-Weapon-Shall-Prosper-New-Light-Sensitive-Issues-Robert-L-Millet/i/5066225 was not conceived from my questions alone. Your church put this out. Read them. You said something was wrong with me to have such questions. I know these books weren’t written for me, so maybe you were wrong. http://deseretbook.com/Joseph-Smith-Rough-Stone-Rolling-Richard-L-Bushman/i/4983110

 

I did NOT write this nor did I conspire to have it written. I told you there were so many things out there that made me question. I wasn’t lying or trying to shake your faith. Just wanted you to help me figure it out: http://www.ksl.com/?nid=148&sid=19089640&title=mormons-being-exposed-to-more-of-their-beliefs-online&s_cid=featured-3

 

I am not the only one who thinks this is sickening and demeaning. Thanks for treating me like a sinning pariah when I sincerely asked for clarity. Read the comments. I did NOT comment on this article. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/01/25/mormon-church-mitt-romney_n_1229322.html

 

I am not the one and only apostate as you’d like me to believe. I am not alone. Nor am I the only one who is done living a lie: http://www.washingtonpost.com/national/on-faith/mormons-confront-epidemic-on-online-misinformation/2012/02/01/gIQApULJiQ_story.html

 

Your prophet, Joseph Smith, said this; I am not making it up. He’s better than Jesus? Do you understand why I asked why we worship him more than Christ? "I have more to boast of than ever any man had. I am the only man that has ever been able to keep a whole church together since the days of Adam. A large majority of the whole have stood by me. Neither Paul, John, Peter,nor Jesus ever did it. I boast that no man ever did such a work as I. The followers of Jesus ran away from Him; but the Latter-day Saints never ran away from me yet." -Joseph Smith (see History of the Church, 6:319-20).

 

Let me tell you something. None of my references come from anti-church propaganda as you would like to believe. I look in YOUR archives in order to stick up for what I know to be true. Go HERE: http://scriptures.byu.edu/  this is where I’m coming from when I quote something to you about your beliefs. Type in “white and delightsome” in the search bar. Go ahead. Another one of your prophet’s SAID this crap in General Conference.  

 

And I’m crazy? I left the church to sin? I am offended? I’m immoral? I never had a testimony? I’m taking the easy way out? Are you f*&^ing serious? Wake UP! I’m DONE with being gracious when you come into my home and bully me. I’m giving it all back to you, in your own words from your own teachings and manuals. The days of me being passive as you abuse me are over.

 

I’m done listening to you defend yourself with “people are not perfect, the gospel is.” There is nothing perfect, not even your gospel and I can prove it. You can prove nothing. All the ammo you have when confronted is “study and pray. Have faith.” I have. It’s all bullshit.

 

To my neighbors: Quit gossiping about me, I can HEAR you when I’m outside and you “Sisters” are in the garage talking about how sad my life is. I am not sad. I am free from guilt and free from hating myself and believing that you are better than me. I’m tired of faking the funk to make you comfortable around me. Back off your self-righteousness when you associate with me so I can be comfortable. If you can’t do that, leave me alone.

 

To my family: You’ve never met my children. Don’t feign interest in them now. They live with an apostate mother. Deal with that. Revel in your knowledge that YOU will be right and I will be sorry for throwing away my temple ordinances. Go ahead and attempt to toss down crumbs for us from your Celestial Kingdom. I won’t be where you perceive me to be. I’ve always been there for all of you, not for bragging rights in F&T meeting, not for blessings in heaven. I loved you because its how I genuinely felt. You’re incapable of feeling the same because there is nothing in this life you do without some hope for reward. I won’t passively reward you anymore by respecting your beliefs while you damn me for mine. Look around next time you’re all together. Some of you have actually admitted to me that you’ve had doubts. Yeah, that’s right. But I’m the only one with the balls to do something about it. You are NOT who you claim to be. Quit projecting yourselves and your own doubts on to me. I am done with you and I need you to leave me alone.

 

~~Mishap~~

Mishap:

I haven’t posted lately because I’ve been so unbelievably angry. I’ve done all I can to avoid these emotions. I have never lived in a perpetually angry state until this last month. It’s not something I am showing outwardly but it has to come out. I hope I’m safe to do it here because I’ve got to move forward. I hope some of you will understand where I'm at and can tell me I'll move past this state!

 

I finally had the courage to resign and if you knew me in my real life you’d be shocked that I’d actually put myself out there like this. I stay under the radar, always have. I am not sorry I did it. I’m proud of myself but there have been some unexpected consequences. Obviously my request for complete confidentiality was not taken seriously. I’m not surprised, but I am angry.

 

I’ve had family come out of the woodwork after two decades of being shunned for getting pregnant out of wedlock. It was okay for me to live in my car 18 and pregnant, but now that I’ve apostatized their morbid curiosity takes over. I’m being love-bombed by neighbors. They talk to me like I’m a two year old, as if I were fragile and about to come off my rocker.

 

Here’s my two cents to all of those self-righteous folks who look down their nose at me. It’s not ME it’s YOU. And I’m not the only one who figured this out; there are plenty of people more eloquent than I who have discovered the truth.

 

This: http://deseretbook.com/No-Weapon-Shall-Prosper-New-Light-Sensitive-Issues-Robert-L-Millet/i/5066225 was not conceived from my questions alone. Your church put this out. Read them. You said something was wrong with me to have such questions. I know these books weren’t written for me, so maybe you were wrong. http://deseretbook.com/Joseph-Smith-Rough-Stone-Rolling-Richard-L-Bushman/i/4983110

 

I did NOT write this nor did I conspire to have it written. I told you there were so many things out there that made me question. I wasn’t lying or trying to shake your faith. Just wanted you to help me figure it out: http://www.ksl.com/?nid=148&sid=19089640&title=mormons-being-exposed-to-more-of-their-beliefs-online&s_cid=featured-3

 

I am not the only one who thinks this is sickening and demeaning. Thanks for treating me like a sinning pariah when I sincerely asked for clarity. Read the comments. I did NOT comment on this article. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/01/25/mormon-church-mitt-romney_n_1229322.html

 

I am not the one and only apostate as you’d like me to believe. I am not alone. Nor am I the only one who is done living a lie: http://www.washingtonpost.com/national/on-faith/mormons-confront-epidemic-on-online-misinformation/2012/02/01/gIQApULJiQ_story.html

 

Your prophet, Joseph Smith, said this; I am not making it up. He’s better than Jesus? Do you understand why I asked why we worship him more than Christ? "I have more to boast of than ever any man had. I am the only man that has ever been able to keep a whole church together since the days of Adam. A large majority of the whole have stood by me. Neither Paul, John, Peter,nor Jesus ever did it. I boast that no man ever did such a work as I. The followers of Jesus ran away from Him; but the Latter-day Saints never ran away from me yet." -Joseph Smith (see History of the Church, 6:319-20).

 

Let me tell you something. None of my references come from anti-church propaganda as you would like to believe. I look in YOUR archives in order to stick up for what I know to be true. Go HERE: http://scriptures.byu.edu/  this is where I’m coming from when I quote something to you about your beliefs. Type in “white and delightsome” in the search bar. Go ahead. Another one of your prophet’s SAID this crap in General Conference.  

 

And I’m crazy? I left the church to sin? I am offended? I’m immoral? I never had a testimony? I’m taking the easy way out? Are you f*&^ing serious? Wake UP! I’m DONE with being gracious when you come into my home and bully me. I’m giving it all back to you, in your own words from your own teachings and manuals. The days of me being passive as you abuse me are over.

 

I’m done listening to you defend yourself with “people are not perfect, the gospel is.” There is nothing perfect, not even your gospel and I can prove it. You can prove nothing. All the ammo you have when confronted is “study and pray. Have faith.” I have. It’s all bullshit.

 

To my neighbors: Quit gossiping about me, I can HEAR you when I’m outside and you “Sisters” are in the garage talking about how sad my life is. I am not sad. I am free from guilt and free from hating myself and believing that you are better than me. I’m tired of faking the funk to make you comfortable around me. Back off your self-righteousness when you associate with me so I can be comfortable. If you can’t do that, leave me alone.

 

To my family: You’ve never met my children. Don’t feign interest in them now. They live with an apostate mother. Deal with that. Revel in your knowledge that YOU will be right and I will be sorry for throwing away my temple ordinances. Go ahead and attempt to toss down crumbs for us from your Celestial Kingdom. I won’t be where you perceive me to be. I’ve always been there for all of you, not for bragging rights in F&T meeting, not for blessings in heaven. I loved you because its how I genuinely felt. You’re incapable of feeling the same because there is nothing in this life you do without some hope for reward. I won’t passively reward you anymore by respecting your beliefs while you damn me for mine. Look around next time you’re all together. Some of you have actually admitted to me that you’ve had doubts. Yeah, that’s right. But I’m the only one with the balls to do something about it. You are NOT who you claim to be. Quit projecting yourselves and your own doubts on to me. I am done with you and I need you to leave me alone.

 

~~Mishap~~

 Excellent rant!

 

The most important discovery I've made since leaving the church is that as soon as you are no longer apologetic for leaving the church something changes in the air.  My family is actually AFRAID of me. They don't dare engage my in anything regarding the church because I've educated myself on church issues to the point that I have no problem shredding any of their asinine assertions.

 

I'm not sorry I'm an apostate, I'm ####### PROUD of being an apostate.  I FIGURED IT OUT!  (And my life is 10X better than it ever was while in the church. Funny how much cog dis that causes!)

 

Max 

 

Ay caramba!  

 

You're absolutely right on the money. Funny how they come out of the woodwork. Funny how someone couldn't respect your request for confidentiality. Funny how they blame you for things you didn't even say or do! FUNNY HOW THEIR MINDS ARE SO F#CKED OVER THAT THEY CAN'T EVEN GRASP REALITY!!!

 

Wow, that was a great rant. Even I felt better afterwards! Well put!

 

     

    

Loved it! I'm glad you've been seeing all the recent press about Mormonism's problems and its many defectors. I know this stuff is being noticed because my LDS Facebook friends have these articles show up on their social reader apps.

 

These difficult conversations with believers never come out quite like you hope, but a good rant like this can really help prepare you. Just keep teaching people how to treat you, keep establishing boundaries, and challenge them every time they try to act morally superior to you for believing things without evidence. You're going to be all right!

 

Guap

       

       

       

Standing ovation.

 

That is fantastic.  I can't believe how revved-up I am after reading your rant. 

You are so right!  I'm sorry for the pain you feel and the way people are treating you, you definitely don't deserve it.  I hope I can be as strong and articulate as you are when my neighbors and family find out.

And the "Warrior" comes out...brilliant.

Venting is fun and awesome on this forum where we can speak our mind and receive zero backlash!  I hope you can step back however when these ignorant TBMs come your way and just enjoy the encounters.  Look at them as if their clothes are off and laugh your butt off.  They would love nothing more than to see you lose it thereby justifying to themselves that you are the evil one and lost soul. 

 

Instead, relax and put them in their place with a Joesmack conversation.  It sounds like you have already exposed yourself to the community with your new found knowledge of the filthy church history so go ahead and use that against them.  Next time they come over ask them if Monson has been over lately to ask permission to marry their little daughters like Joesmyth did.  Reassure them that if they don't an angel will ninja smack their arse.  But lovingly let them know that it is what the lord wants, ohh and he wants a piece of mama too to help create this dynastic family.

 

That was just a little example of having fun, I'm sure you can come up with your own but knowledge is in your favor, they can't refute this stuff.  Make sure to remember that this is not your fault, nor is it the local crazy TBMs, it's the hierarchy that continually hides, twists, and creates its own history.

Mishap: 

<snippedagoodbit>

 

To my neighbors: Quit gossiping about me, I can HEAR you when I’m outside and you “Sisters” are in the garage talking about how sad my life is. I am not sad. I am free from guilt and free from hating myself and believing that you are better than me. I’m tired of faking the funk to make you comfortable around me. Back off your self-righteousness when you associate with me so I can be comfortable. If you can’t do that, leave me alone.

 

To my family: You’ve never met my children. Don’t feign interest in them now. They live with an apostate mother. Deal with that. Revel in your knowledge that YOU will be right and I will be sorry for throwing away my temple ordinances. Go ahead and attempt to toss down crumbs for us from your Celestial Kingdom. I won’t be where you perceive me to be. I’ve always been there for all of you, not for bragging rights in F&T meeting, not for blessings in heaven. I loved you because its how I genuinely felt. You’re incapable of feeling the same because there is nothing in this life you do without some hope for reward. I won’t passively reward you anymore by respecting your beliefs while you damn me for mine. Look around next time you’re all together. Some of you have actually admitted to me that you’ve had doubts. Yeah, that’s right. But I’m the only one with the balls to do something about it. You are NOT who you claim to be. Quit projecting yourselves and your own doubts on to me. I am done with you and I need you to leave me alone.

 

~~Mishap~~

 

Don't tell US, Shugah... Tell THEM!

 

But you're off to a rousing start!!  

Darling Mishap - Absolutely no need to apologize.  That is the most amazing resonse to all your attackers and detractors.  Perhaps you could print out about a thousand copies, and just hand them out to anyone silly enough to continue the attack.  Even put 'em on the neighbors' doors.  If, when you hear them and their self-righteous gossip from the garage next door, just go hand them a couple copies.

 

You are my new heroine!  What a warrior goddess!  Keep on, you have inspired me, and probably many others!

Awesome rant!  

Phew! I feel like I need to smoke a cigarette after that! 

 

That was awesome and I felt every single word of it.

 

Hopefully letting it out on here will release some of the anger. As much as I love a good rant, I know for me I don't always like to feel like I need to rant, and I suspect most people are that way. No one wants to be that geared up all the time.

 

I'm not resigned yet, but anyone paying attention at church knows I am not on board with things. When I do attend church with my wife and get the sad look from some people, I make sure to smile back as big as I can. And when they ask me how I am doing, I tell them I am doing so great in the happiest, most stress-free voice I have. Because it's true! It's damn hard getting your mind back from the church, and I'm one of the ones who did it! I feel so lucky! And to think, TBM's, who are supposed to be all full of light and joy, are wasting their time worrying about me, who they hardly know and would probably never visit even if we were in the celestial kingdom together. Personally, I think that's pretty funny. 

If you've resigned in your heart...you've resigned.

The best defense is a good offense. -- Carl vol Clausewitz I think it is funny how so many people are afraid of the Mormon's in their life. This is nonsense. Pick up a couple books. Learn the facts and fire away. It's not our fault they don't have a grasp on reality. I'm not saying you should be verbally abusive, but you also should not let someone be verbally abusive toward you. The truth is on my side.

Awwwwww! I love you guys. Thanks for not kicking me out of the club! I made my nevermo hubby read my rantings. He had no idea I was seething so much so he told me to get the hell outta Utah for a while. I've booked a trip to Ft. Lauderdale and plan on partying myself sick with my drag queen friends for an entire week. I promise to come home with a brand new attitude. 

 

Seriously, thank you for giving me a place to call home. I feel so lucky.  

Mishap:

Awwwwww! I love you guys. Thanks for not kicking me out of the club! I made my nevermo hubby read my rantings. He had no idea I was seething so much so he told me to get the hell outta Utah for a while. I've booked a trip to Ft. Lauderdale and plan on partying myself sick with my drag queen friends for an entire week. I promise to come home with a brand new attitude. 

 

Seriously, thank you for giving me a place to call home. I feel so lucky.  

 

 Awesome! If anything will cure the Utah blues, it's a trip to Ft. Lauderdale to party with drag queens. 

You go, girl! 

 

I'm so sorry you have to live that close to your ward members.  I remember going through the same emotions when I resigned but I didn't even know any members where I live now.  I had been emotionally abused by the local Bish and that was enough.  I had the worst panic attack of my life after he came over to try and dissuade me from resigning soon after I sent in my letter.

 

They are an illusion, they live in a world that is not real. 

Happy Guy:

Phew! I feel like I need to smoke a cigarette after that! 

 

That was awesome and I felt every single word of it.

 

Hopefully letting it out on here will release some of the anger. As much as I love a good rant, I know for me I don't always like to feel like I need to rant, and I suspect most people are that way. No one wants to be that geared up all the time.

 

I'm not resigned yet, but anyone paying attention at church knows I am not on board with things. When I do attend church with my wife and get the sad look from some people, I make sure to smile back as big as I can. And when they ask me how I am doing, I tell them I am doing so great in the happiest, most stress-free voice I have. Because it's true! It's damn hard getting your mind back from the church, and I'm one of the ones who did it! I feel so lucky! And to think, TBM's, who are supposed to be all full of light and joy, are wasting their time worrying about me, who they hardly know and would probably never visit even if we were in the celestial kingdom together. Personally, I think that's pretty funny. 

 

 I'm doing the same thing.. with the additional touch of growing my hair out and wearing a big hippie ponytail to church... It seems to have helped them understand without words that I'm not a regular mormon Joe any more!

 

I agree!!  that was a great rant, and hopefully cathartic.  Many of us have felt this way in one way or another.