As I mentioned a few weeks ago, Groundhog Day was my day to resign from the Church.  While it may take some time for my letter to be processed, it felt great dropping the letter off at the post office.

  

I have tried attaching my letter in .PDF format, but I keep getting a "mime content" error message and can't figure out how to work around it, so I'll just cut and paste the text.

 

Enjoy!  I threw in my temple name on the sign off just to make sure they know it's me.

 

_______

 

                                                                                     February 2, 2012

 

Via U.S. Mail 

 

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

Member Records

50 E. North Temple St.

Salt Lake City, UT  84150-1010

 

To Whom It May Concern:

The purpose of this letter is to announce my immediate resignation as a member from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (or more accurately from the Corporation of the Presiding Bishop of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, a Utah corporation sole (hereinafter, the “Church”)).  Please remove my name from the records of the Church as soon as possible.  I am also requesting a return of 50% of all monetary donations that I made to the Church over the course of my lifetime as I feel those donations were induced under false pretenses.  I have given this decision a great deal of thought, and it is not something I am taking lightly.

Instead of providing a lengthy explanation for my departure from the Church, I would instead like to highlight the Top Ten reasons why I am totally and completely convinced the Church is not true.

#1.       The conflicting First Vision accounts.  Since it all purportedly started there, so should this list.  While I was taught the 1838 version of the First Vision growing up (and taught it to others on my mission), there’s no question the story changed over time and is even told differently in Joseph Smith’s own journal.  The discrepancies are material, significant, and irreconcilable.  Even Brother Bushman points out that Joseph never told anyone in his immediate family of the First Vision for over ten years.

#2.       Book of Abraham.  This one is like Hulk Hogan coming off the top rope—it’s a total body slam to any claims of divine truth.  The whole thing is a fabrication based upon some funerary texts purchased from a traveling salesman.  You have to admire the bravado that was going on back then…no one today has the cajones to “translate” the Book of Joseph.  What are these bones over here?  Oh, that’s Zelph, the Great White Lamanite.  Over there?  That’s the Garden of Eden.  Seriously…if nothing else, Joseph Smith had mucho machismo.  

#3.       Book of Mormon.  The book, not the musical.  When you step outside the cultish mindset and analyze the historicity of the Book of Mormon, it’s not even a close call.  Seriously, people left the Tower of Babel, which we know didn’t exist, to build wooden submarines with two holes that crossed the ocean for 344 days with animals?  Jack & the Beanstalk is closer to reality.  And then the fact that there has been zero archaeological evidence in all of Meso-America.  Thomas Ferguson got this right.  Additionally, for it being the most correct book on the Earth, it doesn’t mention the temple endowment, tithing, word of wisdom, polygamy, priesthood, etc.

#4.       DNA.  For over 150 years, the Church claimed that Native Americans were the literal descendants of the Lamanites.  According to his journal, Moroni told Joseph Smith this.  Scholarship programs were instituted, and everyone rallied around the Native Americans and sought to bring back this “Lost Tribe” of Israel to the fold.  Then the DNA evidence emerged to show that Native Americans are Asiatic descendants, and Church history and the Book of Mormon introduction started getting scrubbed.

#5.       Polygamy/Polyandry.  Joseph Smith had 34+ wives, many of whom were married to other men at the time he married them.  Repeat—married to other men.  And I won’t even focus on the Sandusky-esque angle with respect to the minors.  In an ironic twist, the Church was instituted on sexual deviancy and has evolved into an institution that breeds asexuality.   

#6.       Racism.  Again, for over 150 years, the Church taught that Africans were cursed by God for disobedience (and/or not being valiant in the pre-existence).  The priesthood was withheld; they couldn’t attend the temple; they couldn’t give prayers at meetings.  And when the Church’s 501(c)(3) tax status was threatened, God changed his mind.

#7.       Misogyny.  This is one that I find most disturbing, especially in how my ex-wife and other smart women don’t see it.  Men rule the roost.  Women are second-class citizens who are under the control and supervision of men at all times.  The pinnacle for women in the Church is to act über-cheesy and say “bless your heart” in response to any and all situations.  Women couldn’t say prayers in sacrament meeting until 1978; a woman didn’t speak in general conference until 1988; and no woman has ever given a prayer in General Conference.  Again, the Church fosters an attitude of subservient asexuality and then acts surprised when all the guys are looking at porn. 

#8.       Homosexuality.  Proposition 8.  I’m guessing another “revelation” will occur in my lifetime where God changes his mind again.  He’ll do anything to avoid be taxed.

#9.       Psychological Impact.  For me and so many others, the Church was more of a burden than a source of inspiration.  It creates feelings of inadequacy and failure.  At an early age, it gives you a 500 lb. back pack and tells you to smile.  Any and all problems are blamed on the individual.  Prayer, reading scriptures, and attending meetings is the prescription for all problems.  The MTC and missionary experience are an intense exercise in group behavior modification—psychological waterboarding—where you force yourself to conform at any cost.  Bow your head and say “yes.”

#10.     Common sense.  The historical issues are not what drove me from the Church.  I concluded it was false just based upon my observations—an Occam’s Razor approach—and common sense.  It’s obvious that the human mind can convince itself of the truthfulness of anything—that’s how we lost the Twin Towers on 9/11.  People of virtually every faith are convinced they have the truth and have had their beliefs confirmed through a “spiritual experience.”  Mormonism is no different.  And if you attend any ward, you will see that people are not really enjoying the belief system in and of itself.  Their “happiness” in the Church is based upon social and familial connections and a feeling of community. 

            Mormons constitute approximately .002% of the world’s population.  Despite those figures, especially here in Utah, Mormons walk around like they are part of some galactic super-power because of Jimmer Fredette and Mitt Romney. 

            All things being equal, what is most reasonable and probable?  (a) God created a “Plan of Happiness” that he only shared with a select few and then took it from the earth for over 1,500 years only to restore it to a select few; or (b) like all religions, Mormonism is a product of its time and circumstances and was created by men.  For me, it’s clearly (b).

If you believe that God plays favorites and ignores 99% of his children, then Mormonism makes sense.  I don’t even understand why God wants to be worshipped.  Now that I’m a father, I can’t comprehend why it makes sense for me to demand my children’s adoration and punish them if they don’t comply.

Honorable mentions: Temple Ceremony & Masonry, Priesthood, Desexualization of Women, Abrahamic Covenant, Trinitarian View of Deity in first Book of Mormon, Changes to the Book of Mormon & other scriptures,  Witnesses to the Book of Mormon, Elements of a Cult, Adam-God Doctrine, Word of Wisdom, Magic and the Occult, Money Digging, Blood Atonement, and the Mountain Meadows Massacre.   

In sum, please remove my name from the records of the Church immediately, refund 50% of all monetary donations I have made to the Church, and provide confirmation as soon as possible.

Thanks.

Name (aka, Reuben)

Address

DOB

Membership ID #    

   

 

Congratulations LoD! 

There's some really funny stuff in there I like your style. 

 

One point.... I vaguely remember a women giving a closing prayer in a Sunday afternoon session of GC a couple of years ago when I was TBM.

 

Kudos

I've seen women give closing prayers in GC but NEVER an opening one. When FIL was Bishop I don't recall any women giving opening prayers in Sacrament but now that DH is Bishop it doesn't seem to be a problem to have women give the opening prayers (thank goodness or I would have hit him with something...)

 

But Bravo!

 

An excellent letter, concise, biting, accurate and unflinching. Nice one

Great Job, Reuben, lmao!  That is a great idea, just in-case they aren't sure it's really you!  I wonder if they keep track of our temple names, it would be so easy since they give the same one out each day, at least I think that is what I remember hearing.

Nice! Do they actually refund any tithing money? I've never heard of anyone requesting that before. I've not been "active" for 15 or so years (left as a teenager), and have still not sent in a letter.

 Great letter!  Comprehensive yet concise.  Contemplative yet scathing.  Sincere yet flippant.  I love it. 

LOVE it! Especially asking 50% of your tithing back. You have got to let us know if they say or do anything with that request! 

 

I'm happy for you! Nicely done!!! 

On a scale from 1 to awesome I give that letter a 57.

 

Love it, good job.  I am glad you included your temple name so they would know exactly who you were.  It's not like everyone gets the same name or anything...

 

Great letter!!! Keep us posted.  Would like to know if you get a response.

Reuben, you are indeed a Lord of Darkness. I'm still laughing.

 

Lots of favorite parts, but my favorite was: Book of Mormon. The book, not the musical.

 

WOW! I think this is the best exit letter i've ever read.

Great letter! Thanks for sharing.

Bipolar Express:

Reuben, you are indeed a Lord of Darkness. I'm still laughing.

 

Lots of favorite parts, but my favorite was: Book of Mormon. The book, not the musical.

 

 

 

Awesome.  Makes mine seem so lame.

 

Congratulations. 

Freaking hilarious.  Hall of Fame quality, congrats!

Great job.  If only the reply could be half as hilarious!

In search of Truth:

Bipolar Express:

Reuben, you are indeed a Lord of Darkness. I'm still laughing.

 

Lots of favorite parts, but my favorite was: Book of Mormon. The book, not the musical.

 

 

 

Lord of Darkness,

 

I was feeling a little blue this morning so I read your letter to get another good laugh.  We need to have a "HALL OF FAME" for letters.  Yours is clearly one of the best I have read. 

 

LeftGood:

Awesome.  Makes mine seem so lame.

 

 

 I know, right? I am interested to know if there's any discussion of your tithing reimbursement in their response. ;)

Quartersawn:

Congratulations LoD! 

There's some really funny stuff in there I like your style. 

 

One point.... I vaguely remember a women giving a closing prayer in a Sunday afternoon session of GC a couple of years ago when I was TBM.

 

Kudos

 

Thanks...I wasn't 100% sure on this one.  I sometimes can't tell if it's a "sister" saying the prayer because of their haircut, shoulder-padded jacket and upper lip.

Mishap:

LOVE it! Especially asking 50% of your tithing back. You have got to let us know if they say or do anything with that request! 

 

I'm happy for you! Nicely done!!! 

 

I'm expecting them to ignore my request for a refund.  I don't have the vocabulary to express how bitter I feel about the tithing.  Student loans; stay-at-home wife; four kids; divorce, etc.  And to look back and think that I gave a stupid church over six figures...

 

As a victim to their Ponzi scheme, I should get my money back.  We all should. 

Lord of Darkness:

Mishap:

LOVE it! Especially asking 50% of your tithing back. You have got to let us know if they say or do anything with that request! 

 

I'm happy for you! Nicely done!!! 

 

I'm expecting them to ignore my request for a refund.  I don't have the vocabulary to express how bitter I feel about the tithing.  Student loans; stay-at-home wife; four kids; divorce, etc.  And to look back and think that I gave a stupid church over six figures...

 

As a victim to their Ponzi scheme, I should get my money back.  We all should. 

 

Lord of Darkness,

Please keep us posted. Your letter was great!

LoD:

 

I haven't posted in months, but had to come out of my shell to point out that this is a work of art. 

 

I suggest going to Deseret Book, find the best looking framed version of the Family Proclaimation, and replace the Proclaimation with your letter to hang prominently on your wall.

 

Well done.

 

-The AP

The AP:

LoD:

 

I haven't posted in months, but had to come out of my shell to point out that this is a work of art. 

 

I suggest going to Deseret Book, find the best looking framed version of the Family Proclaimation, and replace the Proclaimation with your letter to hang prominently on your wall.

 

Well done.

 

-The AP

 

I am honored to have received the endorsement of the legendary AP.  This is the equivalent of an Apostolic Blessing--"to all those within the sound of my voice"--and quite flattering.

The AP:

LoD:

 

I haven't posted in months, but had to come out of my shell to point out that this is a work of art. 

 

I suggest going to Deseret Book, find the best looking framed version of the Family Proclaimation, and replace the Proclaimation with your letter to hang prominently on your wall.

 

Well done.

 

-The AP

 

Lord of Darkness,

I agree, it is a work af art.  Please keep us posted an any response you get. I would love to be a fly on the wall when they receive it.

Lord of Darkness:

Quartersawn:

Congratulations LoD! 

There's some really funny stuff in there I like your style. 

 

One point.... I vaguely remember a women giving a closing prayer in a Sunday afternoon session of GC a couple of years ago when I was TBM.

 

Kudos

 

Thanks...I wasn't 100% sure on this one.  I sometimes can't tell if it's a "sister" saying the prayer because of their haircut, shoulder-padded jacket and upper lip.

 

 oh my god dude you are rolling.  I tell you a bunch of us should get together and be one of those traveling comedy troups like the Kings of Comedy and that hillbilly group with Foxworthy and those other clowns.  we would just lampoon the shit out of mormonism.

 

a boy can dream.  your letter is hall of fame status. 

LMAO!! The tithing bit cracked me up!

On February 9th, I received a letter back from the Church.  It reads as follows:

 

Dear Brother LoD:

 

 

I have been asked to acknowledge your recent letter in which you request that your name be removed from the membership of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

 

 

I have also been asked to inform you that the Church considers such a request to be an ecclesiastical matter that must be handled by local priesthood leaders before being processed by Church employees.  Therefore, your letter and a copy of this reply are being sent to President [henchman #1] of the [fill in the blank] Stake.  He will have Bishop [henchman #2] of the [fill in the blank] Ward contact you concerning the fulfillment of your request.

 

 

In view of the eternal consequences of such an action, the Brethren urge you to reconsider your request and to prayerfully consider the enclosed statement of the First Presidency.

 

 

Sincerly,

Confidential Records

 

 

I scanned a copy of the brochure, which was entitled "An Invitation."

And here is my response letter, which is going out tonight.

 

_____

 

 

                                                                                February 12, 2012

Via U.S. Mail & E-mail          

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints                   

Member Records (.(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address))

50 E. North Temple St.

Salt Lake City, UT  84150-1010

 

Dear “Confidential Records”:

I am in receipt of your letter dated February 8, 2012, which was in response to my original request to have my name removed from the records of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (or more accurately from the Corporation of the Presiding Bishop of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, a Utah corporation sole (hereinafter, the “Church”)). 

While the Church “considers such a request to be an ecclesiastical matter that must be handled by local priesthood leaders before being processed by Church employees,” I consider that consideration to be invasive, heavy-handed, and a form of harassment.  When I was baptized a member of the Church—ironically 29 years ago this month—I do not remember my bishop approaching me after I came out of the font and inquiring, “Hey, did you really want to do that?  Because if so, we’ll have to do it again.  That was just a dress rehearsal.”  The Church’s entrance is like Wal-Mart—anyone can get in—and the Church’s exit is like a casino run by the TSA—even if you can find the exit, you have to take off your shoes and belt, empty your pockets, wait in line, have a fully body scan, pat down, and then if you’re lucky enough not to be selected for a random security check finally get out the door.

Let me be clear.  I want my request processed immediately without the involvement of local priesthood leaders.  I provided ample information in my original correspondence, including my cell phone number, to verify that the request was genuine.  If you want to confirm it’s me, just take 20 seconds and make the call.  Please provide confirmation of the removal as soon as possible. 

I respectfully decline the Brethren’s “urge” to reconsider.  Accordingly, please find enclosed their previously enclosed Invitation.  And you forgot to include the check.

Thanks.

                                                                                    Lord of Darkness  

Enclosure        (Via US Mail)

 

Well done, well said.  Good for you.

 

Please keep us posted.

 

Lord of Darkness:

 

The Church’s entrance is like Wal-Mart—anyone can get in—and the Church’s exit is like a casino run by the TSA—even if you can find the exit, you have to take off your shoes and belt, empty your pockets, wait in line, have a fully body scan, pat down, and then if you’re lucky enough not to be selected for a random security check finally get out the door.

 

 

This is my favorite part.  Apt analogy LoD. 

 

I have to think that even though your letters are highly irreverent and would likely be viewed as blasphemous at the COB, methinks those guys at confidential records have to get a chuckle out of it. 

The AP:

Lord of Darkness:

 

The Church’s entrance is like Wal-Mart—anyone can get in—and the Church’s exit is like a casino run by the TSA—even if you can find the exit, you have to take off your shoes and belt, empty your pockets, wait in line, have a fully body scan, pat down, and then if you’re lucky enough not to be selected for a random security check finally get out the door.

 

 

This is my favorite part.  Apt analogy LoD. 

 

I have to think that even though your letters are highly irreverent and would likely be viewed as blasphemous at the COB, methinks those guys at confidential records have to get a chuckle out of it. 

 

Good luck.  Let us know what happens.

 

Is it true that Dodge isn't there any more?  Maybe he couldn't handle the stress of so many resignations.   At least this one should have lightened his day.

 

 

Lord of Darkness:

And here is my response letter, which is going out tonight.

 

_____

 

 

                                                                                February 12, 2012

Via U.S. Mail & E-mail          

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints                   

Member Records (.(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address))

50 E. North Temple St.

Salt Lake City, UT  84150-1010

 

Dear “Confidential Records”:

I am in receipt of your letter dated February 8, 2012, which was in response to my original request to have my name removed from the records of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (or more accurately from the Corporation of the Presiding Bishop of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, a Utah corporation sole (hereinafter, the “Church”)). 

While the Church “considers such a request to be an ecclesiastical matter that must be handled by local priesthood leaders before being processed by Church employees,” I consider that consideration to be invasive, heavy-handed, and a form of harassment.  When I was baptized a member of the Church—ironically 29 years ago this month—I do not remember my bishop approaching me after I came out of the font and inquiring, “Hey, did you really want to do that?  Because if so, we’ll have to do it again.  That was just a dress rehearsal.”  The Church’s entrance is like Wal-Mart—anyone can get in—and the Church’s exit is like a casino run by the TSA—even if you can find the exit, you have to take off your shoes and belt, empty your pockets, wait in line, have a fully body scan, pat down, and then if you’re lucky enough not to be selected for a random security check finally get out the door.

Let me be clear.  I want my request processed immediately without the involvement of local priesthood leaders.  I provided ample information in my original correspondence, including my cell phone number, to verify that the request was genuine.  If you want to confirm it’s me, just take 20 seconds and make the call.  Please provide confirmation of the removal as soon as possible. 

I respectfully decline the Brethren’s “urge” to reconsider.  Accordingly, please find enclosed their previously enclosed Invitation.  And you forgot to include the check.

Thanks.

                                                                                    Lord of Darkness  

Enclosure        (Via US Mail)

 

 

Haha, I love how you're pushing the tithing refund so strongly. I am interested to see if they'll comment on it. And if they allow it, WOW this board is going to go ape shit to get their money back too! I only paid up until age 28, so they didn't get six figures from me, maybe only $15,000 or so. Still, that's a car.

 

That's a legal document...and your request for a refund should be legally honored. If they do not...you need to take legal action.

Lord of Darkness:

On February 9th, I received a letter back from the Church.  It reads as follows:

 

Dear Brother LoD:

 

 

I have been asked to acknowledge your recent letter in which you request that your name be removed from the membership of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

 

 

I have also been asked to inform you that the Church considers such a request to be an ecclesiastical matter that must be handled by local priesthood leaders before being processed by Church employees.  Therefore, your letter and a copy of this reply are being sent to President [henchman #1] of the [fill in the blank] Stake.  He will have Bishop [henchman #2] of the [fill in the blank] Ward contact you concerning the fulfillment of your request.

 

 

In view of the eternal consequences of such an action, the Brethren urge you to reconsider your request and to prayerfully consider the enclosed statement of the First Presidency.

 

 

Sincerly,

Confidential Records

 

 

I scanned a copy of the brochure, which was entitled "An Invitation."

 

God, I hate how their Invitation only acknowledges "being offended" as the reason someone leaves the Church. To this day, I have not heard of a single person resigning over being offended alone. If the Church were true, that would be a dumb reason to leave. It's because the Church is a pious fraud, THAT'S why we leave, Thomas.

 

By the way, the letter you received is identical to the one I got, as well as the same Invitation pamphlet. And yes, I specifically told them that my resignation was to happen immediately without waiting periods or additional approval. They just assume we don't know the law that as soon as they read "I hereby resign", this relationship is completely over.

Just curious, could someone put in their resignation letter something like: 

I herewith immediately resign my membership in TCOJCOLDS. That being said, as of the  date of this letter, TCOJCOLDS, is immediately released from ALL ecclesiastical obligations concerning me. There is no need to wait for this request to be cleared through ecclesiastical channels as none exists. No need to waist time and money by sending me the "Invitation to Return" pamphlet as my decision final. 

I was also going to say in response to their little pamphlet:

 

I KNOW DAMNED WELL I'M OFFENDED!!!!

I'm offended that a Church, the supposed One True Church, would lie to its followers for 183 years about its history, JS marrying other men's wixes, changing revelations, denying scientific research on the BoM, BoA, racism, human sexuality, revelation, etc. etc. 

Yes, I'm offended, now take my name of your xxxxxxx records. NOW!

 

</rant>

Well, it felt like an eternity, but I finally received the confirmation letter today.

 

___

 

                                                                           April 9, 2012

 

Dear Brother LoD:

 

This letter is to notify you that, in accordance with your request, your name has been removed from the membership records of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

 

Should you desire to become a member of the Church in the future, the local bishop or branch president in your area will be happy to help you.

 

Sincerely,

Confidential Records

___

 

 

Praise Jesus.

LoD, Congratulations on getting your confirmation letter! Ain't freedom from the morg soooo sweet.

LoD,

 

Congrats on loosing the "500 lb backpack".  You wrote some great letters! Can I borrow some of your stuff to help to friends and family why I want to leave TSCC?  

 

I guess you are still waiting on your refund?

 

Deb 

Nice letter!  I especially liked your "Common Sense" section.  After reading all of your issues, which I agreed with 100%, it really just comes down to the common sense determination that it was all just pure bullshit.  Lol.  Nice job..

Your second letter was dated Feb 12 an their final letter to you was April 9th.  I mean really, what took them so long.  This should take them like two days to process.