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Conference predictions
 
Long Timer
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Joined  2012-02-19

Is it too early to bring this up? Here are my predictions:

 

100% chance that the saints wiil be told pay more tithing

 

90% chance that the women will be told to quitcherbitchin

 

0% chance that Thomas Monson will describe the conversation he had with God last week.

 
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Dieter will talk about airplanes.

Tommy will talk about widows/boy scouts/his time in the navy.

Boyd will drool all over his chin.

Holland will offer fake tears.

Scott will sound like he's talking to a sunbeam class.

Eyring will cry.

 

AND.... (drum roll please)

 

A WOMAN WILL PRAY. 

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Take me to church
I’ll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies
I’ll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife
Offer me that deathless death
Good God, let me give you my life- Take Me To Church, Hozier

You’re like the Gandhi of postmo. - Lloyd Dobler

 
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If TM talks, there will be someone in the building with a button to push to cause technical difficulties if his dementia starts showing itself.

 

BKP will say something that makes all postmormons collectively think "what an 4$$hat"

 

The whitewashing of church history will continue

 

 

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“Nell,” the Constable continued, indicating through his tone of voice that the lesson was concluding, “the difference between ignorant and educated people is that the latter know more facts. But that has nothing to do with whether they are stupid or intelligent. The difference between stupid and intelligent people—and this is true whether or not they are well-educated—is that intelligent people can handle subtlety. They are not baffled by ambiguous or even contradictory situations—in fact, they expect them and are apt to become suspicious when things seem overly straightforward.”

From “The Diamond Age” - Neal Stevenson

 
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Here's my prediction:

 

The "saints" will be encouraged to:

1- only believe the whitewashed version of mormonism (doctrine, history, etc.) 

2- beware of stan's minions (including those evil anti-mormons who are scheming to get you).

3- rescue those poor unfortunate souls wallowing in misery because they were blinded by the lies of the adversary (a.k.a - the truth)

4- ...better not pout - oh, wait that's Santa that cares about pouters - Mormon Jesus likes pouters - apparantly.

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I cannot believe in a God that would care so much that his prophet get married to a teenage girl that he would threaten to send an angel with a flaming sword - yet doesn’t bother to send even a meek lowly angel to any one of several of his prophets to tell them that they might be pushing their racism a little too much.

 
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   I predict that we will be informed of great growth numbers and that we are flooding the Earth with the gospel.

 

   We will be warned about satan's efforts to lead us astray and that we need to be vigilant against him.

 

   We will be chastised for using the Internet to search for history facts and warned not to listen to those who have fallen away.

 

   Of course, porn will be discussed, at least in the priesthood session. Yeah, discussed and beat into the brains of anyone in attendance.

 

   The commercials between sessions will all be about purchasing food storage and 72 hour kits. I'm sure that we will get a tour of city creek mall too. Anyone need a new Porsche?

 

   I doubt that Packer will be allowed to even speak as he is a loose cannon. 

 

   I would like to hear some new revelation and not just the same old crap that they usually talk about.  This planet is in turmoil and changing and some guidance as to how to cope would be nice. 

 

 
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Going waaaaay out on a limb, I predict that the admission will be made that in some cases, homosexuality is not a choice, and that while Heavenly Father hasn't explained just why this experience is given to some of his children, the physical manifestation of this "state" must not be explored.  There will be an assurance that observance of the chastity rules will pay off and that the path to glory, i.e. godhood, will unfold before ALL the faithful.  Of course this is just the first in a series of PR steps necessary to eventual acceptance of same sex marriage.  The Big 15, and their toadies, aren't really all that dumb; they aren't going to go through the 1978 experience all over again...
 
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There are a couple of things that I'm going to PROPHESY:

 

1 - SOSDD (same old shite, different day) for the bulk of the messages

 

2 - I'm not going to watch a second of it - I'm going to find something fun to do instead!  (isn't it WONDERFUL being free??)

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Please think responsibly!

 
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GC is the most potent cure for insomnia ever distributed globally. 

 

But if we must speculate...

 

I'd say they will make many references to the new version of the standard works. The bottom line is they need to sell a certain number to break even with the expense of creating them (though most certainly they will want to actually turn a profit and breaking even is not the goal).

 

They must produce interest in the new version to generate sales, so you'll hear plenty about them this session.  

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“Never forget! The higher we soar, the smaller we appear to those who cannot fly.”
-Friedrich Nietzsche

 
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It is going to be a group orgasm over the missionary numbers...ooohhhhh my, look at the numbers!!!  It must be true.

 

A few new temples will be announced, someone will come up with a catchy phrase--like "tender mercies" or "provident living" or "faboosh modesty"--several will cry and pause for effect, the crowd will laugh at the wrong lines, and the choir will blow our minds by singing the same songs the same way they always have.

 

Snoozer.

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“Ignorance is the softest pillow on which a man can rest his head.” Michel de Montaigne

 
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Hitchen&#;s Razor:

If TM talks, there will be someone in the building with a button to push to cause technical difficulties if his dementia starts showing itself.

 

BKP will say something that makes all postmormons collectively think "what an 4$$hat"

 

The whitewashing of church history will continue

 

 

 

A lot of us predicted something similar for the last GC, but Tommy boy surprised us all by being coherent and on point. Maybe he's on some good meds.

 

I think BKP is an asshat without having to hear him speak. But I still hope he comes up with some wild shiz that makes even the most devout TBM squirm.

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Take me to church
I’ll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies
I’ll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife
Offer me that deathless death
Good God, let me give you my life- Take Me To Church, Hozier

You’re like the Gandhi of postmo. - Lloyd Dobler

 
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BKP is the one that seems to be able to create the most HATE from those outside the "flock".  He's stuck in an 1800's mind-set and his world is just plain black and white.  There's no room for thought or individuality in his small mind.  At least "Cousin Tommy" (my mother's cousin) keeps it all warm and fuzzy - talking about the times of his youth when he helped sister smith make her jello-carrot salad to feed the elders.  ZZZZZZ - great napping fodder...
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Please think responsibly!

 
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edited by fauxmon... nothing left.
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I cannot believe in a God that would care so much that his prophet get married to a teenage girl that he would threaten to send an angel with a flaming sword - yet doesn’t bother to send even a meek lowly angel to any one of several of his prophets to tell them that they might be pushing their racism a little too much.

 
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Here's my prediction: Obedience will be the big topic. Leaders will speak on it throughout the weekend with a final statement by TSM about true happiness comes through obedience to the lord's anointed.
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Believe those who are seeking the truth.  Doubt those who find it.  ~Andre Gide

 
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DaveManCan:
Here's my prediction: Obedience will be the big topic. Leaders will speak on it throughout the weekend with a final statement by TSM about true happiness comes through obedience to the lord's anointed.

 

 definition of a CULT

 
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Two predictions:

 

1.  Since the mormon feminists have been getting louder lately, and even managed to pressure them into letting a lowly woman pray in GC, I predict that there will be an overly shmoozy, not-even-remotely-sincere talk about how wonderful women are, how vital their roles are in God's One True Plan, etc. etc.  (Kind of like a lot of the talks that are given on Mother's Day.)

 

2.  In the spirit of Alastor Moody someone will give a talk about Constant Vigilance.  It is growing clearer all the time that Satan's forces are attacking the Morg, now more than ever.  People are leaving (not that they'll admit much of that) and the wheat is being separated from the chaff.  These are the last days...  yada yada yada...  you can't sit on the fence...  there are no spectators in this war, so pick the right side unless you want to be a casualty too...  yada yada yada...  I just think they're going to amp up the rhetoric of constant vigilance.  If they would actually use that phrase I might just be motivated to watch! 

 
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The modesty of women's shoes! 
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Morality is doing what’s right regardless of what you are told. Obedience is doing what is told regardless of what is right!

 
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Joined  2008-12-18

All Fun and Games:
The modesty of women's shoes! 

 

My favorite topic

 

 
Long Timer
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Joined  2008-05-18

 

 

The 'world' is getting wickeder, and wickeder, and wickeder, and wickeder, and wickeder...yada, yada, yada--even when the newspapers are quoting FBI statistics that show the opposite.

 

So my prediction is that the brethren (and sisters, of course) who speak in conference will use lots of scare tactics and spout gibberish and nonsense that anybody who reads should be able to see is BS. 

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After coming into contact with a religious man I always feel I must wash my hands.

Friedrich Nietzsche

 
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Joined  2012-06-26

I predict that people in the audience will be made to feel that they are bad people and they are not trying hard enough.

I live in Arizona where we could not get General Conference on television or radio. So we had to dress up in our Sunday best and go to the Stake Center and sit in a pitch dark room looking at the movie screen for long long hours.

I started to think that this was my version of hell. You are stuck in darkness. You have no freedom to move. No freedom to speak. You just sit there endlessly watching motivational films that make you feel bad about yourself. Films that go on and on about how weak and wayward you are. Films that tell you that you must change your nature and be better than you are. Films that talk about how you need to take on additional work and have less free time for yourself.

General Conference is hell on earth.
 
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I prophecy that Gay Marriage will be talked about, since it is in the Supreme Court next week. 

They will use the old illogical adage that it will destroy the family unit, tear society apart. They will say that a child NEEDS a father and a mother, thereby slapping all single parents in the face.

Children raised by same sex parents are starting to speak out and saying their mothers or fathers sexual orientation didn't harm their upbringing. But TSCC will ignore it, again.

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Why would you consider a man a prophet whose morals are worse than your own? Having claimed to commune with deity, be visited by angels and receive revelations, should he not be held to a higher standard? —me

 
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A programmed rank and file woman will speak (blubber) on the wondrous joys of motherhood, wifehood, priesthood supporthood etc. She will chastise those females who would desire more.  The following comments by whoever is conducting or speaking will laud her remarks and encourage all women everywhere to heed the message.
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If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away.
- Henry David Thoreau

 
Long Timer
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Quartersawn:

I prophecy that Gay Marriage will be talked about, since it is in the Supreme Court next week. 

They will use the old illogical adage that it will destroy the family unit, tear society apart. They will say that a child NEEDS a father and a mother, thereby slapping all single parents in the face.

Children raised by same sex parents are starting to speak out and saying their mothers or fathers sexual orientation didn't harm their upbringing. But TSCC will ignore it, again.

 

 And BKP will be the one to say it since he is on his way out.

 

I have to agree with obedience and Satan's evil influence. It is so sad how much thought, money, and time my TBM friends are preparing for doom and gloom. 

 
       
 


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