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I’m Out.
 
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This was done with my wife's blessing, even though she is still a TBM.  Just wanted to share...

Emailed letter in on Monday this week. Received "An Invitation to Come Back and Pay Us Some More Money" pamphlet and a quick phone call from bishop on Wednesday. He filled out his paperwork and gave it to the SP on Thursday.

 

That is all.

 

 

 

 

My letter (I dated it the 13th because that was my birthday)... 

___________________

 

Bite Me
Address
DOB
MRN

August 13, 2013

Member Records Division, LDS Church
50 E North Temple, Rm 1372
Salt Lake City, UT 84150-5310
email: <!-- e -->.(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)<!-- e -->

To whom it may concern:

This letter is my formal resignation from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and it is effective immediately. I hereby withdraw my consent to being treated as a member and I withdraw my consent to being subject to church rules, policies, beliefs and 'discipline'. As I am no longer a member, I want my name permanently and completely removed from the membership rolls of the church.

I have given this matter considerable thought. I understand what you consider the 'seriousness' and the 'consequences' of my actions. I am aware that the church handbook says that my resignation "cancels the effects of baptism and confirmation, withdraws the priesthood held by a male member and revokes temple blessings" I also understand that I will be "readmitted to the church by baptism only after a thorough interview". (Quotes from the current Church Handbook of Instructions.)

My resignation should be processed immediately, without any 30-day or other ‘waiting periods'. I am not going to be dissuaded and I am not going to change my mind.

I expect this matter to be handled promptly, with respect and with full confidentiality.

After today, the only contact I want from the church is a single letter of confirmation to let me know that I am no longer listed as a member of the church. There is no need to have anyone come by to talk at me about why I am leaving. It would just be an exercise in futility. I am not going to debate my leaving of the church, nor will I ever consider coming back without having a frontal lobotomy first.

In the end, my reasons for leaving don't really matter, and honestly, no one really cares beyond it being a loss of tithing dollar revenue to the corporation. The church will believe what they want to believe, say what they want to say, and it will probably be something along the lines of "I left and went to get more beer, smoke a joint, sleep around a bit, shoot some heroin, spend a few nights in the gutter, kill someone, contemplate suicide, steal a bagel, kick an old lady while she is crossing the street, lie with my hand on the bible, starve a puppy, and watch a few hours of porn."

So, what's the point. Let's just keep things simple and leave it at, "Going to get milk, never coming back."

Sincerely,

Bite Me

 
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BITE ME:

This was done with my wife's blessing, even though she is still a TBM.  Just wanted to share...

Emailed letter in on Monday this week. Received "An Invitation to Come Back and Pay Us Some More Money" pamphlet and a quick phone call from bishop on Wednesday. He filled out his paperwork and gave it to the SP on Thursday.

 

That is all.

 

 

 

 

My letter (I dated it the 13th because that was my birthday)... 

___________________

 

Bite Me
Address
DOB
MRN

August 13, 2013

Member Records Division, LDS Church
50 E North Temple, Rm 1372
Salt Lake City, UT 84150-5310
email: <!-- e -->.(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)<!-- e -->

To whom it may concern:
--Snipped--
There is no need to have anyone come by to talk at me about why I am leaving. It would just be an exercise in futility. I am not going to debate my leaving of the church, nor will I ever consider coming back without having a frontal lobotomy first.

In the end, my reasons for leaving don't really matter, and honestly, no one really cares beyond it being a loss of tithing dollar revenue to the corporation. The church will believe what they want to believe, say what they want to say, and it will probably be something along the lines of "I left and went to get more beer, smoke a joint, sleep around a bit, shoot some heroin, spend a few nights in the gutter, kill someone, contemplate suicide, steal a bagel, kick an old lady while she is crossing the street, lie with my hand on the bible, starve a puppy, and watch a few hours of porn."

So, what's the point. Let's just keep things simple and leave it at, "Going to get milk, never coming back."


Sincerely,

Bite Me

  Congratulations!

 

  [  ] Love this part.

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“I’m having the best day of my life, and I owe it all to not going to Church!”—Homer Simpson, The Simpsons

“I don’t object to the concept of a deity, but I’m baffled by the notion of one that takes attendance.”—Amy Farrah Fowler, The Big Bang Theory

“For the record, I do have genitals. They’re functional and aesthetically pleasing.”—Sheldon Cooper, The Big Bang Theory

All comments, statements, opinions, suggestions, and information expressed, or quotes cited, represent the exclusive viewpoint of Aleut at that point in time and are NOT meant to compel or represent agreement by the reader. Aleut will not be liable for any errors, omissions, or any losses, injuries, or damages arising from its display or use.

 
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This is the best resignation letter I have ever read. Thank-you for sharing. May I use some of it when I send in my letter.(I would just borrow some ideas, not the exact words)

This had to elicit some smiles from the worker bees at TSCC.

 
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It's a great letter, Bite Me.

 

I love how it begins in a serious, business-like tone, including refering to the CHI, then spirals downward into mockery.  Excellent dispatch.

 

Thank you for displaying to us how you derided TSCC.  We salute your boldness! 

 

Congratulations on your freedom from the Morg!

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“If 50 million people say a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing.”
                    —Anatole France

Most people would rather be right than be happy.

 
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Wow that is a great letter! Laughed out loud several times! Good job calling them out on their bs- welcome to the "dark side", enjoy your freedom
 
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Thanks everyone for the kind words!  It's good to be on the dark side.

 

I've collected bits and pieces from others' letters over time and put them together.  Anyone can use this in part or whole.  More power to you!

 

I'm curious to see if SP Asshat delays it.  The bishop was really cool about it.  He immediately apologized for calling and violating the DNC request.  He said it was simply a formality to verify it was me and that was all he did, nothing more.  Totally respectful in every way.

 

When my sister's belief blew up like 5 years ago, she told me about this site.  I lurked around here every now and then trying to understand her and where she was at or headed to.  I just put what I read up on my shelf, as I just wanted her to find her happy place.  Two years ago, my belief blew up.  I would have never dreamt in a million years that I would be an exmo today.  That was Inconceivable!!  Funny thing about it is, I left before she did. 

 

Thank you, Jeebus.

 

 

 
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This bears repeating:

 

"Anyone with 'Popcorn' Sutton as an avatar... You KNOW is going to tell the Truth."

 

...That's with a capital "T". 

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The above post is merely the experience, observation and perspective of a NeverMo, offered in support of the members of PostMormon.org


“Nolite te bastardes carborundorum” aka: “Don’t let the bastards grind you down.” — “The Handmaid’s Tale” ...Margaret Atwood


“Nearly 7 billion people on the planet, hurting one person’s feelings really isn’t a big deal. You’ll find other friends. Better ones that won’t try to force feed you pig shit.” — General Smith

 

 
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Congrats, just left myself recently.
 
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CONGRATS!!!

 

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Lloyd Dobler:
There is almost no limit to how bad the church will make you their bitch.

 
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Fluffy:
Congrats, just left myself recently.

 

Way to go, Fluffy!!

 
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Way to go Bite Me.  How did your wife take the actually fact that you are no longer a member?  Any light you can shed on how that played out is appreciated.  I recently mentioned to my wife that I no longer want to go to church....................um, ever again.  That did not go over great but it is now simmering and I still have not gone back.
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I should have known better
when I caught you wild;
you were incredible,
Never knew you like I know you now,
You are illegible,
Imperceptible the lines that form the screw.


It Kills
Afghan Whigs
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TzyuivDVMGo

 
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Lloyd Dobler:
Way to go Bite Me.  How did your wife take the actually fact that you are no longer a member?  Any light you can shed on how that played out is appreciated.  I recently mentioned to my wife that I no longer want to go to church....................um, ever again.  That did not go over great but it is now simmering and I still have not gone back.

 

Ok, so hopefully this will help in understanding time lines...

 

When I returned home from working out of town for 8 mos. last year, I tried attending church each week with my wife. (July & Aug 2012).  I had previously told her (over the phone) about my disaffection about a month before coming home. (Yeah, I know... WTF was I thinking???) It didn't go over real well, and I wouldn't recommend that method for coming out about it.

 

We had a number of pretty big arguments about the whole church thing during July/August 2012.  It was during and after the last one at the end of August that I told her that attending each week was eating me up from the inside out just like a cancer.  She agreed and said she could see that it was killing me.  She said that even though she didn't like it, she thought it was better that I stop attending on Sundays, period.

 

Also, from the beginning of this whole thing, I've always felt that I needed to get at least one of my kids out as well.  She could have ignored me, written me off, or otherwise never faced any of this if it were just me.  However, I knew she couldn't do that to one of her own kids.  So, my oldest son (15 at the time) and I had a conversation that he initiated in August.  3 months later, he no longer believed either.

 

So, fast forward to October thru February.  I had a few sessions with a therapist that really helped me.  I suggested that she might benefit from it as well and that maybe we should try it a session or two together.  So, we did.  It really helped.  He helped her to understand that I/we were not "broken".  Things were just "different" and different was okay.  He helped us with setting boundaries and keeping others from coming between us and getting in the middle of our relationship.

 

We still had some pretty good arguments, but they were less frequent and we were generally able to get thru them in one day.  The therapy/counseling had helped us better develop our communication skills and this was tremendously helpful! 

During this time, I had previously told her that I was never coming back (to belief/activity in the church) and that I was going to send in my letter.  She asked me to wait until her parents were dead so as to not cause problems.  MIL is 79 and FIL is 82.  He'll be gone soon and she's probably a couple of years behind him.  So, I agreed.  However, there was one condition.  If the love-bombing and associated bullshit got to be too much, I was done and wouldn't wait any longer.

 

So, she met with the bishop in April (my son was there during the meeting) and laid down the law with regards to boundaries.  Honestly, it worked pretty well.  There were a few missteps, but overall they generally respected what she had asked.

 

Fast forward to August 13th, my birthday.   

 

When I woke up and got out of bed that morning, my wife handed me this letter...

___________

Dear Bite Me,

Happy Birthday! I wanted to give you a real gift but out kids pretty much took our funds. :) I decided that I would give you a gift that you would prefer anyway and this gift isn't purchased with money.

A year ago when you told me that you no longer believed in LDS beliefs, it really rocked my world. Even worse, you told me that you wanted to turn in your letter and have your name taken off the records. I had told you that I wasn't ready and could you please wait for me to be ok with your decision. Now that it has been a year, I have learned so much about myself and what free agency is all about. I would like to believe I am learning just a little bit of what Christ-like love is. I'm sorry I asked you to wait, I realize now that that was very selfish of me. I know now that I will never be "ok" for you to give up your membership but, I can say that I'm ready. It's not about me anymore, it's about you feeling free. I hope you can forgive me for holding you back and placing my anger towards you. You have been very patient and continue to be with me as I and the kids still attend. I hope you will continue to be that patient even though I really don't have the right to ask. I may not read everything you have which will probably drive you crazy, but I have learned not to take all doctrine as the end all. I know now that the LDS church is not for everyone and that is ok. I can't worry about everything. I can only do my best and live the best I can.

I will make at least a million mistakes and ask you to hang I there with me. I really think our love for each other has intensified and I hope it will continue to grow over the next 30 plus years to come. I wouldn't want to be with anyone else and I hope you feel the same about me. I still don't plan to tell my parents or my family just yet as I don't think it would do any good for my parents to worry but if it comes out, I will be ok and handle it the best I can. So, this is my letter telling you that I forgive you and accept you as you are and go ahead and turn in your letter. I really want you to be happy. I know things won't be absolutely perfect, but I do know that we will be happy to think whether in the long run. I love you!

Love,
Mrs. Bite Me
_______________ 

 

 

When my wife gave me this letter, I was so touched and grateful for it, I thought "hey, I'm going try and hold off for a while for her because I know she would appreciate it."  Her dad isn't doing well and I really think now it's a matter of just a few months before he's dead.   

  

Well, I only made it to Sunday.  Had they not crossed the boundaries again, I wouldn't have sent it in yet.  The WML (also now our home teacher since they had to monkey with this by reassigning away a guy that I had a perfectly good understanding with who would call me every so often with a fifteen second "Hi. Yeah, we're good. Thanks, Bye." call) dropped by with no appointment. He's been told that any home teaching conversations would need to be at church and not in the home. He came by under the guise of asking about another less-active family in the ward. Really? That family lives two houses down from him. (We're three streets away which might as well be on the other side of town here.) Oh, and by the way, how are you guys doing?

This really got under my skin.  The thing I realized is that at this point, it doesn't matter what I do or don't do. You can't win with TBMs. They don't think or behave like normal, rational people. I'm done trying to cater to them and always play nice in the sandbox. Until a TBM experiences something akin to a "mental bitch slap" they will continue to think and believe as they do. While it would be nice if they understood and accepted me and where I'm at, the reality is they won't and they don't want to. I'm ok with that. It no longer matters to me and I don't have a need for their approval. I will return the same level of respect and consideration that they show and give to me and my family.

 

So, I sent in my resignation letter. I sent it via email with delivery and read receipts requested. We'll see how that works.

______________________

 

Time frames after sending letter in to the COB...


Resignation Letter submitted via email: 8/19/2013 10:38am

Email Read Receipt received from the Church: 8/19/2013 1:25pm

Received "An Invitation" pamphlet and official letter of acknowledgment from the Church via USPS: 8/21/2013

Received Voicemail Message from bishop asking for a return phone call: 8/21/2013 7:37pm

Returned phone call to bishop: 8/22/2013 12:10pm

Just got off the phone with him. He was hesitant to even call in the first place because he wanted to respect the "no contact" request in the letter. He didn't ask for a meeting and just wanted to let me know he received it and would make sure his part was handled and forwarded on to the SP before he left town for several weeks.

He has family who are exmos and tries to be pretty sensitive to boundaries.

Seems to be moving along nicely so far.

 

_______________________

 

 

I think my wife's willingness to "set me free" was motivated by a desire to remove what she perceived as a wedge between us in our relationship so that we could heal, move on, and grow closer together. They keep trying to drive that wedge back in place.

 

I think I'd have been better off personally if I had done it sooner. But, it was better for my wife that I waited. She needed that time to get ok with it.  It's just taken a while for her to come to terms with everything and get past a lot of the bullshit they indoctrinate members with.
Anyway, this was long, but I hope it helps!
 
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Oh, I should also add the following...

 

I think my wife has come to believe that the church just isn't for everyone and that there isn't just one way.  For now at least, the church works for her. Maybe someday that will change.

 
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Awesome story, Bite Me.  Hang onto that woman--sounds like you have both come quite a long way in a relatively short period of time.  In the end, she is choosing you over the church, and that's a big deal.  Also, if I were in your shoes I would never mention resignation to her elderly parents (I'm sure you already know this). 
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“Morality is doing what is right, no matter what you are told.
Religion is doing what you are told, no matter what is right.”
-Author Unknown

”...the good things about the church are not unique and the unique things about the church are not true, what’s the point?”
-Happy Guy

“In the unlikely event that this life is a test, I would hope it is a test of character and integrity rather than obedience and credulity. If the former, I have nothing to fear from my apostasy. If the latter, then God is a scoundrel and all is lost anyway.”
-Robby Sunshine

 
       
 


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