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If your not married in the temple..
 
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Anyone ever noticed a Mormon civil wedding is demeaning to the newly weds? Not only are the morbot friends and family members disappointed ...the newly weds get a good dose of hearing "You need to be sealed the the temple" all day long.

Talk about  making a happy couple on their wedding day feel sub par at best! 

They are robed of what is suppose to be the "Best Day" of their life. 

Instead of complete love and support they receive a half hearted wedding ceremony by a dissapointed bishop and a good lecture on how they need to get to the temple ASAP! Best of all...It's all done in a basketball gym!! How crappy is that for new marriage!

 
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I totally agree.  The few civil Mormon ceremonies I've been to have been sad affairs with tears of grief being shed.  They were horrible!  You could play a drinking game with how many times the Bishop adds "for time only" as if not to let the poor couple forget they are having a second class marriage.

 

I decided in high school even that if I didn't marry in the temple it sure as hell wouldn't be in the gym by the Bishop.  When I did marry my nevermo husband it was in a church filled with people who never knew people did weddings any other way.

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I don’t want to ruin the ending for you ...... but it’s all going to be okay.

 
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A civil service at the courthouse is better than a service in the relief society room.
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- Joel McDonald Jr.

“Mormonism does not have a monopoly on the spirituality it claims as the confirmation of its validity.”

 
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I attended a second wedding once where the husband had divorced his wife to marry this lady.  No physical hanky panky had gone on during the marriage, but probably some emotional hanky panky.  It was the worst thing I have ever attended.  It was one huge lecture about how immoral the couple had been.  My kids were there and I was just cringing, and it went on for over an hour.  Maybe there was a place for that, but surely not at a public wedding ceremony.  A wedding should be a happy event for the bride and groom, and let me tell ya, there was hardly a dry eye in the whole place and they weren't crying for happiness. 
 
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My husband and I were the last ones to get to use the chapel. (Thank goodness they were renovating the cultural hall and building. Anyway, I knew that I was up a shit creek without a paddle with some of my relatives and ward members as far as not going through the temple, and so my husband and I requested that one line of the ceremony be deleted. No can do.."husband and wife for the period of your mortal life"...If could just do things over..this wedding would have been one of them. I would rather people would just come out and say something than snicker..he..he..ha..ha..is she pregnant?? Crap!
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No, I am not LDS.

 
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MishMagnet:

I totally agree.  The few civil Mormon ceremonies I've been to have been sad affairs with tears of grief being shed.  They were horrible!  You could play a drinking game with how many times the Bishop adds "for time only" as if not to let the poor couple forget they are having a second class marriage.

weddings any other way.

 

This has been exactly my experience. There must be something about it in the handbook. I remember one wedding I went to, at the end the presider said, "And now I pronounce you man and wife, FOR THE REST OF YOUR MORTAL LIVES!!" It sounded so much like a curse, and it was so funny, that the bride and groom and everyone else busted out laughing... I'm not sure he knew what we were laughing at, he just looked kind of lost...

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“It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues.” -Abraham Lincoln

 
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DH and I were married in the church house and not the temple. Basically because it's free compared to other churches, LOL

 

I was oblivious to any criticism. I was knocked up, but it wasn't the reason for our nuptuals, LOL.

 

The ONLY think that annoyed the crap out of me during the ceremony was the Bishop (a very long time close family friend of ours, whom my dad worked with pretty much all my life up to that point, and whom I called Grandpa, as a term of endearment) when he pronounced us he used my MAIDEN NAME after the marriage instead of my now MARRIED NAME.

 

I certainly didn't go through all that fuss and muss to retain my maiden name, . Nothing wrong for those who choose to keep their maiden names. In all honesty I haven't even changed my ID over to my married name yet and I still float between the two names, but still! It was my only qualm.

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“You might want to tell the truth. It’s easier to remember.” - Cho ~ The Mentalist..
A Mormon?! But I’m from Earth! - Homer Simpson..
I’m sorry, but if I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong! As it is I refuse to have a ‘Battle Of Wits’ with an unarmed person!

 
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Hubby and I were married in the office of my mothers branch president.

 

Of course, hubby wasnt a member then and I was pregnant. LOL

 

We didnt get blasted but I knew they were all disappointed in how things went down,etc. My mom, especially, pressed for us to get married asap. We upped the wedding by a few months to appease them and had it at moms church building. That worked for a bit.

 

We did eventually get the hinting about him joining (mostly mom always yapping about it when Id call to talk to her weekly) and then getting to the temple asap to be sealed. They didnt want us losing out on that eternal family you know.

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~HILLARIE~

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I made the unpardonable sin of marrying a non-member. Ohhh, the shame of it.

 

The good news is that since my wife's parents paid for the wedding we did it their way. First Class.

 

We were married in wayfarers chapel. Awsome place. Turns out to be sweedenborigan, so maybe we qualify to for celestial kingdom anyway, since the 3 degrees of glory was swedenborgs idea to begin with. 

 

http://www.wayfarerschapel.org/ 

 

Had our receiption in a really nice resturant.  Even served champaign.  Quite the scandal at the time.

 

My wife's family was OK with it all. Nothing unusual. However my family . . .

 

My Grandfather went on and on . . . he had never seen a wedding like this before in his life (and he was 75 at the time). It totally blew his mind.  Every table I visited with my familiy, they all had their jaws on the tables. Actuall sit down meals, no jello . . . roast beef . . .  a wedding ceremony in a beautiful place, not a temple . . . lots and lots of caring/loving people around celebrating . . .

 

 It was so foreign to them.  Which is a really sad comment on the LDS society. 

 

 

 

  DB

 

 

 

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“If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of Google.”

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DB: 

My wife's family was OK with it all. Nothing unusual. However my family . . .

 

My Grandfather went on and on . . . he had never seen a wedding like this before in his life (and he was 75 at the time). It totally blew his mind.  Every table I visited with my familiy, they all had their jaws on the tables. Actuall sit down meals, no jello . . . roast beef . . .  a wedding ceremony in a beautiful place, not a temple . . . lots and lots of caring/loving people around celebrating . . .

 

 It was so foreign to them.  Which is a really sad comment on the LDS society. 

 Oh, wow... that place is beautiful! *drools*

 

I have always wanted to be married outdoors in winter... something about snow on the ground and everyone all bundled up makes me happy.  My guests would probably be freezing their booties off... but that has always been my dream.  I would be jumping for joy if it snowed during the ceremony!!!

 

Then, everyone goes into the reception with a big fireplace, hot chocolate, coffee (yes, TBM family members... coffee) and anything else dessert related.  That is my idea of a perfect wedding.

 

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cheese Candygal would love to give you that wedding...!
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No, I am not LDS.

 
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candygal:
:cheese: Candygal would love to give you that wedding...!

 

 I know Mom, I know... 

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My Blog:
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My Photos: My Photography Website

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Joined  2007-11-28

Yeah, I've been to a Relief Society room wedding before, and man, did it put a damper on things.  Basically the bride looked really uncomfortable with the whole situation, as did her mother.  The story as I remember it was that the bride and groom were both the inactive-believer sort, and just wanted to be married to each other as soon as possible, without jumping through all of the temple marriage hoops right off.  

 

But again, the bishop who married them made a huge deal about it being 'for time only.' Good hell...we all knew the couple was well aware of that, as was everyone else. The concept of 'time only' reeks the air at these LDS church ceremonies, it seems.   

 

 
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I worked with an older guy that was a Pentecostal preacher and was kewl as hell.  He offered to marry me when I found someone - so a year later I took him upon it.  Funny...  The idea of having one of my previous bishops marry me didn't even present itself in my mind.

 

I have a cousin whose bishop refused to marry her to her DH if they didn't both attend church for two months first.  Since DH was a nevermo with no desire to join, they found themselves at the courthouse. 

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Everyday, things are changing, words once honored turned to lies
People wondering, can you blame them
Its too far to run, and too late to hide -Jim Croce

 
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duryen:

 

I have a cousin whose bishop refused to marry her to her DH if they didn't both attend church for two months first. 

 

Serious?!  That is truly one of the most absurd things that I've heard.  Really.  In fact it's so absurd that they should have fired back with, "Wow bishop, if we both attend church for, say....THREE months....what do we earn then?"

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In the end no one will sell you what you need,
You can’t buy it off the shelf,
You got to grow it from the seed ~Chris Smither

 
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I once attended a Mormon wedding of a young couple who had committed the sin next to murder and the bride was pregnant.  She was 17, her groom was, I think 18 or 19.  The wedding took place in the backyard of the young man's home.  His mother had decorated it beautifully and it turned out really, really  nice.  Of course the bish had to admonish the couple to repent so they could be sealed in the temple, and many of the guests were tsk-tsking under their breath at the scandal of it all. 

The most obnoxious moment came during the reception party when my High Priest father cornered the bride, admired her wedding ring and told her, "You know what will help keep your ring sparkling beautifully?  Twice a day soaking in dishwater."  Har de har har, Dad.  Jerk.

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~Bella~

 
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My wife and I were married at the courthouse. We eloped. We were knocked up too, but her parents were so hostile that we just didn't tell them. We both were believers and I was an RM, so I felt terribly guilty. When her parents found out, they insisted on sending out announcements. I don't know why, other than to shame us. They wanted to make sure the ward knew we were married and it wasn't in the temple. Even our sealing was an excercise in shame. It was like, "this is nice, but it could have been better."

 

A few years back, a girl in my ward was getting married. For some reason, the bishop didn't feel like she was appropriately contrite for some past sin so he refused to give her a TR. He told her she had to wait to get married. She said, "screw you" and started planning a civil ceremony. It was funny to see the bishop feel like his power was taken away. Her parents told everyone who was coming to the ceremony that they shouldn't come if they couldn't be happy for their daughter. They didn't want people treating it as less than it should be. Nevertheless, the many of the mormons in attendance couldn't help themselves from whispering about how sad it was that they were only getting married civilly. 

 

Here are the official instructions for civil marriages as conducted by bishops from the Church Handbook of Instructions:

 

Civil Marriage Ceremony

Civil marriage ceremonies should be simple, conservative, and in harmony with the sacredness of the marriage covenants. There should be no extravagance in decorations or pomp in the proceedings. Video recorders and cameras may not be used in the chapel. For suggestions about music for civil weddings, see page 290 in Book 2.

 

Before performing a civil marriage, a Church officer may counsel the couple on the sacred nature of the marriage covenant and may add other counsel as the Spirit directs.

 

To perform a civil marriage, a Church officer addresses the couple and says, "Please take each other by the right hand." He then says, "[Bridegroom's full name and bride's full name], you have taken one another by the right hand in token of the covenants you will now enter into in the presence of God and these witnesses." (The couple may choose or nominate these witnesses.)

 

The officer then addresses the bridegroom and asks, "[Bridegroom's full name], do you take [bride's full name] as your lawfully wedded wife, and do you of your own free will and choice covenant as her companion and lawfully wedded husband that you will cleave unto her and none else; that you will observe all the laws, covenants, and obligations pertaining to the holy state of matrimony; and that you will love, honor, and cherish her as long as you both shall live?"

 

The bridegroom answers, "Yes" or "I do."

 

The Church officer then addresses the bride and asks, "[Bride's full name], do you take [bridegroom's full name] as your lawfully wedded husband, and do you of your own free will and choice covenant as his companion and lawfully wedded wife that you will cleave unto him and none else; that you will observe all the laws, covenants, and obligations pertaining to the holy state of matrimony, and that you will love, honor, and cherish him as long as you both shall live?"

 

The bride answers, "Yes" or "I do."

 

The Church officer then addresses the couple and says, "By virtue of the legal authority vested in me as an elder of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I pronounce you, [bridegroom's name] and [bride's name], husband and wife, legally and lawfully wedded for the period of your mortal lives.

 

"May God bless your union with joy in your posterity and a long life of happiness together, and may He enable you to keep sacred the covenants you have made. These blessings I invoke upon you in the name of the Lord, Jesus Christ, amen.

 

"You may kiss each other as husband and wife."

 

A Church officer who performs civil marriages in his Church capacity may not accept fees.

 

A Church officer who performs a civil marriage for members must send to the bishop(s) of the home ward(s) of those he has married a letter with all information needed to update membership records. He also must comply fully with legal requirements for reporting and record keeping.

 

 
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My little brother got married a few years ago in the relief society room.  He hadn't really been to church since he was very young (youngest of us kids - my parents had gone inactive by then).  She wasn't preggers, but did already have a small baby from a previous boyfriend. 

 

Anyway, his bride-to-be picked the date of their wedding because they liked how it sounded.  They were married on Feb 2, 2002 

 

(02/02/02)

 

Well, once they had that date down, they decided why not take it one step further.  They told the bish that they wanted to have their "Kiss the bride" moment precisely at 2:02 pm.

 

Well on the day of the wedding, my future SIL took her own sweet time getting ready.  She was holed up in the primary room forever!  I think she finally started down the aisle at about 1:50 pm.  Well, I do have to give this bish props, because he honored their request.... rushed through all the normal yaddayaddayadda, made one small comment about 'working' to make this marriage a "forever" one, and had them kissing by 2:02.

 

Back then, I just thought she was being slow!   But hmm... now I wonder if the girl was just being SMART and avoiding the public lecture. 

 

 

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~CrazyDaisy~


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