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How do you respond to “I’m worried about your salvation” from TBM’s?
 
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SealMeToElvis:

My standard response to family members who give me the "I'm worried about your salvation" schpeel:

 

Well, that makes one of us.

 

Love it!!

 

So many good ones on this thread!

 

In all seriousness, if it were anyone other than a close friend or family member, I'd say either, "Why don't you let me worry about that," or "Let god worry about that," with a wink and a smile.

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If I wanted to be kind to the person concerned about my salvation and I was in a good mood I would say:

 

"Thank you for your concern.  I know how you feel.  I once believed as you do now and if the situation were reversed, I would be concerned about your salvation.  However, you do not know what I know, and have never been where I am now.  I am confident that my salvation will take care of itself and is none of your concern.  If you are worried you won't have a fullness of joy without me in the Celestial Kingdom, well...it can't really be perfect then, like we were told it would be."

 

If I were feeling less charitable I might say:

 

"I am an apostate and you are concerned about my salvation, am I correct?  Well, lets see what the great prophet of the Mormon Exodus, Brigham Young, had to say on the subject of saving apostates;

 

 I could refer you to plenty of instances where men, have been righteously slain, in order to atone for their sins. I have seen scores and hundreds of people for whom there would have been a chance (in the last resurrection there will be) if their lives had been taken and their blood spilled on the ground as a smoking incense to the Almighty, but who are now angels to the devil, until our elder brother Jesus Christ raises them up—conquers death, hell, and the grave. I have known a great many men who have left this Church for whom there is no chance whatever for exaltation, but if their blood had been spilled, it would have been better for them

 

   This is loving our neighbour as ourselves; if he needs help, help him; and if he wants salvation and it is necessary to spill his blood on the earth in order that he may be saved, spill it. Any of you who understand the principles of eternity, if you have sinned a sin requiring the shedding of blood, except the sin unto death, would not be satisfied nor rest until your blood should be spilled, that you might gain that salvation you desire. That is the way to love mankind.

Journal of Discourses Vol. 4, p. 215-221

 

Do you love me enough to perform "blood atonement" upon me?  According to Brigham Young that may save my soul and give me a chance for exaltation.  If you don't mind, I would rather have a pain-free death, so please choose the method accordingly."

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How do you respond to "I am worried about your salvation" from TBMs?

 

Simple point out that them being worried about your salvation means nothing since the Evangelical Christians are also worried about your salvation... and Muslims worry also... and Jehovah's Witnesses... don't get me started about the JW's.  Catholics are very sure you are going to hell, Eckists too.... for you are doomed to start your life over as plant fungus if you do not figure out that Eckankar is the One True Path.

 

Everyone is worried about everyone elses salvation!  If you REALLY analyze it...

 

WE ARE ALL GOING TO SOMEONE ELSES HELL WHEN WE DIE!!

 

so what is the big f*cking deal?  People.  Get. a. grip.

 

Noggin, apologizing for the swearage.. but not removing said swearage on account that this point very much frustrates me to the nth degree

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I would say "My salivation?"  "Am I slobbering?"
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The comment I got for a year was, "We miss you".  I couldn't understand this comment.  I was living in my same house, kids going to the same school, shopping at the same stores.  They knew where to find me, but somehow "They missed me".  Whenever I heard it, it just made me want to shout, "Then wake up and notice me!"  I never did, I just moved to a new state instead.  
 
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I've been gone from the Morg so long that is someone said he missed me, I would assume he was a Danite sniper......
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when I get that I am going to tell them and by the gift and power of my holy satan spirit it has been confirmed to me that I have a place in Hell just down from Satan, and I can personally help stuff pinapples up Saddams nether regions.
 
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firstwife:
The comment I got for a year was, "We miss you".  I couldn't understand this comment.  I was living in my same house, kids going to the same school, shopping at the same stores.  They knew where to find me, but somehow "They missed me".  Whenever I heard it, it just made me want to shout, "Then wake up and notice me!"  I never did, I just moved to a new state instead.  

 

 I used to get the "we miss you" comment too, I'd just smile and say, "Yeah I know, we miss you too, where have you been?" 

 

Or I'd just beat them to the punch and say it first when it looked like it was coming. 

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 What really catches them off guard is when you tell them that you're attending another church that doesn't even care what kind of underwear you wear, what you drink, what you do with your Sunday afternoons or how you're dressed when you show up to church.

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How about:

 

Worried?  Don't just worry, DO something about it!  The only way for my salvation to be secure is for everyone to start paying their tithing to me.  But, I prefer that they just mail me the checks and not actually come around.  I'm sure that would do a lot more for my salvation than anything else.  And, the Mormon Church won't miss it at all.  And, you'll be saving my soul.

 

Or:

 

You know, Jesus came over to my house the other day, and told me everythnig was cool.  He just stopped by to show me some material samples for the drapes for my mansion in heaven.  So, I'm covered.  I've got it from Jesus himself.  But thanks.  You know, he didn't say anything about going over to see you anytime soon.  Maybe you should worry about that instead, because, like I say, I'm covered. 

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"I'm worried about your salvation."

 

Maybe you should be worried about your own. I have a shotgun and a shovel. You ready?

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  In true smart-ass form I would say "My salvation? For which life are you saving me from? I have had plenty of past lives and I am looking forward to many lives in the future,'

  That poor person's got an eternity of work ahead of them!!!

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Here's a good comeback, even for TBM loved ones, family members (who are not neccessarily loved ones) and strangers alike,

 

"Who put you in charge of my salvation?"

 

and furthermore, what gave you the impression I was even interested in your form of "salvation?", which I'm not.

 

if its a stranger or non-loved one, you could also add:

 

and furthermore, the only thing I need saving from is people projecting their delusions upon me.

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Hueffenhardt:

If someone says, "I'm worried about your salvation". 

 

The smart-ass in me would want to say, "I'm worried about your intelligence!"

 

But, I am very polite in real life and so would probably say, "I understand that expressing interest in my salvation might be a way of expressing a real-interest in my well-being, and if so I appreciate the sentimate. If however, you are trying to tell me that something really bad is going to happen to me if I don't conform to your belief system implying that my belief system is inferior to yours, I don't appreciate such sayings".

 

I missed Huff's post the first time through.

 

I vote for this one for one to actually use IRL. Well put.

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Flat Lander:

....Or:

 

You know, Jesus came over to my house the other day, and told me everythnig was cool.  He just stopped by to show me some material samples for the drapes for my mansion in heaven.  So, I'm covered.  I've got it from Jesus himself.  But thanks.  You know, he didn't say anything about going over to see you anytime soon.  Maybe you should worry about that instead, because, like I say, I'm covered. 

 

I am well aware that I have a "unique" sense of humor... but dang that cracked me up somethin fierce..

 

thanks!

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And I am worried about you... Don't you understand you are miserable because of the Thetons? They are attacking you. You are nothing but Thetons. You must relax and unblock the Thetons from planet Zenu from your mind and then you can be at peace. You must read this book by L Ron Hubbard...

 

 

 

 

 
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StormWalker:

I actually have, in my wallet, a "Get Out of Hell Free Card," with the little Monoply top-hat guy on it and everything.

 

I would just show that to them and say, "I'm covered, and I don't have to wear funky underwear or anything." 

 

Then smile and walk away.

 

 

 

I personally would say "stupidhead" underwear.

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bigbear:
StormWalker:

I actually have, in my wallet, a "Get Out of Hell Free Card," with the little Monoply top-hat guy on it and everything.

 

I would just show that to them and say, "I'm covered, and I don't have to wear funky underwear or anything." 

 

Then smile and walk away.

 

 

 

I personally would say "stupidhead" underwear.

 

OMG... I need one!

 
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how about:

 

"Are you saying you're better than me?"  

 

"Worry about your own salvation, your sinful condescension is overwhelming!"

 

"I would feel much better about my salvation if I didn't want to murder you right now, please step off."

 

"Oh didn't you hear?  Free agency means we get to make our own decisions.  My salvation lies in being as far from people like you as I can get.

 

"What makes you think I want what you've got?" 

 

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AZEvilSingleGuy:

 

And I am worried about you... Don't you understand you are miserable because of the Thetons? They are attacking you. You are nothing but Thetons. You must relax and unblock the Thetons from planet Zenu from your mind and then you can be at peace. You must read this book by L Ron Hubbard...

 

 

 

 

 

 LOL...

 

Yeah man! It must be true if the following list of famous/semi-famous people believe it.

 

 

  • Kirstie Alley,actress
  • Anne Archer, actress (her son, Tom Davis, runs the Los Angeles Celebrity Centre)
  • Jennifer Aspen,
  • James Stacy Barbour, Broadway actor
  • Lynsey Bartilson, actress, raised Scientologist
  • Beck, musician raised Scientologist
  • Catherine Bell, actress
  • Karen Black, actress
  • Sonny Bono, musician and member of U.S. House of Representatives (R-Palm Springs) (deceased 1998)
  • Nancy Cartwright, voice-over actress
  • Kate Ceberano, actress and musician
  • Erika Christensen, actress, raised Scientologist
  • Jeff Conaway, actor
  • Chick Corea, musician
  • Tom Cruise, actor
  • Sky Dayton, founder and chairman of the board of EarthLink
  • Doug Dohring, ex-owner of Neopets
  • Jason Dohring, actor, raised Scientologist
  • Bodhi Elfman, actor
  • Jenna Elfman, actress
  • Richard Elfman, writer and director
  • Doug E. Fresh, musician and actor
  • Kenton Gray, car and motorcycle race driver
  • Paul Haggis, director, Academy Award winner
  • Isaac Hayes, musician and actor
  • Katie Holmes, actress (born and raised Catholic), introduced to Scientology by Tom Cruise while they were dating.
  • Nicky Hopkins, musician (deceased 1994)
  • Tyler Hynes, actor
  • Mark Isham , musician
  • Milton Katselas, acting teacher
  • Jason Lee, actor
  • Geoffrey Lewis, actor
  • Johnny Lewis, actor
  • Juliette Lewis, actresss
  • Christopher Masterson, actor, raised Scientologist
  • Danny Masterson, actor
  • Lisa McPherson, American woman whose death has been a source of controversy for Scientology
  • Jim Meskimen, actor and improviser
  • Sofia Milos, actress
  • Elisabeth Moss, actress
  • Haywood Nelson, actor
  • Corin Nemec, actor
  • Marisol Nichols, actress
  • Judy Norton, actress and musician
  • Eduardo Palomo, actor (deceased 2003)
  • Don Pearson, Management by Statistics consultant
  • Michael Peña, actor
  • David Pomeranz, singer/songwriter, Emmy Award winner
  • Laura Prepon, actress
  • Lisa Marie Presley singer
  • Priscilla Presley, actress
  • Kelly Preston, actress and John Travolta's wife
  • Leah Remini,, actress
  • Patrick Renna, actor
  • Ernie Reyes, Jr., actor
  • Giovanni Ribisi, actor
  • Marissa Ribisi, , actress raised Scientologist
  • Ruddy Rodriguez, actress
  • Billy Sheehan, rock bassist
  • David Singer,chiropractor, Management by Statistics consultant
  • Reed Slatkin, criminal Ponzi scheme perpetrator
  • Michelle Stafford, actress
  • Ethan Suplee, actor
  • John Travolta, actor
  • Greta Van Susteren, television show host
  • Persia White, actress
  • Edgar Winter, musician

LINK

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Nogginus Skepticalus:
Flat Lander:

....Or:

 

You know, Jesus came over to my house the other day, and told me everythnig was cool.  He just stopped by to show me some material samples for the drapes for my mansion in heaven.  So, I'm covered.  I've got it from Jesus himself.  But thanks.  You know, he didn't say anything about going over to see you anytime soon.  Maybe you should worry about that instead, because, like I say, I'm covered. 

 

I am well aware that I have a "unique" sense of humor... but dang that cracked me up somethin fierce..

 

thanks!

 

 

Well thank you, Nogginus.

 

Sometimes humor is the only way to deal with this kind of stuff.  For me it is one of those things that if I don't laugh, I'd probably cry.

 

And, I think I'm going to also use someone else's idea, and print up some of my own "Get out of Hell Free" cards.  I might then pass them out to my Mormon friends, with the URL for "MormonThink.org" or something similar.  I think THAT would be funny.

 

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Jagged Path:
AZEvilSingleGuy:

 

And I am worried about you... Don't you understand you are miserable because of the Thetons? They are attacking you. You are nothing but Thetons. You must relax and unblock the Thetons from planet Zenu from your mind and then you can be at peace. You must read this book by L Ron Hubbard...

 

 

 

 

 

 LOL...

 

Yeah man! It must be true if the following list of famous/semi-famous people believe it.

 

 

 

 

  • Priscilla Presley, actress

 

 Oh damn. My teenage memories are ruined. That is the cold man. Cold.

 

Priscilla Presley

 
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Ooooo. She's gorgeous! To answer the question, which is the title of this thread, I would say, "Jesus already told me I was saved" (which is true, he did say that in the bible)
 
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Flat Lander:

You know, Jesus came over to my house the other day, and told me everythnig was cool.  He just stopped by to show me some material samples for the drapes for my mansion in heaven.  So, I'm covered.  I've got it from Jesus himself.  But thanks.  You know, he didn't say anything about going over to see you anytime soon.  Maybe you should worry about that instead, because, like I say, I'm covered. 

 LOL, good one.

 

Here is my idea, 1st you need to prepare for this situation:

1. Say a prayer, and ask about the status of your salvation. (Are prayers heard or answered? Who knows, I don't.)

2. Now, envision in your mind that angels are delivering a message of how you think salvation will be like. At the very least I recommend envisioning that you will be saved.

 

Now when someone says they are worried about your salvation, you can tell them in a serious tone about your vision. Depending on the situation you could toss in a, "In my vision I do not recall seeing you being saved."

 

 

Ok, I don't see myself going the fanatical route, so I would probably just rephrase their statement in a question, and do it something like, "You are concerned about my salvation? Hmmm... Interesting." 

 

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StormWalker:

I actually have, in my wallet, a "Get Out of Hell Free Card," with the little Monoply top-hat guy on it and everything.

 

I would just show that to them and say, "I'm covered, and I don't have to wear funky underwear or anything." 

 

Then smile and walk away.

 

 

 

I Love it!

 

get_out_of_jail_free_card_small.jpg

 

Now anybody who wants one can print theirs up too!

 

I've got mine laminated in my wallet so I can whip it out next time it comes up.

"Hey, Don't worry about me! I've got a Get out of Hell Free card. See! Oh, but you don't believe in Hell do you? Maybe you should keep this, because according to the Christians, that's exactly where you're headed!"

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Somethings beens ticking in my brain on this topic.  There is a perfectly LOGICAL way to respond to this question based on mormonism's own doctrine.

 

"I'm worried about your salvation."

 

"Why, doesn't Mormon doctrine state that we are all saved by Jesus?  With the possible exception of sons of perdition?  Are you saying I am a son of perdition?  First I am a daughter, are there such things as daughters of perdition?  Second, I am assured of my salvation if I am not a son of perdition, meaning my resurrection and salvation to a kingdom of glory is assured by official church doctrine.  Third, if you mean you are worried I won't make it to the celestial kingdom - don't worry.  I find myself very happy with the thought of the terrestrial kingdom, better than this world, and much more interesting people in it that in the other place.  If I am happy with it, why should you worry?" 

 
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amusick:

Somethings beens ticking in my brain on this topic.  There is a perfectly LOGICAL way to respond to this question based on mormonism's own doctrine.

 

"I'm worried about your salvation."

 

"Why, doesn't Mormon doctrine state that we are all saved by Jesus?  With the possible exception of sons of perdition?  Are you saying I am a son of perdition?  First I am a daughter, are there such things as daughters of perdition?  Second, I am assured of my salvation if I am not a son of perdition, meaning my resurrection and salvation to a kingdom of glory is assured by official church doctrine.  Third, if you mean you are worried I won't make it to the celestial kingdom - don't worry.  I find myself very happy with the thought of the terrestrial kingdom, better than this world, and much more interesting people in it that in the other place.  If I am happy with it, why should you worry?" 

 

 Yes, dear doctor, this why we love you.  You are the voice of reason, the voice of other good stuff too.

 

I, right now, am a little on edge, and think I might respond to:

 

"I'm worred about your salvation."

 

by saying,

 

"How about I kill you on the spot, you pious, self-righteous twit.  Then you can wait around just on the other side until I die in 20, 30, or 40 years, and then show me the way, walking hand in hand to the celestial kingom.   Now, get into the wood chipper."

 

But then, I might now. 

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Phoenix:

"I think that you mean well, but how would you feel if someone told you the same thing just because you didn't share their beliefs?"

 

i really like this one, not only puts the person in their place, but makes them think about other people's beliefs at the same time.  concise, not rude, and to the point, i like it phoenix

 
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Say, "Allah has promised that you will receive an awful doom, unless you repent of joining partners to him (in Jesus Christ and the Sacred Specter) and follow him mindlessly."

 

"Fear Allah and the awful doom that he has prepared for those who Join partners unto him!"

 

She can't prove that Allah is imaginary any more than you can prove that her conception of God is imaginary. She can't win that debate.  

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GrnMessiah I should interject here one of my more favorite Muslim prescriptions of doom (there are hundreds, btw) for the Mormon or any other "person of the book".  It reads:

 

Qur'an 22:19-23
"These twain (the believers and the disbelievers) are two opponents who contend concerning their Lord. But as for those who disbelieve, garments of fire will be cut out for them; boiling fluid will be poured down on their heads... their bellies and skin will be melted, they will be tormented with iron hooks, and when they try to escape they will be driven back with the taunt: 'Taste the doom of burning'.  Whereby that which is in their bellies, and their skins too, will be melted; And for them are hooked rods of iron. Whenever, in their anguish, they would go forth from thence they are driven back therein and (it is said unto them): Taste the doom of burning."
.
I cannot think of a more arrogant sentance with regards to religion than one theist saying to a non theist "I am worried about your salvation".
which salvation?  Which God? Come now, let us reason together saith the Lord of hosts... which lord?
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Nogginus Skepticalus:

GrnMessiah I should interject here one of my more favorite Muslim prescriptions of doom (there are hundreds, btw) for the Mormon or any other "person of the book".  It reads:

 

Qur'an 22:19-23
"These twain (the believers and the disbelievers) are two opponents who contend concerning their Lord. But as for those who disbelieve, garments of fire will be cut out for them; boiling fluid will be poured down on their heads... their bellies and skin will be melted, they will be tormented with iron hooks, and when they try to escape they will be driven back with the taunt: 'Taste the doom of burning'.  Whereby that which is in their bellies, and their skins too, will be melted; And for them are hooked rods of iron. Whenever, in their anguish, they would go forth from thence they are driven back therein and (it is said unto them): Taste the doom of burning."
.
I cannot think of a more arrogant sentance with regards to religion than one theist saying to a non theist "I am worried about your salvation".
which salvation?  Which God? Come now, let us reason together saith the Lord of hosts... which lord?
Noggin

 

Frightening - somehow reminds me of one BY and blood atonement.

 

 

 
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The "Program" of the Lord
by Old Kinderhooker
Why?
by Tessa
Mellowed
by Ex_aedibus
Latter Gay Saints
by dave (e_nomo)
The Mormon Church Owned a Slave
by Old Kinderhooker