eriwether Lewis was forced very abruptly to change his thinking about an easy passage to the Pacific Ocean via a "great river," the experience is related by historian Steven Ambrose in Undaunted Courage."To what degree Lewis was surprised or disheartened by the sight, he never said. Imagine the shock and the surprise - for from the top of that ridge were to be seen neither the great river that had been promised nor the open plains extending to the shores of the South Sea. The "geography of hope" had to give way to the "geography of reality." With Lewis' last step to the top of the Divide went decades of theory about the nature of the Rocky Mountains, shattered by a single glance from a single man."



For many of us, the delusion of Mormonism was shattered just as quickly once our minds were open to contemplate the significance of our "single glance" at "objective history". For others more immersed in the "geography of hope," it may take longer, but ultimately the convergence of evidence is overwhelming - Mormonism is not what it claims to be! Delusions generally implode quite rapidly once we stop believing in them. Reality on the other hand is much more difficult. Philip K. Dick, science fiction master novelist insightfully stated "Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away." We all have invested our time, money, and energy into an organization as bankrupt spiritually as Enron is financially. The continued financial vitality of Mormon Inc only adds to the bitter irony as we realize our "investment" was being used to indoctrinate us and promote a PR image to the world that is simply not accurate. Moving through the Mormon delusion is very challenging intellectually. We must learn to think objectively, measure facts and evidence, and tune out years of indoctrination that tells us that even doing this type of analysis is evil. Those who are motivated by truth march onward, more open to intellectual honesty than the burning in the bosom as their guiding force.

Personal Background

I grew up in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. My parents raised their 5 children in the Methodist Church and were involved socially in the community. I was converted to Mormonism when I was 19 years old. Coincidentally this was the same area and time period that Eric Kettunen joined the church. Eric's website had a powerful impact on my decision to leave. I was introduced to the missionaries through a girl friend who found them entertaining and seemed to like flirting with them. With me it was different, as I was sincerely interested in their message of absolute truth. Having all the answers to life's greatest mysteries brings a certain kind of euphoria that's hard to explain. I was baptized in September of 1972 in the Branch President's swimming pool. I was an instant celebrity at the local branch and was viewed as a religious fanatic by my high school and college friends. It was a painful first year with little social or cultural support to fall back on when my circle of friends turned into "bashing" Christians and others just wrote me off because they couldn't understand what I was doing. I should interject here that my parents were going through a long and ugly divorce at this time. In retrospect, I think the LDS message of strong loving functional families added - perhaps subconsciously - to my embrace of Mormonism. I was a true believer - not a social convert.

I'm going to fast forward 25 years. My profession as a financial analyst (MBA Uof U) in the aerospace industry had sharpened my critical thinking skills and I wanted to use my new thinking skills to revisit my testimony. I was confident this could only strengthen this testimony. I was unknowingly following the advice of Robert Ingersoll, the19th century author and lecturer who championed free thinking: "The question isn't whether something is inspired, but whether it is true. Truth doesn't need inspiration." I know of several people who also began their journey out by wanting to strengthen their testimonies through a process of self-education about history and philosophy. I read a lot of books - did a lot of thinking and realized the convergence of evidence pointed to a different conclusion than the one that had been guiding my life for several years. Once the light came on, I didn't feel I had discovered some new exclusive truths, but rather I wondered why I hadn't seen it much earlier. It seemed like everything I looked at contradicted the LDS worldview and doctrinal claims. (Demonstrate by holding up Mesoamerican map from National Geographic) Obviously, I was in trouble. This culminated in a letter I sent to the Church Historical Department to get "official" answers to some of the contradictions I was struggling with.

REVIEW LETTER AND RESPONSE

I realized that there were no official answers and that the "religious authorities" were clueless. This transpired several months after my oldest son left on an LDS mission to Brazil.

I held a Family Home Evening and went over the letter, tears were shed, they didn't have a clue what I was talking about. There was just the shock that I no longer believed any of it. I had "Lost my Testimony," and this was perceived as a disaster. Instead of a disaster, however, I found moving past Mormonism to be an enlightening experience, full of rediscovery and adventure. I think we all find new confidence in forming our own opinions and thinking critically about the theology, dogma, and tenets that once controlled a major portion of our lives. I felt extremely stupid when I thought through some of these beliefs that I once considered "true" or "inspired".

- God lives on a planet orbiting Kolob

- God wants me to wear funny underwear

- God was a racist but changed his mind in 1978

- The virgin birth really means God having sexual intercourse with Mary

- Dark skin is a sign of spiritual filthiness

- There are 3 immortal Nephites somewhere on the earth helping people because Christ granted their wish of not tasting death until he comes again

- The BOM is historical even though there is no factual evidence supporting this claim and a convergence of evidence refuting it.

- The devil rides across water.

- The BOA is an inspired translation from Abraham even after it has been proven beyond any reasonable doubt to be a fictional fabrication.

- We were going to be "gods" and goddesses.

- We had all the truth

- We refused to think critically about our beliefs because our leaders taught that doubting was evil.

- Our local leaders were inspired even though we had numerous experiences where inspired mistakes were made.

- DNA may be reliable enough to convict criminals, but is completely unreliable when used as evidence to discredit the authenticity of BOM claims.

Has anyone else felt a little stupid once you took a look at what you once believed from outside the envelope? It would actually be quite funny if it wasn't taken so seriously by many of our friends and family members. I guess that's why we are here - to look for solutions and support - without feeling stupid or isolated!

What is it that keeps this elaborate stack of cards from tumbling down? The answer is this: The backbone of Mormonism - the religious authorities. I say "religious" instead of "general" because I think the army of seminary teachers, Sunday school teachers, BYU religious professors, apologists, and urban legend storytellers also need to be included because of their influence. A large volume of knowledge about Mormonism comes from these unofficial channels. Mark Twain sums it up this way; "A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes." General Authorities rarely talk about history, doctrine, theology, or philosophy; they stick to moralizing, admonishing, and administrating.

The geography of reality has led me to conclude that the idiom "religious authority" is the Grand Canyon of "oxymormons".

Living in the shadow of Moroni's trumpet in Utah, and feeling the way I do about the control Mormonism has on the area, I have had a hard time moving past its influences. My day begins by jogging past 2 stake centers, 3 ward buildings, and 1 temple lit up with blinding spotlights. Even though I believe none of the theology, dogma, or world-view of Mormonism, it continues to have an influence on me because of my family, neighbors, work associates, and friends. Even the location of my residence conspires against me. Being a freethinker in Utah is somewhat like being a Jewish civil rights activist in 1936 Berlin. The message is very badly needed but not welcomed. I believe that for a large number of Utah Mormons, the cultural and social realities are far more influential in their lives than the theology, dogma, and history. We are after all social animals and need validation. It could also be that we see the same thing but process it differently, filtered through divergent worldviews.

There's a story about a pilot named Toivo who just got his pilot's license and was flying over the hardwood forests of Northern Michigan with his friend Ano. They got so carried away flying that they ran low on fuel and had to make an emergency landing at an abandoned airfield. It was extremely short and Toivo knew he had to drop in fast and slow it down or they would run into the trees. After dropping it in and slamming on the brakes Toivo exclaimed, "Dat's godda be da shortest runway in da world Ano!" "Yah, but look how wiiide id is!"

There is disillusionment in discovering that most of what we have built our lives around is not true, but there is also happiness in knowing that many of our problems were self-inflicted because of our delusions and consequently can be easily remedied. My finances took a remarkable turn for the better once I started investing the money I previously would have tithed to Mormon Inc. A courageous step must be taken after we know it is a delusion; we must have confidence in reality and in ourselves, sometimes before we know who " we" really are. Slowly we piece together a new world-view without all the absolutes we once knew. Compared to my new world view, most of the doctrines and dogma of Mormonism are the opposite of what I now believe. Let's take an example, we were taught that "the natural man is an enemy to God." Mosiah 3:19. I guess that means that unnatural men are friends of God? Makes you question the consistency of their political stance on same sex marriage. This is a core belief not only of Mormonism but also of Christianity in general. We must believe based on the myth of "Adam and Eve" and the "Fall" that we have transgressed and are pathetic, lowly, animalistic, barbaric humans in need of a supernatural power to "fix us" or save us from ourselves. Since we are God's creations, according to Christians, it does make you wonder why he would create enemies - especially if we had a close loving relationship in the pre-existence? I think that this one belief is the root cause of most of the problems and issues we deal with in recovering from Mormonism. Striving to live in an unnatural state can lead to depression, psychological problems, and the repression of intrinsic human behavior. This type of dogma may be related to Utah's above average usage of Prozac. It discourages self-discovery and promotes conformity to the institutions and organizations that claim they can save us. The worst inference is perhaps the lack of confidence in humanity. You can almost hear the other life forms on this planet laughing at us; what would our response be to, "The natural whale is an enemy to god?"

What can we learn from our Mormon experience?

Critical Thinking

Critical thinking skills are essential, not only for us individually to prevent us from repeating the same mistakes, but collectively as humans to ensure our future survival. We live in a time when technology has far outpaced the social skills necessary to ensure their safe usage. As a result we have escalated recurring problems of religious intolerance, fundamentalism, and fanaticism to levels that now threaten the future of the human race because we have created mass destructive technologies! Fundamental thinking is dangerous no matter how benign the package. We must teach our children "how to think" not "what to think". Playwright and author Don Marquis has said, "If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you; but if you really make them think, they'll hate you." Perhaps nothing is more liberating and joyful than being a freethinker. Dan Barker from Recovery from Religion Foundation defines a freethinker as: "a person who forms opinions about religion on the basis of reason, independently of tradition, authority, or established belief. Freethinkers include atheists, agnostics, secular humanists, and rationalists."

No longer encumbered with a delusional world-view full of devils, angels, gods, and religious authority, the mind is free to entertain new ideas and generate opinions. Facts, evidence, and emotions are very important components for critical thinking. The judicious use of questioning and doubting are good and not evil. Author George Iles has said, "Doubt is the beginning and not the end of wisdom." Critical thinking skills help us focus on what is important and saves us time and energy wasted chasing red herrings. I think the greatest failing in our public school system today is the lack of critical thinking classes. I think the most damaging idea taught in Primary, Sunday school, Seminary, and Institute is that critical thinking and logic are always subordinate to fundamentalism as proclaimed by church leaders and that individual spirituality is measured by our obedience.

I need to interject a story here about a work associate of mine, Bob, who told me about a Primary lesson he taught his class - I think it emphasizes the need for critical thinking skills. Bob was teaching his class about the miracles of Jesus changing the water into wine. He wanted to teach the class that similar miracles were still happening today and he related an experience he had the previous week at McDonalds.

Bob had a discount coupon for cheeseburgers and ordered two cheeseburgers and one order of French fries. After placing the order, cognitive dissonance set in and he decided what he really wanted was three cheeseburgers. He agonized over his order and wanted to change it but didn't. When he finally got his order and looked in the bag, he was elated to find three cheeseburgers and no fries. He told the primary class that if Jesus could turn water into wine he could easily turn an order of fries into a cheeseburger! The Primary leader who was monitoring Bob's class (I think he gets monitored a lot!) added that she believed Jesus was very concerned with all aspects of our lives and intervened on a daily basis. I don't think either of them had ever heard of Occam's razor. (Occam's razor is a scientific and philosophic rule that requires the simplest of competing theories be preferred to the more complex - named after William of Occam 1836)

There are organizations and publications out there that promote freethinking and open discussion of ideas. One that I subscribe to is Skeptic Magazine, the quarterly journal of the Skeptic Society whose Editor in Chief is Michael Shermer. I have read Shermer's books "Why People Believe Weird Things", and "How People Believe". They also publish helpful booklets like "The Baloney Detection Kit", and "How to Debate a Creationist".

Universal vs. Personal Truth

Universal truths are applicable to everyone in all circumstances; it is not dependent on qualification. Personal truths are applicable to individuals and are not universally applicable to everyone. An example of a universal truth would be the human need for oxygen, water, and food to sustain life. An example of a personal truth would be personal tastes in music, sports, personality types, etc. I could make a statement that Basketball is the best sport in the world but this is not a universally accurate statement. More correctly I would state, "In my opinion, basketball is the best sport in the world". I believe that religion and personal values and belief systems are personal truths and should not be proclaimed as universal truths. Numerous times on my mission, I heard from people to whom I was bearing my testimony that "It may be true for you but it is not true for me". I rejected this approach to relative truth. I thought all truth was universal and specifically the universal truths that I was testifying to. I now understand the concept of personal and universal truth and believe that very few truths are universal and the vast majority are personal. We create problems when we try to elevate personal truths to universal truth status. Religious and political wars have been fought forcing personal truths to the world as universal truths.

UN Secretary-General Kofi Annan stated, "The idea that there is one people in possession of the truth or answer to the world's ills or one solution to humanity's needs has done untold harm throughout history." Hitler had many strong opinions about the superiority of the Arian race and National Socialism. He also felt that Jews were evil and the cause of most of the world's problems, especially Germany's. It took an opposing force and many millions of lives to thwart Hitler's attempt to elevate his personal twisted truths to universal truths. We see it in Utah all the time, some zealous well-intentioned politically active individuals take it upon themselves to impose on the general population laws and restrictions that reflect their own narrow personal truths.

Mormonism is very guilty of the "one size fits all" type of thinking. When trying to sort out all the layers of lies and infrastructure set up in the Mormon Church to prop up the big lie, I found it very helpful to distinguish personal truths from universal truths. The founding fathers understood this concept when they drafted the constitution. It's a basic tenet of freedom.

Mainstreaming

I have listened closely to the statements and PR coming out of Mo Inc. There has been a noticeable shift in emphasis. The shift is part of the current "mainstreaming" or PR drive. Over the past 20 years there has been less and less said about empirical evidences supporting the BOM or Mormon history - now everything is taken on faith and emotion. Facts and historical evidence have been replaced with religious fiction. The Work and the Glory has taken center stage at the expense of Mormon Doctrine and History of the Church. This trend I believe is not coincidental, given the many land mines any objective thinker will run into if pursuing a more factual and historical approach to strengthening their testimony. Analyzing the basic themes of many Ensign Magazine articles and General Conference talks, I have identified some common elements:

Light - the subject is generally very light. Topics like polygamy, MMM, and heavy doctrine just aren't discussed. They even published a lesson manual about Brigham Young that didn't even contain the words "polygamy" or "plural marriage". The strategy seems to be, "Keep it light and the heavy stuff will eventually just go away."

Inspirational - this goes without saying. Boyd K. Packer has given instruction to the church historian that only inspiration history should be taught. "There is a temptation for the writer or the teacher of Church history to want to tell everything, whether it is worthy or faith promoting or not. Some things that are true are not very useful...Historians seem to take great pride in publishing something new, particularly if it illustrates a weakness or mistake of a prominent historical figure...."

Embellished - With all the speaking assignments the general authorities have and the enormous expectations of the members to be inspired, is it any wonder that embellishment has gotten out of control? Paul H. Dunn took it to a new level; his only problem was he got caught! Can anyone else remember while listening to a Thomas S. Monson conference talk when he starts in with another sappy tear jerking story and then thinking to yourself, "There he goes again!"

Stories - Story telling seems to be very popular. By the way, there is a new LDS best seller out called "Saints at War"; I couldn't find a single reference to Paul H. Dunn!

If you put these together you get L.I.E.S. Marvin J. Ashton gave a conference address about Lying called "This is no harm". I liked Marvin J. Ashton; he always seemed down to earth to me and had good sound advice. I remember once he and his wife visited our mission in Fresno, California for a mission conference and during a break we both happened to be standing next to each other using the urinals in the men's restroom. That's all that happened - I don't want to embellish the story. This is the opening paragraph from "This is no harm",

"Not often do students remember for 24 hours very many words taught by their teachers. Yet 50 years later some former students recall with lasting appreciation the words one teacher had her class repeat at the beginning of each day. Every school morning this rather unpretentious, plain, wise lady implanted the meaning of honesty into our minds by having us recite "A lie is any communication given to another with the intent to deceive."

"When I compare this definition with that found in the dictionary, which states, "A lie is an untrue statement made with the intent of deceiving," I greatly appreciate her definition. A lie can be effectively communicated without words ever being spoken. Sometimes a nod of the head or silence can deceive. Recommending a questionable business investment, making a false entry in a ledger, devious use of flattery, or failure to divulge all pertinent facts are a few other ways to communicate the lie."

If there ever was any doubt about mainstreaming, the posturing of Mo Inc during the Olympics should dispel it. Here literally the whole world and the media were gathered at the steps of the temple for 3 weeks, if there ever was or will be an opportune moment in history for a prophet of god to deliver a message to the world, this was it. I guess we can assume that the message of Mormonism is too embarrassing and fundamental to be openly declared to the world, better to hide behind PR spin and 60 thousand zealous badly informed missionaries to deliver the message. I think this distancing and redirection of focus is causing tension among the faithful true believers that thirst for empirical evidence to support their beliefs. Sooner or later a little boy's cry of "The Emperor has no Clothes!" will be heard by those alienated by the mainstreaming. Boyd K. Packer might define this as giving the members milk before the meat. I found I was sick of a constant diet of milk and wanted to taste the meat. Pat answers, explanations, and poor logic just wasn't providing the nourishment my intellectually hungry brain was craving. The Internet has and will continue to have a tremendous influence for open information. It is a resource that helped me understand what Mormonism is really all about; I can honestly say that I believe if it was available when I was investigating Mormonism, I never would have been remotely interested in joining. We can only speculate that this information in such a remarkably accessible medium is preventing many people from being deluded or having to rely on the missionaries for their information. I would like to sincerely thank Eric Kettunen, Richard Packam, Steve Clark and the many others who provide quality websites with objective, secular information - it is working.

Belief Rationalizations

After all is said and done, those clinging to the "geography of hope" might be asking:

"So what? The church history may have some problems, the leaders aren't perfect and may have done some bad things but it doesn't mean it isn't all true."

"I may not understand all the doctrinal issues or the mysteries that you bring up, but I can have faith that they are still true and I will understand them sometime in the future."

"The church has great programs and my friends and family are all Mormon. The church may have problems, but many scholars (FARMS) are researching these issues. They WILL find out the truth and you will be wrong."

" I don't care if it isn't true, I like the programs it has for my children."

You can develop all kinds of rationalizations for believing nonsense. In the Mormon parlance, these rationalizations come under the rubric of "inspiration" or "testimony." I think it takes this kind of "inspiration" to transform nonsense into "religious truth," but only objective truth can transform such "inspiration" back into nonsense. Developing a worldview based on religion is a very important decision in your life. Basing your worldview primarily on a religion affects the way you see the world, who you associate with, whom you marry, how you spend your time and energy, and ultimately how you live your life. Seeing things as they really are, you are not constantly trying to fit the natural world into the Mormon worldview. Using your own cognitive abilities and reasoning through what's going on around us is an important part of being a human being. We don't know all the answers and will probably continue to generate more questions as we learn - its part of the human experience.

" The Road less Traveled" by M. Scott Peck, MD: This is from page 44 under "Dedication to Reality":" For truth is reality. That which is false is unreal. The more clearly we see the reality of the world, the better equipped we are to deal with the world. The less clearly we see the reality of the world - the more our minds are befuddled by falsehood, misperceptions and illusions-the less able we will be able to make wise decisions. Our view of reality is like a map with which to negotiate the terrain of life. If the map is true and accurate, we will generally know where we are, and if we have decided where we want to go, we will generally know how to get there. If the map is false and inaccurate, we generally will be lost. While this is obvious, it is something that most people to a lesser or greater degree chooses to ignore. They ignore it because our route to reality is not easy."

I am an avid sailor and enjoy spending sunny days on the GSL whenever I can find a few hours to get a way. The shallow water, moonscape shorelines, and its susceptibility to very abrupt wind changes contribute to the variables I must deal with in order to sail safely. I suppose that is what I find so enjoyable about sailing, harnessing the natural forces of wind, waves, gravity, and resistance (and sometimes the effects of a few beers) to make the boat go where I want. Everything is very real and natural. Since leaving Mormonism I have found more time to enjoy activities that for years I didn't make time for. In addition to having more time for new adventures, I have found the quality of the activities has improved also. I now find that I have time and discretionary income to enjoy many activities that for 25 years I had been perpetually procrastinating like sailing, skiing, motorcycling, and reading. I want to conclude by quoting an excerpt from a close friend and free thinker in Southern California who I have shared many e-mails with while discarding my delusions.

"...But there's a big beautiful world out there. Not all of it is ugly and certainly not all of it is the LDS Church. There is an incredible world of literature, music, history, artworks, architecture, philosophy, biology, chemistry, animals, mountains, oceans, blue skies, clouds, and a vast expanse of human beings in all shades of color and personality and divergent beliefs who have never heard of Joseph Smith, many of whom swear that they have the "one true religion," There is the pleasure of the gradual discovery of some of this magnificent world and there is the beauty of a quiet moment when you realize that no matter how much you explore you do not, in the final analysis, really understand anything. And that is, ultimately, wisdom. The only true religion is life. And life without freedom is no life at all. Freedom has never been easy, but its rewards can be marvelous."

My new religion consists of living as free and meaningful a life as I can and encouraging everyone within the sphere of my influence to do the same. My single glance at objective history has transformed the "geography of hope" into the "geography of reality" and the view is beautiful. Reality works because - that's the way it is! Time to move on.