"Hey, we're just kidding!"
  Archives >>
TOP STORY
 
Church Authorities, Postmormons Find Common Ground
by Peter_Mary

LOGAN, UT—In a surprise to all parties, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints found agreement with the Logan-based Postmormons on an important issue for both organizations.  At a meeting requested by Regional Representative Archibald K. Yost, the Church asked for sensitivity on the part of Postmormons when speaking of the President of the Church.  Specifically, Yost stated that Mormons take umbrage to the frequent use of the pejorative, “the Profit” when speaking of the Church’s President. 

Said Yost, “There is no ‘f’ in ‘Prophet’.”

The Board of Directors for Postmormon.org sat stunned for a moment, glancing at one another in disbelief.  Finally, speaking on behalf of Postmormon.org, Jeff Ricks sought to clarify the Church’s position.

“Are we to understand that the Church’s official position is that there is ‘no effin’ Prophet’?”

“That is correct, obviously,” said Yost.  “There never has been, and never will be.”

Total comments: 26 Full Text >>

Latest Headlines
Protesters Gather at Exmormon Conference
by Peter_Mary

SALT LAKE CITY—In what has become an annual event, protesters again gathered to express their disdain for Exmormonism by picketing the annual conference held at the Embassy Suites in downtown Salt Lake City.  Organizers of the demonstration asked those who “stood for all that is moral, decent and appropriate” to please attend the protest.  At least half a dozen people heeded the call.

“What people don’t realize is that they are serving coffee in there,” said Lehi Woodruff, 1st Counselor in the Sugar House 445th Ward Elders Quorum.  “It’s disgusting, and it brings a blight on our city.”

Conference attendees were observed scurrying past the protesters in an effort to slip into the hotel unaccosted, but many were not able to avoid a confrontation.

Total comments: 5 Full Text >>

Thomas S. Monson Declares, “No More Hinckley!”
by Nogginus Skepticalus

SALT LAKE CITY—The so-called Prophet, Seer, and Revelator of the LDS Church, Thomas S. Monson, spoke to an assembly of general and other church authorities on Wednesday morning and revealed what is to be called Monson’s First Official Revelatory Action, soon also to be called Official Declaration 3 in the church’s Doctrine and Covenants.  In his remarks, President Monson revealed that too little respect has been afforded him as the newly called—by God—Prophet of the church and that all such future omission will be classified as a sin.  Citing as an example, Monson held up a recent Ensign cover photo that he declared is “unflattering and did not catch [his] best side”.  Monson further revealed that he was “filled with the spirit of righteous indignation” that no one seems to be quoting anything yet from his most recent Conference talks.
 
“Yes, I acknowledge that it has only been a few months since God Himself bestowed upon me—ME!—this mantle of authority,” said Monson, “but I have been patiently waiting my turn for most of my life, and by golly, now it is MY day!  I want—and deserve—emulation!”

Total comments: 5 Full Text >>

General Authority Admits Church Seeks Bailout Assistance
by Peter_Mary

SALT LAKE CITY—If there was ever any doubt that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints was a giant corporation, those doubts have been alleviated after yesterday’s press conference with R. Kimball Ballard, President of the 15th Quorum of the Seventies.  Ballard told those in attendance that the Church’s real estate holdings have plummeted in value, and their mortgages are almost worthless.

“Unfortunately, we guaranteed all our own mortgage holdings, and now we find ourselves in the same position as Countrywide Bank,” he said.  “Our temple and church house properties are what those in the lending community call ‘toxic.’”

Total comments: 8 Full Text >>

Opinions
View from the Valley: Bad Apples
by Rulon S. Wesson

Brother Wesson, High Priest in the Squirrel, Idaho 2nd Ward, wanders out in the back yard, and shares some important insight with regard to apostates.  A carry-over from the Sugar Beet, he generally offends someone…

It’s fall up here in Squirrel, Idaho, and that means that things have been mighty busy ‘round the Wesson place.  The spuds is in, the fields is turned, the irrigation pipe is stacked more or less neatly by the ditches, and the sheep have all been moved to their winter pasture.  Things is startin’ to quiet down, which means one thing:  time for Sister Wesson to start findin’ things for me to do.  Trust me—she’s on the job.

So yesterday, she chases my carcass outa my Lazyboy and shoos me out to where we have a few scraggly ole’ apple trees, left over from when Great Grandpa Wesson homesteaded up here.  Sure sign of a Mormon homestead is apple trees where they don’t belong, an’ Squirrel is generally mighty inhospitable to apple trees.  But for whatever gol’ dang reason, this year our trees put out a bumper crop, and we got apples coming out our as—er, ears.  It’s my job to bring in the good ‘uns and throw out the falls that litter the ground.

Total comments: 4 Full Text >>

Glad you Asked
Glad You Asked! The Garden of Eden

“Glad You Asked!” is a feature designed to enlighten the curious about some of the various aspects of Mormonism that indeed makes them a “peculiar people.”  This will be our online equivalent of “Mormonism For Dummies” and will no doubt become a rich, online resource tool for people interested in the culture of the intermountain west.  Today, We’re Glad You Asked about The Garden of Eden!

Total comments: 7 Full Text >>

Peep Stone Business
Peep Stone Is Seeking Submissions!

Peep Stone Editor

The Peep Stone is accepting unsolicited submissions for publication in the Post-Mormon online Magazine.  We are looking for humorous, satirical and creative pieces (including cartoons) that comment on the culture of Mormonism, religion in general, or the Post-Mormon community.  We are not interested in abusive or vulgar pieces, and will only publish well-conceived, insightful and humorous works.  It is not our intent to belittle or malign either the Mormon Church or its leaders, (or any other Church) and individuals mentioned in written works should generally be fictitious, although on occasion real public figures may be used if doing so genuinely furthers the creative quality of the piece.  You may submit your work to the Peep Stone editor at .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) in the body of an e-mail or as a Word attachment.  Other formats cannot be accepted.  All work submitted must be the original work of the submitter, and must not be encumbered by other publishing or legal obligations with other magazines.

Total comments: 0

Press Release:  Post-Mormon Magazine Exposes Its Lighter Side

The Post-Mormon Editorial Staff

Beginning January 2, 2005, the on-line magazine at PostMormon.org will include a new feature entitled, “The Peep Stone!  Light Post-Mormon Satire.”  Intended to be a humorous look at the culture we loved and left, Peep Stone hopes to become both entertaining and interactive, giving readers an opportunity to submit their best humor for publication (subject to certain rules and guidelines).  It is our goal to provide fresh, sometimes edgy, sometimes annoying, but always funny material touching on current and past events peculiar to the peculiar people of Utah and beyond, including those of us here in the Post-Mormon Community.

Total comments: 2 Full Text >>