WICKENBERG, AZ—The wagons and handcarts of the Wickenburg Ward are packed and ready to roll, most likely for the last time.  Members of this ward, under the direction of Bishop Lorenzo P. Fielding, are no strangers to the trail to Jackson County, Missouri; they’ve already made the journey twice after Bishop Fielding apparently misread the signs of the times.

“This is it, man,” said Todd Trimberger, the 1st Assistant to the Bishop in the Priests Quorum.  “Bishop Fielding may wear the mantle, but I’m beginning to think he’s nuts.  I am NOT making this trek a fourth time.” Other members of his ward share a similar sentiment.

“The first time Bishop Fielding called us all to the chapel to announce the second coming and to tell us it was time to go to Jackson County, we were really excited,” admits Relief Society President Bonnadell Swenson.  “We were grateful that we would be spared the whole ‘burning like stubble’ thing, and we lit right out for Missouri.  When nothing happened, we were pretty disappointed, and it’s a long, lonely march back when you think it was all for nothing.  Some of the less faithful members of our ward took the bus home.”

At first, some members thought they saw a parallel to the Zion’s Camp march from Kirtland to Missouri, which yielded little more than a deadly bout of cholera for several of the men who made the journey.  But when the second trek also failed to produce the Millennium, the Wickenburg members began to murmur.

“At least with Zion’s camp, they were hanging out with Joseph Smith and Brigham Young, with the prospect of becoming apostles,” noted Brandon Jergen, who happened to be caught home between semesters at Dixie College when the third trek was announced, and will likely miss the whole fall semester.  “With us, we just have Bishop Fielding, and I’ll be the first to raise my hand in opposition if he is ever called to be a General Authority for this!  Well, unless he’s right this time.”

The sisters of the Relief Society, being accustomed to being told what to do, claim they are up to the task, but the Priesthood is starting to wane in enthusiasm.

“The last time Bishop Fielding declared the second coming was imminent, it was right during the NBA playoffs, and John Stockton’s last season,” recalled Seth Welker, second counselor in the Elders Quorum.  “I missed everything after game two. This year’s trek is slated to begin two days before the World Series.  I’m telling you, if the Heavens don’t rain fire and brimstone this time, there’s not going to BE a next time for the Welker family.”

Most members seem willing, though unenthused, to give the Bishop one more chance, and for good reason.

“He basically said that if we don’t go, we’ll all be trodden under foot like chaff on the thresher’s floor,” said Ron Parker, a member of the High Priest Group.  “I don’t have a lot of time left to recover from a serious transgression like opposing my Priesthood leaders, and frankly, I don’t need the pressure.  I’ll go.  But I’m not happy about it.”

Most members said the same thing, but there were lingering questions.

“Why do we have to ‘trek’ all the way?” complained Whitney Browning, a MIA Maid.  “It’s the 21st century…can’t we just drive?”