The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints announced this week that it would begin the process of labeling its extensive business holdings to identify which part of the threefold mission of the church each supports.

“It has nothing to do with outside criticism or IRS audits,” insisted church spokesman Parley Y. Benson. “It is meant to increase the Saints’ testimonies as they see how all the parts of the Lord’s kingdom come together in one great whole.”

The labels will be in the form of large plaques mounted on each building with a simple logo representing one of the three missions of the church: redeeming the dead, proclaiming the Gospel, or perfecting the saints. The logo designs are still in progress, but will be similar in appearance to the simple silhouettes of men and women appearing on restroom doors. “We are an international Church,” said Benson, “and it’s important that this information be accessible to our brothers and sisters around the world.”

Elder and Sister Taft Morris, cleanliness missionaries at the Crossroads Mall, are enthusiastic about the idea. “It’s wonderful,” said Sister Morris. “People will be able to see that the mall also has a sacred purpose, not just good shopping.” Elder Morris beamed. “We could have two labels here. People can get some new clothes for their corporal temples, then look out and see the Salt Lake temple right across the street—that’s perfecting the saints and preaching the gospel.” 

Elder LaVerle Shupe, carpentry missionary at the Deseret Ranch and Hunting Preserve had not heard of the policy before this reporter informed him. “I don’t know where they’d stick a label out here. Maybe on the sign at the main gate, I guess.” Elder Shupe said the hunting preserve helps to perfect the saints. “Everyone needs to get away from time to time and shoot stuff,” he said.

Benson notes that critics of the Church have long questioned the need for an ecclesiastical body to own such things as condominiums in Hawaii, travel agencies or department stores.  “Now there can be no doubt that our motives have absolutely nothing to do with generating income, although we have been blessed in that regard.” 

When asked about the condominiums and travel agency specifically, Benson pointed out that most of the units are near the Hawaii temple.  “We understand many members are making great sacrifices to get to the temple in Laie, so the condominium units, along with the hotel we have planned, will be labeled for redeeming the dead.”  And because the travel agency helps members get to Hawaii, Benson expects they will be labeled the same.  “Of course, they also book all the flights for our missionaries, so they may be labeled for proclaiming the gospel, too.”

By year’s end, it is expected that all Church commercial holdings will declare the message of the restored gospel.  “The faithful will see at a glance which businesses support the Lord’s work and how they do it,” said Benson.  “President Hinckley is confident the plaques will build both testimonies and bottom lines.  As in all things, we follow the Prophet.  That’s P-r-o-p-h-e-t.”