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LAS VEGAS, NV—The Elders of the Monte Carlo Ward in North Las Vegas have organized a neighborhood watch program in an effort to stem the high rate of sinful behavior within their ward boundaries. Under this program, quorum members are called to patrol the neighborhoods of their ward on foot and by automobile, and to notify the Bishop when ward members are observed engaging in illicit activities.
“We live in the mission field,” says EQ President Helamon Martin. “It’s not like Provo where everyone already knows what everyone else is up to. We have to keep a very careful eye out to ensure our members are not getting caught up in worldly activities. Just last night, our Watchmen caught two couples from our ward slipping off to the Belagio to see the Monet exhibit. Why can’t they see that’s a heckhole? We called the Bishop immediately.”
Since the program was instituted last month, President Martin says they’ve intervened on dozens of dangerous activities, calling the errant members to repentance. Included on the list were: 18 trips to a store or restaurant on the Sabbath;  9 members caught dropping a quarter into a slot machine in a grocery store or service station; 1 incident of taking advantage of a free Viagra sample pack offer; and 3 different couples caught going to Vegas shows, including the Follies Bergier and Crazy Girls. On one occasion, the Elders stopped a man who indicated he was going to a Gentleman’s Club. “We still aren’t sure what that is, but it didn’t sound too bad. We let him off with a warning,” says Martin, “but only because he happened to be less active.”
While some in the ward protest the infringement on their agency, others point to some of the many benefits.
“One of the sisters in our ward lost her testimony two weeks ago,” reports LaVois Schnyder, a Visiting Teaching Supervisor. “The Elders’ Watch organized a search party, and using a set of very bright lights and something they called ‘Nephi’s Hammer,’ like a miracle her testimony was restored! She was shaken pretty bad, but sure enough, next Sunday she was right in Relief Society where she belongs.”
Another family tells of their experience at being redirected to more wholesome activities. “It was Monday evening, and we were not having Family Night,” admits Brad Newsome. “I guess they must have bugged our family room because they knew we weren’t singing any songs or praying. The kids were headed to a basketball game at the high school when the Watchmen knocked on the door. Well, we saw the baseball bats and knew right away that we had screwed up big-time. My wife opened a bag of Oreos, and I started singing, ‘We Thank Thee Oh God for a Prophet.’ When the kids put their jackets back in the closet, the Watchmen left. WE SURE ARE GRATEFUL TO THE ELDERS!” Newsome said, shouting at a vase of dried flowers on the mantle.
“That’s all just a part of the job,” smiles Martin. “Sometimes they ‘forget’ to go to Enrichment night, sometimes they ‘forget’ it’s Pack Meeting or Mutual, and once in a while they even ‘forget’ to go to Church. When they lose their Liahona, we step in with the Iron Rod.” The interview ended abruptly when President Martin, wielding a Taser M-18, went running after a Deacon who was wearing his UNLV ball cap backwards.
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