Sister Carolyn Hess, Gospel Doctrine teacher in Linden, Utah, shocked her Sunday school class last week when she announced in the middle of her lesson, “You know, it’s only week two and I’m already bored with this stuff! It’s almost like some committee in Salt Lake sat down and said, ‘How can we make this as dull as possible?’” According to witnesses, Hess never quite got the Spirit back and the class let out twenty minutes early.

“I think it was pretty disrespectful,” said Coralee Hansen, a member of Hess’s class. “This is the most important history of all history ever told. If the Brethren decide it’s what we need to hear, I don’t think it’s her place to be bored. What about General Conference? We’ve been listening to the same talks now for decades, but we do not get bored. Just imagine!”

Hess’s Bishop, Dale P. Barnes, was not surprised. “Well, I thought something was wrong the week before when she brought in that bit from Saint Augustine,” he said. “And then she started her lesson this week with quotes from Paine and Swedenborg?  I mean, what was that about?  It was as if she thought she could improve on the manual.  It was downhill from there.” Bishop Barnes would not comment on whether Hess would be released.

Hess remained unapologetic. “Yes, I guess I surprised some people, but my goodness it’s true! I’ve been a member of the church all of my sixty-seven years and I believe I know the Joseph Smith story. Yet here I am, teaching it again. Same text, same comments from the class, same ol’ questions in the manual. ‘What do we learn about Heavenly Father from the first vision?’ And the class is bored, too! They just don’t dare admit it because they don’t want to appear less righteous than their neighbor.”

Gospel Doctrine classes rotate courses of study between Old and New Testaments, The Book of Mormon and The Doctrine and Covenants, covering all the standard works in a four year cycle. All classes in the worldwide church use the same manual approved by church officials in Salt Lake City.

Hess said she would love to continue to serve as Gospel Doctrine teacher and is optimistic about her future attitude. “Next week will be better,” she said. “I just got a computer and I’m going to go do some research on those internets about Joseph Smith. The whole story is much more exciting than the one in the manual, I’m sure of it.”

Hess also plans to order the manual in German for use in later classes.  “It’s the same manual, approved by the Correlation Committee,” she says, “but I think it will be much more challenging to both me as the teacher and the class at large to try to discuss the material in a language we don’t speak.”