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It’s been a long time since we picked up the mail at the Peep Stone post office box, and BOY were we surprised at the sheer volume of mail that has accumulated in the past several months! We didn’t even know that many credit card companies EXISTED, let alone that they desperately wanted us to have their various cards in our wallets. But there were also some very important and thought provoking letters that demanded our attention, so here they are.
Dear Peepsters,
Yo, whassup, dawg, you know?
Chill,
Spencer ‘Bonzer’ Tremelling from Orem, Ut
Hmm…I thought we had some that were more important and thought provoking than that….
To Whom it May Concern,
I need some help, and I’m hoping you are the right people. My late husband was a document collector, and the Mormon Church was constantly after him to sell them his prized, “Missing 116 Pages” written in the hand of Martin Harris for 1/5 their estimated value. Now that he’s gone, I need a trustworthy person to help me get these valuable documents out of my house and sold on the document market for their real value. If you’ll help me, I’ll split the proceeds with you. But first, I’ll need you to deposit $25,000 in my bank account to help me with the legal paperwork.
Will you help a poor widow?
Sincerely, Lisa Ongeratoa, Nigeria
Dear Mrs. Ongeratoa,
You’re in luck! In the past several months, we’ve accumulated an INSANE number of credit card applications, and subsequently, we at the Peep Stone office currently have access to a LOT of cash in the form of advances on our cards. Since you sound like such an upstanding person who just wants to help the world of Mormon academia retain open access to such valuable documents, we think we can help.
Sincerely,
Peep Stone Editor
Dear Peep Stone,
Peter_Mary
If you don’t clean out the garage this weekend, you’ll be sleeping in it!
Mrs. Peter_Mary
[Oops!]
Dear Peep Stone Editor,
Me and my roommates at BYU-Idaho are having a disagreement, and we’re hoping you can help. The RM I’m dating told me last night that he had a revelation that told him I was supposed to marry him, and I’m all thinking that, since he’s a priesthood holder, he must be getting revelation for our family. My roommates are all, “No! He’s full of crap! Don’t even go out with him again!” I think they’re stupid. What should I do?
Ashlyn Young, Rexburg, ID
Dear Ashlyn,
You are clearly an obedient daughter in Zion, and the Lord will bless you for your faithfulness. You should absolutely marry your RM. But first, the Lord has revealed to us that you need to write out a check for $25,000, paid to the order of Mrs. Lisa Ongeratoa, and all will be right with you in this life and the life to come.
Sincerely,
Peep Stone Editor
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