Oh my heck, I’m so happy they didn’t just release Father in Heaven without giving him another calling!  I’d hate to see him get his feelings hurt and go inactive.
I really don’t think it is fair that they kicked his wrinkley butt out just because he made a few bad calls.

Hamar,

We’ve been trying to contact God to comment on your concern, but his cell number has been forwarded to an automatic voice messaging system, and he isn’t returning his calls.  Apparently, there is no cell service at his favorite fishing hole.

If He ever gets back to us, we’ll let you know.

Peep Stone Editor

I have it on good authority (but sorry, can’t reveal my sources), that Elohim actually *asked* to be released from his calling.  Seems that he recently got Internet access and hit upon a certain web site (which shall remain nameless) where he uncovered all kinds of facts about what he did and didn’t do.  The rest, as they say, is history.

Elder_Nomo,

Have you got God’s e-mail address?  We’d love to try to verify that story, but that son-of-a-gun won’t return our calls.  We’re assuming you are referring to Pat Robertson’s Home Page?

Peep Stone Editor

I do have his e-mail addy, but I can’t give it to you.  It’s not secret, just sacred. 

But you don’t really need it.  Just fold your arms and close your eyes and talk to him.  If he doesn’t say anything back, it’s only because you’re not trying hard enough. Or you’re not worthy.  Or you’re not forking over 10%. Or you’ve been clocking too much time at the factory. Or whatever. Doesn’t matter. Basically just realize - it’s your fault.

I don’t reckon I wanna talk to him anyway.  Last time he communicated with me it was to tell me that the church was true and that JS was part of his inner circle.  Then I learn that he was just pulling my leg!  I can’t never figure out when he is serious and when he is jus kiddin.  So I reckon I’m done talkin to him.  At least he has a sense of humor…

Elder_Nomo,

Will you give it to me at the veil?  (The email address, that is).  I’m even good for the five points of fellowship…I think I remember ‘em all!

See, the whole “folding the arms-bowing the head” techniquie is ineffective out here in outer darkness.  The signal doesn’t reach.  But we DO have a T-1 line…

Peep Stone Editor

Hamar,

God says He has His hands over His ears and isn’t listening, anyway.  Apparently, you can’t take a good joke, so no more for Hamar.  He recommends elephant jokes from now on.

Peep Stone Editor

This reminds me of a story my cousin told me: She had two of the church elders come to her home and advise her that they had been praying about it and that God had made it know unto them that he wanted her to take the position of ward organist.

She said she just sat there for a minute and then replied: “Perhaps you should go back and pray some more, I
can’t play either the piano or the organ.”

This story reminds of when I was called to the nursery in my old ward and I accepted the calling (that’s what good mormons do!)Why keep putting plp in callings that they cannot do? Oh, that’s right! So they can “learn and grow spiritually”.What can one learn listening to 15 babies all crying for their parents for two hours?

ExMo, you missed an opportunity to grow and learn.  God wanted you to become an accomplished organist. Ya need to listen better.

Lola, that was so when you had six kids of your own you could tune out the general static and recognize the real serious scream of pain and need.

Ya, see gawd know what’s best for us, just like ole joey knew.

Hamar: Seeing how I am almost 40 I dont think six is going to be the number,more likely it will be 1-2 thru adoptions. Maybe get prepared to be “blessed out” in Chinese or Spanish? LOL! My great-niece (age 2) yelled at me in Spanish-guite humbling to be told off by a 2 yr old!

Is this for real?

Oorloghondje, absolutely, this is the true and everlasting forum!  When the peepstone speaks the thinking has been done…any other questions?

I knew it!!  Did you see the resemblance?  God is one sneaky guy.  God is… cue the music… OH YES and cue the raspy good ole boy voice… ya gotta know when to hold em, know when to fold em… GOD IS KENNY ROGERS!!

what prize do I win for being the first one to notice this?

Nog,

Your temple recommend has been renewed for two more years!  AND, you’ll be receiving a free pass for two with front row seats at the next general conference.  Now bow your head and say YESSSS!

This 2 year temple rec extension is a wonderful opportunity for me to… uh… rifle through the celestial room couch cushions for loose change in an attempt to recoup a few of my ill spent tithing dollars!

I heard God HAD to be released.  It appears he used his all seeing eye to watch my wife and me in the shower!!
—Just something from the rumor mill

That GOD, He’s such a joker. He was always telling my ex to join Amway, or NuSkin, or whatever sham of the hour was being passed around like a yeast infection among the ward members. 
One day GOD told me to divorce him. I listened and now GOD and I sit back and sip our Dr. Pepper and laugh at the funny punk antics he makes people do. He’s a card that GOD.