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SALT LAKE CITY, UT—The General Primary Music Board announced today that it has removed the song, “My Little Factory” from consideration as it compiles the proposed updates to the Primary Song Book. Said Eva Cushman, spokeswoman for the Song Selection Appropriateness Committee, “We just felt that it introduced a spirit of inquiry in Primary that our Sharing Time teachers simply were not prepared to handle. ‘What does the factory produce? Why does it run out? How do you start it up?’ I ask you, who wants to deal with that in a group of CTRs?”
The update is intended to include songs that not only teach gospel themes, but also Church standards. Songs such as, “I Hope My Navel Never Shows!” and “White Shirts and Snappy Ties” are intended to remind children of the importance of appropriate dress, both at home and at church, while “Never a Boozer Will I Ever Be” reinforces the theme that the Word of Wisdom is a sacred commandment.
 While “My Little Factory” was said to have had support at the highest levels of Church leadership, many in the Primary organization are grateful that cooler heads prevailed.
Diane Gunderson, Stake Primary Chorister in the Sandy 139th Ward points out some of her concerns. “Take this verse for instance:
Touch it once, touch it twice,
My little factory thinks that’s nice.
But oh be careful, little men,
You’ll soon be doing it over and over
and OVER again!
“I don’t care HOW cute the piano music is, a song like that is just not going to keep the kids sitting still.”
Sister Gunderson and others are encouraged by this decision, indicating that the Selection Committee has heard their concerns. “We love many of their songs, truly we do,” says LaVerda Cannister of the Draper 10th Ward Primary presidency. “ ‘Froot-Loops and Sacrament’ and ‘I’ll Baptize All the Dead One Day’ are filled with the kind of messages we want our children to take home. But some of the proposed music would have been a nightmare for us.”
Other songs that were deleted early from the list of suggestions included: “Missionary to the Muslims,” which included references to hand grenades and laser-guided missiles; “Joseph And Emma And Fanny and Lucinda And Louisa And Zina And Presindia And Agnes And Sylvia And Mary And…”, removed because the committee was concerned that it would become the Mormon equivalent of “99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall”; and “My Daddy’s Priesthood is Bigger Than Yours,” which included a reference to Catholics and might possibly be offensive.
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