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Ladies, are you SO ready to start planning your super-duper Krafty Kristmas List? We hope so, because our 78th Annual, SUPER SATURDAY All Day Kristmas Kraft Extravaganza and Low-Karb Luncheon is coming up this April—cuz like we always say, “it’s never too soon to start hot-gluing for the people on your Kristmas list!” And more than ever, we think you’ll find that the yummy ideas we have will help bring the spirit into the hearts and lives of everyone you know! Here’s a sample of some of scrumpdillicious krafty ideas we have in store for you!
First of all, TOTALLY check out our cute “Prophet Poker” game! Trust me ladies, it is to DIE for! All the kids on your list will be delighted to get this trading card game where they will learn important facts about past prophets and apostles! Each card includes vital statistics on each brother such as how many wives they had, and a famous quote from each one! My favorite is the Brigham Young card that says, “I wouldn’t give the opinion of a woman the weight of a fly turd!” Isn’t that darling?! My kids love playing and trading these collector item cards, and many are the times I can hear, “Trade you 2 Hinckleys for a Smith.” “Only if you throw in a Fanny Alger token!” They’re 2 cute!
Next we have “Mormonopoly,” which trust me, it is the bomb! Instead of buying houses and hotels, you buy stake houses and temples! Instead of Park Place and Boardwalk and Tennessee Avenue and all those other dumb names you can NEVER remember, we have South Temple, North Temple, Second East, etc. just like in Salt Lake City! And every other Mormon town! Instead of going to jail, you have to go to the Bishop’s Office and confess your sins…oohhh! Don’t want to go there! And the real fun is when you draw CTR Cards! Sometimes you have to go to the temple and do initiatories, and sometimes you have to go to the Church cannery, and sometimes you have to go Home Teaching, and sometimes you have to repair fences at the Stake Farm, and sometimes you have accept a new calling, and sometimes you…well, I don’t want to give ALL of them away!
For the grown-ups on your list, how about some DARLING Krafty Kristmas Dekorations!? We have some of THE cutest tree topper and decoration ideas! Like, how about transforming that dull, tired old Star of Bethlehem into a real replica of the planet Kolob, to be placed on the top of each tree! And you know those Angel Moroni statues you can buy at Wal-Mart for $14.99? Well guess what! We have them, too! Only you get to paint your very own! Cost is only $16.99, and must be paid in advance! We also have Christmas ornaments in the shape of all of the temples that have been built to date, just like the ones at Wal-Mart! Sometimes I think the Church must own Wal-Mart, because EVERYTHING we needed for this Super Saturday is RIGHT THERE!
How about THIS one, ladies—the “Talking Brigham Young Doll!” We had to hunt all over Wal-Mart to find the little pull-string voice box for these plush dolls, but we found ‘em, and now you can make your own Brother Brigham at the Super Saturday! Yay! This is a MUST for all the single adults on your list! Pull the string, and the Prophet solemnly speaks things like, “You are now a menace to society!” or, “You have the priesthood young man, and are now more powerful than the Pope!” and, “Your virginity is a wedding present from God not to be opened early!” I’m not kidding, ladies, when I pull that string, it’s like I’m hearing the words of Brigham himself, as spoken by a chipmunk!
And the last one I’m going to tell you about (don’t want to ruin the other fun surprises!) is the “Talking Molly Mormon Doll!” She’s hand sewn (of course!) and when you squeeze her chubby tummy, she speaks resolutely such comments as, “I’m a depressed brainless twit on Prozac! I just had my 37th baby girl, but I know Heavenly Father has a boy waiting for me! It will bring my husband and me closer together! Come on kids! Let’s all go to the food pantry, then off to the Deseret Industries!” This doll makes me proud to be a Mormon Mom! You’ll want to give them to all your friends!
So sign up soon to make sure you have your spot at the Kraft table! Oh, and there will be a brief lecture on the importance of keeping a family budget, but we promise THAT won’t last long! Keep Kafting!
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