PAYSON, UT—Mormon priest Hyrum Lavelle Kimbal (17) of the Payson 283rd ward, made history last Sunday by misstating the sacrament prayer for the 135th time since becoming a priest.  With six errors this past Sunday alone, Hyrum has eclipsed the previous church record of 83 mistakes held by Lamoni Richards of Smithville, Utah, a record he’s held since 1964.  Ward members say they admired Hyrum’s “won’t quit” attitude and are sure it will serve him well on his upcoming mission, “so long as he keeps his mouth shut and let’s his companion do all the talking,” says Keith Coburn, Hyrum’s Priest Quorum advisor. 

When asked what part of the prayer seems to trip Hyrum up the most, Ward members are unanimous in pointing to the line that says, “in remembrance of the blood of Thy Son.”

“The fool ALWAYS says, “in THE remembrance,” complains Sister Laura Nelson, mother of eight.  “It takes him so long to get through the stupid prayer that my kids have already eaten all the snacks I’ve brought and are fighting on the floor before the talks even begin.”

Brother Coburn speculates that Hyrum struggles with the reference to blood.  “He’s kind of girly, you know?” opined Coburn.  “He was always one to hold back on Scout outings when the other boys were out killing squirrels and rabbits with their wrist-rockets.  His old man is a school teacher…never takes the boy hunting.” Coburn also recalled that last year when they took the young men to see “Passion of the Christ,” that Hyrum actually vomited during the scourge scene.  “Now he probably has flashbacks when ever he has to say the Sacrament prayer.”

Some members of the Ward are troubled that the Bishop won’t let one word slip past, suggesting that the Lord doesn’t care.  “The bread tastes the same,” notes Jared Peterson, Deacon in the Ward.  However, Bishop L. Preston Packer feels differently.

“The Lord does indeed care,” says Bishop Packer.  “He is a God of perfection, of exactness.  There is no room for error in the Kingdom of Heaven, and no room for error in the 283rd Ward—at least not on Bishop Packer’s watch.”

“Criminy, he doesn’t seem to mind if he doesn’t start or stop the meetings on time,” groused Sister Nelson.  “By the time Sacrament is over, I’m hammered.  I take the four youngest kids and go home.  Maybe a little consideration for those of us who ‘followed the dam—er—darn Prophet’ would go a long way!”

By the time the Peep Stone got wind of Hyrum’s achievements, Paul B. Skousen and his “Book of Mormon World Records” had already contacted Bishop Packer for confirmation.  “This is exactly the kind of ‘home-boy makes good’ story we’re looking for,” says Skousen.  “This balances out the record for the number of times screwing up the baptism prayer.”

Hyrum still seems to be adjusting to his new found celebrity status.  “Does this mean I can get out of my mission like the Osmonds?” Hyrum asked.  Bishop Packer assured him that was “not the case.”