LOGAN, UT—Leaving the LDS Church has proven to be a double-edged sword for the formerly faithful.  While they express great joy in the freedom of their recently reclaimed free agency, some are finding the adjustment difficult in certain aspects of their life.  Most notably, they often are unable to resolve the age-old dilemma—boxers, or briefs? 

Boyd Grimly of Orem, Utah, is one of the distressed.  “I’ve been wearing garments since my mission in 1978,” he confesses, “but now that I’ve left the Church, I’m at a loss as to what to wear instead.” Grimly says he’s tried boxers, but hated the way they rode up on him.  Then he tried briefs, but his legs chafed.  “I even went without any at all, until one day at work when the secretary let me know my fly was unzipped.” As a compromise, he now wears the longer boxer-briefs.

For the Post-Mormon men, the dilemma is an irritant, but for the women, it can be a crisis.  “I relied on those ugly old garments to keep me warm,” says Hillary Compton of St. Anthony, Idaho.  “I liked the one-piecers, and especially the ones my Grandmother made for me when I got married that went from ankle to wrist!  They were warm and wooly and they kept me warm all night long.  My ex-husband hated them, though,” she said. 

Compton admits to feeling a little trampy when she wears more traditional underwear.  “My second husband wants me to wear a thong, but oh my heck, that’s like wearing a permanent wedgie!” Concerned for her safety, she wondered, “Can you saw yourself in half wearing those?” and has now settled on more traditional foundational garments of the non-Mormon variety, but in more interesting colors.  “At least the black and tan panties don’t turn that hideous gray.” Like Compton, most former Mormons also appreciate the general availability of their underwear at any department store, even if the choices are harder to manage. 

Others, like Marge Killingsly of Salt Lake City, have enjoyed rediscovering what it means to feel sexy again, and thought their husbands would be more supportive of the thongs and teddies they’re now free to wear.  Tom Killingsly is not convinced it’s necessarily a good thing, however.  “Marge is 61 years old and has spent the past 40 of those on the couch watching Days of Our Lives with a box of Twinkies in one hand and a six-pack of Orange Crush in the other.  Trust me.  Nobody should have to see that in a thong.”

“It was ultimately the ‘underwear police’ in St. Anthony that pushed me into Victoria’s Secret,” said Compton.  “When my Bishop called my husband in, and asked him what kind of underwear I was wearing, I knew I had no choice, painful as it was.  I HAD to have something lacy and racy.” She notes a dramatic improvement in her marriage since that time, and credits her husband’s honesty that day in the Bishop’s office as the catalyst to heightened marital satisfaction.

“Brian just looked Bishop Farmer in the eye and told him he’d be happier if I wore nothing at all rather than those ghastly things.  That seemed to put the Bishop in his place,” she said.  “I was so proud!”