ERIE, PA – Like many other people throughout the country, Erie residents are feeling the squeeze of skyrocketing energy prices.  In an effort to soften the effects of hurricanes and civil strife on oil and gas prices, a local LDS leader has come up with an innovative solution.  He is encouraging local members to warm both heart and home with the fiery glow of the spirit.

President LeVerl Lorenzo Rockwell of the Erie Grove Ward Elder’s Quorum first suggested the idea during a Priesthood interview with Brother George Albert Young last Sunday, and it has been spreading like wildfire ever since.  “President Rockwell, who is authorized to receive revelation for me and mine, reminded me of my solemn duty to pay my tithing before anything else, even my utilities,” said Young.  When Young confessed he didn’t have the money to pay both the gas bill and the tithing, Rockwell swung into action. 

“It was then that he suggested that we apply the ‘burning in your bosom’ principle in a more practical manner,” said Young, who obediently cut a check to the Ward, then went home and shut off the furnace.

“The principle is really quite simple,” said Rockwell.  “The scriptures are abundantly clear that when the Holy Ghost manifests itself unto you, you will feel a burning in your bosom, which should warm you right up.  That is, unless you are hard-hearted and non-receptive to the Spirit.  In which case you’d better put on a sweater.”

Rockwell asserts that the benefits of this practice are two-fold.  “Not only do you win God’s approval for seeking His Spirit constantly, but you also save a pretty penny on your heating bill.”  He then proceeded to point out that while heating an average home in Erie this winter might cost $200/month or more, the cost of keeping the spirit on all the time is negligible.  “It only costs you 10%, but heck, you’re paying that already!” Rockwell said.

The principle isn’t just limited to furnaces either, Rockwell added from his toasty living room.  “You can save money by using Spirit Power instead of natural gas to have a hot shower in the morning, or by de-icing your car’s windshield instead of using the defroster.  Out of lighter fuel for the hibachi?  No problem, if you are righteous enough! The possibilities are endless.  Unfortunately, some of us have been blessed with the financial security to not require this test of our faith.  But oh, how I wish I didn’t have the money to heat my pool! ” 

Young seems to be convinced.  “I took President Rockwell’s advice,” he said through chattering teeth, “and me and my family are doing great!  Blue lips and a dog who insists on sleeping outside in the snow, is a small price to pay now that we’ve been blessed with the chance to exercise our faith in a bid to survive the winter.  And possibly avoid excess heat at the second coming.”