It’s winter time up here in Squirrel, Idaho, and so ol’ Rulon’s got plenty of extra hours to ponder the mysteries of the universe, what with gettin’ all caught up on a year’s worth a home-teachin’ over the holidays.  My good Bishop, he knows how hard it is for me to get out most times a the year, but come Christmas, why ol’ Rulon’s a regular Home Teaching machine! 

Anyhow, shortly after Christmas I was over visiting Sister Woodland again, and she told me about the soonahmy what wiped out a passel of Muslims, Hindus and Buddhists, not to mention more than a handful of Europeans over in the Indian Ocean.  I been watchin’ the signs a the times for most a my natural born life, and I’m here to tell you, a big ol’ earthquake followed up by a tidal wave what wipes out that many non-members is about as much of a sign as you could hope for.  When I seen that, I had to sit a spell and marvel at the majesty of heaven.

See, there’s a handful of imposters out there in the world today, tryin’ for all they’re worth to bring about the second coming.  You take that no-good Osama bin Laden character for instance.  He shook things up a bit by crashing airplanes into buildings a couple years back, takin’ a swipe at the Christian folks of our country.  Even took out a couple of Mormons, damn his hide.  I’m sure he felt pretty smug knowin’ the damage he done, but turns out he ain’t seen nothing compared to the glory of God.  Turns out that God’s on our side, like we didn’t already know that.

That soonahmy was the work of the Lord.  Looks to ol’ Rulon like He won, too, judgin’ by the numbers.  Now I ain’t so naïve as to think that Osama’s gonna take this news lying down.  Hell, I wouldn’t!  I’d be hoppin’ mad if I knowed I’d been beat at my own game!  I expect he’s tryin’ to figure out how to make his own dang earthquake somewhere near California.  Well, I got news for Mr. Bin Laden—it ain’t gonna work, ‘cause no matter what he does, the Lord can do better. 

It kinda makes me giddy just thinkin’ about it.  See, if the terrorists get into a war with God, and that’s what this is—just a continuation of the war in heaven—then all they do is bring on that final battle at Armygid…Armgodo…Armageed…wherever the hell that last battle’s gonna be and we wrap up this dispensation once and for all and get goin’ with the millennium.  Frankly, I can’t wait, as I’m gettin’ too old for this farming stuff.  Probably better try once an’ for all to repent of my snuff, though.

Now, what I think is most interesting is looking at the situation from a good Latter-day Saint’s perspective.  Ain’t no terrorists flying airplanes or blowing up cars in Salt Lake City, is there?  And there ain’t exactly any tidal waves on the Great Salt Lake, neither.  No volcanoes erupted there any time recently, and in spite a the fact that the whole Wasatch front is one giant earthquake just waitin’ to happen, fact is, it ain’t happened, and it ain’t gonna happen until all the Mormon’s is safely translated into the great beyond.  After that, who cares what happens to them mountains?  A few apostates and non-members?  That ain’t exactly got Rulon crying in his Postum. 

So I guess the message for all of us is that the great and abdominal day a the Lord is at hand, and them idiots in Iraq and Afghanistan is just helpin’ the Lord out by givin’ Him reason to move things along at a faster clip.  And in the game of who can kill the most folks, I’d say God wins, hands down.

Here’s hopin’ you and yer kin are ready for the last days, ‘cause they’re upon us.  If anyone doubts ol’ Rulon, just check the tally in Asia compared to New York.  Ol’ Rulon’s right on this one.