I tell you, I just love sheep.  Not in the way you might a heard some old Montana sheepherders do, the ones what ain’t seen a girl in months.  No, I’m talking about what a man can learn from a sheep about the gospel that you can’t learn from most Sunday School teachers, least ways none a the ones in the Squirrel 2nd Ward, if you catch my drift.

We run a passel of sheep up at the Wesson place, not because they’re profitable, cause they ain’t, but because they’re spiritual.  Take just the other day when me and my Mexican hand Juan was bringing the flock up from the winter pasture to the spring pasture.  Me and the dogs was just strolling along behind the girls as we call ‘em, but don’t go getting any ideas, when I seen ol’ Juan go cussing and chasing after a young ram for the umpteenth time.  As I watched him running and flailing his hat, it occurred to me that the real problem ain’t with the one sheep what strays, but with the rest of the idiots who follow him.  When I seen that, the Spirit fairly well knocked me out of the saddle, and I seen right away I was pondering one of the mysteries of the Lord’s plan.  Plus, I knew exactly in that moment what had to be done.

What I done was I spurred my old mare up after Juan and told him to chase the rest of the strays back to the flock.  Soon as he went after ‘em, I pulled out my .45 and blasted that stupid ram to kingdom come.  Probably should of warned ol’ Juan, but after he picked his self up out a the dirt, he managed to round up all the panicked sheep, the ones what I call “the ninety and nine.”  There’s really only sixty two, but that don’t sound near as scriptural.  Now Juan, he’s had the missionary lessons though he never could get past the opening few verses of the Book of Mormon before he felt like he needed a stiff drink and a smoke, so I had to explain to him the principle of the gospel I had just employed.

See, Nephi didn’t really want to chop off the head of Laban, neither, but he did it because the Lord told him that it was better that one idiot get killed than the rest of the sheep follow him to hell.  Or something like that.  Been a while since ol’ Rulon’s read the Book of Mormon, too, but I expect you know what I’m talking about.  Point is, that stupid ram was just like Laban.  He was leading some of the dimmer members of the flock away to their destruction, and like Nephi, ol’ Rulon had to whack the one to save the ninety and nine.  Turns out that ram had a worm in its brain that was making it loony.  Laban had spiritual worms in his skull, which was more than likely what drove the old bugger to drink.  Ol’ Juan, he likes his tequila, too, but he don’t eat the worm, and near as I can tell it’s working for him.

Anyway, these are trying times, brothers and sisters, and Satan, he’s managing to get those damn spiritual worms in the brains of a lot of folks out there.  Folks who claim to be members of the Church.  One minute they’re raising their arm to square, and the next minute they’re going off about polygamy and women holding the priesthood and voting for a democrat and such.  Them are spiritual worms in the brain, and they ain’t natural.  What’s more, they’re dangerous to the ninety and nine.  In the words of ol’ Juan, it’s time for them idiots to “vamoose.” 

Now I ain’t saying you should start packing your hunting rifle to Church and plugging the ones with spiritual worms in their brains, but I am saying we got to cut them off before they start messing up our brains, too.  Now remember, the Lord don’t give us any trials we can’t overcome, and same as always, He’s shown us the way.  Here’s just a little reminder of the things you got to do.

First, just like ol’ Juan chased that idiot ram for a while, we got to chase down those renegades in the Church to see if we can turn ‘em around and set ‘em straight.  Home teach ‘em.  Take ‘em cookies.  Shoe their horses if they need it.  Help buck their hay.  Whatever.  And when you do, make sure they know this is for their own damn good since they sometimes is too deceived to figure that out.  Last month, I was out plowing the driveway for that old apostate Norman Taylor, and when he come out to thank me, I just looked him in the eye and said, “Brother Taylor, you want to thank me, thank your Father in Heaven, and get your carcass back to church.”  He ain’t come out yet, but then he’s been apostated since 1953.

If all the love don’t bring ‘em back into the fold, chances are they got spiritual worms in their brains.  Sad as it might seem, they’re already spiritually dead, so you got to treat ‘em that way.  It might seem harsh, but if we allow ‘em to mingle with the ninety and nine, they’ll just lead us astray, sheep being what they are and all.  Nope, as a church we got to cut ‘em off.  Excommunicate ‘em, ignore ‘em, and let their infected brains fester all the way to hell.  Long as they go by themselves its no concern of those of us smart enough to stick with the ninety and nine.

Here’s hoping you don’t end up with spiritual worms in your brain, and that the Lord don’t have to have to use His spiritual .45 on you!  Stick with ol’ Rulon and the rest of the ninety and nine, and you’ll make it by and by.