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“Glad You Asked!” is a feature designed to enlighten the curious about some of the various aspects of Mormonism that indeed makes them a “peculiar people.” This will be our online equivalent of “Mormonism For Dummies” and will no doubt become a rich, online resource tool for people interested in the culture of the intermountain west. Today, We’re Glad You Asked about The Garden of Eden!
GARDEN OF EDEN (See also ADAM; ADAM-ONDI-AHMAN; BIZARRE TEACHINGS, Smith; BIZZARE TEACHINGS, Young)
Mormons are Christians, okay? They’ll tell you so, unequivocally, unless you’re Brigham Young, and then he makes it clear that Mormons don’t want to be Christians. And as Christians, they have a special place in their hearts for the Garden of Eden and its first inhabitants, Adam and Eve. So far so good.
However, what the gentile world needs to understand about the REAL Garden of Eden (something that was a plain and precious truth that was lost when wicked priests translated the Bible) was that it wasn’t anywhere near Jerusalem, or even on the continent of Asia—it was in North America, specifically in the Northwest part of Missouri. Every good Mormon knows this, and not one Christian even has a clue. Can you believe it?
The Mormons have proof, however. Not only did God reveal this tidbit of historical fact to Joseph Smith in a revelation, but Smith also found the very altar upon which Adam offered up a sacrifice to the most High God. Well, not so much an altar per se, but rather a pile of rocks that used to be an altar. Joseph said so. You’d think that with a pile of rocks “right there!” that the Pope and Oral Roberts and John Ankerberg would bow their prideful heads at last and admit that Joseph Smith was a prophet of God. But they persist in their stiff-neckedness. That’s why we have this handy graphic, to help the Christian world finally understand!
The good news here, though, is that when God returns to Missouri, we won’t have to try to use our frequent flyer miles to get to Israel. We can drive our Yukons! Just type, “Independence, Missouri” into your GPS, pack the wife and kids and a couple of credit cards, and you’re practically there. It might not be a bad idea to call ahead now for reservations at the Marriot in Kansas City. Just tell them you’re with the group from Zion and they’ll give you the special “Garden of Eden Millennial Room Rate”, and hold your reservation for whenever Christ descends on the temple that, hopefully, will be built by then. If you wait until the last minute, you might be sharing a room with your brother and his family of 9 screaming kids, and you don’t want that.
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