|
Concerned over declining attendance numbers at the Mesa, Arizona Temple, Temple President Kimball W. Mays announced a new promotional effort this week that he hopes will dramatically increase the numbers of the faithful coming through the doors of one of the church’s oldest temples.
After attending a Phoenix Desert Dogs baseball game last October, President Mays was struck with a moment of inspiration. “Actually, I was struck by one of the 5000 bats they handed out at ‘Bat Night’,” said Mays. A common promotional technique for getting fans to the baseball stadium, Mays is convinced the same concept could work at his Temple. “Fans were lined up for two hours hoping for one of those mini bats with the Desert Dogs logo emblazoned on it. And that’s when a still small voiced whispered to me, ‘temple attendees want hats. And hot dogs.’ Who am I to second guess the Holy Ghost on matters of marketing?”
Still feeling the glow of divine inspiration, President Mays excused himself during the 7th inning stretch and hurried to his office to compile a list of potential promotions and sponsors. “The Dogs were killing the Mesa Solar Sox anyway, so I didn’t miss much,” says Mays.
As is customary at baseball parks all over the nation, the Temple promotions will primarily be held on weeknights, when attendance tends to be down. According to Mays, he has received authorization from the Front Office of the First Presidency, who confirmed for the Peep Stone that they “wholeheartedly endorse” the new program.
“Heavenly Father loves big numbers,” said Church spokesman Elder Richard M. Mantle. “He also happens to be a huge fan of the game that is as American as Joseph Smith and the Lamanites. Truth can be found anywhere, even the beer-soaked stadium of a minor-league ball team.”
 President Mays is quick to point out that corporate sponsorships—not tithing money—would be used to fund the program. “Many corporate donors are more than happy to pay to have their names plastered on some trinket that will be handed out to thousands in a single advertising blitz.”
According to Mays, he did an on-line search of the promotional programs at 35 major and minor league ball clubs to compile his final—and inspired—list of promotional nights. “Of course,” he said, “not every promotion the baseball teams run is going to translate to a good Temple promotion. For instance, we had to rule out the ‘Bud Light $2.00 Beer Night’, which is unfortunately, the biggest draw for the Devil Dogs. And to avoid any other conflicts with the Word of Wisdom, we had to make sure we scheduled ‘Hot Dog Night’ for winter. Or a time of famine—but frankly, that’s kind of hard to anticipate.”
Local enthusiasm for the program is high. Said Delbert B. Ruth, Counselor in the Phoenix West 54th Ward Elders Quorum, “Heck, I think it’s a great idea! If we can offer our Elders both Celestial glory and a cool ball cap, then maybe I won’t have to personally fill all of our Ward’s Temple assignments.”
If all goes well with the inaugural “Monday Night Football is Not Fit for FHE!” Hat Night on January 9th, sponsored by Deseret Mutual Life, then the Mesa Temple will also offer the following promotions:
January 22nd - “I Can’t, I’m Mormon” Tee Shirt Night, sponsored by Bonneville Communications
February 6th - Two For One Hot Dog Night in the Telestial Room, sponsored by USANA
March 11th - General Authority Autograph Night, with a yet-to-be-named General Authority or Regional Rep.
April 8th - Mini Suitcase Night sponsored by Xango
May 20th - Bart Simpson Slippers Night sponsored by Deseret Books
June 11th – Bobblehead Prophet Night, sponsored by Marriott
July 28th - First Presidency Conference-Worn White Shirt Giveaway Night, sponsored by Nu-Skin
August 21st - Funny Nose and Glasses Night, sponsored by Zions Bank
|
