Top Story
Church Authorities, Postmormons Find Common Ground
by Peter_Mary

LOGAN, UT—In a surprise to all parties, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints found agreement with the Logan-based Postmormons on an important issue for both organizations.  At a meeting requested by Regional Representative Archibald K. Yost, the Church asked for sensitivity on the part of Postmormons when speaking of the President of the Church.  Specifically, Yost stated that Mormons take umbrage to the frequent use of the pejorative, “the Profit” when speaking of the Church’s President. 

Said Yost, “There is no ‘f’ in ‘Prophet’.”

The Board of Directors for Postmormon.org sat stunned for a moment, glancing at one another in disbelief.  Finally, speaking on behalf of Postmormon.org, Jeff Ricks sought to clarify the Church’s position.

“Are we to understand that the Church’s official position is that there is ‘no effin’ Prophet’?”

“That is correct, obviously,” said Yost.  “There never has been, and never will be.”

The Postmormons seemed shocked by this official position.  “I never thought I’d see the day,” reported Postmormon Board Chair, Mamapajama. 

Ricks was still not convinced, however, and again sought clarification.  “This means that the Mormon Church is, after all, a ‘non-prophet’ organization, is that right?”

“Of course,” replied Yost.  “There is no profit to be found in our books.”

The Postmormons gave Yost a round of applause, and promised to announce this information on their website immediately.  “Our members will be delighted,” said Ricks.  “We agree with the Church’s position completely.”

“You do?” was the surprised response by Yost, who expressed great appreciation for the willingness on the part of Postmormon.org to meet with him, and was personally moved by the Board’s willingness to cooperate with the Church’s request.  He then asked if the Board would reconsider condoning the use of the word, the “Morg.”

“I don’t think we teach that,” said Ricks.  “I don’t think we emphasize it.”

As a follow-on question, Peepstone editor, Peter_Mary asked Elder Yost, “Do you know what you get when you cross a Bulldog with a Shih tzu?”

“Huh…?”

“Never mind.”

The meeting concluded with both parties agreeing that communication is a powerful bridge-building tool.





 

Comments:

Oh man, P-M, I laughed myself sick over this.

Posted by amusick  on  10/27  at  01:32 PM

I am rolling on the floor laughing my arse off!  Thanks for the excellent play on words and poking fun at what is a serious issue.

Posted by Suspicious Minds  on  10/27  at  01:48 PM

Amusick—it is wonderful to hear that you became sick reading this story, thus providing you the impetus to stay home from work today.  Now you are free to catch up on the REST of the news which is, in our opinion, VASTLY more interesting than what is going on with the Presidential elections and the global economy.  Ew…

Peep Stone Editor

Posted by peter_mary  on  10/27  at  01:49 PM

Suspicious Minds…what is this “poking fun” of which you speak?  smile

Peep Stone Editor

Posted by peter_mary  on  10/27  at  01:50 PM

Well, well, Mr. Mary.  You’ve effin outdone yourself again.

mama

Posted by mamapajama  on  10/27  at  06:32 PM

LOL!!! Loved it! 
We thank thee o God for a Peepstone.

Posted by dave (e_nomo)  on  10/27  at  09:14 PM

I laughed out loud at my desk.  I think everyone is wondering what I’m laughing about.  This was way funny.

Posted by Rmyth  on  10/27  at  10:15 PM

Rmyth—see, that’s the trouble with laughter and lightmindedness.  It alerts everyone at work to the fact that we’re at Postmo instead of on the job.  (Gets us at the Peep Stone all the time…)

Peep Stone Editor

Posted by peter_mary  on  10/28  at  01:52 AM

Wait! I’m trying to zoom in on that handshake…is that the First or Second Token of the Aaronic Priesthood? Tsk, tsk. That Mr. Ricks…sneaking that in.

Posted by mamapajama  on  10/28  at  02:39 AM

Mamapajama—we at the Peep Stone have it on good authority that Elder Yost is a former Moonie, so who KNOWS what kind of hankie-pankie is going on in that handshake…

Peep Stone Editor

Posted by peter_mary  on  10/28  at  03:13 AM

this was too good.  I think my favorite part is,

I dont think we teach that, said Ricks.  I dont think we emphasize it.

The look on Jeff’s face is good too.

Posted by Hiker Daddy  on  10/28  at  07:34 AM

I dont think we teach that, said Ricks.  I dont think we emphasize it.

Best line ever! This article was so comedy-rich you probably could have made it longer, but I loved it. Keep the new issues coming!

Posted by searcher1234  on  10/28  at  04:57 PM

you guys are my freaking heroes!!!

Posted by Doc Day aka The Heretic  on  11/21  at  07:58 AM

really like that one

Posted by morg  on  11/22  at  12:32 PM

now thats funny right there

Posted by OrdinanceWorker  on  12/04  at  06:03 AM

‘effin confession time! WHOOO!!!

Posted by mofoe1978  on  07/17  at  03:01 AM

I can’t stop my loud laughter at your evil speaking of the lord’s annointed!

Posted by Paix Bade  on  10/02  at  08:42 PM

freakin cracks me up!

Posted by swwetgras  on  11/02  at  03:41 AM

In a word, brilliant!

Posted by Lea Christensen-Martin  on  11/04  at  04:04 PM

That is hysterical!! I always suspected as much, and NOW they tell us….

Posted by misuzu  on  02/04  at  02:59 AM

Superb!

Will we see anymore Peep Stone Magazine action in the future?

Posted by mechwerks  on  11/10  at  02:55 PM

Too funny! I was laughing sooo hard, then when I clicked full-text and saw the “I don’t think we emphasize it,” it got even better! Couldn’t breathe from laughing. (DW wanted to know what was so funny, but I told her I couldn’t share. Maybe some day.)

Posted by Rational Basis  on  11/14  at  07:49 AM

This is genius.  Thank you so much for giving me a good laugh.

Posted by AZPostMo  on  01/12  at  04:50 AM

I somehow suspected as much all along.

Posted by KosherKittie  on  02/22  at  04:33 PM

Hysterical! I needed a good laugh! smile

Posted by Mikki B  on  11/24  at  07:32 PM

They seem to get all butt-hurt and don the mantle of persecution over the little stuff. During the Mark Hofmann debacle the tscc was bent over journalist’s referring to “Mr. Hinkley” rather than using his official title. I wonder what they would think if they knew I regularly refer to that whole area in downtown S.L. as Star Fleet Headquarters?

Posted by ExMoNemo  on  04/03  at  09:35 PM

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