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 SALT LAKE CITY – H. Kimball Young of the Church Correlation Committee recently announced a more efficient version of the Old and New Testaments for use by Church members.
“The Bible as we know it has many plain and precious truths left out of it,” Young said, “but it also has a ton of stuff left in it that nobody ever uses. All we’ve done is clear out the clutter.”
The new version of the Bible is correlated to the Gospel Doctrine Sunday School Manuals, as well as manuals used in the Church Education System. While Church members will recognize the pure voice of the King James Version with which they are familiar, they’ll also find the verses that are never referred to in any sanctioned LDS class have all been removed.
The Correlation Committee was responding in part to a growing faction of church members who were voicing concern about the contents of the Bible, and who felt that if it wasn’t fit for Sunday School, it wasn’t fit for the scriptures at all.
“I began reading the Bible with my children, trying to follow the Prophet’s counsel,” said LeVondell Peterson of the Sandy 183rd Ward, “but I kept finding things that were offensive to the spirit. Have you ever read the story of Lot’s daughters? My goodness, they certainly were not living the young women’s standards now, were they? The adversary must have had a hey-day clouding the truth of that scripture!” Sister Peterson went on to say that, “Since we’ve been reading the new version of the Bible, not only can we feel the spirit better with all the terrible things taken out, but it’s also easy to find the stories that are essential for our children’s salvation, like Noah’s ark and Jonah and the Whale.”
Young is quick to point out that members are still free to own copies of the King James Bible, but are encouraged to begin reading the new LDS version.
“We understand that some members and so-called intellectuals may still choose to read Numbers and Leviticus and the like, and since those books are technically the ‘word of God’ they have the right to do so,” said Young. “We just realize that most members find there are only about 100 verses of the Bible that they really like, and the rest is either too hard to understand, or raises questions that frankly they’d rather not think about. It is not essential for our eternal progression to read of the rape of Dinah, or how many foreskins David brought to King Saul so he could marry the King’s daughter.”
Citing the Correlation Committee’s motto of, “Nothing that we wouldn’t want to read with the Savior,” Young feels confident that members will finally feel safe reading the Bible, as the verses now contained in the revised LDS version are only the ones they know have been approved for Church study.
“You’ll never have to feel guilty again when the teacher asks whether or not you’ve read the lesson for this week,” said a smiling Young. “You’ll be able to read it in the time it takes your average Priest to bless the sacrament bread, even if they don’t have to repeat the prayer. You’ll get to know the special blessings of being prepared when you arrive for Sunday School.”
Some members are concerned about the changes this might impose.
“I have always been faithful about reading the lessons, no mater how bizarre or impossible to follow they were,” complained Jared Hamblin of the Orem Cloverdale Ward, “and I was often the only one to get the candy bar offered by the teacher to those who did the homework. Now with the new scriptures, everyone will read the assignment, and teachers are not going to buy candy bars for the whole class! I counted on that candy bar to get me through Priesthood,” he lamented.
In spite of a handful of objections, the Correlation Committee feels good about the response thus far to the redacted Bible.
“I don’t mean to sound proud,” said Young, “but I received a witness of the spirit that this is the right direction for LDS scripture study to be headed. With the Prophet’s blessing, we will begin next year removing all the mission calls from the Doctrine and Covenants, as well as the alleged reference to polygamy I’ve been told about.”
The pilot project is presently being conducted in 12 Wards in Utah, Idaho and Taiwan, and the new scriptures should be available church wide in time for Christmas next year.
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