After a year of arguing with my DH, I finally sent my letter of resignation in on June 23, 2009.  I did this behind DH's back so as not to upset him further.  About three weeks later, I had a visit from the Bishop.  One look at me and I think it was all it took to convince him that I was not your standard LDS woman.  I have piercings.  Several at that.  And tattoos.  Once he got over the intial shock of my appearance (still something I chuckle over), he just verified that it was me and that the letter was indeed mine.  A week later, it was over.

I was baptized at age 13.  I had pressure from friends and my grandpa.  My grandpa thought that church would help me deal with the loss of my grandmother.  My friends wanted to spend more time with me, and only could if I was "worthy."  It did nothing but make me feel worse.  I felt out of place and when I was baptized I felt nothing but wet.  If this was to be some spiritual awakening, I thought I may have missed the boat!

I attempted church again at 23, after I lost a job I worked extremely hard for.  I attended my grandpa's ward and thought I was finally enjoying it.  Later, I realized that it was the time I spent with him that was the great part. 

At that time, I recieved my Patriarachal Blessing.  For years, that thing kept me tied to the church.  Even though, I stopped going, I still felt that it would come true.  I am one of those "closet romantic" type gals and it told me that I would marry a great guy and my kids would bring me joy.  I desperately wanted to be a wife and mother even before that.  When my twins were born, I thought that the whole thing finally came true!  Little did I know that they were only scripts that are picked and chosen.  

The last and final time I went was with my DH.  It was by force.  He told me that I either go and do what is right or leave and never see my kids again.  Every Sunday, I was miserable.  I was looked down upon by the other women because of a tattoo on my leg.  I was more outspoken than the rest and was looked at like some circus freak.  Whilst attending Temple Prep class, the final straw hit me.  The instructor stated that all gays and lesbians were sinners and would burn in hell.  I am bisexual.  I have friends that are gay and transsexual.  They are the most awesome folks I know and would never turn my back on them.  I was outraged.  I sat there grinding my teeth until the class was over.

DH could not get me to attend again.  We were in danger of losing our house and the church told us that we had to pay tithing first.  We were going to be homeless!!!  I was not about to sacrifice precious money to get help.

The last time I attended was in 2004.  I was screaming inside to get out ever since.  DH felt that his records would be compromised if I were to resign.  It was all a matter of his controlling me.  I have since found ways around that.  The only thing I wish for now is that my kids do not have to go through what I did.  I want them to make an educated choice in their spiritual destinies.  Not be forced in because a friend wants them to.

As a celebratory token to myself, the day I got that letter, I went and had an industrial piercing done.  It signifies that both my body and spirit are mine to do with as I choose.  It may sound silly to some, but it is of great importance to me.  I stretch my lobes as a reminder of just that.  The larger they get, the more free I am.

Funny coincidence...  My brother found out that I resigned and asked me what I did.  He wants out too.  It made me proud to help him out of this cult to live a life that is his.

That is what it is all about, right?  Living your own life, choosing your own path.  No one to choose it for you.  Hate to use the lingo, but I am eternally grateful for that!