It was May 5, 2009 when I left the church. There are many reasons why I chose to leave. The most important among them being the hypocrisy. My ex husband sexual molested my daughter. When I found out about it and I went to the local church authorities they did nothing. On the church website there are many talks that have been given by men who are very high in authority. They tell people to come forward and report abuse, but when you do you are made to feel like it is your fault that it happened.
 
Last night I was questioned for 2 hours and 45 minutes about what I believed. I told the men questioning me that I believed in God and that I believed in  his son Jesus Christ and I believed in the Holy Spirit. I also told them that, that is where my beliefs ended. I believe that God with the help of Jesus Christ created this world and everything in it. I told them that if we truly believed in Jesus Christ we would study his life and try to live our lives as he lived his life. He loved everybody regardless of the color of their skin, what kind of impairaments they might have. He taught us that we have a Heavenly Father and a Heavenly Mother that they are the examples of how we should raise our children here in this mortal world.
 
I was questioned extensively about my relationship with [first husband]. I was questioned extensively about my relationship with [second husband]. I was questioned about you as you have been seen coming and going from my house by other ward members. I was also questioned about XXXX (who is my boss from the XXXXX XXXXXX Restaurant) I have been helping him prepare paper work to get his in-laws to the United States and I have also helped him prepare papers for a small claims case that he won against another employee. These facts were not divulged to the bishop nor the stake president. When questions started getting personal my defenses came up and my mouth got the better of me. Each time I was asked a personal question I replied with the same question back to the person that asked me the question wheather it was the bishop or the stake president. They got upset and said that they were not the ones on trial. I told them that I was not aware that I was on trial. I told them I had not been charged with anything, that I had no attorney to defend me and that there was not a jury of my peers to judge me nor was there a person there who had accused me that I was entitled to face.
 
They were pretty upset with me. They took a few minutes to regroup and tried a different tactic to get me to talk. They wanted to know if when I was a pre-teen and teenager if I had masturbated. I told them that I didn't start to masturbate until after I had gotten married the first time and I was unable to receive any sexual satisfaction. I told them that there were many sources of information to help a person learn, that I had used those sources to learn and that I thoroghly enjoyed giving myself pleasure from time to time. Then I asked them if they wanted a demonstration. Bishop XXXX went bright red and President XXXX went very white I thought that he was going to have a heart attack because he started to sweat alot. They then informed me that I was out of line to be talking like that and I told them "No, you are both out of line to be questioning me about what I do in my personal life." " What I do in my personal life is nobodys business unless I break a law and I harm someone in doing so." The things I have done in my personal life are just that they are personal and they are my business." I stood up. I walked to the stake presidents desk and I layed both envelopes down one in front of the bishop and one in front of the stake president. I then said "this inquisition is over, this is my letter asking that my name be removed from the records of the church, I know that neither one of you have any respect for me, but I hope that you will respect me enough to honor this request." then I turned and walked out.  I made it as far as the car before I threw up. It was extremely violent. Then I made it home and into the bathroom before it started and it wouldn't stop. I got very scared when I knew that there was nothing left to throw up and then what was coming out was black then the cramping started and so did the diaherra, again it was very explosive and when I started throwing clots that is when [my daughter] got scared.

She took me to the emergency room and they pumped me full of meds to stop the vomitting and the diaherra, they pumped me full of liquids to re-hydrate me. They did an upper g.i. and  there are alot of tears from my throat all the way down to my stomach. They want me to eat soft foods for the next few days to give the tears a chance to heal and alot of meds. yeah I get to go off food again. they want me to go and have a lower g.i. done i told them that i would schedule one but i don't have any intention of doing so.

oh yeah they almost sucked me back in by playing the eternal family card and bringing my dead parents into the mix telling me that they would be very disappointed in me etc etc etc. I did realize what it was and told them that if my parents only loved me when "i was a good girl" then they had been disappointed in me for a very very long time.