I'm a BIC, very long pedigree of Mormon family members on both sides of the family. My mother is Kimball royalty (Heber C. Kimball and Vilate Kimball). I was raised in the 70s and 80s in northern California.

I believed in the church very much. I don't remember much from childhood, but I do remember going to church a lot. When the teenage years arrived, I attended EMS (early morning seminary), and felt a sense of duty to do so. I don't remember too many lessons except one in particular. The teacher was discussing demonic possession, and how her dad casted out a demon of one of the teacher's friends. I remember thinking the story was a bit awkward. It didn't make much sense to me how invoking the name "Jesus Christ" could scare a demon. But I suppressed my vexation and put my shoulder to the wheel.

Then came time for a mission. I went to Brazil from 1993 to 1995. While I was out there, I saw a lot of other missionaries baptizing people for personal attention and glory. The people they baptized rarely stayed active. I refused to engage in that type of proselyting, so I mainly stuck to whole families. It seemed to work. My mission president congratulated me several times on converting whole families. My numbers were low, but the people I taught remained active. It is 15 years later, and I know for a fact that two have been bishops and one was a Sake President. I was proud of my mission.

I came home and went back to school and studied Accounting. After I finished it, I moved back home to Sacramento and started working professionally. I wanted to get married, however. I met a lot of great girls at school in Utah but nothing ever solidified.

I met my wife in May of 2000 and we were married that December. During this time, we were dirt poor. We had used lawn furniture in our little apartment instead of couches. Our cars were pieces of junk. It was humble times. The best part about all this though is that our TV was so small and reception so bad that we took up reading. We read a lot, and I bought/borrowed a lot of church books. Within two years, I had filled up two 7 foot bookshelves. And I didn't read the fluffy stuff either. I wanted to know everything. I specifically remember reading about the life of Joseph Smith and the second anointing and was utterly fascinated with them. I read everything on them under the sun. I still have some of those materials.

During all this fervor, we even visited with a prominent LDS historian in his home to ask him about the endowment ceremony, polygamy, Adam-God, and the second anointing. It was a great three hour discussion and one that galvanized our faith. To this day, I view him as a great man.

Things at work were OK, but I could tell I wasn't quite up to snuff. So with some consideration, I decided I would like to earn a living teaching the gospel. I met a very nice "Know Your Religion" teacher who taught in CES for several years, and he encouraged me to get a M.A. in Biblical Studies. So I sent out the applications and got a couple acceptance letters back. We packed up everything, including our 9 month old son (and my wife was pregnant with #2), and moved across the US.

I had a blast earning my M.A. I took probably 8 semesters of graduate level Hebrew, several semesters of Koine Greek, a semester of Aramaic, Ugaritic, NW Semitic inscriptions (Amonite, Moabite, Phoenician, etc.). In addition, I had classes on exegesis, theology, and archaeology. I excelled at what I did, and graduated at the top of my class. All my professors enjoyed having me in their classes and frequently called on me to read/interpret the tougher passages. During this time, however, I was taught how to contextualize an ancient text. I was given the critical tools. I knew that Isaiah has three authors. I could see it before my very eyes. It was obvious to me. I knew about the Deuteronomistic Redactors. Likewise, the evidence was there, and it was easy to spot. I knew source criticism (J, P, E, etc.). During this time I didn't read the BofM much, simply because I justified my "daily scripture study" with the fact that I was spending about 7+ hours per day in the Hebrew Bible. Then one day my wife suggested I read the BofM to the kids before tucking them in. I did the best I could, but as I read, I was greatly perturbed with the book's content and language. Something wasn't right. I found it quite at odds with all these other inscriptions I was studying, and specifically remember reading Abinadi's speech to the wicked King Noah. I had taken a Protestant theology course prior to this, and knew trinitarian theology to some extent. And here was Abinadi, supposedly well-versed by god in all the doctrinal ways of the Mormon godhead, expounding Protestant trinitarianism to King Noah. It was out of place and struck me as odd.

A few weeks later, I was in the library alone in a corner with my laptop, working on a paper. I decided to take a break. I leaned back in my chair and looked up, and I remember from the past somebody saying that there were anachronisms in the BofM. Then I remembered the Protestant theology. And then I remembered the training I had been given - how to contextualize an ancient document. I specifically recall saying out loud but very quietly to myself the words "Joseph Smith wrote this. It is the only fair explanation." At that very moment, a flood of relief entered my mind and body. I remember physically exhaling and grinning. I figured it out! I could instantly wipe away all of the BofM's problems simply by localizing the text to the 19th century. I was happy, but I knew what this would mean among my TBM friends and relatives. So I kept it to myself.

My grandmother died a short while later. I flew out to Utah to be with family as we buried her and mourned her. On this trip I stayed with my younger brother, who I am very close to. My cousin and his wife were also staying there, and I'm close to them as well. They asked how school was going and if I had learned any cool deep things about the gospel. I remember leaning against the island in his kitchen, and saying, "Actually, I've got some cool things that I've unlearned." So I confessed my findings that the BofM is not an ancient text. At this point, his wife and my cousin's wife went upstairs to cry, because downstairs I was denouncing the BofM. I remember my cousin saying "Does this mean Joseph Smith isn't a prophet?" I answered him: "Well, prophets write scripture, so maybe it means he is still a prophet." Deep inside I knew I was misleading him, but I didn't want to totally implode the family. So now I got my brother and cousin thinking.

I applied to several PhD programs in Hebrew and was accepted to two. So I packed up the family and moved again. During this time, the thought that JS wrote the BofM became so enlightening to me! I could explain away the BofM's problems (anachronisms, theology, geography, sociology, anthropology, etc.) in less than 10 words. My brother really took off with this. Later on, as a gift, my mother flew him out to visit me and he brought with him a DVD entitled "The Money Masters." We watched it, and as a result of that film, my politics shifted. I became consumed with removing forces that attempt to control me. It wasn't long before I noticed the church was doing the exact same things - it even had its own form of "tax." I love freedom to be what I want, and with the precedent that JS wrote the BofM, I had what I needed so that I could no longer justify my presence in the church.

I remained a NOM for a little while, but eventually that fizzled and I quit going altogether. When Proposition 8 came out, my wife also decided she was done with the church (we have gay friends in CA).

Most TBMs think that there are only three reasons for ever leaving the church: 1) the person was offended by a member, 2) the person is gay and/or looks at porn and/or is an adulterer, and 3) the person read "anti-Mormon" literature and was deceived by the devil. My exodus from the church does not fit into any of these categories. If anything, my love of the Bible ended my church membership. When asked about why I left now, I always say it is because I am "intellectually incompatible" with the church's historical claims.

Since the decision to leave, I have studied much of the "other side of the coin," and I now offer my advice to any active member who might encounter these words: study it out the best you can. Read everything you can get your hands on. Disregard the source of what you read and consider the message only. Is the argumentation sound? Does it make more sense like this or like that? Which of these is the best explanation for a given claim in the church? Momentarily suspend your beliefs and consider the possibility that the church is not true. And lastly, if it isn't true, would you really want to know? If the answer is yes, you've come to the right website. If the answer is no, then you're not being honest with yourself.