I previously stated that I would disclose my real name to the Post Mormon community in my exit story, but after speaking with my wife, she has asked me not to, stating concerns for our children. I will honor her wishes.
LDSlib’s Story
Background:
I am a male who was born, raised and still reside in the Salt Lake valley. My wife an I were married in the Salt Lake City temple in 1995, we have 3 children. At first glance, it may seem that I had the typical Utah Mormon upbringing, but that is not the case…
Both of my parents are immigrants to the U.S. from Western Europe. My mother was baptized by missionaries into the LDS Church while she was still living in Europe, and while she was a teenager. I don’t have a lot of details about that event. My father was baptized by LDS missionaries while he was a young child, living in Europe. I don’t have a lot of details about it either, but my father has stated that the missionaries lied about several things back then. My impression is that he was baptized as a young kid, who really didn’t know any better, perhaps following the lead of others. Both of my parents quickly fell away from the LDS church, but never to have their names removed from its rolls. Interestingly enough, my parents are from different countries, they did not know each other until meeting in Salt Lake City. They both landed in Salt Lake for different reasons.
My religious upbringing:
I was born at LDS Hospital, in Salt Lake City, in 1973. I have an older sibling and a younger. We had a very loving and functional family as we children were being raised. The one piece that really wasn’t there was religion. Both of my parents considered themselves Christians, but really didn’t affiliate themselves with one particular religion (technically, they were and still are, members of the LDS church).
When I was very young, my mother was involved with the LDS church, she taught primary or in the young women’s program. I remember going with her to church. With that influence, my older sister got involved and participated in church activities, she was baptized at age 8. Three years later I was baptized at age 8. Through the course of all this, my mother’s slight interest and involvement in the LDS church disappeared. Our younger sister, was never baptized.
While my sisters and I were young, we were never told that we couldn’t go to church. Our parents supported it, but if we went, it was with friends. I also had a phase of going to church consistently, but that was to be eligible to play church basketball. During this time of my life, I was also ordained a deacon and a teacher.
The only church I knew was the LDS church. It influenced my life considerably while I was young. My only friends were the kids in my neighborhood, who were all from ‘good’ LDS families. I became a deacon and teacher, because my best friends were all doing it.
High School Years:
By high school, I had found who I was, and the LDS church was not part of me. Most of my friends were all ‘good’ members, but had really nothing to do with the LDS church. I recall a few times of feeling left out since I didn’t go to seminary, but for the most part, I wore the banner of inactive and anti-LDS proudly. These years were my first exposure to the book/film, The God Makers, it freaked me out a bit.
High school went by fast, and soon I found my self in college, alone. All of my friends were on their missions and I was lost again. I found myself realizing that I needed something more in my life, something spiritual. Enter….the only ‘spiritual’ thing I knew, the LDS church. I was finding myself back into the church.
The Girl Friend:
During my sophomore year of college, I met someone, and it was getting serious. She was very active in the LDS church, and I was on my way back to activity. Probably doesn’t take a genius to figure this one out…………
…………..Fast forward through two years of dating and an 8 month engagement, I got to tell my parents that I was getting married in the Salt Lake temple, and sorry, you cannot be there. I was convinced that at this point, I was doing what was ‘right’ and my family was lost. I was told by many, and convinced that I was making one of the greatest sacrifices, by going through with it. It took me over 12 years to realize that I was sacrificing them!
Reverse just a bit, I went to the temple 1 month prior to getting married. I wasn’t as freaked out as a lot of people say they were. Honestly I was a bit let down, I had heard a lot of different rumors, I guess I was expecting nudity and fondling. So the crazy things that happened, were relatively minor, to what I had expected.
The 1st Eight Years of Marriage:
We both finished school, we both were working, we bought a home and we had children. We were the poster children for young LDS families. We were fully entrenched in the LDS church, callings, tithing, temple sessions, the works. If I wasn’t firmly grasped to the ‘iron rod’, I ‘knew’ I was doing wrong. I had a testimony.
Good News Bad News:
Eight years into all of this, I was watching the new on a Sunday night. A reporter was shooting a live, on location report. In what had to be on the most brilliant, ‘free’ advertising moves ever, some guy calmly walks past the camera, behind the reporter with a piece of cardboard. The words, josephlied.com were written on the cardboard with a magic marker.
I spent the next day at the office doing nothing but reading from josephlied.com. The site clarified some of the things I had heard before, but brushed them off as ‘anti’ crap. Thus began my new journey.
WTF:
I spent the better part of the next year reading and learning all the truth about the LDS church. I spent the next 3 ½ - 4 years living a lie. I knew the church was not true and I wanted out, but I kept my mouth shut. I knew that my wife was very devout, I feared that if I mentioned any of it, I could lose my family. There is one thing that I never lost through all of this, that is the deep love for my wife and kids. I was a scout leader, a primary teacher, a gospel doctrine teacher, a councilor in an elders quorum presidency, the elders quorum president, went to the temple and I even baptized my oldest child. I took on all of these responsibilities, knowing that did not have a ‘testimony’. I remember being interviewed by the stake president for the elders quorum presidency. He asked if there was anything in my life, that would make me ‘unworthy’ to be the elders quorum president. I recall pausing for half of a second and thinking what would happen if I told him the truth, I didn’t.
Comfort zone:
I got pretty comfortable faking it. After a couple of years in the elders presidency, I asked to be released. I was tired of faking, but I told them I needed out due to work issues, they released me.
About 1 ½ years ago, I started staying home from church. We had another child and didn’t want risking her to all of the germs and getting sick. This was perfect cover for me, I got to stay home, while my wife went and fulfilled her duties.
(For informational purposes, I will insert here the fact that we have had an ‘anti’ influence on us for sometime. I close family member had been trying to push the real truth on us for quite a while.)
In May of 2008, this close family member said something about the church that upset my wife. She told me how much it upset her. For the first time ever, I hinted at my true feelings; I told her that if it really upset her that bad, she had better tell this person to completely stop it. She asked why, I told her that there were some things about the church that would completely blow her mind.
She began to cry, she said she couldn’t believe I had said that, and she knew my testimony was wavering. We did not speak about it for several weeks.
Awakening:
About three weeks later, the current elders quorum president is giving a talk in sacrament meeting and says something that went over everyone’s head (including probably his) except for my wife’s. It had to do with baptism for the dead. That evening she told the close family member that she was ready to hear more. She was given Keystone of Mormonism, by Arza Evans, the awakening had begun.
At this point, my wife and I had become very open about it all, I disclosed my true feelings about the church. We were both on the same page. It was like a miracle! She asked to be released from her ‘calling’ but continued to fulfill her duties at church until she was released. (That was a huge deal, but I will leave out all of the details, to respect my wife’s wishes) Then we quit going all together. We went from what appeared to be pretty upstanding, very active LDS family, to immediately not going at all.
I think there was a few questions being raised about us, but no one was asking us any questions. I think they thought we just needed our space and would come around. They asked my wife to speak in church for the Christmas program. This was there attempt at getting us all back to church. She agreed to it, but the kids and I stayed home.
On January 5th we resigned our memberships in the LDS Church!
What Now:
We have explored some different churches. We want a church to take our kids to, but one that is not full of lies and false teachings. We have found one that we are happy with for now. We have been attending it now for about 3 months. The day my wife spoke in the ward’s Christmas program, we had already been edified spiritually and a different church.
I am happy, my wife is happy and most importantly, my kids and family are closer now, then we have ever been before! I can't express how blessed I feel, that I was able do finally go through this with my wife, and not alone.
This is a 20 minute version of my story. I feel like I have left out a ton of stuff here, so please feel free to ask questions of you them.