The first piece of good news is that that is very common. You are far from alone in experiencing that. Further, it is not any sign that you are different or a failure. Indeed, it is a sign that the extensive mind-control orchestration mounted by Mormonism to keep you in harness, has failed or is at risk of failing. All its efforts to have you maintain its belief that it had some monopoly on all or most things that might make you feel happy and fulfilled, have fallen short of the mark.
Are you alone? It might feel that way, if you are not in contact with others who are considering or who have made the decision to walk. But, once your head clears from the initial 'fog', and it commonly feels like that, then you will discover others all around. In time you may locate various comments that the Church actually stalled in its growth in the West about the same time the Internet became highly accepted for use by the general population.
Why is that? Because in 30 minutes on the Internet, a person can learn more about Mormonism's history and behaviour than they might have in three (3) years rigorous searching prior to the advent of the Internet. And what they find is not 'faith-promoting' not because it is 'evil' or lies, but because Mormonism has for so long survived and maintained its membership through carefully and actively hiding or laundering its history, right up to the extent of virtually rewriting it. In time, you will discover that for yourself and that is not the purpose of this page.
But it is not facts that cause so much pain for many people departing Mormonism. It is the loss of a mythology, a belief system that gave life and action meaning. When that falls away, many people feel like they are in free-fall - a very uncomfortable experience, particularly if it is not of your choosing. It is common for people to feel that even 'truth' has lost meaning, virtue, goodness, and honesty are now all empty, when they discover that the organisation they believed had a near monopoly on 'truth', in fact was very economical in its use of real-truth.
Again, that is common, but in spite of being common, it is wrong. Mormonism tries hard to create the image that it has some monopoly on virtue and truth, so when people find themselves outside the Church, some feel/think that they are outside virtue. That is simply not the case, and you will increasingly find that. Good people abound, good works, courage, virtue and integrity are all about. Sadly, as a Mormon, you did not mix company very much with those folks, so as you make their company, you will see that they live healthy, productive and giving lives, and some don't even believe in a God. And they sure don't believe that only folks who believe in a God have any monopoly on integrity and virtue.
In the face of that trauma, several participants on the Post-Mormon.org website set out to try to create a meta-map of the broad 'territory' through which people move over the period of moving beyond Mormonism. This map developed from a stages model, originally conceived of as a linear sequence, around which were developed a range of primer questions to facilitate people gaining clarity:
Where they were
Where they had come from
What options lay ahead
That they were/are not alone
More satisfying life awaits
These question still exist on the various Stages, which can be accessed from the Stages of Post-Mormon Experience (sticky) thread.
The MetaMap proposes:
A pre-Mormon Stage
A Mormon Stage
A Post-Mormon - Questioning/Bridging Stage
A Post- Mormon - Exiting Stage
A Past-Mormon (reintegrative) Stage
The major Stages include a range of other elements (such as anger & depression), which experience has shown to effect many people.
This model has evolved, since its original development, in response to people testing their personal experience against it. If you engage with it, your feedback would be appreciated, whether positive or negative. Both are valued in the refinement of this map to make it easier for others to tread the road you are currently on.
We wish you the best on that journey, and hope that your experience on Post-Mormon.org has been of assistance.
Instructions:
In using this diagram, print out a copy of the diagram, then using a red pen, start in the top left corner in either the (1) Pre-convert or (2) BiC rectangles. Look at what arrows leave your starting point, and use your red pen to mark the one or several arrows that were consistent with your personal experience.
Continue that process right on through the diagram, until you have 'personalised' it. Hopefully, you will have greater clarity about the journey you have been on, where it might lead, and has helped render you a more confident traveller.
If there were any elements missing from the map, that were part of your experience, please provide that feedback whether publically or via PM to Born Free.
To engage the threads that helped generate this metmap, go to the Stages of PostMormon Experience thread in the 'stickies' of The Community Discussion Forum.
The original Stages threads can be located at:
Stage 1 – Blissful Ignorance
Stage 2 - Niggling suspicions
Stage 3 - Active/Passive Denial (of Doubts)
Stage 4 - Significant destabilizing event/s
Stage 5 - Active Unfiltered Research
Stage 6 – Shock, Awe and Anger
Stage 7 - Decision/Non-Decision Time
Belief System Collapse and Rebuild (formerly Stages 8 & 9)
Please bear with the gap between the MetaMap and the threads at this stage. It became apparent, as an attempt was made to translate the linear process to a 2 dimensional map, that Belief System Collapse and Rebuild is in fact an ongoing, lifelong process, albeit frequently at acute levels in the early Post-Mormon stage of a former members life. It preceded Mormonism, continued (albeit in a stilted form - 'horizontal growth' some have argued) during Mormonism, and will continue way into the future.
New Stages 8 & 9 - Exit Phase will be developed soon. Watch this space.
The new Stages 8 & 9 developed in the process of integrating various models of Cult-exiting literature, as reviewed for its application to Mormonism. This process is best understood by digesting the paper: Stages of Cult Recovery Applied to Mormonism by Luna Flesher.
Another element of the new Stages 8 & 9 is liminality. Some concept of that can be gleaned from the thread: Liminal Space This might offer an explanation for the 'lost feeling' some people experience after leaving Mormonism, and why it is wise to not rush out of that space prematurely.
Stage 10 - Engaging a new community
Stage 10 will be amended in due course to incorporate elements of the Cult exit model mentioned above.