ForMy exit letter I thought that I would use the actual post's that Iused on facebook to publically state my excommunication, as I wasexcommunicated for apostasy this seems Ironic. This is in 3 parts oneeach for the major events, over the last year.... as this is alreadylong enough I left out the many conversations that I had with myformer Bishop. This might be a mistake he was the one who wasstalling my excommunication, hoping that I would change my mind eventhough it was quite clear that I would not.
Partone; October 11, 2010
Todayis National coming out day... and while I have been out for more thenfive years now I need to make it official... including finally,completely distancing myself from the Mormon church that used to besuch an important part of my life. While I miss many of the goodhonest people and many friends that I made there over many years... Ido not and will not miss their bigotry! Here is the letter that Ihave sent to the church and directly to Boyd Packer.
BoydK Packer
Presidentof the Quorum
ofthe Twelve Apostles
TheChurch of Jesus Christ
ofLater Day Saints
Temple,Square
SaltLake, Utah
DearBrother Packer,
Iam writing to you with a very heavy heart. Ironically today isNational Coming Out day, so it seems even more fitting that I writethis letter today. I have struggled my entire life with the fact thatI was born in the wrong body... this is a fact, one that no one whoknows me can deny. It is an issue that my parents, both good anddevout members of your church also struggled with. They did theirvery best to raise me to be a righteous member of your church, aswell as a good citizen, and proud American. They clearly succeeded onthe last two. As to the first, I tried I honestly did try to live tothat standard.
In1980 I Moved to Provo, Utah where I met another young lady whoherself was trying to figure out how the church would fit into herlife. In October of that year we married in Provo. While many wereupset including my parents that I married instead of going on amission. We were very active members in our various wards as we movedaround looking for our place in the world. We did as we were taughtin having seven children. We raised them the best that we knew how inthe church. Perfect? No of course not. But the best that we could.Even though money was always a struggle we kept the commandments thebest that we could. With a few minor issues we lived the churchstandards, always close to but never quite good enough for a Templewedding... perhaps deep down this was because we both knew that wewere not the perfect fit for each other. But still we tried! Wefought through so much adversity, and we still fought some more asthat is what we were taught.
Finallyin 1993 we found that we could not keep up that struggle any longerand we divorced. She remarried and brought Hubby # 2 into the churchagainst the wishes of his family. They lasted as Members for onlyseveral more years, when she requested that her name be removed fromthe Church rosters she was denied (though I can not understand why...I mean if someone truly does not want to be a member why do you wishto keep them...). Myself? I stayed active for more then ten yearslonger. Even once I came to the conclusion that I absolutely had totransition or go completely crazy. I remained some what activeincluding honoring my Priesthood and dedicating myself to my calling.Which was a huge struggle because of my health.
Itis very important here to point out the pain that your teachingscaused a great many people... My ex-? had I felt that it was ok totransition as a teenager I would have spared her and myself so muchpain. My parents? Would have avoided a lot of embarrassment andhopefully would have found pride in me and strength needed totransition. My children? Yes, they would have been different peoplethen they are today. And while I love each and every one of themvery, very much, not to forget the pride that they give me. The truthis that had their mother married some one whom she was morecompatible with that would have been a much happier marriage, andhome. If that is what you believe in a happy family with two lovingparents... then why do you teach and try to force homosexuals andtransgender people to deny themselves to live a lie? Those goals arecompletely against each other! Some family values you have.
Whenwe were a young couple my transgender issues reared its head (at thetime I thought that it was an ugly head... today I think that it is abeautiful thing). We talked with the Bishop of that time... I wastemporally disfellowshipped at that time because I had a PlayboyMagazine. That did not last long as pornography truly was not myissue. During that time I meet with another general authority who wasin the area for a nearby stake conference. I don't remember his nameand its not important. He did confide in me that he was also across-dresser. And that as long as I did not cross church standards Iwas ok as cross-dressing by and of itself is not, and was not againstchurch standards. Though he did strongly encourage me to be discrete.Until several years ago I lived to that. Several years ago I didstart living full-time or mostly so. I have also been on Hormones forseveral years now. It has been close to a year since I last steppedinto an LDS chapel, with the exception of my fathers funeralhopefully many years yet... I will not ever again do so. Unless ofcourse you decide that I need to be ex-communicated. I will be therefor that trial.
Oneof the many lessons that I remember from my childhood and onerepeated often since is that the Lord will not allow us to be temptedmore then our ability to resist that temptation. First of all this isnot a choice! Period end of discussion! There have been many recentscientific discoveries that the church seems to disagree with. Yetthe proof is there... Such is the case with homosexuality andTransgenderism, believe me if were possible to overcome this I wouldhave as I can not begin to count the many hours spend on my kneesbegging God to lift this burden from me. Yet, he has not, so I haveto wonder why... If the Lord was the loving God that the Church ofJesus Christ of Later Days teaches that he is he would have liftedthis when I first asked him to, before I turned five. Instead he mademe this way! Then he provided a scientifically, and medically prudentmethod for me to become the woman that he made me to be. As thatwoman he just as clearly made me a lesbian. So as I continue mytransition I find two major issues between myself, and you with theother General Authorities.
Yourconference rant comes at a very bad time as there is so much bullingthat is currently being done... now I realize that you personally donot condone nor approve of such actions. Yet, your words givepermission to those who take it upon themselves to read into themHomosexuality equals sinner, sinner equals a non human being. Someone who is a second class citizen! Therefore some one whom it is okto tease and torment. Boyd K. Packer is one among many voices thatclearly (to these twisted minds) give the ok to harass another personuntil they truly believe that there is no other choice, so theycommit suicide. While I am not going to change my mind and come backto the church no matter what. I believe that after your conferencetalk you owe all church members as well as all Americans Not toforget the rest of the world as yours is a global church now... anapology... you need to clear up your position that hate, violence,and bullying is not a part of your teachings. Those actions are notChrist like, and will lead the perpetrator to prison in this life andhell in the hereafter! That must come from you personally and verystrongly so.
Irealize that I'm not going to change your position... yet You do needto make a clear concise statement about bullying and the many recentsuicides directly caused by such bullying!
Pleasetake into consideration that I am a woman (currently holding thepriesthood in good standing very ironically) and a lesbian. As such Ido not fit your teachings and those of your church. So please removemy name and all traces of such from all membership records of yourchurch.
Sincerely,
Dawn-SheriProctor
P.S.Those seven children I spoke of earlier... none go to your church anylonger and though the oldest five were baptisted into the LDS churchnone of them wish to have any association with it. Yet, all areexemplary citizens with four currently serving active duty in ourmilitary. Defending my right as well as yours to our own religiousfreedom. So by forcing me to live that lie and get married have alarge family you have caused all of us a great deal of pain... andgained no permanent members for your church... that is what I call ajob well done.
Part2 October 9, 2011
Coming out a year later:
Finallythis morning I met with my Stake President, in fairness to him wewere scheduled to meet last month when I got very sick.
Wetalked for about 2 hours this morning and he agreed that it would bebest for the Mormon church and I to go our separate ways, afterreminding me every thing that I would be losing. we agreed that theoutrageous sin that I have committed (you not simply request to excommunicated) is apostasy, because I no longer support theChurch's general authorities and I have spoken out against them.
Sonow I wait for them to schedule a "disciplinary Hearing wherethey will decide if I have indeed committed the egregious sinof apostasy. So today as we speak I am still a Member of the Churchof Jesus Christ of Latter-Day-Saints, in good standing.....
Part 3; October 16, 2011
FinallyI am no longer a MORMON!!!!
AsMany of you know I have been fighting for a long time with the Churchof Jesus Christ of Latter-Day-Saints. For many years I was content tosimply remain a member yet stay inactive. That was acceptable untillast years General conference where Boyd K. Packer made his offensiveremarks about lifestyles and choices. The timing of these remarkswere made during the period when there were so many kids committingsuicide due to bullying. So I wrote to Salt Lake and contacted mylocal Bishop to start the process that would lead to, today a yearlater, my eventual ex-communication. Simply removing my name from thechurch rolls was not satisfactory anymore.
Imet with my Stake President Last Sunday. This morning (once he got toknow me and my story he moved with blazing speed ;-). He held a"church court" on my behalf.
AsI arrived he asked me more about my Facebook account (they, thechurch leadership could not find it). He needed this to show that Ihave publicized my critizisms of the church and it's GeneralAuthorities. This is the reason that they decided on myex-communication, apostasy. The fact that I'm gay or that I'mtransitioning is not against church standards?
Aftera brief conversation we went into the Stake High Council room. ABrief note on Mormonism; Congregations are defined by geographicalareas called wards. A ward generally has somewhere between 500and 1000 individuals. Five to ten wards then become a stake. Achurch court (displenary hearing) is held by the Stake High Council(12 male members who are highly devout and respected) and the StakePresidency (the president, and his two counselors) and asecretary. I'm alone in this room with 16 men, 12 of whom could noteven look me directly in my face or raise their eyes up from thetable where they were seated.....
Aswe started the hearing the Stake President made a brief statementoutlining the church's position, mostly what we had discussed lastweek. I could be ex-communicated for apostasy, but not for my genderor sexual identity. I could (and would be) kicked out for publicallyspeaking against the church and authorities, but not for being alesbian, or my progressing gender transition. After the StakePresident made his remarks, I made mine. I Simply expounded upon andexplained my views on his remarks.
Thenhe opened up the room for questions.absolute silence ensued noquestions,were asked of me by any of the men. The Stake Presidetsaid; “Sheri, I think that you have stumped them” ;-). I repliedthat I have been known to have that effect before on people. Mostchurch courts that I have heard about have many questions some ofwhich are very offensive and pushy. Displinary hearings are supposedto have six of the high council members defending me, making certainthat my rights, feelings and church membership are respected andupheld. The other six members are there as accusers that look out forand protect to the Church. In truth, everyone's interest is to lookout for the church while attemping to keep me as a good upstandingmember. In total they did ask me five or six questions. Such as thestrength of my testimony, (belief in the gospel of the church)“non-exsistant”, or if I sustained (agreed with the teachings of)the Prophet and general authorities, “absolutly not”.
Therewere a couple questions about my life growing up in the church, myparents joined when I was a year old, I married a member in Provo,Utah but, we did not get married in the Temple (thus creating aneternal marriage, that would have needed a temple divorce if we hadbeen married in the temple, The only way she could have an eternallife is through me (another way that the Mormons put down women) I'mso glad that we did not have a temple marriage as I do not wantanything to tie her to me Her ties should only be to me should be ourchildren and grandchildren). We also discussed that I currently(until this morning) held the Melchezidik (higher) preisthood(ironically as women are not permitted to hold any preisthood in thechurch).
Afterthis I was excused so that they could discuss me and the stakepresidency could pray to receive a confirmation from the Lord that Ishould indeed be excommunicated.
Iwas invited back into the room.... where the Stake President informedme that it was official that I was being excommunicated and wanted tostate clearly that I was losing the benefits of such membership. Mypriesthood (yea ;-), the Holy Ghost (one of the key differencesbetween Mormons and most other Christian sects) a gift that is givenat baptism this gift is supposed to guide you through your life, oras most people consider it, a conscience! The Stake Presidentinformed me that this is not the end of this and that there is a roadback (one that I will not be taking.... Although, after my surgery itmight be interesting to see if the church would indeed take me back).
Aftera closing prayer (sigh) the president asked me to stand by the doorso that everyone could look me in the eye and thank me for having thecourage to be there. As they had not looked at me through out theentire meeting. They did look me in the eye and, overall this was avery positive experience.. Rather then feeling as I lost something(as some who I know who have been excommunicated claim) I felt andstill feel very free ;-)