My conversion to Mormonism took place when I was eighteen years old in southern California (1971). I had not been raised in any particular church or religious organization and I had many questions about God, Jesus and the purpose of life. So when the Mormon missionaries came I was ripe and ready to be pluck from the tree. I was told this glorious story of an experience a young boy had with God. I wanted to believe it. It all seemed so perfect. As I experience these new feelings of belonging and love from these people I had just met, I knew it must be what they claimed Gods only true church. For over 33 years I believed what I had been taught as a naïve teenager. I served a 2-year mission, married in the Los Angeles Temple and raised 4 children in this culture. I also served as an elder quorum president and a counselor in a bishopric. I was an employee of the Mormon Church for over 14 years as a facilities manager. Then in the spring of 2004 our bishop gave a talk about polyandry. I knew he must have made a mistake in his facts. So my wife and I began to research his topic to discover his errors. During the course of the next several years we started digging up the facts. To our astonishment our bishop was right; the founder of Mormonism, Joseph Smith Jr., did practiced polygamy and polyandry. We were stunned as we uncovered more and more facts. We soon realized that the stories we had been taught as members were not the whole truth. The fact is that the stories that are taught in the Mormon Church today have been white washed, changed, rewritten and in some cases, just forgotten.

So here I was 55 years old, an LDS church employee, embarrassed that I had spent 33 years being deceived by a very smart and well-organized corporation. My belief in God had been shattered. I knew that if the corporation discovered that I no longer believed I would be terminated as an employee. I was fortunate that in the summer of 2007 I did find a new job. However, I still did not know what to believe about God. Is there a God? Does he love us? Can I be with him? Is the Bible a myth just like the The Book of Mormon? As I stopped attending the Mormon Church and began my search for truth I discovered that there were many other former Mormons just like me. They too had discovered that the Mormon Church was not what they had been taught. I also discovered that there are many, many, many people in the Mormon Church that do not believe but stay only because they had raised their children in it and are afraid that they will not be able to see their children married or are afraid of the rejection from their neighbors. Some of the people that have left Mormonism have rejected all religion and will not trust in anything.  Are they right? Is all religion something made up my man?   While I was trying to find the answers to these questions I had the worst experience of my life, the death of my youngest son Ryan (age 23). It happened on May 1, 2008 it was an accidental overdose of prescription medicine. Losing my son has been the hardest thing I have ever had to endure. A day does not go by that I do not think of him or wish that somehow things could have been different. As I look back at the experiences of his life I realize that there was a time that his life took a turn for the worse. It was shortly after he had told me he had decided to go on a 2-year mission for the Mormon Church, we were all so excited and so was he. Then a few months later he told us he would not be going because he was not worthy, the Mormon Church had raised the bar and he was not good enough. Ryan was never the same after that; he would not date the local girls because he thought he was not good enough for them. We all told him we loved him and tried to convince him that he was good, but I really do not think he ever accepted it himself. The Church that he had grown up in had rejected him. It was a place where he had spent every Sunday.  A place where he watched his dad preside over meetings. A place where he had played sports and participated in scouting.  The Mormon Church is the center of every young person’s life and he had been rejected by it. It is because of this that I will always believe that the Mormon Church killed my son’s spirit, his self image, his self worth, his purpose, his zest for life and in end, him. So when it came time to conduct his funeral we did not have a church, or a belief, and I did not trust anyone else to conduct the service, so I did it myself. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do.

It was at that moment when we had lost so much, our son, our faith and almost our desire to go on that many of our childhood friends contacted us, some that I had not seen or heard from for years and they gave us support in our time of need. They offered prayers in their homes and churches in our behalf. Many traveled great distances to be there with us. There are not words to thank these friends and family. It was there support that got us through. I am so grateful for those prayers; I know it is what sustained me during those first days and ever since.

My wife and I have found a community church and we go as often as we can, we do not have to dress up or be interviewed on a regular basis. Most of the people are just like us, it is good to know that in the middle of Mormonism there are people that can think for themselves. And it has brought us peace to know that there is a god.