So, I'm finally telling my exit story...

I, like many of you, am of Pioneer stock.  My parents were "typical" uber-mormons.  My Hubby's family tree of Mormonism goes just as far back as mine, along with both sides having all the "high" callings (bishopric, temple workers, etc...).  I married m hubby a week after my 19th birthday in the SD temple.  I did everything that a "good" mormon should.  I prayed, read my scriptures, went to the temple "often" and did my VT to those "poor inactive sisters".  With my first child, I started to get symptoms of Post-partum depression.  I went to see a doctor, but chickened out when they started asking me a bunch of questions that I could not bring myself up to truly answer, so I thought I could just "pray it away".  With my second son, it got worse, and by the time I was pregnant with my 3rd child, I was suicidal.  It wasn't until after my first  attempt (of at least 3 that landed me in the hospital) that I actually realized I needed professional help.  I only tell you this back story for two reasons: first, it was what made me see a therapist, which led to self discovery, and I know there are alot of mormon mommies that think that prayer is the fix-all.

Now, to the present, after 3 years of therapy I started seriously pondering on what I REALLY wanted out of life, and what I REALLY truly believed in.  Basically, no matter how much I read the scriptures, prayed, went to the temple, or did my callings, I still felt that nudge inside my saying this is not right!  The only time in my life that I could even really think it was true was when I ignored all my thoughts and just went tunnel-vision into missionary work and the scriptures, but as soon as I let my thoughts (clarification for doubters: MY thoughts, not Satan's.  I wasn't doing bad....) challenge anything, I could feel that nudging stronger.  I feel that nudging is REASON.  That lead me on a quest to find truth, and for me to see something objectively I need to look at both sides of the coin.  I had never felt so betrayed in my life than when I saw the church for it's real self.  OUCH!!!

For a while I tried to keep the peace in my home (my hubby is a devout mormon and I have 3 kids who I personally helped delusion), but I just could not take any more of what I felt like was being a hypocrite.  So, first I made sure with my DR. and my therapist that this wasn't just because of my illness.  They both assured me that it wasn't, so I decided to take the plunge and get out.  I know alot of people stay in the church eventhough they know it's not true, but for me, I just couldn't look myself in the mirror while living that kind of double life.

So, I sent my letter of resignation in to the bishop and also Church Records.  My bishop, of course, came by, just to "make sure it was me" who wrote the letter, and I said yes.  There was no argument or persuasion, because I did not engage him in any of that.  I merely told him that I don't believe.  Well, in record time (I sent my resignation June 23 and got my letter from the church saying I was no longer a member July 17.  They customarily wait 30 days, but my hubby told them that I definitely would not change my mind) I was no longer part of the church.

Aftermath:

I didn't tell anyone at church except for the RS pres, and let the "gossip train" take care of the rest.  I let both the RS pres and bishop know that I would still like to be friendly with those in the church, being that my hubby is active and my kids still like to go there right now (we're letting them choose whether they want to go or not).  We did send out an email to let family members know, so there wouldn't be too many akward moments, and I was prepared for hail and brimstone responses, but everyone was pretty much accepting (we got some "we're sad for your decision" type responses, but in the end, they understood that it was my decision and they would support it).  Some members act weird and some don't, but I think that's the way the world is.  My hubby and I are in counciling to work out the logistics of having a marriage of dual religious beliefs, but so far so good.  He is very tolerant.  I am not going to say that leaving the church isn't hard (it is hard leaving anything you had believed in all your life and was your whole world and social structure), but do I regret leaving the mormon church?  NO WAY!!!!!!!