I arrived as a typical bright eye'd greenie to the Japan Sendai mission in late summer 1980. We were soon informed that President Kimball was coming to dedicate the first temple in Asia - Tokyo in October and all 1500 missionaries in Japan would be there to celebrate.

Our revered mission president challenged us to break mission record number of baptisms in preparation for this momentous event. We did it. In the 6 weeks leading to our departure to Tokyo, we had 71 baptisms. This propelled the lowly Sendai mission to unprecedented 3rd place of all the Japan missions at the time! I myself had 3! We were truly inspired and grateful.

Of course, we had been seeing the incredulous reports coming out of Tokyo North for the last several months. I was anxious to meet my former MTC companion at the temple dedication to find out how they were doing it. The Tokyo North missionaries were becoming world famous! We in Sendai had truly worked hard to set a mission record, but it completely paled in the face of the Tokyo North listing of 1500 baptisms. 1,500 baptisms in 1 month!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I met my former companion in Tokyo and he was filled with pride. He admitted he had 70-80 baptisms already at that point. I sulked away in awe of what was happening in the city. I figured no matter how hard we tried, we'd never be able to compete. Anyway, all of us in the Sendai mission were proud of what we'd acheived. Even now I believe its the hardest I've worked in my life.

Like so many others, I came home and grew up. I matured enough to see that the enclosed life I'd lived as a missionary was just a stepping stone to the future. In college, I realized that weekly church attendance was dragging me down. The serious questions I had were not being answered. I naturally drifted away from the church as my career took me around the world. I longed to continue to be a part of my family traditions, but not at the expense of my intellect.

I still have no answers to some of the most basics of mormonism - polygamy, racism, etc. that I'm comfortable explaining to my multi-racial children.

I long to belong socially, but can't justify it....