Big Step

[Fredl]

Well, friends, I took what felt like a big step this morning and am a little surprized that it felt a good bit more momentuous than I expected it to. I told my High Priest Quorum Leader, well, his assistant actually, that I was no longer willing to perform Home Teaching. I told him it had been 2 or 3 months since I had and I did not want to leave it in a state of ambiguity and wanted to have a clear understanding on the matter.

He looked a little surprized and asked if there was anything wrong. I told him no, the problem was that I simply no longer wished to be a spokesman for the church.

At this he looked VERY distressed. He thanked me for my honesty and told me he would give the information to our quorum leader. Now Bob and I have been pretty good friends for some time. It felt very much like our short conversation might indeed impact our relationship. He seemed VERY saddened.

This occurred at the end of Sacrament Service. I told my wife that I was going out for something to eat. She seemed to sense something was wrong and wanted to come with me. We spent the next two hors talking over lunch, then came back and picked up the kids.

Over lunch, we talked about what I do believe and where it seems to be taking me. She talked about what a good influence she felt the Jehovha's Witnesses had been on her as a child and how she'd left them in college. She cried at one point, but our conversation did not seem in any way to be divisive. Rather it seemed to focus on how to maintain family harmony on the path we seem to be following at this point. A lot of it was directed at her own dissatisfactions with Mormon culture and doctrine. Altogether, a promising start to rather different family dynamics.

The whole thing seems to have affected me more than I expected. Nothing I can't handle but it did bring up a little more of an emotional reaction than I expected.

Fred

[silverfox]

Well, friends, I took what felt like a big step this morning and am a little surprized that it felt a good bit more momentuous than I expected it to. I told my High Priest Quorum Leader, well, his assistant actually, that I was no longer willing to perform Home Teaching. I told him it had been 2 or 3 months since I had and I did not want to leave it in a state of ambiguity and wanted to have a clear understanding on the matter.

He looked a little surprized and asked if there was anything wrong. I told him no, the problem was that I simply no longer wished to be a spokesman for the church.

At this he looked VERY distressed. He thanked me for my honesty and told me he would give the information to our quorum leader. Now Bob and I have been pretty good friends for some time. It felt very much like our short conversation might indeed impact our relationship. He seemed VERY saddened.

This occurred at the end of Sacrament Service. I told my wife that I was going out for something to eat. She seemed to sense something was wrong and wanted to come with me. We spent the next two hors talking over lunch, then came back and picked up the kids.

Over lunch, we talked about what I do believe and where it seems to be taking me. She talked about what a good influence she felt the Jehovha's Witnesses had been on her as a child and how she'd left them in college. She cried at one point, but our conversation did not seem in any way to be divisive. Rather it seemed to focus on how to maintain family harmony on the path we seem to be following at this point. A lot of it was directed at her own dissatisfactions with Mormon culture and doctrine. Altogether, a promising start to rather different family dynamics.

The whole thing seems to have affected me more than I expected. Nothing I can't handle but it did bring up a little more of an emotional reaction than I expected.

Fred

Wow! That's wonderful that you and your spouse can discuss what you are feeling/thinking. And it's wonderful that the focus is on family harmony rather than the direction it could have taken.

Thanks for sharing!

[helemon]

The whole thing seems to have affected me more than I expected. Nothing I can't handle but it did bring up a little more of an emotional reaction than I expected.

Fred

Wow! Good job Fred! Breaking emotional bonds is never easy, but I am glad you were able to tell your church leaders how you were feeling. My only concern is that your EQ leader probably assumes that your reason is personal sin not that you think the church is a crock.

[free thinker]

So glad you are not letting the church break up your family.

free thinker

[lunaverse]

That's all good news. :) Even the bits about it being more emotional, because that's probably a sign of growth.

Even though I was out three years before sending my resignation letter, and I thought I was over everything and just doing it as a formality, it was amazing the feeling I got writing it, sending it, and receiving the letters.

So I understand being surpised at emotions at key points in the process. They're like little steps of closure.

Luna

[hitchiker]

Well, friends, I took what felt like a big step this morning and am a little surprized that it felt a good bit more momentuous than I expected it to. I told my High Priest Quorum Leader, well, his assistant actually, that I was no longer willing to perform Home Teaching. I told him it had been 2 or 3 months since I had and I did not want to leave it in a state of ambiguity and wanted to have a clear understanding on the matter.

He looked a little surprized and asked if there was anything wrong. I told him no, the problem was that I simply no longer wished to be a spokesman for the church.

At this he looked VERY distressed. He thanked me for my honesty and told me he would give the information to our quorum leader. Now Bob and I have been pretty good friends for some time. It felt very much like our short conversation might indeed impact our relationship. He seemed VERY saddened.

This occurred at the end of Sacrament Service. I told my wife that I was going out for something to eat. She seemed to sense something was wrong and wanted to come with me. We spent the next two hors talking over lunch, then came back and picked up the kids.

Over lunch, we talked about what I do believe and where it seems to be taking me. She talked about what a good influence she felt the Jehovha's Witnesses had been on her as a child and how she'd left them in college. She cried at one point, but our conversation did not seem in any way to be divisive. Rather it seemed to focus on how to maintain family harmony on the path we seem to be following at this point. A lot of it was directed at her own dissatisfactions with Mormon culture and doctrine. Altogether, a promising start to rather different family dynamics.

The whole thing seems to have affected me more than I expected. Nothing I can't handle but it did bring up a little more of an emotional reaction than I expected.

Fredyou will be amazed how fast the news will travel , you will also be amazed how some people will react , six months after doing what you have done ,people are being told not to associate with me , despite that i made no further comments other than i thought members have a right to know the church history as it really is , your in for a rocky ride , but good luck and that was very brave ,most people are cowards and slip out the back door quietly , can,t blame them for that tho

[miss taken]

Fred, good to hear that your wife is also questioning. Sounds like you are going through this together, which might make it easier.


I spent a couple of days with one of my faithful LDS friends. She made me laugh a bit.

She said referring to herself.... 'We have a temple marriage, not just any ole marriage!'

Then she caught herself and said she was sorry as she knew that sounded awful..

Just made me chuckle. I have learned to be a lot more tolerant.

When we were talking I told her that I hadn't changed really, and still held the same morals, to which she looked at me laughed in disbelief and then carried on the conversation elsewhere.

Ah well.

Mary

(This is almost 15 years down the line now. Some things just don't change!!!!)

[peter_mary]

We spent the next two hours talking over lunch, then came back and picked up the kids.

Over lunch, we talked about what I do believe and where it seems to be taking me. She talked about what a good influence she felt the Jehovha's Witnesses had been on her as a child and how she'd left them in college. She cried at one point, but our conversation did not seem in any way to be divisive. Rather it seemed to focus on how to maintain family harmony on the path we seem to be following at this point. A lot of it was directed at her own dissatisfactions with Mormon culture and doctrine. Altogether, a promising start to rather different family dynamics.

Fred
See, I think any healthy marriage can work through shifting dynamics such as this, provided both parties are open to talking about it, how it feels to them, what it causes them to question in terms of their own identity as well as the identity of their partner, etc. Doing so, it seems to me, is the best way for couples to work through about ANYTHING, but in this case, working through the changing world-views of one or both people.

It's at junctures such as this one that couples either find a way to redefine, and move together into new space, or refuse to redefine and start moving apart. It is my sincerest hope that you are doing what it appears to me that you are, namely redefining and exploring new territory arm-in-arm, rather than "up in arms."

Best to you both!

Peter_Mary

[Fredl]

Thanks to everybody for their encouragement. No matter how tough minded and independent a person you are (and I regard myself well above average in both areas) the encouragement and support of friends is very appreciated.

I had a wonderful brunch this morning with Pastor Tom from our local Unity (Not to be confused with Unitarian or UU) congregation. I felt encouraged by our 2 hour conversation as well. Turns out I'm not the only former Mormon to join churches he has pastored, either here or back in the Kansas City area. We established, at least to my satisfaction that my beliefs are well within the bounds of Unity teachings and that although we have a number of different opinions, I am not likely to feel uncomfortable with Unity culture; certainly not with the local community here in NW Arkansas.

Pastor Tom considers himself something of a Socialist because he considers it the best political expression of his love for humanity. I responded that I did not disagree with Socialism as an expression of love for humanity. What I disagreed with in Socialism was its lack of Wisdom. I was surprised; he is a very intelligent and thoughtful man, but he reacted as though the thought had never occurred to him. I went on to talk about the recent economic success of India since it has turned away from Socialism towards encouragement of Free Enterprise and how I, myself, placed wisdom above all other human virtues, including love. He seemed genuinely intrigued by my comments, as I was with many of his. I found him very likable and our conversation seemed very much to be another step towards Unity for me.

So, all does not seem to be lost!

Thanks again to my several respondents for your friendship and support!

Fred

[why me]

Hi Fred!

I was wondering how your child/children are taking it all in. I am interested because of my two teenage daughters.

If I remember from your other posts, you son was an active in the Young Men's program.