A New Year's Resolution

[bobcat]

Happy (belated) New Year everyone! Like most of you, I have a list of a few things I hope to accomplish in the new year, most of which will be a distant memory within a few weeks. But one thing that WON'T be thrown by the wayside is this: I'm going to officially get my name removed from the church membership rolls during 2006.

For New Year's, 2004, I resolved to leave the church, and I did quite well. I never went to another church meeting (besides brothers' mission farewells, which I don't count) and have distanced myself from Mormonism in so many ways. Now it's time to take the next step. Now I've just got to devise my final plan of action, and it'll be a done deed :D

[puff]

Happy (belated) New Year everyone! Like most of you, I have a list of a few things I hope to accomplish in the new year, most of which will be a distant memory within a few weeks. But one thing that WON'T be thrown by the wayside is this: I'm going to officially get my name removed from the church membership rolls during 2006.

For New Year's, 2004, I resolved to leave the church, and I did quite well. I never went to another church meeting (besides brothers' mission farewells, which I don't count) and have distanced myself from Mormonism in so many ways. Now it's time to take the next step. Now I've just got to devise my final plan of action, and it'll be a done deed :Dso have you done this with a family or are you living alone , what interests me is people saying they feel a burden removed once they finaly take this step , i wonder if it lasts .
i had a old friend visit me a while back , i had not seen him in years , but he had heard the gossip about my leaving tscc and came to have a nose poke , so after talking a while i told him some of my reasonings , he was quite shocked and blurted out , man you are way off , you have so lost the spirit, i knew another sister like you who did the same thing , she ended up wandering around out of her mind and going to an early death , thats whats going to happen to you if your not carefull , you had better watch out , and so we parted . i am aware that people all around me are waiting for something terrible to happen to me ,they seem confused when i confide that i feel happier now than for a long long time , however i find these phsycological threats are very real , the only real path to truth and reality is education , as education increases , superstition and ignorance decreases , until you can walk up to the idol and kick it over , good luck with your journey

[bobcat]

The difficulties in dealing with some of my TBM associates is what I think will make this a good year to do it. My whole immediate family knows that I'm not a practicing Mormon anymore, and have been understanding and respectful during the whole ordeal. Same goes with my old friends, from years past that I don't see much anymore (my current crowd is not Mormon, mostly). My extended family (grandparents, aunts/uncles, etc.) will give me hell no matter what happens. They've never been respectful to anyone that isn't rabidly Mormon, but I don't think I care what they say/do. I haven't been close to them in many years.

The situation where I live now might be ideal. I live with a non-Mormon roomate in a part of town where I've never been to church and where I don't think any local church authorities would hassle me too much about leaving, because they don't even know me. I'm thinking of just having my records transferred to the ward in Sugarhouse where I live, and go visit the Bishop there and say I want out. Hopefully that will create a minimum amount of hassle. Or, when I decide where to go to law school (likely in Arizona or Illinois), I'll wait until then and do the same thing.

Puff, those phsychological connections are what I am most concerned about. Having never done this kind of thing before, I don't have any idea how those around me might act. Being inactive is one thing, but I'm sure they'll not see leaving the church entirely as being so harmless. I know that in the end, it's how I feel about things that matters, but I do want to make it as easy on everyone else as I can. So any advice you folks have on the subject is appreciated :)

[lunaverse]

The situation where I live now might be ideal. I live with a non-Mormon roomate in a part of town where I've never been to church and where I don't think any local church authorities would hassle me too much about leaving, because they don't even know me. I'm thinking of just having my records transferred to the ward in Sugarhouse where I live, and go visit the Bishop there and say I want out. Hopefully that will create a minimum amount of hassle. Or, when I decide where to go to law school (likely in Arizona or Illinois), I'll wait until then and do the same thing.

You don't even have to go see the Bishop. Write a letter to the Bishop, and make sure SLC gets a copy. There are certain things you need to say to cover your ass-ets.

http://www.mormonnomore.com has all the details you need, including a pre-written letter if you'd like to use all or part of it.

Luna

[hamar]

The way Luna outlined it works best. I did it backwards, but followed the advice on the mormonnomore site. They say that you are legally out as soon as SLC receives your letter.

I did that, but it took a little longer because SLC sent my letter back to the local branch ( I copied them anyway). I was contacted one time by the local branch, by letter, to be sure I wanted to proceed, then the process went forward.

The whole thing took from about April to July of 2005. DW and I have been out since then and we are still OK :) ciowe9$%#sdc ozz';/4567564erddf##$%$%^,,,.///... :Crazy: :Crazy: , see? Know what I mean? :p

[miss taken]

so have you done this with a family or are you living alone , what interests me is people saying they feel a burden removed once they finaly take this step , i wonder if it lasts .
i had a old friend visit me a while back , i had not seen him in years , but he had heard the gossip about my leaving tscc and came to have a nose poke , so after talking a while i told him some of my reasonings , he was quite shocked and blurted out , man you are way off , you have so lost the spirit, i knew another sister like you who did the same thing , she ended up wandering around out of her mind and going to an early death , thats whats going to happen to you if your not carefull , you had better watch out , and so we parted . i am aware that people all around me are waiting for something terrible to happen to me ,they seem confused when i confide that i feel happier now than for a long long time , however i find these phsycological threats are very real , the only real path to truth and reality is education , as education increases , superstition and ignorance decreases , until you can walk up to the idol and kick it over , good luck with your journey

Puff, I love what you say here. I was convinced when I first left the church, that God would smite me with unhappiness, confusion and wrath. I couldn't have been more wrong.
I can live with ambiguity, I have a core belief about divinity which I hold on to no matter what, I have a good family and beautiful home. I love my son and husband very much. I try and support my extended family, and keep up my hobbies and teaching. My life is full, even with all its challenges and ups and downs, and I see death, disease and unfortunate events as part of the risk of life rather than an indication of God's wrath or blessing (should things go well).

I don't believe that I would have any of this, had I stayed in a church that I came not to believe in in entirity.

Mary

[free thinker]

I hope Bobcat that you realize that what you are doing takes courage. I think we forget that sometimes.

You could just kinda hang around the church, never committing, and not really believing and etc., but that does not seem to be your style.

It was not mine either. I had my name removed last year and ended up getting my notice one day before my thirty year member birthday. I was a convert.

I have no regrets whatsoever. As I have said before. Joining the church was one of the best decisions I ever made, and so was leaving.

ft

[puff]

Puff, I love what you say here. I was convinced when I first left the church, that God would smite me with unhappiness, confusion and wrath. I couldn't have been more wrong.
I can live with ambiguity, I have a core belief about divinity which I hold on to no matter what, I have a good family and beautiful home. I love my son and husband very much. I try and support my extended family, and keep up my hobbies and teaching. My life is full, even with all its challenges and ups and downs, and I see death, disease and unfortunate events as part of the risk of life rather than an indication of God's wrath or blessing (should things go well).

I don't believe that I would have any of this, had I stayed in a church that I came not to believe in in entirity.

MaryThe first time i left tscc was in 1990 , i had an interview with my Bishop and told him i did not believe in it anymore , he asked for my temple recomend and the news spread like wild fire , at this time i was totaly alone(no internet) and had five small children , i was so overcome with stress and anxiety at leaving i became very sick , eventually i went back and sat there like a corpse , this time around it seems so much easier , maybe because the children are all grown up and there is internet support , i had thought one day as i sat in a testimoney meeting , that the only way thru this was to attend testimoney meetings which run in the opposite direrction , which is how this page works , i don,t hate tscc or anything but i want to be far away from it as needed to be able to say i am independant and standing on my own two feet , one of the benifits of this is that the people who used to cause me grief no longer can , a good example is the other day i went to sac as i do about once a month to keep my spouse company , when i walked outside the YW pres followed me out , she talked to me about one of my daughters who never goes and had a long amicable conversation about life in general , then i went home and she went back inside the chapel , but for some reason when she walked inside she let out a long gasp and went oh my gosh as if she had just confronted a terrible challenge , which i make a point of not doing , i always avoid confrontation unless provoked , but my wife who was still in the chapel saw her do it and came home and told me , this of course was a point in my favour and showed how fake they can really be , but point is , that and a hundred other things that have happened no longer bother me , anyway , its nice to see you back posting , i suddenly thought i had not heard you much lately , your in england right

[bobcat]

I've checked out the MormonNoMore website before, and I've thought about doing it that way. The only problem I see with that is that my records are (I think) at my parents' ward back home, and that if Salt Lake asks for them to process my request, the beans will be "accidentally" spilled. There is nothing wrong with my family knowing I've left the church, but the last thing I need is all my old friends, neighbors, and church leaders finding out through the ward gossip circle. I see them often enough that it would really be a headache.

And free thinker, you're right, it's not my style to stay on the records but become otherwise inactive. Mostly, this is an ethical postion: I don't want my name on the membership lists of an organization I don't support in the least. But also, there are practical concerns. I've been through the temple and everything, and being young and not married (and not WANTING to be married for at least 5 more years), well, you do the math. It wouldn't be hard for them to find a reason to ex me if they wanted to. An excommunication would be tougher to deal with in my future secular endeavors than a resignation, especially if I decide to live in a place like Utah or Arizona where the Mormon population can be unforgiving of such things :D

I find the comments about leading a happy life to be interesting as well. I know that years ago I bought into the idea that everyone that left the church would automatically be unhappy. But then I met a teacher that I counted as possibly the most happy and content person I'd ever met. He is a PostMo too, though I didn't find that out for many years after I graduated from High School. I thought that if he could make a happy, fulfilling life outside of the chokehold of Mormonism, it would be entirely possible for me to do the same. It's been a good perspective to have.

[miss taken]

The first time i left tscc was in 1990 , i had an interview with my Bishop and told him i did not believe in it anymore , he asked for my temple recomend and the news spread like wild fire , at this time i was totaly alone(no internet) and had five small children , i was so overcome with stress and anxiety at leaving i became very sick , eventually i went back and sat there like a corpse , this time around it seems so much easier , maybe because the children are all grown up and there is internet support , i had thought one day as i sat in a testimoney meeting , that the only way thru this was to attend testimoney meetings which run in the opposite direrction , which is how this page works , i don,t hate tscc or anything but i want to be far away from it as needed to be able to say i am independant and standing on my own two feet , one of the benifits of this is that the people who used to cause me grief no longer can , a good example is the other day i went to sac as i do about once a month to keep my spouse company , when i walked outside the YW pres followed me out , she talked to me about one of my daughters who never goes and had a long amicable conversation about life in general , then i went home and she went back inside the chapel , but for some reason when she walked inside she let out a long gasp and went oh my gosh as if she had just confronted a terrible challenge , which i make a point of not doing , i always avoid confrontation unless provoked , but my wife who was still in the chapel saw her do it and came home and told me , this of course was a point in my favour and showed how fake they can really be , but point is , that and a hundred other things that have happened no longer bother me , anyway , its nice to see you back posting , i suddenly thought i had not heard you much lately , your in england right


Hi Puff, Yes I am in England (Wiltshire), soon to be moving to Oxfordshire.

I think that when I left the church I found out who my friends really were. Some I thought were, and they weren't (or it was conditional upon my being active). And some surprised me. I kind of miss the social aspect of the church on occassion, but I just know that I wouldn't be accepted with my beliefs. I think the academics and thinkers might have more sympathy with me, but the average member of the church would consider me apostate and in the adversary's hands. Oh well. Right now, my church is my home and family, not any organised religion.

Mary

[dogzilla]

And free thinker, you're right, it's not my style to stay on the records but become otherwise inactive. Mostly, this is an ethical postion: I don't want my name on the membership lists of an organization I don't support in the least. But also, there are practical concerns. I've been through the temple and everything, and being young and not married (and not WANTING to be married for at least 5 more years), well, you do the math. It wouldn't be hard for them to find a reason to ex me if they wanted to. An excommunication would be tougher to deal with in my future secular endeavors than a resignation, especially if I decide to live in a place like Utah or Arizona where the Mormon population can be unforgiving of such things :D


Bobcat, maybe you can help me out here; I'm having trouble with your logic on this one.

Although it might not be difficult for tscc to find a reason to excommunicate you, why would they randomly do that just because you've asked to have your name removed? You really honestly think they're going to take the time to invent sins you didn't commit, try you for them, and then ex you for something they made up? So far, I'm not aware of the church doing anything like that to anyone, although I wouldn't put it past some people at the Bishop level.

And even if they did, so what? How, exactly, will that affect your future secular endeavors? Are they going to tattoo "APOSTATE" on your forehead? How could anyone possibly ever know you've been exed unless you walk around announcing it? It's not like the church publishes a list of names of people they've exed in the paper each week.

Write your letter. The church really can't do anything to you after that because, by US Law, once you've sent the letter, you're out. The church can say or do what it wants but any further action on their part after they receive your letter would be illegal and give you grounds for a fat harrassment lawsuit.

[bobcat]

Bobcat, maybe you can help me out here; I'm having trouble with your logic on this one.

Although it might not be difficult for tscc to find a reason to excommunicate you, why would they randomly do that just because you've asked to have your name removed? You really honestly think they're going to take the time to invent sins you didn't commit, try you for them, and then ex you for something they made up? So far, I'm not aware of the church doing anything like that to anyone, although I wouldn't put it past some people at the Bishop level.

Perhaps I didn't make a lot of sense in my post. I got sidetracked during my writing of it, and didn't finish it for over an hour after I started. So let me explain better.

I'm not worried that they'd try to ex me if I asked to remove my name. I'm more worried that they'd eventually ex me (probably when I wasn't expecting it) if I DON'T get my name of the records. Due to some overzealous relatives and friends, I get hounded (usually once every two months or so) by a new bishop/home teacher/whatever. They get my cell phone number and address, no matter if I've only been at a place for a few weeks. Knowing how some of them are, they'd probably be more than happy to ex me if they found I was sleeping with my g/f, or whatever. I'd rather deal with leaving on my own terms than with them making me leave on theirs.

As far as "secular endeavors", let me explain. I know most people don't care about that kind of stuff, and that few people will try to dig it up even if it DID happen. But I've got certain public/political ambitions which I hope to pursue later on in life (20 years down the road, perhaps). Because although I hate what happens politically in this state/region, I love my home too much to just let it go to shit. I'm planning on putting up a fight to make this a better, happier place. And that's where it can get messy. If someone decides to play hardball about my past (and what politician doesn't), I'd rather have to explain a graceful resignation from the church than a messy excommunication, especially if I have to explain it around here. Does that make sense? Probably not. It's just a personal neurosis I have.

Anyway, the more I think about it, the more I think the letter will be the best way to do it. I'll explain what I'm doing before I do it to my immediate family, just so they're not caught off guard in case it does surface. The rest of my extended family (who I don't care for much anyways) can find about it however they want. It's probably not worth my effort to explain it to them.

[dogzilla]

Thanks for the clarification. I stand by my original thought that this is a very personal decision and nobody's business. I didn't discuss it with anyone; just did it.

Now, I can understand your concerns about the political ramifications way on down the line, but I think you'd have more to worry about if you had a police record for embezzlement or something. But getting exed from a cult? I guess if the morg has that much influence and power over the voting in your area... :Crazy:

(There he is. Why couldn't I find that smilie earlier? Hadn't had enough coffee yet? ;) )

[bobcat]

Now, I can understand your concerns about the political ramifications way on down the line, but I think you'd have more to worry about if you had a police record for embezzlement or something. But getting exed from a cult? I guess if the morg has that much influence and power over the voting in your area...

Well, I do live in Utah. Enuf said there. My roomate was telling me a story yesterday about a friend of his that had his mayoral race in the Salt Lake area this year ruined by a meddling TBM and a Bishop in town. Long story short, it ended up with the candidate being exed, thrown in jail on dubious charges (on supposedly confidential things disclosed to the bishop), and losing the campaign. I'm sure this is a horror story that doesn't happen too often, but it's still kinda frightening. But, perhaps 20 years from now, when the Californians have taken over the state, this will be a moot point.

[puff]

Hi Puff, Yes I am in England (Wiltshire), soon to be moving to Oxfordshire.

I think that when I left the church I found out who my friends really were. Some I thought were, and they weren't (or it was conditional upon my being active). And some surprised me. I kind of miss the social aspect of the church on occassion, but I just know that I wouldn't be accepted with my beliefs. I think the academics and thinkers might have more sympathy with me, but the average member of the church would consider me apostate and in the adversary's hands. Oh well. Right now, my church is my home and family, not any organised religion.

MaryI actually grew up in suffolk until i was seventeen and then imigrated to oz , i still have a few grass spears in my ears and as i was told by an old school friend , still have the suffolk sense of humour , aparently only people who are born in suyffolk have this , but wiltshire , well it might be simalar , my old school freind came to visit me in nz , we had not met for 30 years , so it was sort of special and a bit of a strain getting to know each other again , we went all over nz together and it was true , i never laughed so much since i was a kid and i realized i had been missing that suffolk company , anyway i am glad i had a chidhood free from religeous brainwashing and those sweet memorys of walking through the cornfields with my first girlfriend are still strong , i don,t envy your job as a school teacher tho , unless its primary age

[miss taken]

I actually grew up in suffolk until i was seventeen and then imigrated to oz , i still have a few grass spears in my ears and as i was told by an old school friend , still have the suffolk sense of humour , aparently only people who are born in suyffolk have this , but wiltshire , well it might be simalar , my old school freind came to visit me in nz , we had not met for 30 years , so it was sort of special and a bit of a strain getting to know each other again , we went all over nz together and it was true , i never laughed so much since i was a kid and i realized i had been missing that suffolk company , anyway i am glad i had a chidhood free from religeous brainwashing and those sweet memorys of walking through the cornfields with my first girlfriend are still strong , i don,t envy your job as a school teacher tho , unless its primary age

It is primary age! I trained to teach 7 - 13 year olds, but middle schools are almost non existent here now!!!

Small world. My dad heralded from just over the border in Norfolk. I am up that way every year. Lowestoft, etc. Beautiful part of the world. Unless you happen to be living in Happisburgh (pronounced Hayesborough) which is falling into the sea!!!!