Church leaders preaching a ban on sleep overs

[helemon]

For us, the sleepover issue actually began at a stake conference fireside in late 1995. Our stake president at the time, Larry Lawrence, shared this statement with the congregation:

Beware of sleepovers, slumber parties, and just staying the night. Parents, take comfort in knowing your family is safe, secure, and sequestered together each night. If you only knew how many reports I have heard of kids who heard their first nasty story, uttered their first profane word, looked at their first pornographic magazine, drank their first beer, had their first homosexual experience, or lost their virtue for the first time on a night when they did not have to look their parents in the eye when the night was over.

He would allow his children (he had six) to go to sleepovers but would pick them up around 10:00 P.M. or so instead of having them spend the night. Many times his children would be disappointed because they could not stay. They would be angry or in tears when he picked them up. Yet each child, as an adult, thanked him and his wife for that rule. As they grew older and found out what had gone on with those friends at those sleepovers, they realized and appreciated their parents’ wisdom.

Ok, I have to admit that as a father I tend to agree with this idea. My wife however sets up sleepovers for my daughters all the time especially for birthday parties. I am probably worrying about nothing but I have to admit I do worry about sleepovers and it will probably only get worse as my girls become teenagers.

[bobcat]

As a father, you SHOULD worry about this sort of thing. When I was a teenager, my parents didn't let me go to a lot of sleepovers, but they did let me go to some. Their main rule was that there would be responsible parental supervision where we wouldn't be able to get into too much trouble. So, I could go to sleepovers when my parents knew my friend's parents and trusted that they'd check on us regularly. And it worked out quite well. But if you don't trust the places or people that your daughters will be with/at, don't let them go. As usual, a little bit of responsibility seems to be sufficient.

Here, the church seems to be trying to kill a fly by throwing a brick at a window. And the ironic part is that even without sleepovers, there is STILL the chance that good Mormon kids may find themselves in trouble. Maybe the next thing they will advocate is locking your kids in a room with barred windows or having them wear a baby monitor on their belt.

[dogzilla]

WTF are you guys talking about? Sleepovers are completely harmless.

I learned about Indian food at a sleepover when I was 8. MMmmmmmmm..... Indian food... :Crazy:

What's more... I found that nonmormon sleepovers consisted of drinking pop, eating pizza, watching movies, playing games and possibly a game of truth or dare, or maybe telling some ghost stories. Mormon sleepovers on the other hand, consisted of prank phone calls, toilet papering friends and neighbors... and complete strangers, sneaking out to meet the Young Men and a host of other illicit and banned activities.

The tighter the screws, the worse the rebellion. Don't worry about slumber parties... Worry about the mormon brainwashing.

[silverfox]

WTF are you guys talking about? Sleepovers are completely harmless.

I learned about Indian food at a sleepover when I was 8. MMmmmmmmm..... Indian food... :Crazy:

What's more... I found that nonmormon sleepovers consisted of drinking pop, eating pizza, watching movies, playing games and possibly a game of truth or dare, or maybe telling some ghost stories. Mormon sleepovers on the other hand, consisted of prank phone calls, toilet papering friends and neighbors... and complete strangers, sneaking out to meet the Young Men and a host of other illicit and banned activities.

The tighter the screws, the worse the rebellion. Don't worry about slumber parties... Worry about the mormon brainwashing.

Agreed. Just worry about if there is supervision or adults at home. Guns (if applicable) locked up. My daughter has sleep overs ALL THE TIME with friends whom I know the parents are supervising them. When her friends sleep over here I am supervising them.

However no parent can monitor kids 24/7. Shit can and will happen anytime, anywhere. Day or night.

Sheeesh

[puff]

WTF are you guys talking about? Sleepovers are completely harmless.

I learned about Indian food at a sleepover when I was 8. MMmmmmmmm..... Indian food... :Crazy:

What's more... I found that nonmormon sleepovers consisted of drinking pop, eating pizza, watching movies, playing games and possibly a game of truth or dare, or maybe telling some ghost stories. Mormon sleepovers on the other hand, consisted of prank phone calls, toilet papering friends and neighbors... and complete strangers, sneaking out to meet the Young Men and a host of other illicit and banned activities.

The tighter the screws, the worse the rebellion. Don't worry about slumber parties... Worry about the mormon brainwashing.thank god for somebody sane ,reading the first two posts on this thread , i began to wonder where i was

[puff]

Agreed. Just worry about if there is supervision or adults at home. Guns (if applicable) locked up. My daughter has sleep overs ALL THE TIME with friends whom I know the parents are supervising them. When her friends sleep over here I am supervising them.

However no parent can monitor kids 24/7. Shit can and will happen anytime, anywhere. Day or night.

Sheeeshwell my daughter who is sixteen goes away for whole weekends and i have not got a freakin clue where she is , but to me , thats allowing her the freedom to grow up , besides i could not stop her even if i wanted to sheeeesh

[helemon]

thank god for somebody sane ,reading the first two posts on this thread , i began to wonder where i was

Ok, I am probably just being the overly protective father. The author of the article was clearly trying to scare parents with the worst stories out there.

I wonder if leaders are also concerned that sleep overs at homes of exmos could cause the kids to start questioning their testimony as well? Could they be afraid of their children engaging in open discussions with their friends about their questions about the church or god forbid looking up anti mormon information on the web. :eek:

[free thinker]

It is utterly impossible to protect your children from any and every danger or pitfall. Let them live and learn as you did. They will be fine. You did teach them correct principles didn't you? :cool:


When I was a teen I had the opportunity to have my first sexual intercourse with a total hot babe when I was fourteen I think, and it was all set up. A sleepover. All I had to do was go. I passed as it did not feel right.

My parents had taught me a certain way and I instinctually gravitated to what I had been taught. I did not join the church until about two years later. Guess what? My friend who had set this up was raised mormon. He was raised in the perfect mormon family etc. He went for it that night.

Just one more example of what Dog has said. The screws my parents had set were very loose, and I had tremendous latitude, because they trusted me. My friends parents had tightened the screws very tight.

"Hold on loosely, but don't let go". Remember that line from 38 Special? :cool:

ft

[dogzilla]

Well, it's true.

My best friend and I were both highly overprotected. The best example I can think of to show you how strict our parents were is from hers: On our graduation day... She was the class salutatorian. She had amassed a bunch of scholarships to college and was a very smart, very tough little cookie. She showed up for high school graduation in tears.

Dz: What's wrong? We're graduating today! You should be happy.
Dz Friend: My mother told me what to wear this morning.
Dz: Oh, shit, I'm sorry.

She was 18 years old. Way past old enough to figure out what would be appropriate clothing to wear for one's graduation.

So what happened when we went off to college? :duh

You name it. :D Inside one year of school, both of us had tried drugs, sex, booze, smoking, and jail time. (She was arrested for protesting something or another. Funny how I've forgotten what we were civilly disobedient about.) My friends who'd grown up with not so many forbidden areas weren't as enticed into trying everything. Most of them made a healthy transition from h.s. to college without going hogwild. I had to risk my life several hundred times before I was finally convinced that I had 100% control over my own choices.

[aether]

Wow. I've never heard any concern about sleepovers before like this. Interesting.

I grew up with sleepovers and slumber parties, sometimes one every weekend for months at a time. It would have shocked me if someone told me that it was the wrong thing to do.

Of course, that was because I had very very decent friends. Really I think it all comes down to the friends that the child chooses. If they're going to be introduced to something by the friends they choose, then it's going to happen with or without a sleepover. Bottom line.

[firefly]

Helemon, who is that quote from?

Thanks.

[helemon]

Helemon, who is that quote from?

Thanks.

Oops my mistake.
http://ldslivingonline.com/story1.php?aid=335

[firefly]

Nevermind, I googled it.

Ok. The article was from LDSLiving online, and the author Wendy Green is a woman who discusses her own "fairly strict no-sleepover policy" which was partly inspired by a speech given 10 years ago by her Stake Pres.

Seems like a bit of a leap from that to "Church leaders preaching a ban on sleepovers." I think this is how rumors get started. ;)

[bobcat]

I think my position on this was taken (or I said it) wrong. I didn't mean to say that parents should be frightened of sleepovers or things like that. Just that some REASONABLE precautions should be taken. To me, "reasonable" means protecting from obvious dangers, however you define those dangers. It doesn't mean that you should avoid something just because there is a slight, outside chance that something bad might happen at some point, somewhere.

Dogzilla: funny, your story about your high school friend. My high school valedictorian went to Harvard, on full scholarship. In high school, she was a member of the seminary council, and from a completely straight laced background. But what happens when she hits Harvard? Well, I don't know the details (her story is taboo around here), but she left the church very quickly, became a die-hard liberal, moved in with her boyfriend, and otherwise did everything she wasn't supposed to. Funny how things seem to happen that way.

[firefly]

It seems that among the families of my children's friends (about 75% non-Mo) the attitude toward sleepovers is a lot less casual than it was when I was a kid. I don't know anyone who bans it outright, but it seems there are a lot more conditions put on sleepovers by concerned parents than there were when I was a kid (in the 1970s.) My daughter was recently invited to a "late-over" where the kids all wore pj's and brought their pillows, played games, ate pizza, and were picked up by their parents at 11:00 pm. The hosting mom said they decided to do it that way because several of the friends weren't allowed to sleep over until they were older (this group was roughly 6-8 years old.)

I know that a lot of concern stems from a heightened awareness of sexual abuse. All the self-protective strategies in the world are rather useless when a kid is fast asleep. I have a family member and a few friends who were molested as young teens at a sleepover by one of the adults in the house. No you can't protect your children 100%, but as a parent, my instincts have led me to say NO to quite a few sleepover invitations over the years.

[dogzilla]

I think that's quite a valid concern. At the very least, while I don't think sleepovers in and of themselves pose much danger, it would behoove parents to know a little bit about the adults in the household where their little Precious will be sleeping.

[Born Free]

I think the first sleepover should be in the mission field, and the next after that the honeymoon night.

WTF?

Daryl

[dogzilla]

I think the first sleepover should be in the mission field, and the next after that the honeymoon night.

WTF?

Daryl


Again, WTF are you talking about? In this part of the world, sleepovers are generally considered a same sex group activity. It's generally a gang or pack of pre-teen girls in pajamas. Lots of squealing and giggling. I don't know how parents stand it.

[Born Free]

Again, WTF are you talking about? In this part of the world, sleepovers are generally considered a same sex group activity. It's generally a gang or pack of pre-teen girls in pajamas. Lots of squealing and giggling. I don't know how parents stand it.

Tongue-in-cheek, darling! :eek:

I find the whole idea of the virtue of keeping children wrapped in cotton wool just so disconnected from what works in the real world.

Daryl

[doug_larsen]

All it takes is one episode threatening one of your children to change your mind. We used to allow sleepovers but don't anymore.

[dogzilla]

Tongue-in-cheek, darling! :eek:

I find the whole idea of the virtue of keeping children wrapped in cotton wool just so disconnected from what works in the real world.

Daryl


:duh

My bad. I'm brighter than that. Really. But hey, smart people say and do stupid things every day. That was my stupid comment for yesterday. :o

[vixenz]

It seems that among the families of my children's friends (about 75% non-Mo) the attitude toward sleepovers is a lot less casual than it was when I was a kid. I don't know anyone who bans it outright, but it seems there are a lot more conditions put on sleepovers by concerned parents than there were when I was a kid (in the 1970s.) My daughter was recently invited to a "late-over" where the kids all wore pj's and brought their pillows, played games, ate pizza, and were picked up by their parents at 11:00 pm. The hosting mom said they decided to do it that way because several of the friends weren't allowed to sleep over until they were older (this group was roughly 6-8 years old.)

I know that a lot of concern stems from a heightened awareness of sexual abuse. All the self-protective strategies in the world are rather useless when a kid is fast asleep. I have a family member and a few friends who were molested as young teens at a sleepover by one of the adults in the house. No you can't protect your children 100%, but as a parent, my instincts have led me to say NO to quite a few sleepover invitations over the years.

Growing up as the oldest child I had my share of sleepovers where we would (depending on my age) build forts, talk about boys, play girlie games or watch movies. Nothin' big - all girlie stuff I can't stand now ;)

A few years ago I remember my parents telling me how they had stopped allowing sleep-overs for my younger siblings. Apparently the caution came from higher up in the church (not sure exactly from whom or how as this wasn't really important to me and I had already become inactive so I didn't pay attention anyways).

My parent's main concern was sexual abuse. Apparently someone in the ward or our small little town (someone well known and very liked - someone who would not be expect to do such things) was a sex offender and my parents had found that out either through my father (who served in the stake presidency) or through a list of sex offenders. I can't remember which now although I believe it was the former. Either way, the weight of this knowledge led my parents to question the people they were familiar with enough not to take any chances.

I don't necessarily agree with this decision but I can somewhat empathize with it. My understanding is that the churches position on this is aligned with my parents decision, I can't think of any other reason to suggest against something so apparently harmless.

On a similar note I've also noticed (at least here in UT) that people have been doing trick-or-treating from the trunks of peoples cars (trunk-or-treating??) for the past few years. What's up with that? If you're that scared for your child just go with them! :rolleyes:

[helemon]

On a similar note I've also noticed (at least here in UT) that people have been doing trick-or-treating from the trunks of peoples cars (trunk-or-treating??) for the past few years. What's up with that? If you're that scared for your child just go with them! :rolleyes:

I heard that there is only one verified incidence of kids being poisoned by halloween candy and it was later determined that it was the kids own parents or guardians that had poisoned them. I guess Mormons figure it is only safe to take candy from other Mormons. Out here the local Evangelical churches have harvest festivals that are carnivals where kids get candy for playing the games.

[vixenz]

I heard that there is only one verified incidence of kids being poisoned by halloween candy and it was later determined that it was the kids own parents or guardians that had poisoned them. I guess Mormons figure it is only safe to take candy from other Mormons. Out here the local Evangelical churches have harvest festivals that are carnivals where kids get candy for playing the games.

You know, I've heard that too. I would imagine parents would be more concerned about their kids being kidnapped? Maybe? Perhaps I'm grasping at straws here - It's just paranoia!

BTW, it's nice someone finally started posting today besides me, it's been a long lonely 12 hours here at work and since I found this site the other day I've been on a lot....

[dogzilla]

I heard that there is only one verified incidence of kids being poisoned by halloween candy and it was later determined that it was the kids own parents or guardians that had poisoned them. I guess Mormons figure it is only safe to take candy from other Mormons. Out here the local Evangelical churches have harvest festivals that are carnivals where kids get candy for playing the games.

http://www.snopes.com/horrors/poison/halloween.asp


You're right. It's never happened.
:duh