Did anyone ask you the big question: Why did you leave?

[noodle]

For those of you out there who "walked away" from the church, were you ever asked why you did so? Interestingly, I really have never been asked by any ward members. I got a note from a member telling me to "pray about it," but she never asked me why I did what I did. Another member told me to "come back," but he never asked why I left in the first place. Do they not want to know, or are they afraid of embarrassing me for some suspected infraction? Inquiring minds want to know.

[silverfox]

For those of you out there who "walked away" from the church, were you ever asked why you did so? Interestingly, I really have never been asked by any ward members. I got a note from a member telling me to "pray about it," but she never asked me why I did what I did. Another member told me to "come back," but he never asked why I left in the first place. Do they not want to know, or are they afraid of embarrassing me for some suspected infraction? Inquiring minds want to know.

They already think they know why we left:

1. We have committed a serious sin.
2. We want to drink or smoke or do drugs.
3. My favorite - we've been offended.
4. We don't have a testimony. Or they question if we EVER had one.

It's that simple to them. They don't need to ask. They've been conditioned and the only options above are acceptable to them.

I may have missed some.....any other "reason" members think we've left that I missed?

I should add that no, no one has ever asked me why I've left.

[silverfox]

5. We didn't pray enough
6. We didn't do everything we were supposed to

[peter_mary]

We anticipated being grilled by the Bishop, the RS President, the HP Group Leader, and anyone else in a leadership position. We "practiced" what we'd say, (well, mostly my wife drilled me to make sure I didn't say anything that would embarass her! :D ). And then we waited. And waited. And waited.


And waited.




And waited.





And now, nearly 6 years later, not one person in our Ward has ever even acknowledged that we don't come to Church, let alone asked us why. Well, okay, the Bishop DID say, when confronted by my wife on some UGLY rumors that were going around, that we were apostates, but even THEN he didn't ask why. Nobody ever has.

And I doubt anyone ever will.

Paul

[Born Free]

Do they not want to know, or are they afraid of embarrassing me for some suspected infraction? Inquiring minds want to know.
mamajama,

You overlook what I believe is the most likely possibility, which several of us explored on another thread some tome back.

This is less about saving your soul than it is about easing their discomfort. It follows then that if their fear/anxiety and security is the issue here, then the last thing they want to hear is about your concerns. Way tooooooooooo scary!!!! :eek:

So I believe you were spot on when you state "Inquiring minds want to know". These are not inquiring minds; they are security-seeking minds.

So for them "Search out the truth and the truth shall set you free" gets added "unless the truth scares you s#itless, in which case you run a mile and firmly stick your head in the sand". :o

Daryl

[noodle]

mamajama,

You overlook what I believe is the most likely possibility, which several of us explored on another thread some tome back.

This is less about saving your soul than it is about easing their discomfort.

Daryl
Ah YES! I remember that discussion, and I agree with you 100%. Good point to reiterate.

[noodle]

So I believe you were spot on when you state "Inquiring minds want to know". These are not inquiring minds; they are security-seeking minds.

Daryl
Now that is a prophetic statement. I should print it out and post it over my computer. Thanks, Daryl! :D

[silverfox]

I do remember the mishies teaching my daughter asking what my issues were with the church. But that didn't last long. They only asked because I was adding my two cents worth to their lessons.

[miss taken]

From my memory no, no one asked. So I can only assume that they feel they 1)already think they know the answer. 2) Dont want to know the answer 3) Are not interested enough to care.

Can't think of any other options.!!!! :rolleyes:

[jmkm]

Did anyone ask you the big question: Why did you leave?

No, but I always like to explain why I'm not there. It doesn't stop me from just blabbing to everyone, in a nice way, that I think Joseph Smith was an idiot.

One of my TBM friends said to me. "People can leave the church, but they just can't leave it alone."
I hate that statement. I want to leave it alone. I don't want to think about it at all. Why am I trolling these sites? It's like picking a scab because you like the way it feels a little.

[Tanya Tucker]

No one ever asks questions. Mormons can't defend their religion logically, so reasonable, logical questions frighten them. You can see this everywhere in the culture, and is one of the reasons the church meetings are so boring. Unless you recite the party line that you know the church is true, you're cast out as an apostate - and once an apostate, always an apostate.

[silverfox]

No, but I always like to explain why I'm not there. It doesn't stop me from just blabbing to everyone, in a nice way, that I think Joseph Smith was an idiot.

One of my TBM friends said to me. "People can leave the church, but they just can't leave it alone."
I hate that statement. I want to leave it alone. I don't want to think about it at all. Why am I trolling these sites? It's like picking a scab because you like the way it feels a little.

I hate that quote, too BUT I honestly think we could leave it alone if we truly wanted to. I think we stay connected because as Paul stated in one of his posts - we may feel we have a responsibility to keep tabs on what we know is bogus crap. (my interpretation, not Paul's exact wording) There has to be a level of accountability SOMEWHERE.

I have family members who are TBM so staying in the loop helps me handle situations with them. I need the support!

Also, I think the levels of anger, betrayal, etc demand attention, resolution. Former Mos need to sort through the emotions. And that can take some time.

So you TBMs don't flatter yourselves when you say we can't leave the church alone. One day you may be sitting here grateful for a forum like this one. Believe me, we have been where you are. And never NEVER in a million years dreamed we would be where we are today.

I never imagined I would ever think one day that the church was BOGUS.

I don't mean this in a negative way - I am happier than ever with my life today than I have ever been.

[silverfox]

You know what I find interesting, too, is that they won't ask YOU personally but they will ask everyone else. "Do you know why so and so doesn't come to church any more?" Thus the rumors begin.

[Born Free]

No, but I always like to explain why I'm not there. It doesn't stop me from just blabbing to everyone, in a nice way, that I think Joseph Smith was an idiot.

One of my TBM friends said to me. "People can leave the church, but they just can't leave it alone."
I hate that statement. I want to leave it alone. I don't want to think about it at all. Why am I trolling these sites? It's like picking a scab because you like the way it feels a little.

This is a great question, IMO closely connected to Stage 6, and the recent anger thread. Please be sure to start meditating on this issue, as this seems to be a critical question for many of us. Note there that a minority of people state that they are 'over' their anger about their Mo experience.

I would hope that we can generate some new level of insight into that when we get that thread up.

Daryl

[free thinker]

This is a great question, IMO closely connected to Stage 6, and the recent anger thread. Please be sure to start meditating on this issue, as this seems to be a critical question for many of us. Note there that a minority of people state that they are 'over' their anger about their Mo experience.

I would hope that we can generate some new level of insight into that when we get that thread up.

Daryl

Martha Beck mentions that her father Hugh Nibley would bring this up. People leaving the church but not leaving it alone. This is how she answered him .

" It occured to me at a fairly young age that according to this logic, Frederick Douglas and Elie Wiesel must have believed that slavery and the Holocaust were God's work ,too- after all, they just kept on talking, talking, talking, about these systems, even after they'd left them behind. It's one of my fathers favorite rhetorical techniques, the old double bind: if you profess that the mormon church is true, that's because you know it's true: if you profess that it isn't true, that, too, is because you know it's true. "

If you havn't read the book I highly recommend it.


Free Thinker

[Born Free]

Martha Beck mentions that her father Hugh Nibley would bring this up. People leaving the church but not leaving it alone. This is how she answered him .

"It's one of my fathers favorite rhetorical techniques, the old double bind: if you profess that the mormon church is true, that's because you know it's true: if you profess that it isn't true, that, too, is because you know it's true. "

Free Thinker
This makes clear how Mos believe that Moism has replaced the Earth as the centre of God's creation.

We need a contemporary Copernicus to remind them, that Mormonism is just a small, indeed very small part of a very big system; and not a very functional part at that.

Needless to say, Moism would be as appreciative and welcoming of this news, as the Holy Roman Catholic Church was of Copernicus.

The level of naricissism in Mormonism further reinforces my observation that a high level of abuse lies close to its centre. It is mainly the abused who become that narcissistic, so insistent in seeing themselves as the be all and end all, and impaired in their capacity to empathisise with anothers perspective.

Daryl

[miss taken]

This is a great question, IMO closely connected to Stage 6, and the recent anger thread. Please be sure to start meditating on this issue, as this seems to be a critical question for many of us. Note there that a minority of people state that they are 'over' their anger about their Mo experience.

I would hope that we can generate some new level of insight into that when we get that thread up.

Daryl

This is interesting, added to the Martha Beck analogy which I thought was a good one.

We all ALL talk about our past experiences, especially those that have had a deep impact on us.

People write books on a myriad of subjects that they find interesting, - the holocaust, face lifts!!, diets, self-improvement, biography, and so on and so on and so on.

Paul said something on the 'anti' thread that I started about wanting to make sense of it all. I agree with him wholeheartedly.

The church once meant a whole lot to me, in fact it was the centre of almost every aspect of my life, social, emotional, (maybe kinda intellectual), spiritual, and bam it comes crashing down. So, yes, of course you will think about it. (I have also used the marriage metaphor for my relationship with the church which I think is wholly appropriate), and you keep thinking about it, simply because it was such a BIG part of your life. To absolutely forget it, means you would forget a big part of who you once were, and at some point you need to make a new hypothesis, and synthesise all your past experiences.

I have found particularly that being able to have communication with other people who pretty much went through the same stuff as me is very therapeutic. Like Silverfox says I found peace and fulfillment in life when I left the church, but that doesn't stop me from trying to make sense of it all.

The LDS (Hugh) argument that you talk about it because in some way you STILL know its true is a complete load of bullcrap. I don't still KNOW its true, if I did I would still be there, that's the whole point.

I left because there was just too much of it that I couldn't agree with. Simple as that.

Mary

[bigeddy]

I was finally asked by a close friend who cares for me deeply. She is enmeshed with the church and cannot leave it (escalation of committment) even though she complains incessantly about it and for the same reasons we all left it. She has given up so much to be a member that leaving now would be a denial of her incredible sacrifice.

She asked and I wrote "The Same Path" as an answer to that question. She responded to a couple of particulars I brought up in that essay but never to the whole thing.

I agree with what has been said on this thread that the fear of finding out what they do not want to find out is part of the reason they don't ask. Also I think it is very important for us to understand the pre/post fallacy here. When people come out of chaos to the polarized (black/white, good/evil) way of thinking we look much more stable than when we were in chaos. When we leave any conventional stage and move to post-conventional stages, particularly the deep questioning stage that comes next, we look like we have gone back to chaos. I think members confuse our deep questioning, that is a response to all that ways our conventional thinking was inadequate to truly solve the problems we began to see (a post-conventional attitude), with the chaos that comes before we reached polarized thought. It is very easy for it to be seen as such because it FEELS to us like we have gone back to chaos also. It was so comforting to believe we have all the answers and don't have to face the complexities and ambiguities that abound. But if we have the courage to face the higher questions we realize that our conventional stage is truly inadequate to solve the issues (not that it is wrong--just inadequate) so we must grow beyond. That, for me, is the secret. We did not become anti-mormon because of facing the complexities, we became post-mormon.

Ed

[free thinker]

I was finally asked by a close friend who cares for me deeply. She is enmeshed with the church and cannot leave it (escalation of committment) even though she complains incessantly about it and for the same reasons we all left it. She has given up so much to be a member that leaving now would be a denial of her incredible sacrifice.

She asked and I wrote "The Same Path" as an answer to that question. She responded to a couple of particulars I brought up in that essay but never to the whole thing.

I agree with what has been said on this thread that the fear of finding out what they do not want to find out is part of the reason they don't ask. Also I think it is very important for us to understand the pre/post fallacy here. When people come out of chaos to the polarized (black/white, good/evil) way of thinking we look much more stable than when we were in chaos. When we leave any conventional stage and move to post-conventional stages, particularly the deep questioning stage that comes next, we look like we have gone back to chaos. I think members confuse our deep questioning, that is a response to all that ways our conventional thinking was inadequate to truly solve the problems we began to see (a post-conventional attitude), with the chaos that comes before we reached polarized thought. It is very easy for it to be seen as such because it FEELS to us like we have gone back to chaos also. It was so comforting to believe we have all the answers and don't have to face the complexities and ambiguities that abound. But if we have the courage to face the higher questions we realize that our conventional stage is truly inadequate to solve the issues (not that it is wrong--just inadequate) so we must grow beyond. That, for me, is the secret. We did not become anti-mormon because of facing the complexities, we became post-mormon.

Ed

BigEddy

I am in the middle of this seeming immersion back into chaos. Interestingly enough I am finding that I am having to face some of the same fears, and find ansers to some of the same questions, that I was asking 30 years ago. I have not grown past those things because, as you say, I felt I had found all the answers.

Now as I face these same issues, I am tempted to go back into mormonism's comfort zone. Never the less, something inside gives me a faint, brief warning, to this effect. If it was a voice it would be saying. Free Thinker, keep moving forward, face the fears, deal with the ambiguity and complexity, and don't fall back.

This time I am going to immerse myself in uncertainty. I have a deep sense that in uncertainty I will find some answers.

Free Thinker

[peter_mary]

This time I am going to immerse myself in uncertainty. I have a deep sense that in uncertainty I will find some answers.

Free Thinker

It was at this point that you are speaking of that I finally understood what the sages meant when they said, "To know is to not know, and to not know is to finally know."

In the west, we say, "The more I came to know, the more I found I didn't know."

And finally, someone else wise once said, "A conclusion is what you arrive at when you quit thinking."

The mystery is uknowable, and can only be experienced in that place of ambiguity. As soon as we settle on a new knowing, we cease being able to know.

You know? (That's a trick question! Don't answer "yes!")

Peter_Mary

[elder_nomo]

Now as I face these same issues, I am tempted to go back into mormonism's comfort zone. Never the less, something inside gives me a faint, brief warning, to this effect. If it was a voice it would be saying. Free Thinker, keep moving forward, face the fears, deal with the ambiguity and complexity, and don't fall back.

Free Thinker - i was reading an article about a play called "Doubt" and thought you might enjoy these thoughts from the playwright, John Patrick Shanley.....

"There is an uneasy time, when belief has begun to slip, but hypocrisy has yet to take hold, when the consciousness is disturbed but not yet altered. It is the most dangerous, important and ongoing experience of life. The beginning of change is the moment of Doubt. It is that crucial moment when I renew my humanity or become a lie. Doubt requires more courage than conviction does, and more energy; because conviction is a resting place and doubt is infinite; it is a passionate exercise....."

[free thinker]

Free Thinker - i was reading an article about a play called "Doubt" and thought you might enjoy these thoughts from the playwright, John Patrick Shanley.....

"There is an uneasy time, when belief has begun to slip, but hypocrisy has yet to take hold, when the consciousness is disturbed but not yet altered. It is the most dangerous, important and ongoing experience of life. The beginning of change is the moment of Doubt. It is that crucial moment when I renew my humanity or become a lie. Doubt requires more courage than conviction does, and more energy; because conviction is a resting place and doubt is infinite; it is a passionate exercise....."



Thanks for those fabulous quotes. I got a chill reading them. Man this really is quite a journey isn't it? We call ourselver post-mormon. I wonder sometimes if a better moniker might be pre-something. Like pre-greater learning. Know what I mean? I just have this sense that a whole new world of learning has opened up!

Thanks
Free Thinker

[silverfox]

Thanks for those fabulous quotes. I got a chill reading them. Man this really is quite a journey isn't it? We call ourselver post-mormon. I wonder sometimes if a better moniker might be pre-something. Like pre-greater learning. Know what I mean? I just have this sense that a whole new world of learning has opened up!

Thanks
Free Thinker

I want to compliment elder nomo for sharing that awesome quote, too.

I printed it off last night and have been reading it and re-reading it. I wanted to REALLY grasp it before commenting. It has a lot of value, IMO. Something that will be useful in my life and those around me.

It's interesting how sometimes everyday pieces of life like doubt, distrust, hypocrisy, etc have such a negative "reputation" when in fact there is much value within.

[Born Free]

BigEddy

I am in the middle of this seeming immersion back into chaos. Interestingly enough I am finding that I am having to face some of the same fears, and find ansers to some of the same questions, that I was asking 30 years ago. I have not grown past those things because, as you say, I felt I had found all the answers.

Now as I face these same issues, I am tempted to go back into mormonism's comfort zone. Never the less, something inside gives me a faint, brief warning, to this effect. If it was a voice it would be saying. Free Thinker, keep moving forward, face the fears, deal with the ambiguity and complexity, and don't fall back.

This time I am going to immerse myself in uncertainty. I have a deep sense that in uncertainty I will find some answers.

Free Thinker
free thinker,

I am passionately with Eddy on this one, because what he is describing is very consistent with what I came to see when I got into values and world view work and what I observed in my own life.

How I describe the difference between going back into chaos and forward is this.

One thing that both the chaotic and conventional phases share is that order, system and even "God" are out there, external. So in the conventional phase you can see "God" in a persons life, in the regular Church attendance, their bumper stickers, etc., if you like, they wear "God" on their sleeve, their beliefs like a jacket - on teh exterior.

In the post-conventional stage, a substantial shift has occurred. The person has internalised their "God", their values, morality and beliefs. This can be very unsettling to the external observer still in the conventional stage. They look, and based upon their manner of operating or their "reality", observe an the absence of the external trappings of morality, and order, so they assume (based upon their own experience) that the absence, means that morality is absent, and that it is if, not when, chaos will reemerge.

I observe that this is a shift that the western world/culture tends to do badly, if at all. This is a journey inwards, and that is a feminine energy or process. The west does external/masculine to death, but it largely is unfamiliar with internal/feminine, not only being ignorant of it, but in many cases actively fearing it. Part of this is being able to hold and gestate the uncertainity, to not have to rush to "produce" something.

The other shift in this stage is that the oversimplified order that was embraced (desperately) in the conventional phase is let go for a more firm/loose relationship, where the individual has matured to the extent they can see, appreciate and live with the "mystery" that is life, and not insist on the world shrinking small enough for them to pack it in a box with a nice ribbon around it.

I thought the quote by Shanley is superb, and illustrates the shift elegantly.

This is the difference between being subsumed by chaos and embracing it. They are as different as chalk and cheese.

You said "I am in the middle of this seeming immersion back into chaos. Interestingly enough I am finding that I am having to face some of the same fears, and find answers to some of the same questions, that I was asking 30 years ago. I have not grown past those things because, as you say, I felt I had found all the answers."

My sense is that now you have seen the superficiality of the "off the shelf answers", and you will be stunned how many of the answers you have found for yourself in the intervening 30 years. Trust in yourself, in your own knowing, your own trustworthiness and you will be absolutely fine. And when you find yourself a little lacking, that too is fine and part of the human condition - better than faking having it perfect.

You are at a very different point to "immersion back into chaos".

Chaos theroy describes this stage as a bifurcation point, where we become highly unstable where we can go one of two ways with the force of a butterfly's wing. Back to the pseudo security of the conventional phase, or forward to the heightened security of embracing the mystery.

As I write this I see a certain parallel with the relative appeal of a controlled economy vs a "free" economy. One promises security through control and "managed efficiency". The other offers a flexibility, fluidity and adaptibility in the face of constant movement, and whilst messy, still delivers more consistently that a planned economy does.

I really appreciate you posting your personal experience of this crucial phase of development here. It is the very shift that scares the hell of of many people who rush back into Stage 3. Having ordinary mortals tell their experience of this stage-shift is one of the most valuable services this site can perform. It provides the permission and challenge to others to keep going forward. It provides hope that there is another land beyond the "dark night of the soul".

Daryl

[free thinker]

free thinker,

I am passionately with Eddy on this one, because what he is describing is very consistent with what I came to see when I got into values and world view work and what I observed in my own life.

How I describe the difference between going back into chaos and forward is this.

One thing that both the chaotic and conventional phases share is that order, system and even "God" are out there, external. So in the conventional phase you can see "God" in a persons life, in the regular Church attendance, their bumper stickers, etc., if you like, they wear "God" on their sleeve, their beliefs like a jacket - on teh exterior.

In the post-conventional stage, a substantial shift has occurred. The person has internalised their "God", their values, morality and beliefs. This can be very unsettling to the external observer still in the conventional stage. They look, and based upon their manner of operating or their "reality", observe an the absence of the external trappings of morality, and order, so they assume (based upon their own experience) that the absence, means that morality is absent, and that it is if, not when, chaos will reemerge.

I observe that this is a shift that the western world/culture tends to do badly, if at all. This is a journey inwards, and that is a feminine energy or process. The west does external/masculine to death, but it largely is unfamiliar with internal/feminine, not only being ignorant of it, but in many cases actively fearing it. Part of this is being able to hold and gestate the uncertainity, to not have to rush to "produce" something.

The other shift in this stage is that the oversimplified order that was embraced (desperately) in the conventional phase is let go for a more firm/loose relationship, where the individual has matured to the extent they can see, appreciate and live with the "mystery" that is life, and not insist on the world shrinking small enough for them to pack it in a box with a nice ribbon around it.

I thought the quote by Shanley is superb, and illustrates the shift elegantly.

This is the difference between being subsumed by chaos and embracing it. They are as different as chalk and cheese.

You said "I am in the middle of this seeming immersion back into chaos. Interestingly enough I am finding that I am having to face some of the same fears, and find answers to some of the same questions, that I was asking 30 years ago. I have not grown past those things because, as you say, I felt I had found all the answers."

My sense is that now you have seen the superficiality of the "off the shelf answers", and you will be stunned how many of the answers you have found for yourself in the intervening 30 years. Trust in yourself, in your own knowing, your own trustworthiness and you will be absolutely fine. And when you find yourself a little lacking, that too is fine and part of the human condition - better than faking having it perfect.

You are at a very different point to "immersion back into chaos".

Chaos theroy describes this stage as a bifurcation point, where we become highly unstable where we can go one of two ways with the force of a butterfly's wing. Back to the pseudo security of the conventional phase, or forward to the heightened security of embracing the mystery.

As I write this I see a certain parallel with the relative appeal of a controlled economy vs a "free" economy. One promises security through control and "managed efficiency". The other offers a flexibility, fluidity and adaptibility in the face of constant movement, and whilst messy, still delivers more consistently that a planned economy does.

I really appreciate you posting your personal experience of this crucial phase of development here. It is the very shift that scares the hell of of many people who rush back into Stage 3. Having ordinary mortals tell their experience of this stage-shift is one of the most valuable services this site can perform. It provides the permission and challenge to others to keep going forward. It provides hope that there is another land beyond the "dark night of the soul".

Daryl

I really enjoyed reading your input. Interestingly enough, when times get the most difficult, I say a brief prayer for peace. I have not once yet been left without that peace!! Mormons do not own deity, whoever, or whatever, that is!!

Free Thinker

[dcs1]

This shows my ego problem, I'm sure, but I can't stand the thought of the lies that are probably spinning the whewls of the rumor mill about me. Only one person has asked about my "inactivity" close friend) and she wanted to know how I lost my testimony. What to do? :confused:

[silverfox]

This shows my ego problem, I'm sure, but I can't stand the thought of the lies that are probably spinning the whewls of the rumor mill about me. Only one person has asked about my "inactivity" close friend) and she wanted to know how I lost my testimony. What to do? :confused:

I feel strongly that my testimony was not "lost", it was taken away. The church giveth and the church taketh away.

"Testimonies" are built on information that is given, IMO. We proclaim truth of the information that is given to us, we build faith on that information and the result is our testimony.

When one finds that the foundation (the information) of that testimony is not true, every thing crumbles.

Who is responsible for this? Whomever is providing the inaccurate information (the church)

I am afraid there is not much one can do about the rumors. This also drives me CRAZY because I can't stand that someone thinks they know what's in my heart and my head.

IMO, because of the mentality of most TBMs they will believe what they want EVEN when the truth is presented. They will do it with doctrine and they will do it with rumors. It is easier for them to believe a member has left due to some fault of their own than to ever admit there are flaws in something their entire life is based on.

[miss taken]

I feel strongly that my testimony was not "lost", it was taken away. The church giveth and the church taketh away.

"Testimonies" are built on information that is given, IMO. We proclaim truth of the information that is given to us, we build faith on that information and the result is our testimony.

When one finds that the foundation (the information) of that testimony is not true, every thing crumbles.

Who is responsible for this? Whomever is providing the inaccurate information (the church)

I am afraid there is not much one can do about the rumors. This also drives me CRAZY because I can't stand that someone thinks they know what's in my heart and my head.

IMO, because of the mentality of most TBMs they will believe what they want EVEN when the truth is presented. They will do it with doctrine and they will do it with rumors. It is easier for them to believe a member has left due to some fault of their own than to ever admit there are flaws in something their entire life is based on.


Silverfox, I so relate to you on this one. I have one particular friend, who simply KNOWS why I left the church, when I say that she doesn't know me, she tells me that she knows me better than I know myself.

I give up...!! :confused:

[Born Free]

This shows my ego problem, I'm sure, but I can't stand the thought of the lies that are probably spinning the whewls of the rumor mill about me. Only one person has asked about my "inactivity" close friend) and she wanted to know how I lost my testimony. What to do? :confused:

I went through a period of my life when my wife and I were the subject of gossip and we could do nothing to control it. At some point something in me shifted, and I seemed to accept I had not control over it, that people gossip because of THEIR issues, not because of any 'reality' out there.

That was very freeing. It freeding me up to be more responsible for myself, which is always a good process. It brought me to an appreciation of the small-mindedness of the people in that community, and we moved. It had been stifling me/us, but we had been resistant to the move.

But something inside me definately shifted, and I became a lot less concerned with what others thought about me, and more healthily concerned with my judgements of my behaviour.

Daryl