helemon
26th April 2005, 01:35 AM
Ok since everyone is telling a bit about themselves I will explain my background.
I was raised in the church in Utah. Member of active family of pioneer heritage. Normal childhood. No major traumas or life altering events. Went on a mission. Married in the temple.
I went through the temple the first time when the penalties were still used. When I returned from my mission they had been removed. I thought such a change was strange but I don't think it really damaged my testimony.
My transition out of the church started after getting married. It was then that I began to doubt the divinity of polygamy. I began to realize how unfair such a realtionship would be for a woman. Also my wife is a convert. Because of this fact neither of her parents were able to attend her wedding and none of her close friends. This also did not sit well with me. I couldn't understand why the church couldn't develop a ceremony that preserved the sacredness while allowing non-members to join in the celebration.
During my senior year in college I bought a computer that allowed me to access the internet. It was there that I first encountered mormon newsgroups. These presented me with viewpoints other than those that I heard at church. Around that same time I also purchased InfoBases. I purchased the software with the intent of following the advice of church leaders to study the history and teachings of church leaders. The ability to have so many church texts on a set of cds was amazing. I thoroughly enjoyed being able to search this vast library on various topics and review in seconds what various leaders had to say on the topic. However the more I studied the more I discovered information that the church never told me about. I found BY's statements about blacks and the priesthood which did not make sense to me either logically since it would be impossible to know by looking at someone if they had an ancestor of african descent somewhere between Ham and today, or spiritually based on the vision of Peter. I read MEP's statements in the Way to Perfrection about blacks and was disturbed by his racist attitude. I read the off the wall statements by JFP about life on the sun and other wild statements about cosmology. I read about JSS's vision that was identical to the one Lehi had. I read about JSJ stealing my ancestors girlfriend while he was on a mission. I read about the seer stones and the Kinderhook plates. And numerous other things that I was never aware of before and was never told about through official church outlet. This information shook my testimony to the core. I also started to read the BoM with a more critical eye. I puzzled over the lack of native american flora and fauna and the lack of old world agriculture that was reported to have grown exceedingly well. I wondered how such a small group could build a ship to carry them to the America's. The length of time it reportedly took to get to the Americas didn't seem reasonable to me.
When I brought up these concerns with church leaders or family members no one was able to provide me with an adequate explanation. The only answer was to ignore these problems and forgive the leaders for their past faults. But to me it seemed like the church was picking and choosing which teachings to follow and which to ignore. For me, someone who had been raised being taught and believing that these men were God's representatives on earth, who had been told in the temple that true prophets do not mingle the philosophies of men with scripture, these discoveries were not something I could easily shrug off. Since then I have been basically inactive. While I have been open with my family about my doctrinal concerns about the church I have not formally removed my name. This is primarily out of a desire not to hurt my parents, but I think it is something I should do.
My wife who has never had a strong testimony of the church still attends and takes our kids to the mormon church. She does it because her mom, who converted after we were married, is still active and needs help getting to church. She attends because she says that much of what the church teaches is similar to what is taught in other christian churches and she feels the most comfortable at the mormon church. She wants to have the kids baptized Mormon so that they will at least be baptized somewhere. She says she is able to deal with the problems of the church and enjoy the things that are good such as the strong social programs and activities and the basic Christian morals. As a "priesthood holder" with all the attendant responsibilities and expectations, I didn't feel like I could attend without believing the whole story. Even though neither of us beleive the church is "true", my problems with the church are still a sore spot in our marriage. I think she wishes we could return to the blissful ignorance stage.
I was raised in the church in Utah. Member of active family of pioneer heritage. Normal childhood. No major traumas or life altering events. Went on a mission. Married in the temple.
I went through the temple the first time when the penalties were still used. When I returned from my mission they had been removed. I thought such a change was strange but I don't think it really damaged my testimony.
My transition out of the church started after getting married. It was then that I began to doubt the divinity of polygamy. I began to realize how unfair such a realtionship would be for a woman. Also my wife is a convert. Because of this fact neither of her parents were able to attend her wedding and none of her close friends. This also did not sit well with me. I couldn't understand why the church couldn't develop a ceremony that preserved the sacredness while allowing non-members to join in the celebration.
During my senior year in college I bought a computer that allowed me to access the internet. It was there that I first encountered mormon newsgroups. These presented me with viewpoints other than those that I heard at church. Around that same time I also purchased InfoBases. I purchased the software with the intent of following the advice of church leaders to study the history and teachings of church leaders. The ability to have so many church texts on a set of cds was amazing. I thoroughly enjoyed being able to search this vast library on various topics and review in seconds what various leaders had to say on the topic. However the more I studied the more I discovered information that the church never told me about. I found BY's statements about blacks and the priesthood which did not make sense to me either logically since it would be impossible to know by looking at someone if they had an ancestor of african descent somewhere between Ham and today, or spiritually based on the vision of Peter. I read MEP's statements in the Way to Perfrection about blacks and was disturbed by his racist attitude. I read the off the wall statements by JFP about life on the sun and other wild statements about cosmology. I read about JSS's vision that was identical to the one Lehi had. I read about JSJ stealing my ancestors girlfriend while he was on a mission. I read about the seer stones and the Kinderhook plates. And numerous other things that I was never aware of before and was never told about through official church outlet. This information shook my testimony to the core. I also started to read the BoM with a more critical eye. I puzzled over the lack of native american flora and fauna and the lack of old world agriculture that was reported to have grown exceedingly well. I wondered how such a small group could build a ship to carry them to the America's. The length of time it reportedly took to get to the Americas didn't seem reasonable to me.
When I brought up these concerns with church leaders or family members no one was able to provide me with an adequate explanation. The only answer was to ignore these problems and forgive the leaders for their past faults. But to me it seemed like the church was picking and choosing which teachings to follow and which to ignore. For me, someone who had been raised being taught and believing that these men were God's representatives on earth, who had been told in the temple that true prophets do not mingle the philosophies of men with scripture, these discoveries were not something I could easily shrug off. Since then I have been basically inactive. While I have been open with my family about my doctrinal concerns about the church I have not formally removed my name. This is primarily out of a desire not to hurt my parents, but I think it is something I should do.
My wife who has never had a strong testimony of the church still attends and takes our kids to the mormon church. She does it because her mom, who converted after we were married, is still active and needs help getting to church. She attends because she says that much of what the church teaches is similar to what is taught in other christian churches and she feels the most comfortable at the mormon church. She wants to have the kids baptized Mormon so that they will at least be baptized somewhere. She says she is able to deal with the problems of the church and enjoy the things that are good such as the strong social programs and activities and the basic Christian morals. As a "priesthood holder" with all the attendant responsibilities and expectations, I didn't feel like I could attend without believing the whole story. Even though neither of us beleive the church is "true", my problems with the church are still a sore spot in our marriage. I think she wishes we could return to the blissful ignorance stage.