Faking Sprituality

[bookieewocaster]

One thing that I've noticed throughout my time in the church is that there were times where I could almost fake spirituality or righteousness. I noticed this in other people too. During testimony meetings, it appeared that a person was trying really hard to be emotional and spiritual that they started crying. And their crying wasn't over anything too big. Such as, "I found 20 dollars on the street and I know my Heavenly Father loves me because he has blessed me in this way." (Okay... that's an extreme case, and I've never been in a meeting quite like that, but they have come close.)

Everything seemed to almost be a contest or competition, but no one would admit to it. "I can be more spiritual than the rest of you. Watch me prove it!" :slap:

I was wondering if the rest of you have experiences where you felt like you were faking your spirituality or righteousness because it seemed like everyon else was more spiritual or righteous than you. Where do you think this view of competition came from?

[taegan]

When I hit about 16 and discovered the joy of dating a non member and being around his "normal" family. Thats the year when I really began to question the religion. Anywho, when I turned 17 my mom came to me after sacrament meeting and said to me, "Bishop MacAffee wants to talk to you and you'd had better listen." He called me to be the Laural Pres. which I was NOT happy about. He told me to go home and "pray about it" :Crazy: and I said I would. My mom spent the next few days telling me that if I didnt accept the calling, I'd be grounded until I graduated high school and my social life would end. Church was more important.

So I accepted it and spent the next 6 months faking my happiness, being the "good" laural prez I was supposed to be, giving talks in church.. god, it was sappy. After I left the church and was out on my own, my mother and I had a conversation about why I wouldnt go back to church and she brought up that whole Laural thing and said I was "so spiritial and glowing with faith." LOL she refused to believe that I was faking it for my own social cause.... I mean jeez.. I was having sex, drinking and posing nude for my boyfriend who was a photographer. haha.. the jokes on them!

[dogzilla]

I think the competitive nature stems from fear. Fear of being discovered as a doubter. Fear of not being perfect enough. Fear of being flawed and human.

I firmly believe this is how speaking in tongues happens. It's a sociological phenomenon that's a little bit deeper and more complex than peer pressure, but not by much. (See: Salem Witch Trials.)

[Born Free]

<snip>

After I left the church and was out on my own, my mother and I had a conversation about why I wouldnt go back to church and she brought up that whole Laural thing and said I was "so spiritial and glowing with faith." LOL she refused to believe that I was faking it for my own social cause.... I mean jeez.. I was having sex, drinking and posing nude for my boyfriend who was a photographer. haha.. the jokes on them!
taegan,

Don't do that to me! I lauged so hard, I got cramps in my sides! :eek:

If your mother was prepared to use coersion to get what she wanted, she got what she richly deserved. :cool:

How did Mum cope with that response?

Daryl

[Born Free]

Check out the excellent posting by Flotsam re storytelling on the Witch Craze thread. It touches on an important element of this process IMO.

What this highlights for me is how most people have no process to differentiate spirituality from emotionality, so cranking oneself up emotionally is the next best thing, and most never get beyond it.

Daryl

[silverfox]

One thing that I've noticed throughout my time in the church is that there were times where I could almost fake spirituality or righteousness. I noticed this in other people too. During testimony meetings, it appeared that a person was trying really hard to be emotional and spiritual that they started crying. And their crying wasn't over anything too big. Such as, "I found 20 dollars on the street and I know my Heavenly Father loves me because he has blessed me in this way." (Okay... that's an extreme case, and I've never been in a meeting quite like that, but they have come close.)

Everything seemed to almost be a contest or competition, but no one would admit to it. "I can be more spiritual than the rest of you. Watch me prove it!" :slap:

I was wondering if the rest of you have experiences where you felt like you were faking your spirituality or righteousness because it seemed like everyon else was more spiritual or righteous than you. Where do you think this view of competition came from?

I think there is definitely a level of competition between members. But I feel more strongly that members compare themselves to each other to keep themselves "in check". By that I mean, as TBMs we all want to be the perfect member, do all the right things, etc, etc and when there is doubt or if we question our worthiness we maybe begin to mimick the behavior of those we compare ourselves to. We see another TBM member, think they are doing it right, think they are perfect and try to strive for that by "acting out".

I wouldn't say that as a TBM that I've faked my spirituality but I sure did try to create spiritual experiences out of nothing a lot of the times. Just because even if I didn't feel worthy enough of such experiences I sure didn't want anyone else to know. I didn't want my loyalty, beliefs, etc questioned when I was doing everything I thought I was capable of to be the perfect TBM.

Saying that, I am sure that now I could walk into a fast meeting and fake the most touching spiritual testimony one has ever heard. And I no longer believe the church is true at all.

Just imagine - we never really know who is faking it and who isn't, do we?

[Born Free]

Two things I am not good at faking are spirituality and orgasms! :eek:

I used to stand up and tell it like it was, in terms of what I WAS feeling, except that I did not make visible my anxieties, concerns, conflicts, which were many.

Frankly I have a real problem with emotionality for its own sake, which is what I saw a lot of F&T Meetings as. They stank of insincerity, and besides, my stomach roared too loudly.

I recall one young woman only a few years older than me, who would stand up and turn on the waterworks like she had blown a washer, only to find out later that she had to most lurid life on the side. I'd still love to know what went on in her head. The family came from rural Arizona, and were pretty wild and all the children seemed to be split into two irreconcilable halves.

Daryl

PS: The faking orgasm thing came from this great comedy routine, where when the couple split and were hurling insults around, he told her he had been faking orgasms all their marriage! :Crazy:

[dancinfree]

I can't say that I faked my sprituality in church but I wanted so bad to be "good", to be "RIGHT", to be like the "strongest" members seemed to be. They seemed all so certain...so correct. I wanted that piece..I banged my head and heart against a wall so long to get that piece..I whipped myself to almost dying spiritually to get that damn PIECE!! I had doubt..I always had doubt and I tried so hard to get rid of it...why was I so screwed up?....why couldn't I be stronger?..Why couldn't I fix me? These were always going through my head as I gave talk after talk in church..held many positions...attained the ranks of seminary council...married in the temple...did it all but to no avail. I was stuck with...Me. I spent so many years condemning me because that's what I thought God would do too until finally I refused and accepted love for myself..unconditional love. It's still a continuing path but it is much more REAL, HONEST and TRUE, even though it might not be as clean, neat and pretty as others would like it to be. What my definition of god now sees..is me BEING not DOING anymore. I am all that I can offer and I believe it is enough and if not....OH WELL!! Whatever comes..comes...I am at peace with that.

[Born Free]

<snip>
I spent so many years condemning me because that's what I thought God would do too until finally I refused and accepted love for myself..unconditional love. It's still a continuing path but it is much more REAL, HONEST and TRUE, even though it might not be as clean, neat and pretty as others would like it to be. What my definition of god now sees..is me BEING not DOING anymore. I am all that I can offer and I believe it is enough and if not....OH WELL!! Whatever comes..comes...I am at peace with that.
dancinfree,

As always you tell your journey in the most engaging way that makes me feel that I am right there with you. Certainly we stopped off at a lot of the same stations along the way, for sure!

Do you mind if I ask what age you were, and what was the trigger/s for you stopping using strategy 1, and shifting to strategy 2? And did you make that change of direction quickly or did it take some time?

For me, I have read a lot of Nathaniel Branden's work on self-esteem, and I came to realise that the Church process had made me an enemy to myself in much the way you describe, which is the opposite of what is the foundation of sound self-esteem.

That was the beginning of coming to realise that all this that I had been raised to believe was 'Good, good' good!', was in fact 'Toxic, toxic, toxic!'.

Daryl

[why me]

I can't say that I faked my sprituality in church but I wanted so bad to be "good", to be "RIGHT", to be like the "strongest" members seemed to be. They seemed all so certain...so correct. I wanted that piece..I banged my head and heart against a wall so long to get that piece..I whipped myself to almost dying spiritually to get that damn PIECE!! I had doubt..I always had doubt and I tried so hard to get rid of it...why was I so screwed up?....why couldn't I be stronger?..Why couldn't I fix me? These were always going through my head as I gave talk after talk in church..held many positions...attained the ranks of seminary council...married in the temple...did it all but to no avail. I was stuck with...Me. I spent so many years condemning me because that's what I thought God would do too until finally I refused and accepted love for myself..unconditional love. It's still a continuing path but it is much more REAL, HONEST and TRUE, even though it might not be as clean, neat and pretty as others would like it to be. What my definition of god now sees..is me BEING not DOING anymore. I am all that I can offer and I believe it is enough and if not....OH WELL!! Whatever comes..comes...I am at peace with that.

I cannot really relate to beginnings of this story because I was never really in the game to be better or more perfect than all the others or to be just like the strong TBMs. I was who I was...a person who would attend but inactive with a set of political beliefs which I thought would save the world. I suppose that my experiences on the streets of New York City taught me the complexities of life and gave me stronge sense details and empirical insight into the human condition and with it human imperfections,including my own imperfections. Maybe the Utah experience is different from the NYC experience. But I also know your inner feelings because they touch my inner experiences and soul moods. We are together in a hood...maybe not brotherhood or sisterhood but maybe we are together in a humanhood.... :)

[bookieewocaster]

I remember feeling the same way you did, Dancingfree. There were always these feelings that everybody else was getting it accept for me. That if I were to do the things they did, I would have that same strong spirituallity that they had. For the longest time I felt shameful and bitter toward myself because I did not have anything that these people had. I didn't feel the love of God or the truthfulness of everything. I didn't know what I was doing. And so I figured I might as well fake it because at least someone is pleased. It might not be God, nor me, but somebody would like what I've done.

I'm reminded of graduating from seminary. They asked me to bear my testimony to the graduating seniors about my feelings about Seminary. And so I related this following story:

About a month and a half before that time I had hair down to my shoulders (nice and wavy stuff... man I like that hair), if you remember Dancingfree. You've seen me with that hair. During that time I was participating with a young men's choir that was supposed to sing in the conference center for a priesthood comemoration/anniversary meeting. The told us during each of the practices that those of us with long hair needed to cut it. I was planning to cut mine anyway and donate it to "Locks of Love." It came close to the day of our "performance" and I finally cut my hair. Emotionally, I felt like I fit in with this group of young men. I felt like I finally belonged for once.

During my testimony, I added a few things to embellish, such as: I felt it was the right thing to do, I felt more happy because of it. All of these were truths... or at least half-truths.

About three weeks later, I talk with a pretty close friend who had a girlfriend that was a member in my stake. He told me that she cried when I gave my testimony that day. I was suprised to hear that. I still felt like I was faking spirituality and that people could see through it.

This was probably the first time I actually associated emotion with spirituality. I started questioning which people in my ward, during testimony meeting, were just being emotional, or were truely spiritual.

[miss taken]

I don't know if I faked it, though I did used to have these dreams about being a manequin doll, whatever that means for anyone who can interpret dreams!!!...

I do remember feeling that because I wasn't born under the covenant, that I wasn't good enough, that I didn't quite fit. As I got older I thought, darn, BY and JS were not born under the covenant and they were at the top of the mormon tree so to speak.

I do remember trying really really hard. When the doubts really started to take hold, I remember burying myself in fasting and prayer, and scripture study. It just made me tired and emotionally exhausted.

Testimony meetings were exhausting, my friend and I used to lighten things up in the car on the way home by bearing testimony like this in a very emotional voice.

I bear testimony of my typewriter, that I know that it types... I bear testimony of the grass..I know that it's green, (you get the drift)

We would then put on the most saddest, emphatic voice, and in tears say,

I bear my testimony that the gospel, makes me so, so h.a.p.p.y. (spot the paradox)

We'd then burst out laughing....It was funny to us, and stress busting....

I just remember trying really hard to feel good, I was being obedient, doing the right things, but I just didn't feel good. I started to feel good when I left, that is always the paradox for me. And it wasn't because I desired to SIN (if there are any LDS TBM lurkers out there, and I am SURE there are 100's like me)

Mary

[why me]

I don't know if I faked it, though I did used to have these dreams about being a manequin doll, whatever that means for anyone who can interpret dreams!!!...

I do remember feeling that because I wasn't born under the covenant, that I wasn't good enough, that I didn't quite fit. As I got older I thought, darn, BY and JS were not born under the covenant and they were at the top of the mormon tree so to speak.

I do remember trying really really hard. When the doubts really started to take hold, I remember burying myself in fasting and prayer, and scripture study. It just made me tired and emotionally exhausted.

Testimony meetings were exhausting, my friend and I used to lighten things up in the car on the way home by bearing testimony like this in a very emotional voice.

I bear testimony of my typewriter, that I know that it types... I bear testimony of the grass..I know that it's green, (you get the drift)

We would then put on the most saddest, emphatic voice, and in tears say,

I bear my testimony that the gospel, makes me so, so h.a.p.p.y. (spot the paradox)

We'd then burst out laughing....It was funny to us, and stress busting....

I just remember trying really hard to feel good, I was being obedient, doing the right things, but I just didn't feel good. I started to feel good when I left, that is always the paradox for me. And it wasn't because I desired to SIN (if there are any LDS TBM lurkers out there, and I am SURE there are 100's like me)

Mary


How could such a beautiful soul as you ever sin? No one is perfect, right? I understand your feelings on this one. But I was never really that obedient. A part of me wishes that I had some obedient years so that I could understand the paradox and the moments of obedience. ;) I haven't bore a testimony since I was 18. But yes, people do fake it and why not? I am sure that there are so many members that want to feel and experience their spirituality as they sense others are experiencing it. It becomes a faked orgasm but the orgasm is nonetheless desired. I don't think that they are being phoney in most cases. The desire is so strong within a TBM that even if faked, it can be their own climax...

[dancinfree]

I cannot really relate to beginnings of this story because I was never really in the game to be better or more perfect than all the others or to be just like the strong TBMs. I was who I was...a person who would attend but inactive with a set of political beliefs which I thought would save the world. I suppose that my experiences on the streets of New York City taught me the complexities of life and gave me stronge sense details and empirical insight into the human condition and with it human imperfections,including my own imperfections. Maybe the Utah experience is different from the NYC experience. But I also know your inner feelings because they touch my inner experiences and soul moods. We are together in a hood...maybe not brotherhood or sisterhood but maybe we are together in a humanhood.... :)

I love the idea of the humanhood...I've always wanted to be part of a "hood" thing...thanx yo! It's amazing to me how different people can be in their experiences on the outside and yet when I peel away all the walls..there remains a beautiful being who desires love, joy and acceptance in whatever form shows up. Life can be so strange and yet so breathtaking...thanks for daring to peel away your layers for me to witness and share with. I might not save the world but as I connect person to person...heart to heart..heaven is as close as my fingertips.

[peter_mary]

Yeah, I can relate to this BIG time. I convinced myself when I was 19 that the Church was probably true. If it was, then the things the Prophet told us to do we should in fact do. And if that included paying tithing, accepting and fulfilling callings, having boatloads of children, getting married in the temple, and sacrificing 50% of every weekend, then I guess that's what I had better do.

So I did. I assumed that by so doing, I was doing what was right and expected of me. I also assumed that in time, it would become natural, and I would "merge" with my spiritual, Mormon-self.

I lived like that, mouthing the words and tracing the lines of the gospel for 16+ years. It never fit well, I never really "heard the music" or "felt moved by the words", but it didn't matter...I was doing God's will, and He would help me make sense out of it in HIS time, not mine.

Well, to hell with that.

I ditched the whole Church thing and got to know myself, my wife, my kids and my friends along the way. For the first time in my adult life, I have authentic, first-order, meaningful relationships with people, because I can bring my AUTHENTIC self to the table, instead of my fake, Mormon-self.

I suppose I was doomed from the beginning. :D

Peter_Mary

[aether]

This is probably unethical for some reason but I thought this conversation I had was terribly interesting. I kind of bullied this guy into sharing stuff about himself he maybe didn't want to. Oh well.

<snip>

talinia00: Um.. you were a missionary?
desinvolte: was
desinvolte: i'm not lds anymore though
talinia00: Oh why not?
desinvolte: didn't wanna live the lifestyle anymore
talinia00: Why did you live it in the first place?
talinia00: (Sorry to seem prying.. but this is a FAVORITE topic of mine.. why people leave the church)
desinvolte: just did...til I started having sex
talinia00: But weren't you taught that sex was evil and dirty?
desinvolte: yep
desinvolte: and now I know it is way fun
talinia00: Was it easy to change your view of it?
desinvolte: yeah

<snip>

talinia00: Why did you go on a mission if you didn't believe in it very strongly?
desinvolte: because I did at the time
talinia00: Why?
desinvolte: just did
talinia00: So one day you did and the next day you had sex and changed your mind?
desinvolte: gee...you pry pretty hard
talinia00: I told you I love this topic. you talked to me first, remember. ^_^

<snip>

desinvolte: umm...actually I just don't care to talk about religion in general
talinia00: You did for two years...
desinvolte: and now I don't
desinvolte: and it was only 15 months
talinia00: You quit your mission?
desinvolte: got sent home...had sex on the mission
talinia00: Whoa!
desinvolte: yep
talinia00: How did that happen?
desinvolte: a girl was crazy about me...so we had sex
talinia00: Wow. So did you leave? Did you get caught? Or what?
desinvolte: caught
talinia00: Oh man that must have sucked.
talinia00: How did you pull it off though? I mean, I thought the companions were always supposed to be together.
desinvolte: not when there dead asleep
talinia00: Wow
talinia00: Were you able to get away with it for long?
desinvolte: 4 months
desinvolte: why do you care anyway?
talinia00: All the missionaries I knew were strict, staunch guys who saw women who dressed even in sleeveless shirts as sluts who shouldn't be talked to. They were all so terrified of sex, and women in general.
desinvolte: lame

<snip>

talinia00: Did you feel guilty about it at all?
desinvolte: I didn't
talinia00: Even when you went out and taught other people about the church?
desinvolte: yep

He got sick of me right around this point. (Funny, considering he started off the conversation by asking me to have sex with him.) I don't know if I'm trying to prove anything by this... it's just an example of faking spirituality. This is just a random guy on the internet, so it might be a little more common among missionaries than I thought...

[stormchaser]

One thing that I've noticed throughout my time in the church is that there were times where I could almost fake spirituality or righteousness. I noticed this in other people too. During testimony meetings, it appeared that a person was trying really hard to be emotional and spiritual that they started crying. And their crying wasn't over anything too big. Such as, "I found 20 dollars on the street and I know my Heavenly Father loves me because he has blessed me in this way." (Okay... that's an extreme case, and I've never been in a meeting quite like that, but they have come close.)

Everything seemed to almost be a contest or competition, but no one would admit to it. "I can be more spiritual than the rest of you. Watch me prove it!" :slap:

I was wondering if the rest of you have experiences where you felt like you were faking your spirituality or righteousness because it seemed like everyon else was more spiritual or righteous than you. Where do you think this view of competition came from?

Hi! I'm a nevermo married to an inactive Mormon. My nephew was blessed last Sunday so I ended up going and staying for Sacrament. Of course, it was the first of the month so I had to sit there and listen to these people tell their testimony. Being a non-member, I noticed right off the fakeness in the people telling their testimony. It was like they had to make themselves cry. It was so obvious. :confused: :confused:

[dancinfree]

dancinfree,


Do you mind if I ask what age you were, and what was the trigger/s for you stopping using strategy 1, and shifting to strategy 2? And did you make that change of direction quickly or did it take some time?



Daryl

Thanks for your feedback Born Free! I always struggled with with trying to "be" better as I grew up until I hit 34 yrs. Up until then I had always had my ups and downs..ultra active to less then active..always a struggle...so much effort to attain what I thought was achieving that space of finally "arriving" spiritually. But to no avail..over time it seemed I just disappointed myself over and over with my supposedly lack of faith, worthiness..pure heart.

When I was 34yrs I attended some meetings..kind of like "group therapy" with experential learning and gradually attending for a few months, I finally took the risk to dig deep and discover what I truly wanted in life and question my faith and path. What I came out of that was that I was enough, just the way I am and that I have been choosing to believe in a God that doesn't approve of me but now, I could choose differently if I wanted and that set me free...the fact that I could choose and that I had been choosing all along instead of some "force" acting ON me was a huge awareness for me. So I guess the seed was planted greatly in those few months but there was one experience where I was aware in an instant that I had freedom to choose how I perceive my experiences in this life...choose damnation and shame or choose unconditional love and learning for me...In that moment, I chose the latter. In that moment I felt extreme joy and love with life..I knew this was the path for me..no turning back again...I've never regretted that direction since.

My mother's death a few months later established even stronger experiences that I was enough and love is all I ever wanted. I could, at last, welcome it in without having to "prove" myself worthy of it. Love and acceptance became my focus instead of damning and whipping...ahhh. It's been a journey. That was four years ago and I continue to see how life shows me that this is the path I continually create for myself...seeing life as a journey to learn by, rather then condemn. Sweet!

Thanks for asking btw...glad someone is interested. I'm also working through writing my experiences on the stages threads...it's so fulfilling to express my journey and read of others' too. I love learning how other people have grown and what shapes their lives...fascinating!

[dogzilla]

Welcome, stormchaser! Your post reminded me of my baptism story.

I was baptised when I was 14. (Wasn't BIC, dad converted when I was 8 or 9 and we went to live with him when I was 11 or 12.) To make a very long story really short, I chose to be baptised not because I believed the church was/is true or really because I believed in any of it. I did it because I had gotten into some trouble for fooling around with boys so I knew this would be the one way to gain trust back with my dad. And that whole wash away the sins and be clean thing -- that was a big part of it, to rid myself of the guilt of wanting to play with the boys.

There were two girls my age in the ward at that time and we basically were the YW program. Within a couple more years, there was probably 30-40 of us, but for a short time, only a handful. So the minute I got out of the baptismal font and went into the Girls' Room to change and dry my hair, my little friends came running in to give me hugs and congratulate me.

I took one look at them and burst into tears. As soon as they realized that these were "Oh crap I've made a horrible mistake" tears and not tears of joy, I caught the little look they exchanged with each other. It said, "Oh we should have known."

For the rest of my time in the church, I saw that look in other people's eyes regardless of the situation or how hard I was trying to walk the line. (Prison reference... how appropriate.) I don't recall ever walking up to the front of the chapel to bear my testimony because I knew it would be fake, fake, fake and those two girls would KNOW it. I think once I had to do it in YW class but only because the teacher made us all do it. :slap: ('Cause that'll be sincere, a forced testimony.) I kept it short and sweet and just said what everyone else said. I always was secretly amused when someone would say something like, "Sister Dogzilla, what a nice inspired prayer you gave!" :duh

Yeah, right. Back to my first post in this thread: it's all about fear. Fear of being discovered as a phony. Fear of not being as good as one's peers. Fear of the Telestial Kingdom, instead of the Celestial Kingdom, as if sub-heaven just sucks. It's still heaven!

And what's with the ranking the three levels of heaven? That does nothing but foster greed, jealousy, coveting, competition, and gossip. (Same reason I don't believe in Employee of the Year awards...)

[flotsam]

Holy Freaking COW! I'm finally a senior member! I've been waiting for this day so long.

I hereby celebrate by using a smily I've never used before. Here's to you Post Mos.

:Puking

Now to the post.


talinia00: Did you feel guilty about it at all?
desinvolte: I didn't
talinia00: Even when you went out and taught other people about the church?
desinvolte: yep[/I]

He got sick of me right around this point. (Funny, considering he started off the conversation by asking me to have sex with him.) I don't know if I'm trying to prove anything by this... it's just an example of faking spirituality. This is just a random guy on the internet, so it might be a little more common among missionaries than I thought...

This conversation reminds me of why I don't like chat rooms. I tried on once, thinking maybe I'd find a good conversation, but for some reasons chat rooms militate against interesting conversations.

But his story reminds me of one of my favorite companions on my mission. He wrote in his journal compulsively. I mean, every chance he got. But he'd had a rough mission. He had met a single mother and did the fall-in-pity-love thing. Her life was just so bad, so filled with rotten relationships (and resulting babies), that he wanted to be the priesthood light in her life. So (before he was my companion) he would sneak into the bathroom late at nights and call her and talk for hours. Eventually he visited her late at night and came THAT close to going home. But he decided to stick around for a little while longer.

WHile I was his companion, he would talk about how he wanted to come back after his mission and marry her. But one night he had a dream that started him in a new direction. He dreamt he was kissing her when two tusks burst out of her cheeks and clamped onto his face. Her mouth filled with teeth and the tusks pulled him nearer and nearer to her gnashing mouth.

The interpretation seemed pretty obvious to both of us.

He did eventually finish up his mission, which was a good thing for him.

[aether]

I always was secretly amused when someone would say something like, "Sister Dogzilla, what a nice inspired prayer you gave!"

I'm sorry, I know this is kind of a serious topic and all, but this made me crack up. They didn't really call you Sister Dogzilla, did they? *snicker* :p

I know how it feels to fake things though and have people not even tell. I took Institute this last semester, and whenever I was asked to give the prayer I always felt uncomfortable about it because I didn't really believe in what I was praying to or what I was praying for. But I was able to pull it off well enough.

[dogzilla]

I'm sorry, I know this is kind of a serious topic and all, but this made me crack up. They didn't really call you Sister Dogzilla, did they? *snicker* :p

I know how it feels to fake things though and have people not even tell. I took Institute this last semester, and whenever I was asked to give the prayer I always felt uncomfortable about it because I didn't really believe in what I was praying to or what I was praying for. But I was able to pull it off well enough.

Well, I'm not going to use my real last name on a public forum, ya silly nut!

But I sort of like Sister Dogzilla... great band name, don'tcha think? :D

[aether]

But I sort of like Sister Dogzilla... great band name, don'tcha think? :D

Oh definitely. It'll be one of those hip new punk bands that cool old geezers like to listen to. ^_^

[free thinker]

Hi! I'm a nevermo married to an inactive Mormon. My nephew was blessed last Sunday so I ended up going and staying for Sacrament. Of course, it was the first of the month so I had to sit there and listen to these people tell their testimony. Being a non-member, I noticed right off the fakeness in the people telling their testimony. It was like they had to make themselves cry. It was so obvious


Interesting that your BS meter is so finely tuned. Ah yes, fast and hard luck day. The day when every nut job in the ward gets to talk to those who would not usually listen. And talk on they do!!

Welcome to post-mo, and I hope we can get to hear from you more.

Free Thinker

[why me]

Holy Freaking COW! I'm finally a senior member! I've been waiting for this day so long.

I hereby celebrate by using a smily I've never used before. Here's to you Post Mos.

:Puking

Now to the post.



This conversation reminds me of why I don't like chat rooms. I tried on once, thinking maybe I'd find a good conversation, but for some reasons chat rooms militate against interesting conversations.

But his story reminds me of one of my favorite companions on my mission. He wrote in his journal compulsively. I mean, every chance he got. But he'd had a rough mission. He had met a single mother and did the fall-in-pity-love thing. Her life was just so bad, so filled with rotten relationships (and resulting babies), that he wanted to be the priesthood light in her life. So (before he was my companion) he would sneak into the bathroom late at nights and call her and talk for hours. Eventually he visited her late at night and came THAT close to going home. But he decided to stick around for a little while longer.

WHile I was his companion, he would talk about how he wanted to come back after his mission and marry her. But one night he had a dream that started him in a new direction. He dreamt he was kissing her when two tusks burst out of her cheeks and clamped onto his face. Her mouth filled with teeth and the tusks pulled him nearer and nearer to her gnashing mouth.

The interpretation seemed pretty obvious to both of us.

He did eventually finish up his mission, which was a good thing for him.


Welcome to the senior's club! You will find the pool table down the hall to the right and the shuffle board is to the left. Every friday night farmer joe, frenchie and cheapy charlie and I get together and hang out near the beauty parlor looking to score...you are more than welcome to join us if you like. We usually flex our muscles for the gals by playing checkers. New members need to buy the root beer and the potato chips during our sunday social gatherings the first time they are present...are you up for bingo on saturday nights...? Glad to have you along.... :cool:

[taruleo]

I know all about being fake. When I grew up I was deathly afraid of making mistakes. I would lie about everything to make people think I was perfect. Of course the entire time I was also lying to myself and was in denial about the whole thing. At age 12 I decided that to be perfect I needed a testimony of the BofM. I went in my room and prayed. When nothing happened after about 3 minutes I shut my eyes as tightly as I could until tears came out of them. I then decided that was good enough and bore testimony the next sunday about how when I had prayed tears came to my eyes. :rolleyes: That should tell you how dedicated I was to looking perfect.

I know I am not the only one to do this. It makes me think how many people in the church are running around with made up testimonys (sp?) like I had.