my story

[taruleo]

I believe it was whyme that asked me when I first got on if I would share a little about myself. So here we go. Enjoy! ;)

My journey out started when I went to the temple. I had been more than willing to over look church faults and explain away the things that didn't fit before that time, but the temple was so different from everything that I expected, that it made start to take a closer look. All of the studying I did gave me new insights but I believe that the info in polygamy and what really went on was what did it for me. Coupled with the role (or lack there of) that was given to women in the temple was enough to get me out.

About this time I began having talks with my father about what I was finding and found that he was "out" too. We had done it all on our own at exactly the same time. What a relief to find someone else going through the same thing. My husband had a hard time at first. He was afraid that if I didn't believe in the ordinances that meant that I didn't want to be with him for ever. The church teaches us that there is only one way and there are no other options. After I allayed his fears he was able to calm down and take a look with an open mind. He eventually came to the conclusion that the church was not the only true church. We now have very different beliefs from one another but don't feel the need to convert each other and everything comes out great! I am grateful for a man that was confident and loving enough to look at a new possibility. My father was not so lucky. My mother is not handling it well and is so afraid of going to hell (anything other then the top level of the Celestial Kingdom) that she cannot allow herself to doubt. Her fear is actually driving her away from the family she is working so hard to save.

I now try to base all my descisions on what would best for me as well as a healthy dose of consideration for my husband. Without the pressure of what I "should" do I have been flourishing. I still have episodes of relapse every now and then but they are becoming fewer and farther between. Now that I do not have to suppress and feel bad for my natural inclinations I feel free to be truly myself. In fact I have never been happier in my life.

I do live in Utah county and all my family including extended family live here as well. All are BIC and makes for an interesting dynamic. I was so glad to come across this site. Sometimes I feel so alone. The church is so prevalent here that I still feel the pressures of it. I have really appreciated the discussion and sharing that I have seen here. Thank you one and all!

Hope this gives a little insight into me. There was of course much more to it than what I have put down here but these are the basics. Thank you for welcoming me and I welcome all comments and questions! :)

P.S. I couldn't figure out how to get this guy to fit in the text but I have so wanted to use him! :cool:

[Born Free]

I believe it was whyme that asked me when I first got on if I would share a little about myself. So here we go. Enjoy! ;)

My journey out started when I went to the temple. I had been more than willing to over look church faults and explain away the things that didn't fit before that time, but the temple was so different from everything that I expected, that it made start to take a closer look. All of the studying I did gave me new insights but I believe that the info in polygamy and what really went on was what did it for me. Coupled with the role (or lack there of) that was given to women in the temple was enough to get me out.

<snip>

taruleo,

Interesting that another person found the Big T experience so disparate from the balance of their Church experience.

What time frame was this in? Before or after all the changes to make the T less abrasive?

Daryl

[free thinker]

Your story, as so many others, gives me courage to press on away from mormonism. It is not easy after 30 years!!

One word keeps coming to mind as a character trait of those who separate themselves from a fundamentalist religion, and that word is courage. I am not seeking self aggrandizement here, but rather expressing to you what I think you posses as a quality. My hat is off to anyone that can separate themselves from the dominant religion of any geographical area. The pressure brought to bear must be immense.

Thanks for your story!!

Free Thinker

[why me]

I believe it was whyme that asked me when I first got on if I would share a little about myself. So here we go. Enjoy!

My journey out started when I went to the temple. I had been more than willing to over look church faults and explain away the things that didn't fit before that time, but the temple was so different from everything that I expected, that it made start to take a closer look. All of the studying I did gave me new insights but I believe that the info in polygamy and what really went on was what did it for me. Coupled with the role (or lack there of) that was given to women in the temple was enough to get me out.

About this time I began having talks with my father about what I was finding and found that he was "out" too. We had done it all on our own at exactly the same time. What a relief to find someone else going through the same thing. My husband had a hard time at first. He was afraid that if I didn't believe in the ordinances that meant that I didn't want to be with him for ever. The church teaches us that there is only one way and there are no other options. After I allayed his fears he was able to calm down and take a look with an open mind. He eventually came to the conclusion that the church was not the only true church. We now have very different beliefs from one another but don't feel the need to convert each other and everything comes out great! I am grateful for a man that was confident and loving enough to look at a new possibility. My father was not so lucky. My mother is not handling it well and is so afraid of going to hell (anything other then the top level of the Celestial Kingdom) that she cannot allow herself to doubt. Her fear is actually driving her away from the family she is working so hard to save.

I now try to base all my descisions on what would best for me as well as a healthy dose of consideration for my husband. Without the pressure of what I "should" do I have been flourishing. I still have episodes of relapse every now and then but they are becoming fewer and farther between. Now that I do not have to suppress and feel bad for my natural inclinations I feel free to be truly myself. In fact I have never been happier in my life.

I do live in Utah county and all my family including extended family live here as well. All are BIC and makes for an interesting dynamic. I was so glad to come across this site. Sometimes I feel so alone. The church is so prevalent here that I still feel the pressures of it. I have really appreciated the discussion and sharing that I have seen here. Thank you one and all!

Hope this gives a little insight into me. There was of course much more to it than what I have put down here but these are the basics. Thank you for welcoming me and I welcome all comments and questions! :)

P.S. I couldn't figure out how to get this guy to fit in the text but I have so wanted to use him! :cool:

It's wonderful when people can share a portion of their biography. Thank you for your story and your willingness to share. My ex-wife did not like my inactivity and it affected my marriage. Of course my ex and I had other problems too but church was a major concern for her. Now she is married to a TBM and seems very happy which is good for my children. I am a big believer in mutual respect with doses of love. It seems that you have this with your husband which is a beautiful thing to have in a relationship. I don't remember much about the temple but I do remember being a little confused with the symbols etc. I was not really ready to go there but felt that I had to go and be sealed to keep the peace. I think that you are very fortunate that you have a husband and a father to support you. Hopefully your mom will let go of her fears but I am sure that she needs a lot of love and understanding. I said somewhere before in a thread that empathy is a wonderful gift to have. I think that we need to have more empathy in the world. Not everyone can doubt nor should they be compelled to do so if they believe what they believe to be good for them. I wish the best for your mom and dad. :)

What do you mean by a relapse? I would be interested in reading how you relapse and its meaning.

You are far ahead of me in doing what is best for yourself. I also liked your 'healthy dose of consideration' for your husband. That is soooo important. Thanks again and have good moments in Utah... :)

[peter_mary]

My journey out started when I went to the temple. I had been more than willing to over look church faults and explain away the things that didn't fit before that time, but the temple was so different from everything that I expected, that it made start to take a closer look.

My wife and I have commented for years that if the Temple was truly the "House O' The Lord" that the Spirit you felt there would be so overpowering that you couldn't beat people back with a stick. Instead, you have to beat 'em with the stick to get 'em to go (well, most of 'em anyway...there are a few who love it, many of them suffering from bi-polar mood disorder in a manic state...)

But for some reason, people seem to ALWAYS be called to the outdoors. People love to be in a park, at the beach, in the forest, on a mountain, by a lake...funny, but it would appear that we prefer the house that God built over the house built for God... Wonder what that means? :duh

For what it's worth...I was in Joshua Tree National Park last Friday, and my soul was nourished there in grand fashion. Saw my first Chuckwala! Big rascal, too! (It's a large desert lizard for those who thought I misspelled Chewbaca.)

Peter_Mary

[taruleo]

taruleo,

Interesting that another person found the Big T experience so disparate from the balance of their Church experience.

What time frame was this in? Before or after all the changes to make the T less abrasive?

Daryl

After. This was about four years ago. I can only imaging how quickly I would of dropped it if those were still in. As it was it took me about a year.

[taruleo]

What do you mean by a relapse? I would be interested in reading how you relapse and its meaning.

The relapses that I experience generally come in two forms.

1) I relapse into a space of fear that I am doing it (life)wrong and will be punished. Every now and then I a have a moment of panic that they might be right. I just have to remind myself that I do not make descisions because there is a remote possibility that it might be true.

2) I also relapse into a space of bitterness and disgust that I experienced during the beginning of my "conversion". This is more common than the other kind of relapse. I have to be careful not let myself become cynical and embittered towards everything church like.

Feeling love and patience for my mother seems to be the hardest for me. It is something that I have struggled with my whole life but since my change in beliefs it has become even more difficult. I would appreciate any tips from those of you who have similar situation.
Thanks for all the feedback!

[free thinker]

The relapses that I experience generally come in two forms.

1) I relapse into a space of fear that I am doing it (life)wrong and will be punished. Every now and then I a have a moment of panic that they might be right. I just have to remind myself that I do not make descisions because there is a remote possibility that it might be true.

2) I also relapse into a space of bitterness and disgust that I experienced during the beginning of my "conversion". This is more common than the other kind of relapse. I have to be careful not let myself become cynical and embittered towards everything church like.

Feeling love and patience for my mother seems to be the hardest for me. It is something that I have struggled with my whole life but since my change in beliefs it has become even more difficult. I would appreciate any tips from those of you who have similar situation.
Thanks for all the feedback!


Thoughtful, Caring, Self Searching, Inciteful Etc Etc!!

See folks, this is why I like it here!!

I share some of the same concerns Turaleo!! Daily!!

The farther I get down the road, the more sure I am of the decision!!

free thinker

[why me]

The relapses that I experience generally come in two forms.

1) I relapse into a space of fear that I am doing it (life)wrong and will be punished. Every now and then I a have a moment of panic that they might be right. I just have to remind myself that I do not make descisions because there is a remote possibility that it might be true.

2) I also relapse into a space of bitterness and disgust that I experienced during the beginning of my "conversion". This is more common than the other kind of relapse. I have to be careful not let myself become cynical and embittered towards everything church like.

Feeling love and patience for my mother seems to be the hardest for me. It is something that I have struggled with my whole life but since my change in beliefs it has become even more difficult. I would appreciate any tips from those of you who have similar situation.
Thanks for all the feedback!

I understand your first point of relapse very well. I also have that concern in my own life almost on a daily basis. And this is my main stumbling block, if I can call it that. The second point is rather far from me. I have no bitterness. I have a Miss Taken point of view of this. I see many good things that have happened to me in the church in terms of meeting some really good people when I was a young adult. I still have their names floating in my mind and they are a main source of my own biography for that time period. I try to remember the good points but I still live with your first point. I think the reason why I am not bitter is because I have never really been truly active in the church and so I can't say that I have wasted my life on callings and other church responsibilties. I just lived my own life with some guilt attached because I could not do what was expected of me. But I have no bitterness. But I suppose that it is not good to live with guilt either.

I think your mom is your mom. I don't know her age but certainly if she is up there in age she would need some respect for her beliefs. As people get older, some do want more security when it comes to the after life. I would think that they would hate to have that blanket taken away from them, unless they take the blanket away themselves. But if your mom only shows you her disappointment and is not doing anything to hurt you and your family, well..give her some good love and understanding. This is only an idea...you know her better than I....take care today and good luck with mom... :)

[hitchiker]

The relapses that I experience generally come in two forms.

1) I relapse into a space of fear that I am doing it (life)wrong and will be punished. Every now and then I a have a moment of panic that they might be right. I just have to remind myself that I do not make descisions because there is a remote possibility that it might be true.

2) I also relapse into a space of bitterness and disgust that I experienced during the beginning of my "conversion". This is more common than the other kind of relapse. I have to be careful not let myself become cynical and embittered towards everything church like.

Feeling love and patience for my mother seems to be the hardest for me. It is something that I have struggled with my whole life but since my change in beliefs it has become even more difficult. I would appreciate any tips from those of you who have similar situation.
Thanks for all the feedback!One thing i have found comforting on this page is that lots of people have the same exsperiences , i have been flickering on and off with church for 15 years , i have been a temple member for 28 years , ihave attended most of that time period , 6 months ago i was released from my last calling , i have not paid tithing or participated in any callings since then , during one stormy preisthood meeting i said i thought it was dishonest not to tell people the whole truth from the start , since then i have been largely ignored by most of the mormon community .
At times i wonder what will happen to me , i can feel that i am going to part company with the church in a exsplosive sort of way , I did not want this to happen , but its going to happen anyway , at times i feel lost , other times i feel deep peace , sometimes i feel deeply hurt , 30 years a member and nobody gives a toss , looking back i wish i had spent more time thinking about child development as we had five children , so much time wasted on stupid religeon , in the end , all about who,s who , i think they like people to be hungry for positions , then they know they can control them , best help , JW, S ect have the same problems leaving there church , its all in the mind

[why me]

One thing i have found comforting on this page is that lots of people have the same exsperiences , i have been flickering on and off with church for 15 years , i have been a temple member for 28 years , ihave attended most of that time period , 6 months ago i was released from my last calling , i have not paid tithing or participated in any callings since then , during one stormy preisthood meeting i said i thought it was dishonest not to tell people the whole truth from the start , since then i have been largely ignored by most of the mormon community .
At times i wonder what will happen to me , i can feel that i am going to part company with the church in a exsplosive sort of way , I did not want this to happen , but its going to happen anyway , at times i feel lost , other times i feel deep peace , sometimes i feel deeply hurt , 30 years a member and nobody gives a toss , looking back i wish i had spent more time thinking about child development as we had five children , so much time wasted on stupid religeon , in the end , all about who,s who , i think they like people to be hungry for positions , then they know they can control them , best help , JW, S ect have the same problems leaving there church , its all in the mind

Thanks for your post. You were very honest in your feelings. I hope that you don't stress yourself too much over your recent experiences. Remember what is important in your life---your family. I usually try to give mortals some slack when it comes to their actions. But I can understand your feelings of rejection by the 'flock'. I have always found it strange just how loving many non-members can be toward other human beings who may be experiencing life problems. It can be just the opposite with some members. I am glad that you are here---and hopefully you will find some cyber-friends on this site. Take care of yourself and take care of your wife...and try to put the other thoughts toward the back of your mind, if possible. You will find your life-compass. :)

[taruleo]

I think your mom is your mom. I don't know her age but certainly if she is up there in age she would need some respect for her beliefs. As people get older, some do want more security when it comes to the after life. I would think that they would hate to have that blanket taken away from them, unless they take the blanket away themselves. But if your mom only shows you her disappointment and is not doing anything to hurt you and your family, well..give her some good love and understanding. This is only an idea...you know her better than I....take care today and good luck with mom... :)

From my observance my mothers biggest fear is to not make it to the celestial kingdom and so the blanket concept is probably very accurate. Her whole life is built on it and so it would be devestating to have it forced on her. I understand much of where she is, it is just so hard to be in constant contact with on such a personal level every day. Thanks for the suggestions. SHe is actually pretty easy to love, but right now she is playing the "your confused and so I will condiscend and help you see the error of your ways" card and man does that get old! :duh

You say if she is "not doing anything to hurt you and your family". What would you consider hurtful and if she was doing it what would I do then? Just wondering :) !