Does or has anyone felt the same...?

[mutleydog]

I have had quite a few friends...all close, very good friends that are still in the church get married this summer. I didn't attend their weddings because I really don't feel comfortable associating with church stuff. However, it totally freaks me out - most of my friends have got married relatively young, in the temple and to people they haven't really known that long. I think the whole concept of an LDS marriage freaks me out really - I just wanted to bombard the weddings and say "DON'T DO IT!....GET OUT NOW!" or something along those lines. It just saddens me that in some ways they are digging themselves deeper into the lds concept. It frightens me that the pressure the lds church places on young people to get married has influenced their decisions in some way. I don't know what it is, but it so freaks me out!!

Excuse my ramblings....anyone else have any thoughts?

[why me]

I have had quite a few friends...all close, very good friends that are still in the church get married this summer. I didn't attend their weddings because I really don't feel comfortable associating with church stuff. However, it totally freaks me out - most of my friends have got married relatively young, in the temple and to people they haven't really known that long. I think the whole concept of an LDS marriage freaks me out really - I just wanted to bombard the weddings and say "DON'T DO IT!....GET OUT NOW!" or something along those lines. It just saddens me that in some ways they are digging themselves deeper into the lds concept. It frightens me that the pressure the lds church places on young people to get married has influenced their decisions in some way. I don't know what it is, but it so freaks me out!!

Excuse my ramblings....anyone else have any thoughts?
I understand your feelings very well. I have two daughters aged 15 and 17 and it would freak me out if they were to marry at the tender age of 19 or 21. But as a parent what should I do if this were to happen? I also think that the stress on early marriage is a mistake. I dislike the whole idea but on the other hand---love is love and what to do if love is involved in the whole process itself. But I would also agree that a relationship needs time to develop and a short-term relationship followed by marriage does seem scary to me as a father. I would not be sad though for the people involved in your post. Each person makes their own decisions in these matters and only time will tell if the decision was a correct one. I could never give advice such as 'don't do it' unless I knew something terrible about one of the people involved and even then I can only offer a suggestion. Try to be happy for these people who have gotten married---give support if needed and positive words if they are also positive. I can't let my own personal feelings get involved with someone's future happinesss nor can I allow my own experience dictate by beliefs to someone else. Just hope for the best.... :)

[lynsie]

I'd have to agree with why me's post. I've been trying hard lately to try to be happy for friends and family even when they are making decisions that are difficult to process from my perspective. My little brother is actually getting married this weekend to a girl who just turned 20 (yesterday in fact) who he's known a few months. I worry that they really don't know what they're getting into. Sometimes it seems that people (Mormon and not) just find someone with the right qualifications (in the case of mormons--testimony, temple readiness, returned missionary etc) and plunge in! But worrying doesn't help...so I say "Good luck!" and I keep my hopes high. BTW you're very mature to be worried about the happiness of your friends. I do a lot of grousing about being excluded from the sealing :mad:

[why me]

I'd have to agree with why me's post. I've been trying hard lately to try to be happy for friends and family even when they are making decisions that are difficult to process from my perspective. My little brother is actually getting married this weekend to a girl who just turned 20 (yesterday in fact) who he's known a few months. I worry that they really don't know what they're getting into. Sometimes it seems that people (Mormon and not) just find someone with the right qualifications (in the case of mormons--testimony, temple readiness, returned missionary etc) and plunge in! But worrying doesn't help...so I say "Good luck!" and I keep my hopes high. BTW you're very mature to be worried about the happiness of your friends. I do a lot of grousing about being excluded from the sealing :mad:
I can understand that feeling about the being excluded from the sealing. I will also be excluded when my daughterss marry. But I will try to convince them to get a church ceremony too. If not a church ceremony I will ask them to get married again so that I can be there even if it is in Las Vegas :D It is the ceremony that matters and not the place...I just would want to see them get married even if they are already married... :) Thanks for the post...try to get them into a civil ceremony after the temple marriage...I think that it can be done if they cannot have a church wedding first...

[nate]

I have had quite a few friends...all close, very good friends that are still in the church get married this summer. I didn't attend their weddings because I really don't feel comfortable associating with church stuff. However, it totally freaks me out - most of my friends have got married relatively young, in the temple and to people they haven't really known that long. I think the whole concept of an LDS marriage freaks me out really - I just wanted to bombard the weddings and say "DON'T DO IT!....GET OUT NOW!" or something along those lines. It just saddens me that in some ways they are digging themselves deeper into the lds concept. It frightens me that the pressure the lds church places on young people to get married has influenced their decisions in some way. I don't know what it is, but it so freaks me out!!

Excuse my ramblings....anyone else have any thoughts?

Dog, I know exactly how you are feeling!
My little sister just got married, only a few months after returning from her mission. While I'm happy for her, and glad to see that, at least for the time being, she is happy, it worries the hell out of me.

WhyMe does bring up a good point about love, but I just don't see how you can tell the difference between infatuation and love in just a few months...especially for good TBMs, who've not yet been in enough fulfilling relationships to have that experience. It seems alot like being handed a degree and jumping headfirst into a new job, without every going to school for it. Not even to mention that when returning from a mission, the TBMs have not had any meaningful contact with the opposite sex for years, so the first time it happens upon returning, that "first-date" infatuation has got to be amplified tenfold! I can only imagine...it must be VERY comparable to the urges of an inmate being released from incarceration. How can make a clear decision with that going on....especially if you don't realize that that is going on?

Hell, I don't know...I'm rambling I guess. Before I judge too harshly I should probably take a good look inward. I mean, when I met my wife, it wasn't but a few months until I "knew" I loved her, and until we moved in together. However, I didn't pop the question right then, we had a trial period first...living together. We took it in steps... just steps that TBMs cannot take. Who knows, maybe my little sister and mutleydog's friends are just braver than us.

But then there is a fine line between bravery and recklessness.

Nate

[why me]

Dog, I know exactly how you are feeling!
My little sister just got married, only a few months after returning from her mission. While I'm happy for her, and glad to see that, at least for the time being, she is happy, it worries the hell out of me.

WhyMe does bring up a good point about love, but I just don't see how you can tell the difference between infatuation and love in just a few months...especially for good TBMs, who've not yet been in enough fulfilling relationships to have that experience. It seems alot like being handed a degree and jumping headfirst into a new job, without every going to school for it. Not even to mention that when returning from a mission, the TBMs have not had any meaningful contact with the opposite sex for years, so the first time it happens upon returning, that "first-date" infatuation has got to be amplified tenfold! I can only imagine...it must be VERY comparable to the urges of an inmate being released from incarceration. How can make a clear decision with that going on....especially if you don't realize that that is going on?

Hell, I don't know...I'm rambling I guess. Before I judge too harshly I should probably take a good look inward. I mean, when I met my wife, it wasn't but a few months until I "knew" I loved her, and until we moved in together. However, I didn't pop the question right then, we had a trial period first...living together. We took it in steps... just steps that TBMs cannot take. Who knows, maybe my little sister and mutleydog's friends are just braver than us.

But then there is a fine line between bravery and recklessness.

Nate
Yes, how to know if its infatuation or true love is a good question but not one to challenge anyone on. In most of these cases, it is time that will make or break a relationship. Sometimes it seems that the whole idea of marriage is rather reckless regardless of the time spent together before the wedding date. Nothing seems to last forever but of course there are those relationships that do carry on regardless of winds and storms and the peace and tranquility that may come into the marriage. But I could never say to someone that what they feel is infatuation...I could offer the suggestion however...in the end it is a personal decision between the two partners...I hope the best for your sister...give her good guidence if needed or requested....

[ifitmakesuhappy]

As a girl growing up LDS i was taught that temple marriage was the big one, the thing all us girls should aim for above anything and everything else. It was really the one and only thing we needed to be acceptable and accepted and without that we were second class. They never actually said that but its certainly how we all felt. I remember many discussions with my LDS friends and the thing we were afraid of more than anything was getting past 21 and still being single. :Crazy: In my postmo mind now i realise how absurd that was, but when you're living that life it really is so important to grab a hold of a RM (any will do) and never let go! Im not saying that the ones who marry young aren't in love, but when the chance of marriage comes your way the future looks sunny and you feel like you've finally found the thing you've waited your whole life for. That's just not something you pass by! Everyone will see that you have suceeded! It's the dream - it's what they tell you all of your life that you want, and you think you do want it.
Btw Mutleydog it's good to see you around again :)